Plum

You are my old watmm attachment.

I hope I can too. Thank you Nintendo. Powerful stuff.

Unless you’ve got an endoscope that’s gonna be tricky. Postmistress Julie hand delivered the package. Kakapos trying to unwrap it using just his colon as we speak.

Motgerfucker you’ve crossed a line. You know I love Blue Habour check shirts. Don’t weaponise that. edit: I’m absolutely livid. I’m serious never bring Blue Harbour check shirts into this again. edit: I’m actually shaking with rage.

I am sorry Kakapo. I’m sorry you’re a lycra clad-road bike-bummy-gang wannabe. I bet you linger down side roads and alleyways on your tricycle, in your homemade clingfilm outfit that you’ve adorned with brand logos like GIANT, Shimano & Team Sky using Sharpies. Waiting for groups of unaware cyclists to pass by, so you can tag on behind and imagine what it’s like to have real friends (even if it is only briefly, before they notice your mouth stench, pick up the pace and shake you off like the unwanted turd you are) edit: your knees are bad due to years of noshing-off strangers in public toilets in exchange for single cigarettes.

Yeah, but just think of all the old dear poon he must’ve dusty-pumped in that year tho. ?? on tap.

Yep, that's exactly how it starts. First you buy yourself a drum kit. Then you're wearing lycra cycling gear on Sundays. Before you know it, you're frequenting that lay-by on the outskirts of town, the one that's popular with other straight men. You know the one (if not, pm me for postcode).

Jackpot. You’re handsome. Confirmed.

Yes please confirm.

... or is it more like this? Surely one of them is close.

How accurate is this? Please confirm.

Send her a letter.

So I just got back from the post office. I showed postmistress Julie this thread. She fucking hates Kakapo too. She hopes that all his parcels go astray and his private & confidentials get read by his neighbours.

That reminds me, I’ve finished crocheting that dildo you ordered. I’ll get it safely packed in prawn crackers and dropped off to postmistress Julie shortly.

That’s 100% true. I actually have so many excess bags of prawn crackers, I use them as void fill in my parcels. Postmistress Julie often comments on the delicious smell of my package. The only legendary thing is Kakapo’s bad breath. It can make an onion cry. edit: plus Kakapo’s face looks like a squeezed teabag, and he has the charisma of Antony Worrall Thompson’s scrotum.

Well dickwod shows what you know, postmistress Julie was very appreciative of my kind and heartfelt review, and did in fact reward me with a book of commemorative Harry Potter stamps. So stick that up/on your parse-hole!

I know I’m old. Last week I wrote a charming review for my local post office.

You sassy bitch

Didn’t she watch the video? The reason for the breakup was pretty obvious, motherfucker blew himself up.

Seeing them live was pretty fucking special. Without sounding a bit Skytree, it was almost spiritual. It was as good as it gets tbh. Flawless.

This post had absolutely no business being that provocative. I came’d.

Legendary tidbit post. He truly was the wisest of us all. Bless.

Kakapo is a cunt tho.

Wow! I love it. I wish the boys made accessible stuff like this more often. Reminds me of - Autechre Play Weissensee Against Im Glück (Original Composition by Neu!)