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Posted (edited)

So my current girlfriend is quite the Fomo type, and I just can't stand that aspect of her, she's also very competitive and is quite dominant. Loves to be in charge and plan everything. 

She reckons she's super ambitious, but I don't see the fruits of that label, because she doesn't have anything to show for it, as in money or a house. 

She has also traveled to quite a few destinations and loves to go on about that. Europe, UK, SE Asia and Hawaii. She has a travel map in her room with pins on it! I mean, OK. 

We'll be driving along and she'll come out with; "I've been there!" pointing out the place/restaurant, this gets old to me. It comes across as bragging or boasting. Ugh. 

Last night in the car I was saying how I just found out the show Outlander is also a book, and she said;

"I know. Do you want to know how I know? 

I said yeah, sure. 

"Well because I travelled to Scotland, and went to a graveyard that the story mentions and I took a photo with Fraser's tombstone."

I just wanted to vom right then and there, the way she said it just made her sound like such a douchebag. A simple, yeah it's a book could've been enough—the boasting just does my head in. 

Don't get me wrong, there's lots to like about her, but what really bothers me is how she turns some conversations/situations about her and where she's been/done. It's like she gets a kick out of it. 

I'm quite the opposite, I hate talking about myself and achievements or whatever else, unless asked. 

So, why do people boast? Or make situations about them and their achievements? 

BTW, I'm not insecure, it's more that she does it lots and with a really boastful tone. I'm not sure if any of her friends have told her anything about it or how they put up with it but jesus I hate it. 

Edited by sine nomine
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Well, in my experience, people who do that are themselves highly insecure, and have doubts about their self worth. It's like... you ever meet someone who constantly and consistently says things like "I'm such a good person, just such a good person, I don't know why X person is treating me this way?!" Those people aren't really trying to convince you of this truth, they're trying to convince themselves. 

Feel like most stuff like this comes down to that - people that feel like they have limited worth and so need to go around convincing the world that they are "important" and "worth it" and have "done something" when some small, scared part of them is in the corner of their mind going "right? I am... right? please tell me I'm worth something." 

My 2 cents/armchair psychoanalyzing. I mean, don't get me wrong, I know it's annoying as shit but if she's your girl and you can see it from that perspective maybe it'll both help you feel less annoyed and maybe help you figure out a way to help her deal with what may be some deep underlying issues with self worth. 

 

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Posted (edited)

why don't you just love her and support he instead?

look, she's obviously chronically low in self-esteem and you can't accept that very same part of you, that's the reason it bothers you.

you're a good guy, sine, and you should accept yourself and then you will be able to accept her more easily ❤️

Edited by xox
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Posted (edited)
8 minutes ago, toaoaoad said:

This is what casual, non-emotionally-invested relationships are for

How do you mean? Elaborate please.

I should add that we've been together for 6 months so there's nothing "casual" about it—we live together also and I have feelings for her, so there's plenty of emotion there. 

Edited by sine nomine
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15 minutes ago, xox said:

why don't you just love her and support he instead?

look, she's obviously chronically low in self-esteem and you can't accept that very same part of you, that's the reason it bothers you.

you're a good guy, sine, and you should accept yourself and then you will be able to accept her more easily ❤️

this post comes across as "it's your fault/your own weakness and your so's feelings are high up above yours". it's really unhelpful, condescending advice.

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@sine nomineHehe sorry it was kind of a shitpost :duckhunt: and not meant to downplay the difficulty of your situation. I have experienced similar people (in fact I think social media has made more and more people behave this way than ever before) and I share your opinions about it. Boasting, bragging, and pretention all disgust me. Trying to have a meaningful relationship with someone who triggers those feelings constantly is a challenge to say the least. I agree with the others who have said it boils down to self esteem, both yours and theirs. This is personal work, and that work doubles when you're in a meaningful, committed Relationship with that person because emtional burdens are to be shared and worked out together, as you try to build a foundation to work towards a future together etc.

I don't like to go into a ton of detail about my personal life on here but I will say I have experienced a good deal of success and gratification from more casual (but still friendly) relationships or "situationships" as I have recently learned they are sometimes called (friends with benefits is a more common expression). You are essentially friends, which means you still care about each other, as friends do, and you share a physical connection (super important especially these days where there's less of it available due to COVID caution) but you don't feel so burdened by their personality traits that don't match yours. With mutually agreed upon boundaries and mutual respect it's fairly sustainable. At least in my (current) experience.

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1 minute ago, Dragon said:

this post comes across as "it's your fault/your own weakness and your so's feelings are high up above yours". it's really unhelpful, condescending advice.

well, it's how you read it and i could tell you why but better not imo. i believe sine understood me correctly, and if not, it'll come to him .... so pls, leave us two alone! my post was meant for him, not you

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4 minutes ago, toaoaoad said:

@sine nomineHehe sorry it was kind of a shitpost :duckhunt: and not meant to downplay the difficulty of your situation. I have experienced similar people (in fact I think social media has made more and more people behave this way than ever before) and I share your opinions about it. Boasting, bragging, and pretention all disgust me. Trying to have a meaningful relationship with someone who triggers those feelings constantly is a challenge to say the least. I agree with the others who have said it boils down to self esteem, both yours and theirs. This is personal work, and that work doubles when you're in a meaningful, committed Relationship with that person because emtional burdens are to be shared and worked out together, as you try to build a foundation to work towards a future together etc.

