Hello, I'm new to WATMM

[J3FF3R00]

18 hours ago, pokk said:

I haven't actually bought anything of his since Window Licker

You need this…

 

Seriously, glad to have you on board! Read the rules 

Hope to see you in the “let’s have your jungle” thread!

 

[dcom]

16 minutes ago, J3FF3R00 said:

You need this…

That's missing one, the picture disc version of Analord 10.

Edited November 3, 2021 by dcom

[J3FF3R00]

2 minutes ago, dcom said:

That's missing one, the picture disc version of Analord 10.

Yeah. I noticed that too. I couldn’t find a pic of the full set with binder and figured “eh. Good enough”. Plus, didn’t want to nerd out too hard in front of a new member. 

[pokk]

20 minutes ago, J3FF3R00 said:

You need this…

Ahh yes, i totally forgot i did buy Chosen Lords, i did/do enjoy that. I really liked the stopping and starting of gear to keep things in sync.

oh, rules read by the way, hilarious read actually

 

 

[dcom]

14 minutes ago, J3FF3R00 said:

I couldn’t find a pic of the full set with binder and figured “eh. Good enough”.

Here's a quick snap I just took of my full set for later reference. Couldn't resist, cringeburger all you want.

Edited November 3, 2021 by dcom

[iococoi]

1 hour ago, pokk said:

“Focus on the journey, not the destination.”

 

Edited November 3, 2021 by iococoi

[YangYing]

So happy I found this, apparently the funny watmm quotes thread is no more..

Anyway, mandatory reading @pokk

Quote

zaphod said:

Hello new person! Read the rules, then throw them out the window! Watmm is like Australia. No rules, just right.

 

Here, check out this handy guide I wrote as a special gift, exclusive and free with your trial membership!

 

THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO WATMM

 

A Little History Lesson

 

There was Eru, the One, who shat a great baby into the sky, and it was called the 303, and from it came a mighty sound, the sound of music, though some would not call it music but would call it bleeps, or even bloops, and sometimes the music that issued forth was a pure sine wave, and it was this music that was heard by the angels, and they called it electronic music, the purest form of music, and for some time the 303 was glad.

From his bosom he birthed many Lords of the Dance, and they were Aphex Twin, Squarepusher, Boards of Canada, µ-ziq, and in a coughing fit wherein he could not pronounce the name clearly and concisely, Autechre.

For eons the music of the Lords of the Dance fell upon tin ears, for many humans preferred the sound of the lute or the glockenspiel, but then in the last age a group of drug addicts and sociopaths heard the music and it filled their heads with bliss. This group argued for many years over a name for the music and many shook their heads at suggestions like electronica, electronic music, dance, braindance and even the holy name itself, electronic music. And so it was that two factions formed to document the origins of this music and the creator. The first group was lead by a blind Swede named Phobiazero, and that group is now known as That Other Site™ and they smell bad. The other group was once called Joyrex, lead by the fool king Joyrex, but now is known as Watmm. And that is how this place came to be.

 

Members

The first thing people say when they come to Watmm is “Wow, there are lots of people not posting here!” How right they are. With over three million registered members, Watmm forums are the largest in the eastern hemisphere. And yet only fifty of these members actually post on a regular basis. Here is a run down of some of the ones you should know.

 

Delet…

Delet is over three thousand years old. He was born on Neptune to a gaseous life form and a rock.

He came to Earth as a child. In the forests of Denmark, a Wood Elf named Nilmiiri found him and raised him as her own. His adolescence was a whimsical time spent lolling about playing a pan flute to the local nymphs and blabbering about a return to the stars.

Eventually, her sex life heating up, Nilmiiri abandoned the boy. For years he wandered the hills and valleys of Scandinavia, laughing and muttering to himself until he found a laptop in a lake and began connecting telepathically to the Internet. No one knows what he’s saying. Those that do are lying. Most put up with him because he makes them nervous.

 

Typical Post:

Aye waznt seying wohmehn shudent bee abel two voate, aye waz seying wohmehn shud bee abel two voate…heh, juz ghose too show ewe arint reeding mye pohsts.

 

Zelah

Zelah is a fag.

 

Typical Post:

So yeah, just picked up three pairs of slim fit 501 girl jeans for fifty bucks. Gonna bike into town tomorrow and see if they’ve got any pique polo shirts on sale at H&M then probably go chill with my mom and watch Gilmore Girls.

 

Mosca

Forged from volcanic rock in the Scottish Highlands, Mosca is the oldest man on the Internet. His posts are curt and striking, a simple haiku-like grace that will impress even the most hardened of cunts. He is a master.

