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lyst

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Everything posted by lyst

  1. lyst

    Divorce

    Yea man, extremely hostile and non-caring. I mean she is a cold german (born and raised in Germany, has been here in the US for a few years). Not sensitive, very dry and hardened person. As far as what I did to her - I always treated her amazing. The straw that broke the camel's back is 6 months ago when I had to quit my job for 2 reasons, 1. Very Toxic Workplace (Boss publicly berating me and threatening to fire me in front of the whole company type of stuff). 2. Health Issues got extremely bad (was shitting blood and barely able to get out of bed some days) and knew I needed to take some time to get my health right. She didn't care about either of those reasons, just that I was quitting my job and that makes me not dependable (FYI - I had 15,000 dollars in my bank when I quit. Money was not an issue - I continued to pay all the bills while job searching). So the past few months I worked really hard on my health and the job search and now have a legit job that fits me. Luckily all my friends and family are within 30 min from me. I'll go to my friend's house for a football game today and then head to my father's house for christmas eve.
  2. lyst

    Divorce

    Yea I think distance is a big one. I was doing alright with her being at her place and me being at mine. When she came home it threw me into a tailspin. I got all happy hearing her voice, her laughter, just even feeling her presence in the house. There's a possibility she's leaving today so I hope that's the case. "She's the One" thing isn't bothering me too much at the moment. Purely because "The One" wouldn't abandon me penniless, make me feel bad for having health problems, not support me during the toughest times and just give up instead. I do think she still loves me, but what she wants more is a "normal" and "dependable" partner that has zero baggage or issues. That's just not how life works though. There's always going to be curveballs and hard times. You fight through these together to get back to the good times - and hopefully come out stronger than you were before.
  3. lyst

    Divorce

    Man I should've listened to you guys @zazen @chim that said to get the fuck outta the house. This is absolute torture with her here. She wants nothing to do with me and has said it's over multiple times, and i'm still in this horrible limbo of still loving her and not wanting it to end. I keep succumbing to hope where there is not any. It's not helping that it's fucking Christmas. This shit is seriously gut-wrenching. I have no clue how so many other people deal with getting left and divorced like this.
  4. lyst

    Divorce

    I get what you are saying but I just don't view it that way. When I married her and gave those vows I promised through sickness and health, through everything. Pretty much that we'd grow old and die together. I do not take those vows lightly. I will always take the option of working on it, reconciliation, marriage counseling, etc. over divorce. And that view will remain that way until the divorce is final. I'll never understand how a week before she left we were holding each other every night, saying we loved each other, kissing each other, etc. How quickly it can go from that to divorce - something just seems off to me. But regardless of all of that, i'm not going to fight for something that isn't there. I'm going to do what most people are saying. Remain business-like and do what needs to be done.
  5. lyst

    Divorce

    So right now is a crucial time, the way things are going as far as divorce might be the easiest way humanly possible to do it. She said she'd be down for everyone keeping their own investments, just sell the house, and then DONE. But we have to sit down and agree on these things. Get it into some kind of writing, and then get it off to a lawyer. I think i need to be around these couple days that she's here so that we can finally sit down and discuss these things and hash them out. ALSO. I love my house, i want to spend every second I can in it until it's sold. I'm not going to leave it just because she wants to be here for a couple of days. I'll have the rest of my life to get the fuck away from her and never see her again, but I think right now seeing her is important for many reasons. Getting the divorce figured out and getting true closure being the biggest two. Heh, I can 100% see how you felt regarding your last statement. Status quo is so comforting and easy - actually taking on this huge change is terrifying. I've been super happy the past couple weeks just pretending like this isn't even going on, working my new job, and enjoying my house. Thursday i'll have to face reality.
  6. lyst

    Divorce

    I get it man. Marriages do have the ability to go through rough patches, get saved from divorce, get better - but the most important factor to any of that is both parties working on it. And right now it's only me that wants it. So yea I'm not going to try to woo her, the flowers / presents / letters are not going to work at this point. The fact is though to me it will not be a "done deal" until the papers are signed and the divorce is final. It's not humanly possible for me to squash all hope on this. Like I said above I can't change how my heart feels. The only thing I can do is try to be as realistic as possible, and try to protect myself as much as possible.
  7. lyst

    Divorce

    Lol man you guys aren't letting me do anything I want to. It is indeed very delusional to think that leaving that letter out will do anything to help me. She already knows the promises she's made and everything she's said. Literally my only real chance at anything is to just act like i'm doing amazing, be nice and respectful. There's always that .0001% chance she changes her mind.
  8. lyst