I don't like to go into a ton of detail about my personal life on here but I will say I have experienced a good deal of success and gratification from more casual (but still friendly) relationships or "situationships" as I have recently learned they are sometimes called (friends with benefits is a more common expression). You are essentially friends, which means you still care about each other, as friends do, and you share a physical connection (super important especially these days where there's less of it available due to COVID caution) but you don't feel so burdened by their personality traits that don't match yours. With mutually agreed upon boundaries and mutual respect it's fairly sustainable. At least in my (current) experience.

Sure, but I'm not the one bragging and making situations about me so not sure how that makes me have low self esteem? 🤔

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3 minutes ago, xox said:

i believe sine understood me correctly, and if not, it'll come to him

that's for him to decide, it's not for you to come into a public thread and tell anyone how he feels.

and it is a public thread, so if you're gonna put out manipulative or potentially harmful advice, people are gonna notice.

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Posted (edited)
6 minutes ago, sine nomine said:

Sure, but I'm not the one bragging and making situations about me so not sure how that makes me have low self esteem? 🤔

I can only speak for myself, but I'm aware that one of the reasons this type of behaviour bothers me so much in others is that it points to my own regrets, sense of personal shortcomings etc. It's annoying, antisocial behaviour in and of itself, but if it bothers you that deeply there's probably more going on. Honestly can't say tho as that's your personal stuff. But if it's a committed relationship, then half of this equation is yours. 

Edited by toaoaoad
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2 minutes ago, Dragon said:

that's for him to decide, it's not for you to come into a public thread and tell anyone how he feels.

and it is a public thread, so if you're gonna put out manipulative or potentially harmful advice, people are gonna notice.

of course, it's just it wasn't harmful, but potentially useful, if i was correct. If not, no harm actually; i'm just some nobody on the net who's wrong and that's that, right? 

and i didn't tell him how he feels, i just told him why he feels the why he does; big difference! we can't see ourselves completely; that's another reason why we need other ppl. sine came to us, believing we can help him; and i believe we can. who that person is, i don't know, exactly, but as a community, we're usually more helpful than not. imo 

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1 hour ago, sine nomine said:

So my current girlfriend is quite the Fomo type, and I just can't stand that aspect of her, she's also very competitive and is quite dominant. Loves to be in charge

it's ok that she pegped you during con/non-con rough-housing & your butt prolapsed

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Posted (edited)

just shit your pants every time she gives you shit & if she asks why start telling her about the log of attraction

Edited by Cryptowen
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Imagine asking watmm for relationship advice. 
 

Spoiler

Oh wait, he wasn’t. 

 

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I am curious, sine, will you tell her any of this? 

While I do not want to pass judgment on you, and obviously am working with a small piece of the story, I could not imagine dating someone and publicly calling them a boastful douchebag whose personality I hate and who makes me want to vomit. Likewise, it pains me to imagine any former partner of mine speaking this way about me while staying at my side. This relationship seems destined to inflict pain. 

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44 minutes ago, chenGOD said:

Imagine asking watmm for relationship advice. 
 

  Reveal hidden contents

Oh wait, he wasn’t. 

 

How is this helpful/what is this supposed to contribute to the thread? You're a mod, why don't you act like one? 

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Relax. Maybe tell her that she annoys you when she is actively annoying you, then she might stop annoying you or you have an argument, which can be fun (or stressful). Tell her you think she's a Fomo and that you are triggered by that attitude and see what happens.

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Posted (edited)

I don’t like to boast or brag because I’m better than everyone.

 

For real, tho- it is totally a self esteem thing. It seriously makes me feel sad for people and uncomfortable when they are trying really hard to impress like that. It’s been said in this thread, but social media has really amped the boasting concept. Did anyone see that thing- I wanna say it was the “humans of New York guy”- where that girl was posting on fb or ig “gettin crazy in the club tonight!” like she was partying really hard. But then a guy who was actually in the bar across from her was randomly following her acct or something and he took a picture of her drinking alone minutes after she posted? That shit really makes me depressed.

Edited by Himelstein
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I think being boastful is quite a harmless character flaw compared to other kinds of character flaws. Most people have some kind of a character flaw, so if that's her worst trait, that's not that bad at all

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7 minutes ago, ghsotword said:

I think being boastful is quite a harmless character flaw compared to other kinds of character flaws. Most people have some kind of a character flaw, so if that's her worst trait, that's not that bad at all

Agreed, it’s totally something to accept and sympathize with. Also, these types of flaws make people more interesting a lot of times.

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I can't stand people who put others down for not being interesting or cool enough (or not looking good enough, being too immature or not contributing enough to society or whatever etc pp). Maybe she is scared of that bcs of past experiences. Humans can be cunts. I have a ton of unjustified insecurities myself and others have to live with them & I'm grateful they still tolerate & accept me. I try not to devalue others unless they are cunts and deserve death. I'm OK with braggers, as long as they don't expect others to be as "cool" as them and look down on them... etc pp

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