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marf

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Posts posted by marf

  1. Oppenheimer, second time, still boring. The trinity test was lack luster.  Could have been done better. The whole film lacked something
     

    im enjoying older films, 50’s, 60’s . The hustler was great. I watched it the night  Piper Laurie was dying, strange coincidence. Also watching twilight zone, and outer limits, both wonderful.  

    • Like 2
  2. So that Uap that was one piece and then split into two pieces when it skipped under water . That was Idm as fuck. 

    I simply can't believe that all we have are B&W vids of those things when they were doing aerial gymnastics next to an aircraft carrier in San Diego. 

    • Farnsworth 1
  3. any time I listen to something done on reel to reel. Especially a nice one like a revox or studer, it always sounds amazing. Thick and heavy.  People that go out of their way to buy those are going to use them to record, though. Not necessarily to experiment with. You can of course. 

    Dac is a toss up. Depends, highly, if the person knows what they are doing. It can get so messy so fast. With tweaking. Really glassy sounding recordings, usually. It's like tape finishes the track for you. 

     

    Im unloading some stuff and maybe getting a distressor with brit mod. Was going to get some emt stuff, but it's risky. No one knows what that stuff sounds like. A distressor is like the all purpose compressor. 

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  4. I was on a family trip with my grandparents, uncle and his girlfriend back in early 90's. I thought my uncle was so cool. He built race cars from scratch. Custom built and modded cars for he likes of Seinfeld and Jay Leno. Real California couple. He looked like Clint Eastwood, too. So he was a little intimidating. He didn't mince words. He needed music to drive him and his girl through national glacier park in his classic Porsche . I gave him Saw 2 and a Simple Minds CD.  He made sure I knew that Saw 2 CD was absolute shit, He stared me down like I was insane to give it to him.  Reiterated that it was awful crap, and they both hated it more than anything they've ever heard. They loved the Simple Minds CD.  So it cancelled out

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    • Haha 4
  5. I forgot to mention that a misconception is that depression is circumstantial. If it is, great. easily solved. Mostly though it's a combo of genetics / predisposition and nurture. 

    Id take being happy and living in the 3rd world over being a major depressive in a first world country with a few million in savings any day.

  6. 32 minutes ago, zlemflolia said:

     

    haha, you are lucky you aren't crazy. Really lucky. Having to walk around with a sick felling of fear in your stomach all the time.  Being so depressed you have to drink to oblivion to be dead asleep, and waking up disappointed you have to do it again. The actual percentage of people who have this is pretty low so I don't expect anyone to be that empathetic.  Just count yourself lucky. 

  7. I already know all this stuff. Im probably 10 years older than all of you. Ive read all the self help books. Ive been in the most ghetto psych wards you can think of. Done the most physically demanding jobs. Taken on the weight of an ailing parent and paid their property tax. Watched them die. I am not from comfort. 

    I just fucked my head up chemically. It is a mental disorder. Requires meds, absolutely. I have been stable before. I just think I gave myself brain damage with that cough syrup.  Im going to go to a Neurologist and get my head scanned. Im still seeking therapy. Hopefully I'll find the right fit. 

     

    But the waiting to live thing is totally separate. I must emphasize that. Maybe the mental illness is tied to it, but I dont think as much as I think it's being tacked onto in this thread.

    I know there are places kids swim in sewage. Im am very grateful Im not in those places. I eat my greens and cherish my place in the world trust me.

     

     

  8. "none of us know what the other path taken really would've lead us to: those false ideas are often where the real delusion is"

    I liked this, thanks

    Yes, I've been trying to find therapy. I have to ween off ten years of 3mg a day of Benzo use. Thats going to be rough.  ButI want to try sms and Ketamine treatment. 

    Just recently had a few scares,. and ratcheted up my anxiety. Now I have GAD, but I have to kick this Benzo shit as it can cause dementia

    Ive done therapy but its often been awful. Sometimes I get sexually attracted to a female one. Just signed up for a new therapist. We shall see. Im on Medicaid so everything is very smooth. It's a sad shame the rest of society doesn't have it. Or some form of it.  Very afraid of losing it. The republicans are working on it. 

     

    Thanks for the kind words

    • Like 1
  9. First awful event I went blind from lasik. Totally blind. The first year I moved to my new city.  The whole year. I could barely see out of the corner of my left eye. Just the bottom quarter at vey low light. 

    Turned out I had some sort of herpes. The idiot doctor didnt put my on anti virals for the hell of it. He kept blaming me for being OCD and taking too much anti bacterial drops or some irrelevant shit. After that year I developed horrendous dry eye. Went through 100 vials of drops a day. 20 dollars a day of drops. for a Year. Did a warm compress eventually and that healed up the dry eye. The eye sight returned to 20/30 ish. 

    Spent a good two years chilling. Had a good time. Zoloft kept me from getting too low. 

     

    I should add,. Even though this waiting to live thing has been going on for a long time. Mainly because of lack of finances and my own shyness. 

    Someone mentioned red pill. I think there is a bit of that. I can't tune things out anymore. Every possible bad scenario is on the table now. Because I think I gave myself brain damage from overdosing on DXM a few years ago. I was stable on Zoloft for 12 years.  I developed a cough in my new city. Lots of pollen here, but nothing helped. I had to get an allergy test. So I switched from Benadryl to pure Dxm you get at a cheap dollar store. I started tripping out. Losing track of dosage. Im not bipolar never was BUT I went manic. Asked god to let me see electromagnetic spectrum. See the milky way as it really was. I was convinced I was going to be famous. The whole thing. It always gets religious for some reason. I was driven to my sisters and my asshole brother in law called the cops. I picked up rocks, threatened to throw them at the cops. Put my finger in my pocket like I had a gun. I was spouting religious ideations and the cops started agreeing with me. I was already psychotic a couple days before. I was drawing plans for products we could sell. I became a really good artist. I didn't know I could do that. I had high creative output. 
     

    But I got locked up for 5 weeks in a psych ward , they put me on bipolar meds. I had awful side effects like akathisia. Acute Dystonia. The idiot psychiatrist threatened to throw me downstairs where you get locked up for years if I didnt cure my Dystonia.. I begged her boss to lower risperidone which cleared the issue.  Being yanked off the Zoloft crashed me into a deep depression., Since then I lived in about 4 psych wards. A couple times for months. Because of suicidal ideation.  Got out finally and my Dad died. My mother had cancer during this whole ordeal. And I have been red pilled to fuck ever since. Cannot find relief from "what if" thinking. Im afraid to leave my house other than taking walks in my neighborhood. That one episode fucked me so bad. This isn't about waiting to live but more of a warning to not trip on cough medicine.  Oh, and I still have the dry unproductive cough. 

    • Like 1
    • Sad 2
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