    Divorce

    I'm not looking forward to it. I'm just sick to my stomach about it at this point. Why wouldn't she just go get a hotel room or stay with a friend? You bring up a lot of good points. She did semi-recently agree that we do have a very deep connection -- BUT, that doesn't change the fact that it could be completely severed for her right now. Which I think it is. She said the last time she was here she felt absolutely nothing. So I have to come to terms with that. & yea, just about everything i've read has said it's important you don't push your feelings on the significant other. If i'm still feeling the same way I always have, and she doesn't, trying to make her feel that way or guilting her to try to get her to feel that way will do the exact opposite of what I want. I think i am going to leave out one letter though where she wrote that she loves me forever, that I am the one, etc. I think it was right prior to getting engaged. Just to remind her. I've found that days where my health is well and im feeling good doing all of this is a lot easier. The days where I feel like shit and chronic health issues are flaming up, everything comes crashing down. The emotional pain + the physical pain can be too much to bear for me. These are the times i'm considering just ending things, because not only am i losing everything I love in this life (wife/bestfriend,house, etc), i'm also too sick to function, which puts fear in me that I could lose this job. At this level it's like what the fuck is the point?
  9. lyst

    Divorce

    I know you guys are both right. There's no sense in buying a big flower piece or presents if her mind is made up. I already got her a present the last time she was around and she didn't give a sh$t. I already sent her a big flower piece to her airbnb and she didn't give a sh$t about that either. There's no point in wasting the money. Btw I have no interest in breakup sex. I think my best course of action would be remaining business like, don't try to force anything, but that the same time be honest and open about my feelings. If there is indeed 0 chance for making it work, I still have to let her know how i feel until the very end. I still don't think we should throw away our 8 years together, the life we built, the home, the neighborhood, the friends, the family, the sharing of mutual hobbies and interests, the deep spiritual connection we have, etc..
  10. lyst

    Divorce

    So my conundrum now is that she is moving back home for a couple of days while her AirBNB is booked for Christmas. My heart is telling me to view this as my last and final chance to win her back, get flowers, clean the house, maybe even get her Christmas presents. My brain is telling me it's over, she's told me more than once she's done. She wants to come home and discuss the divorce. Since I'm the one that was left and she's divorcing me- i'll probably have this constant struggle until the papers are signed. I still love her more than anything on the earth, she's still my best friend, and I don't want things to end. Even though i'm setting myself up for failure and more heartbreak, i'll most likely go with my heart over my my brain. That's just who I am. I've always led with love.
  11. Always gotta peep the Martian X-mas of the year.
  12. lyst

    Divorce

    Agreed. We've been separated now for pretty much 2 months, but i'm definitely not even going to consider dating until the divorce is finalized and complete. Out of respect to my soon-to-be ex-wife, and out of respect to the ladies I would date. How could your mind be right and how could you give someone your full attention if you are going through a divorce. Suffice it to say, the dating game is somewhat intriguing to me now. Gone are the days where you have to go out to bars and watering holes to meet women. Just about all of my friends that have gotten married in the past 5 years have met their spouses through dating apps. Seems like a very easy and unconvoluted way to meet people - also giving you the ability to chat a while beforehand to see if there's enough interest on both sides.
  13. lyst

    Divorce

    Thanks a lot man. This all helps a lot. You are right it's going to be messy for a while but I've just got to stick this out and on the other side things will look better. She just texted me today and said she has to move back in for a few days, which sounds like it's going to be a few days of hell. We both work from home most of the time so we'll have to be around each other all day. I'm not going to go stay somewhere else though for these days, i need to remain at home - num1 i have my home office, num2 I just don't trust her anymore. Could come back and the locks will be changed or all my shit is gone. Ah well. Just have to stay focused on my new job and keeping myself sane.
  14. lyst

    Divorce

    I'm 35. I have lived on my own yea - I have no problems with living on my own. Naturally I do like having a companion in life, I don't love being alone, I think life is better when shared. Obviously that's far down the line from now though. I think living alone is best when you are dating and beginning something new with someone. Having a girl around when I was living at my father's house back in the day caused many problems. So i'm thinking I move back in with my dad, have a place to store all my shit, and stay there just to heal and get my mind back to normal. For 2 to 5 months. Then start looking for my own place.
  15. lyst