 

Typical Post:

 

shite band

 

om

 

Kaen

A distant relative of Mosca, Kaen arrived at Watmm as a fully formed member, already in on jokes that hadn’t yet developed, always quick to host someone’s music on his domain, and carrying with him an aptitude for cuntly actions that would make most older cunts balk in disbelief. He at first appears distant and intimidating but, given time, you may be able to feed him acorns from your hand.

 

Typical Post:

 

i'd nail her then kick her in the cunt

 

Plantre

Residing somewhere in West Virginia, Plantre makes Da Da look straightforward.

 

Typical Post:

 

THE INTERNET IS SO SERIOUS! LETS ALL TAKE THE INTERNET SERIOUSLY!

 

SEARIOUSLY? EARS. LETS TAKE THE INTERNET’S SERIOUSNESS!

 

HERE IS AN OPINION! LOOK AT THIS OPINION. WHAT? WHRER?

 

NOW THAT’S A SHOTGUN---> BUT THE GUNSHOT???

 

New brianellis album on earstroke!

 

Skytree

Son of the late painter Bob Ross, Skytree emerged from the ethereal plane to join the human race and impart his collected wisdom on all who cross his path.

 

Typical Post:

I think I've already mentioned my new home in a thread, but did I mention the forest around it? Or how I went walking through the forests around it with my girlfriend. We talked about the new album I've got coming out and then about how society is debasing itself by not embracing wind power.

 

Fred Mcgriff

If Watmm needed an ambassador, Fred Mcgriff would be it. He makes music, enjoys the mundane minutia of everyday life, is a master draftsmen and understands the philosophical importance of poop.

 

Typical Post:

Fred's posts are anything but typical.

 

Lol Alzado

Fred Mcgriff lite.

 

Typical Post:

I just shat all over my wife and then went to work naked. The partners at the firm were out to lunch so I strolled around the office, admiring my physique in reflections in the windows, then masturbated into my secretary's coffee. So the question, Watmm, is: have you ever fondled a hamster with one of those long slurpee straws with the scoop at the end?

 

Idiron

If Idiron was forced to choose between stopping Hitler before he started or destroying America, he'd create a third option in which America is destroyed by Hitler and go with that.

 

Typical Post:

http://www.theodora.com/flags/burning/art_photo_by_zigy_kaluzny.jpg

 

Playbynumbers

An academic whose specialty is arguing with people, he has yet to engage in and win an argument with anyone on the board. Playbynumbers posts about three things: drone music, film, and books.

 

Typical Post:

Oh verily, it was absurdly good. Easily the best book of the century. The Pynchon book was equally good, probably the best book I’ve ever read.

 

Mr. Salads

Mr. Salads likes movies. He hates drugs. He is indifferent to movies about drugs.

 

Typical Post:

i see the carnival of faggots is still going strong.

 

~ism

One of the Scottish Three, ~ism exists in a constant state of disappointment with Watmm. He believes that only Vik can save the board, but look at beakdotcom for evidence to the contrary.

 

Typical Post:

Watmm's been in slow death for some time now. Only teh Earl Grey geezer can save it now.

 

Essines

Essines is ten feet tall and lives a life of tall tales and adventure in rural Canada. To pluck a hair from his head is to be blessed by God.

 

Typical Post:

yeah i need a job.fuck. atleast i have my girl, gonna have some sex later, sleep, drink, have some sex. fuck i hate my life. i need money.

 

Jswift

Either a highly successful playboy living in London or a sociopath living in his parent’s basement, Jswift is a man of the world. When he isn’t posting about the genius of Wong Kar Wai and Asian Cinema he’s rebuking a theory on quantum physics and the nature of duality in Metzinger’s ideal of the self or relating an anecdote about how he developed Microsoft.

 

Typical Post:

 

Ctrl c

Ctrl v

 

Mrx

Quite simply one of the greatest visual artists of this or any century.

 

Typical Post:

http://arliquido.blogs.sapo.pt/arquivo/rothko.jpg

this is my cat

 

Sinicalypse

If you think this guide is running a little long, wait til you read one of this guy’s fuckin posts. He could turn an urban legend into an urban novel.

