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Scene 1: we start out in some kind of next-dimensional waiting room with a jumble of objects existing in a state of flux. It’s kind of a paradoxical thing, like chaotic equilibrium. there are platonic solids bouncing into globs on non-newtonian fluids, arcs of plasma jetting about, old People magazines, etc. it is here that the the first ones, the ineffable, antediluvian Great Dyad of rob and sean call their home, their unspoken machinations manifesting as great ripples and rumbles through the medium, lush pads and sick beats, the 2 elements from which all other things spring forth. the aloof, stoned gaze of rob and the piercing chav stare of sean settle on a single planet orbiting rogue paralel suns, somewhere in the intergalactic medium. this is planet known as Planet Gonk. Scene 2: on exoplanet gonk 3a5 129308 there is a club 500 kilometers under the sea. we descend through the hazy atmosphere and the greenish world-ocean is revealed, we descend further, under the waves, to Club Splesh. shit is poppin off here. Mature Audiences Only. Agent Cooper is on the scene “Diane, I’ve just arrived at an establishment of ill-repute— there is a robot with a big like jangly metal dick on stage just getting slapped all over the place. like some giant mech with a big fuckin weird silicon robot dick just floppin it around. like slapping it in a concrete hall, like some crazy flep the dolphin shit happening in the club. in the underwater club.” the scene is mental. Wiley is DJing, Flowdan is MCing. just absolute mayhem people are doing poppers and touching jellyfishes and stuff. a squid makes out with a Dyson space heater. Flep the dolphin does tricks (like flips and shit but also sexual?) for the robot man. a calculator finishes suckin him off. the robot man cums. BLISS Scene 3: okay so now we're listening to the soundtrack to "GANG FIGHT 2999", setting: ‘Techre City it’s like a gigantic icosahedron of a city, all floating above the ocean and shit all black pipes and dirty streets branching out everywhere like fucking crazy the Casual's are encroaching on the Gonk Boy's turf Gonk Boys pullin up using pirated cyberweapons the casuals outnumber gonks, but the gonks are bigger The Gonks have protective fur coats with +2 charm boost the Casuals employ fierce hi frequency sonic weapon emitters the Gonk Boys have powerful backpack woofer blasters the Casuals, in their numbers and ferocity are overwhelming the Gonks but the Gonks won't go down without a fight so the gang war has been raging on OH shit! RIP gonks, you think. but the Gonk Boys are still hanging in actually you thought they died but in one insane sub bass attack they fuckin WIPED out the casuals they unleashed their secret weapon: GATED REVERB GUN cut: we are now 33 years in the future The Gonks and the Casuals unified into one cartel and took over 'Techre city not long ago this planet was ruled by dolphins and mechs Now there is a filthy cabal of genocidal gangsters in control of the polyhedron watch them float over the global ocean, sending down plasma arcs to terrorize the unsuspecting denizens Unleashing vaporized high potency psychedelics and dissociative drugs into the atmosphere the populace is at their will Chairman Elyc9 is a miser. He rose through machiavellian tactics. He now punishes the world that spurned him as a child Uniting the violent underground through mutually beneficial heists and takedowns he quickly was able move up in 'Techre's parliament Spread the message: the dolphins and mechs are not our friends We must cleanse the global ocean of their idiocy Scene 4: Deep down in the ocean Corporal Flep is dreaming up a strategy The resistance has been hit hard But Flep wishes for the days of dancing and having casual sex with robots on the ocean floor to return In an old half dome ruin on the ocean floor, covered in coral and kelp, the bladelores project is being conceived the dolphins on one side, the mechs on the other. they are sharing ideas through bubble ring glyphs how can they restore peace to this shattered world? schematics made of seaweed and stabilized bubbles are created to unify their thoughts they move to the inner sanctum and begin a ritual of blowing bubbles and subtly sending electrical currents through the water slowly an old god starts to rise from the sand at the oceans floor it is a god made of shimmering, rippling mercury at times random pillars seem to form as appendages and then collapse back into the rising columnal giant the monks of the eastre order hit their bells the dolphins and mechs vibrate in ecstasy as the VeKos, the avatar of eastre, arises. … Scene 5: in