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hi! it's been ages since i started my own thread. i've been too quiet lately. well, i've actually been on a psychiatric ward for seven weeks! some major, major heavy shit has been going on in my life - i lost my home, i lost contact with about 90% of all the people in my life (who refuse to speak to me) and if wasn't for my estranged father whom i discovered last year, i would have lost all of my belongings. i've been shell-shocked. i really, really felt like i lost everything. first i was admitted to east wing - in 2013, when i was 21, i spend just about a year here (yes, that means i was institutionalised when TH was released). and a handful of nurses recognized me after all this time! sadly, after a series of ganging-up attempts from other patients, i requested to be transferred to west wing. it fucking sucked. these life changes brought out the worst of my social anxieties and paranoia. i felt so incredibly trapped. when i arrived i was, at least, a little bit familiar to east wing. now i didn't even have that. everything was, visually, freakishly similar. but i had waves of fear coming over me, like i would be trapped forever because this place would make me worse and worse and i'd never be fit to leave. i stopped eating. i never did that before in my life. i went like two days without eating, just from fear of leaving my room or being too depressed to physically eat. after three days, i started to like the feel of it, and i just carried on! in a weird way, it acted as the self-harm i wasn't able to do. then i lost my mp3 player. you HAVE to have access to your music when you're in places like this. it's been lost or stolen and there are no freaky luke vibert tunes to keep me going. tonite, after some very careful planning, i managed to escape the unit. by getting hold of my shoes - which are always held in the patient store - and by getting a plastic bag, i would be able to pack some basic stuff like my phone and my wallet. a nurse let me into patient store to look for my mp3 player, and as her back was turned i stealthed my way into my shoes like Mr Bean. she didn't notice i shoved the plastic bag down my crotch. the plan remained on one last thing - could i get through those doors, right at the end, by running full sanic and busting the fuck through those magnetic locks? it turns out you can! i highly, highly recommend to anyone that this works like a charm. now at this point running was almost impossible for me - i spent a week with no food, not even sugary drinks - but i HAD to run. and something in my body made me keep going. shit, it's getting late. i'm actually gonna post this and then just finish it tomorrow. i had a lucozade and a protein shake while i was out walking, for miles into the night...