 

Typical Post (Abridged):

So I’m back atcha African Americans with a smirnoff bass drop. It was in late 98, I’m sittin pretty on two tons of beats when I get this urge to light up a Newport and head out on the chi town strip ta find some play and some milk cuz we out at my dad’s house and this African American needs his corn flakes in the morning. I mean that’s the thing with corn flakes, it’s like early ambient techno, like you gotta have some of that glass half full mentality to go wit your soft bass rumble or you’re on the curb like every other house African American left out to rot by the authorities. So I’m goin to the grocery store ta pick up the milk when I see this girl, Jessica Springer, went to high school with her and had a straight prorogative to nail that bitch when I still had half my virginity intact, so I mean I’m just a noble mc at this point so only way I’m impressing this bitch is with my rhyming skill like back in the day when a minstrel had to woo the shit out the ladies with a lute and his inner thug but I’m really too anti-thug to ever “woo” anything which is why I just resort to hiding in my basement, I mean not to get too cutting here but let’s just face it we’re all just bailing out of our unix administrating house arrest anyway so let’s just cut that shit out right now. And to all my haters, I already know where you wanna go with the “longwinded” post shit, so just drop that like Jay-z dropped all the good mcs from his label, we know how “wordy” I am it’s not a surprise anymore and this isn’t a defense or hypocritical anyway, I mean hell, you sit in front of a computer all day pushing media nodes to squares like I did when I was still a comp sci head in college checking out irc chats back when that was progressive not in like the pitchfork progressive way but real progression like music is supposed to be instead of all this cliché snare rush hi hat Zelda theme ruggedness and since when was rockin out a bad thing?

 

Zaphod

A bit of an idiot really.

 

Typical Post:

This post.

 

Joyrex

The mastermind behind We Are the Music Makers, Joyrex is from Texas or England. As a child he had a traumatic experience involving an exploding colostomy bag and has since been obsessed with shit. He will ban you for trolling or dupe accounts and then create a topic about someone launching nachos out of their asshole onto a tiled wall in a restaurant in El Paso.

 

Typical Post:

LOLocaust Fred, brilliant, just brilliant. I went to Taco Bell today and bought a schilling’s worth of Enchilada then had a massive growl over the bowl while I put the finishing touches on the site. And for all you wankers creating dupe accounts, just to let you know, you might be having a right laugh but it won’t fly on this forum. Wallie whale, LOL.

We’re almost there.

 

There are loads more members but fuck if I'm going to write dossiers on all of them.

 

Q&A

 

q: I want to make a new topic about a video floating around youtube. Is this ok?

 

a: Under no circumstances should you ever do this.

 

q: Someone posted the word "jazz" in my topic on a video floating around youtube. What does this mean?

 

a: "Jazz" is slang for jazzband, a watmmeme that began when someone said "jazzband covers aphex twin" in reference to a cover version of the song "flim" which had multiple topics created about it. Some members are so lazy they simply write "j" while others come up with imaginative, similar headline events. For instance: Second tower collapses!

 

q: I have a track by Aphex Twins called "Ghost in the Shell". Where can I find the album it's on?

 

a: You're an idiot.

 

q: Why do you guys talk about poop so much?

 

a: Because it's all we have.

 

q: Do I need a cat to post here?

 

a: If you don't have a cat, you have five days to find one. If you don't, you'll be banned.

 

q: Where are all the girls?

 

a: Watmm has a history of scaring off the few real females who choose to post here. We do it in a number of ways. If you're a girl yourself, and you're new, ninety percent of the board will claim you're Beno's dupe account. The other ten percent will attempt to PM you saying not to get down about it, and of them, two will construct fantasies about saving you from the internet and making you their wife.

 

q: Who is Leah?

 

a: Leah is Zelah's courtly love interest. She has caterpillars for eyebrows, a hobo musician for a boyfriend and a voice like a papercut. Most members of Watmm have masturbated to Leah at some point.

 

The Rolling lol

To truly master the internet, a forum must be able to construct a Rolling lol. This is simply a topic full of posts that, in uniform fashion, say "lol". That is all. If a forum is able to come together and create a Rolling lol, they will be freed from the cycle of Samsara and all will reach Nirvana.

 

electronic music: Internet Dork Music

 

This may be a surprise to you, but Watmm actually had to do with music at one point! If you go to the main page, you'll see five artists listed with space for content under each. They also each have their own sub forum!

 

When a new member joins, they make an important decision: become one of many general banter staples, constantly rofling and shooting mountain dew out of their nostrils, or venture deep into the dark recesses of the BOC subforum where they will eventually disappear, eaten alive by the lowly Gollum like creatures that inhabit that dank netherworld. That's one fork in the road I wouldn't want to come to!

 

Good luck!

edit: 2006 was a different time

Edited January 9, 2020 by MIXL2

 

[pokk]

13 hours ago, MIXL2 said:

Anyway, mandatory reading

I read, I had some soup, showered, brushed my teeth, it was late in the day, I read some more, I did some music stuff, I made a cuppa, and while eating some grapes finally read to the end. I would have put money this was older than 2006.