the laboratory of Turbile Robotics manufacturing ramps up with new speed Everything must be stress tested no piece of squishyware can go un poked every bioluminescent tendril must writhe all cubes must be stomped upon that's what makes a Turbile a Turbile™ The workers dine on shimripls (a type of very gay shrimp) Turbile robotics employees can expect a minimum of 17 shimripls a day they are paid in shimripls, which is a privilege in a world where if you don't gonk hard enough you'll basically just get killed Oh lord what is this? someone just introduced a trojan into Turbile manufacturing's mainframe the technician inspects the terminal "Spl9.ramshooter.b" ? machinery is being repurposed something is being built the plant is creating strange, incomprehensible objects it used to make cubes now the virus has taken control and the organic synthesis machines are making unsound hybrids of silicon and flesh and all of these creations fall down into the the unfathomably deep cistern of rejects, the glos ceramic a cylindrical hole bored deep into the planet, so large it has developed its own ecosystem in the darkness and filth the heaps of AI chips form autonomously organizing beings made of trash and rotting flesh and wires these new beings know nothing other than that the great shute in the sky gives them garbage, their lifeblood so they raise up their appendages in praise revel in the garbage, make love in the garbage, do their taxes in the garbage Scene 6: back in 'techre city Bill Evans plays the piano at a slimey gonk establishment Thom Yorke gets on stage by now he has become a kind of hairy skeleton he makes high pitched wails into a canister, on all fours he has learned the art of bone origami and he is folding himself up into an ever smaller thing eventually he is so small he is not visible, which is part of the art of it, you see yet he still is able to wail Bill Evans dies of many years of cocaine use Scene 7: The aftermath of a mass culling of technicians suspected as double agents for the Dolphin-Mech Alliance Chairman Elyc6 has dealt with the turbile problem, or at least he thinks he did so we looked at the data The truth is, Chairman Elyc9 doesn't really care about purging the planet of dolphins and mechs. the war was a ruse he baited the enemy into summoning eastre, the primeval power at the center of the planet, he wishes to harness its powere planet gonk was once at peace long ago, the dolphins were sucking robot penis and all was well but desperate times call for desperate measures the garbage hybrids congeal into a chain tall enough to reach the ceiling of the great cystern as the liquid god of eastre penetrates the corroded, leaking bottom of the cystern an unholy union is formed The Gonk Casuals must be stopped. Scene 8: we now shift deep under the garbage, into the dark saline sea that lines the deepest trenches under the global ocean this is the primordial soup from whence it all came in a place darker than vantablack, conscious ions flicker with intent before the gonks, before the dolphins, before the casuals and mechs, there was only this place a place of stillness punctuated by rippling chains of actions that had no beginning and no end the creatures of planet gonk arose from this place and it is this place that will bring the planet back to equilibrium Scene 9: the Great Dyad regards the goings on with detached amusement. Sean: M8 this shit is mental. Did you see Thom Yorke do that? fuck me that’s brilliant. Rob: Check out that Dolphin down there, he’s got a laser gun. Sean: (tokes spliff) fookin incredible aye Rob: aye there’s like some kinda war or battle going on innit Sean: lush, hey check out this new patch i’ve been working on ... in a twist of events, the Dolphin-Mechs lose control of the Avatar of Eastre, VeKos, and it takes control of the garbageFleshKin, unifying them into a writhing tentacle of wires and organs emerging from the core of Planet Gonk to strike ‘Techre city from the sky. the icosahedron shatters into a trillion shimmering shards and the city falls into the churning world-ocean. the casualties of the great conflict are immense calculators go instinct. Corporal Flep is valiantly killed in the line of duty when he impales Chairman Elyc6 with his snout (he duct-taped a knife to it). RIP. the Gonk Boys and the Casuals are forgotten. the ocean swallows up all things. there is only wreckage, and the mindless, waving tentacles of eastre protruding from the sea like living monoliths. Who knows what lies in the future for this ruined planet? but for now, all end. And thus concludes the story of Planet Gonk… OR DOES IT?
Closest guess wins a prize* *free gonks for lyf