    Divorce

    Yea the weird thing about the situation is that she seems to be very lazy about the actual divorce. She's not pushing anything, and she's not responding to my texts about lawyers and splitting things up. Which puts me in an odd scenario. I'm not the one who wants the divorce so why the hell would I start pushing the process along? Maybe so I can get it over and done with - but it just feels wrong to me for me to be the one to do it. I'm in this mind-state now where I'm just enjoying every last day in this house that i can. And yea as far as the last portion, I am a good guy and i'll remain a good guy. Even if she abandoned me penniless, i'll still treat her very well like I always have. That's just how I was raised and how I choose to live my life. I've never been out for money and what I can get in situations - all I really care about is health, happiness, and love. So my father is an elderly cancer-survivor that lives in a big house pretty much by himself. I'm over there all the time anyway just to spend time with him. I love the old guy and in the back of my head I want to spend as much time as I can with him before cancer comes back or he falls ill some other way. So it's a natural progression I could probably move in with him for a while and see how it is, i would help him with his mortgage so it'd pretty much be a 'roomate' type situation. And then after a few weeks if I'm like SHIT I need my own place, by then i'll hopefully have my house money in the bank and can make a move. I have bared my soul to a select group of people, friends and family. It did feel pretty therapeutic to get some stuff out and and also receive their advice. I am a sensitive guy and i wear my emotions on my shoulder so I do know it's important to not bottle it all in. I'm not sure if I agree with this for every situation. The one thing I didn't mention in my OP is that I've been dealing with really bad chronic health problems as well. Debilitating issues with my gut and my heart. So at some point if someone is going through immense pain and suffering after many years, I think it's fully their right to take their own life if they do not wish to proceed in the misery. For me I was in all of this pain and then my wife / best friend / person I loved most in the world left me. There is a level to pain and suffering I think that humans innately decide it's not worth it anymore. And that's fine.
  16. lyst

    Divorce

    Unfortunately no health insurance at the moment. I think after this is all done and over with I will definitely consider going to therapy. It's been a tough few years for me and I need to work through it all somehow. Thanks for all the advice, will look into this stuff.
  17. lyst

    Divorce

    Guess I'm looking for some advice, tips, stories, and do's and don'ts from people who have went through this. The good and the bad. Within the past couple months my wife (whom I love very much) left me and is seeking a divorce. This is all very jarring and confusing - and very new to me and my family as no one has went through it. I tried for very hard for a couple weeks to see about reconciling or making it work but she has refused and said 0% chance of that. So we will be trying to do an amicable "Dissolution of Marriage". Which in America pretty much means you decide on how you will split everything prior to bringing it to a court, and then it's quickly done. No fighting or long divorce battle. We have no children, we just have a house and a bunch of investments. I absolutely love this house and neighborhood, but I don't think i'll be able to afford to pay her out of the mortgage. I just started a new job and do not have cash flow. So sadly will have to sell it and split the equity down the middle. Times did get pretty dark and I was thinking about ending it all more than once, but I think i've acquired a little bit of closure knowing there's 0% chance of making it work. How do you deal with knowing your life is about to DRASTICALLY change? Did you move in with family for a while? Or just get your own place? How soon did you begin dating again? Did you hop right in to get your mind off of it? Or take a lot of time to heal first. These are the kinds of questions I'm pondering.
  18. Playing Commodo's new stuff. Damn his stuff is so gritty and beautiful. https://commodomusic.bandcamp.com/album/mysterious-trax-002
  19. I think with all of the Andor hate / love that it's purely subjective - all based around personal preferences. I do not like slow burning political dramas in general, I don't like things like the Sopranos either. Too much talking and not enough shit going on. Andor to me is lacking all of the bits and pieces why I love Star Wars to begin with, the action, likeable characters, the force, aliens / creatures, occasional light heartedness or comic relief, an active moving plotline, etc. To me what this show is is a political drama / science fiction that has little to nothing to do with Star Wars. The Mandalorian on the other hand had all of those things I love, also had a dark and gritty gunslinger vibe - which gave it the adult vibe I was hoping for. To me this is the best post Original Trilogy Star Wars. Not including all of the expanded universe novels that I consumed and loved growing up.
  20. If I could go back in time and unwatch Andor I would. Holy crap that was a waste of time. If being slow, stale, and everyone and everything is unlikable is what is deemed as "Adult" entertainment - then consider me a child.
  21. Not going to lie, the mainstream / mumble rap style is pretty much diarrhea to my ears. If people enjoy it though, more power to ya. ? Btw this is not an indictment at all of Jimmy's creativity or production prowess (which are both off the charts), just the style of music.
  22. Not too bad. Watchable. The score really helped with the uneasy vibes.
  23. Just binged the shit out of Severance. I know i'm probably late to the game but - wow. Great show. They really mastered the art of cliffhangers haha. Alright time to find more shit to binge while i'm waiting on a response from a company about getting a job. (I've been job hunting for 6 months now fml). Needless to say i've been watching tons of shit while waiting around for responses from companies. There's not much else to do.
  24. Comes out today. Some pretty nice stuff. https://goldpanda.bandcamp.com/album/the-work
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