Edited November 4, 2021 by pokk

[thawkins]

Hello and welcome @pokk.

I only own one AFX vinyl and I don't even remember which one exactly. Probably the first SAW.

I don't really know all that much about electronic music and IDM and now I got all this damn gear, so I guess I will try to do something with it.

[pokk]

16 hours ago, thawkins said:

Hello and welcome @pokk

Thank you @thawkins

SAW is a good one to own.
Knowing less about electronic music is probably not such a bad thing tbh. Just create and enjoy I think is good enough I reckon.

[joshuatxuk]

Welcome, I'm not on here very much anymore but I'm glad people are still stumbling upon WATMM. I remember being new and lurking here ages ago.

[TheBro]

On 11/2/2021 at 12:55 PM, pokk said:

Hey all

I searched for a welcome thread but couldn't find one so assume creating a new topic is fine. Please move if I have missed something. I'm still reading through the guidelines.

A little bit about my story.

I have been making music since I was 10 years old. I started playing this old organ we had in our living room, taking the back off and look at the electronics behind, and the massive volume of it and the bass were pretty nuts. My older brother introduced me to OctaMED on the Amiga where I learnt to sample, and Music X (that bright pink and blue thing) where I learned midi programming JMJ tracks and making my own rip offs. I was big into JMJ as a nipper and Kraftwerk's Radioactivity LP.

Like many kids in the early 90's I got caught up in the UK electronic music world, in all its forms, I guess always leaning more to Techno structures over breakbeat although I definitely did listen to a few key tapes back then. The late night channel 3 tv show BPM was a lifeline for finding some key music and labels, and although The Orb, FSOL, LFO were already in my mind, it was BPM and The Futureshock video (with those crazy bee eye glasses) where I found HIA and Ageispolis by Aphex Twin, but also Dave Angel, Carl Craig, Joey Beltram, Jeff Mills (although it wasn't until years later I knew this was his track on the show as simply listed as a white label) and a whole load of music.

I lived in a seaside town of Swanage so basically there was nobody around that really did music when I was a kid, but eventually things moved in a direction whereby things become more well known, new generations catching up on the growing late DnB world, while perhaps I was stepping away from Warp a little bit preferring the freshness, challenging and discovery of earlier releases, over the more accessible (to my taste) stuff that came later. 

12k/Line records and the whole glitch world from those early Mille Plateaux compilations grabbed my attention, a new challenging sound, and although I nearly had a few records out of hard techno in the 90's, I never really felt drawn enough to that world that always seemed already amazing without my needing to contribute my own music. This changed though, and later started working my girlfriend at the time (now married) on some minimal music mainly for Dragon's Eye Recordings, before later we started our own little experimental label, which I'm happy to chat about, but don't wanna spam, but that basically brings things up-to today. 

I've pottered in and out of a few other forums, and although I've met some great people, never seem quite to find the right bunch, and that's probably ok, but watmm has been somewhere I have thought about joining for a looooong time and finally figured I'd drop in and see what's what.




 

Great introduction. Really enjoyed reading that. Can relate a lot to what you wrote. Brilliant stuff!

[logakght]

hello my friend.

[pokk]

On 11/4/2021 at 4:52 PM, TheBro said:

Great introduction. Really enjoyed reading that. Can relate a lot to what you wrote. Brilliant stuff!

Cheers all, need to investigate the rest of the forum. Where you recommend next?

[perunamuusi]

The Ask Autechre Anything thread

[WurstPLUS]

3 minutes ago, perunamuusi said:

The Ask Autechre Anything thread

THE HISTORIC EVENT

[YangYing]

the richards pubic hair on ebay!? thread

[pokk]

20 hours ago, perunamuusi said:

The Ask Autechre Anything thread

Yeah I remember that happening, honestly couldn’t think of anything to ask them. Maybe where did they their baggy trousers?

[Nil]

I'll just say hello pokk, nice to see you here ! I'll add that I'm a fan of the labels you run. Welcome !

Ps: sending you some redeem codes within the next few days too.

[pokk]

heeeey @Nil

Nice to see you here and thanks for he hello and also thanks for enjoying all the music.
Happy to support if I can.

[Soloman Tump]

Hello and welcome. 

Don't let the bad apples here spoil your crumble

[Himelstein]

 

 

Edited November 9, 2021 by Himelstein

[Ivan Ooze]

come back home pokkie i got a new crib !!!!!!