this album has had a few updates, i added 9 more tracks to compile 31 tracks total, hope you enjoy!
Sigh Language is a love letter to the homies, and when I say homies I mean family, because my friends have showed me way more compassion than my own immediate family, this album is very personal to me and it fucked me up a great deal to put myself out there like this. How do I tell my friends that I love them and that they mean the world to me? Through my art. This is just another hybrid album of mine of different styles that combine all my favorite elements of music, art, life and and most importantly, Love. This album release didn't go as planned, as I was planning to have an ad campaign to feature my music and build up the hype, I couldn't really do that because I don't have the internet or a phone, so I have to rely on going to starbucks and my friends homes to access the internet. The process of this album had a bunch of downfalls, including the lack of merch that was promised, but unfortunately, the person that I was relying on to help me with my merch, had her own downfalls that hindered her from helping me, which left me feeling bitter, I was hoping another friend would help me with graphics, but to no avail, they didn't come through. This is a valuable lesson to me, as I do not feel entitled to my friends time, creativity or help, because the world doesn't revolve around me, the lesson learned was that I need to surround myself with prosocial people that encourage love, honesty, integrity and soul, because that's who I am, and I am that standard. Because I fucking love myself!
Sigh Language was scary for me to release, because I foolishly released this album without asking the majority of my friends to whom I featured on this release for their permission, as it was an honest work of love in the approach of using their essence like how The Late Great Daniel Johnston.
The first track was an intro I made for a set that I was personally invited by one of my favorite musicians I feel very passionate about, Azuria Sky. her music is very emotional and I wanted to match the essence or capture the intensity to which her songs emit, I used her whole track Exhale, 1. Fermata from her album “We Were Once Called Spring” and I released it without her permission as I was afraid she would say no, luckily for me, she approved.
I used sound bytes of people talking about loneliness because deep down inside, we can all relate to feeling lonely and yearning to be apart of a community,comradely and inclusion, but that's not what it's all about, it's about self awareness and the ability to recognize ones own ability to influence, I wanted to pull heart strings, as honesty is a way to capture your fellow human and makes one relatable.
The track featured an appearance of my former teacher admitting that she always wanted to be passionately loved, and she also read an old list of emotions I wrote whilst being depressed, hence the mention of “I like it when you send me pictures of clouds”
It was also a track that was meant to manipulate the listener into an emotional state, only to be trolled by the humor at the end, which features me laughing at the end.
this song reflects on my old self, when I was younger, I lacked the self awareness and social skills to have a healthy relationship with my friends, I often would say the wrong things based on ego and jealousy or self hate.
Bish I'm Back Out My Coma
admittedly, this track is intentionally misplaced in the narratives, as it is a song that represents the Kanye like admiration and self love and confidence I have for myself, as I see myself as the Kanye West of Breakcore. This track was to let muh fukkas know that i'm back to making breakcore and muh fukkas better take note that i'mma fuck shit up. It's also a shutout to my peers to be woke about the world around them. In no way am I fully woke, but i'd like to think that I am on the way to self actualization.
My Name Is Ben
My Name Is Benjamin Pena, and I wrote this track back in 2007, it was clearly influenced by the work of Venetian Snares, where I even went as far as to sample his breaks that he used in his Hungarian album that I can't pronounce.
This track was a track I made that represented my perspective of how I felt the local breakcore collective in LA, “Dark Matter Sound System”
Darkmatter is a collective that I wanted so badly to be apart of. When I was in my budding producer stage, I had already emitted the delusional self confidence of a kanye like status, when I had no accolades or merit to justify my delusional prideful ego. I honestly felt like they barely tolerated me, as my self esteem at the time was a joke, and I was clearly victimizing myself and masturbating my own sorrow, I nolonger feel that way, and i'll Explain why.
Golden voicemail features my personal voicemail greet that was in the style of how one would record their answering machines and voicemail in the late 90's and early 2000. I personally find it hilarious and I am glad my friends and medical clinics and pharmacies would get disappointed that I answered the phone because they anticipated the message.
The voice you hear leaving a message (Dj Diskore) and the other person laughing in the background (Fiend) are 2 members of Dark Matter calling me to banter and exchange dialogue porn, so it contradicts the last track. It brings me great pleasure to be embraced and accepted by the peers I so much admired. I'm glad to say that although I may not be apart of that collective, they have embraced me as a friend and a long time participant of their parties out here in LA. Dj Diskore is beyond my best friend, he is my brain trust and a legit soul brother from another mother, him being local was both a blessing for both of us as were are both open minded and philosophical in our discussions, I admire his “Supreme Intelligence”, as he jokingly would refer to himself after one of his college professors proclaimed him to be. It's not a joke to me, it's fucking true, and I am very honored to have him in my life. Fiend is a person I really admire, and the feeling is mutual, as that dude never hesitates to convey his intense admiration for my music and my approach, he refers to my music as “Real Music”. I have a great admiration for his ability to fuck th decks up with a passionate abrasive approach. I really wanted to have Fiend's approval, in fact I was very blessed up to be able to upload my album at the resident of both Diskore and Fiend. I wanted to wait for Fiend to come home from work to release the album, that was really important to me that he be one of the first to listen to the album in it's entirety.
My Bruh I Luh
this song is a huge shutout and tribute to Bogdan Raczynski, the person who was the sole definitive sound of what I considered [Cutecore], that man is the very embodiment of the definition of [Cutecore].
Bogdan's sound has always been a huge inspiration to me and you can hear his influence sprinkle through out the album here and there.
I was soo fucking afraid that Bogdan Himself would disapprove of the mention that I kissed him on the cheek as we departed ways when I had the grand pleasure of meeting him (in Houston in 2017) and picking him up from the airport and eating dinner with him, which was literally a dream come true.
But then I recalled he once told me “Slay Them With Love Snaf!” so that's what's up.
the song also focuses on the liberating feeling of being able to tell your homies that you love them, men can they I love you to their homies, don't wait till valentines day to tell them.
this was was written after I spent a night at Diskore's home after a night of drinking
the album is sprinkled with recordings of my friends, they make me happy,
I hope they can entertain you as well
after I released the album, I just promoted it at a few places.
Then I couldn't help but feel super fucking vulnerable, cuz it's not easy putting yourself out ther.
I have a lot of friends, and I didn't wanna disappoint them, I really love this album, and I hope you do to!