Losing the Passion for Creating

[sTeh B L]

Over the last year, I've been losing interest in a lot of things. That includes music. Because of this, my skills have deteriorated to a point where I can't play things that I've written over a year ago. ( for example: https://on.soundcloud.com/T7rmG ) When I try to practice them, I just get frustrated and depressed and I give up.

If practicing my instruments is causing me so much stress, I guess the obvious solution would be to just stop, but I've spent too much of my life learning my instruments to just give up now. I just can't seem to let myself do that. So I'm stuck in this limbo of mediocrity that I can't figure out my way out of.

Has anyone else experienced anything similar? If so, how did you handle it?

[milkface]

Take a small break to give you the opportunity to miss creating, collaborate with friends or other people or try creating something new and different from what you currently have been.

You're not mediocre man you're just bored maybe and are in need of something refreshing!

[sTeh B L]

21 minutes ago, milkface said:

Take a small break to give you the opportunity to miss creating, collaborate with friends or other people or try creating something new and different from what you currently have been.

You're not mediocre man you're just bored maybe and are in need of something refreshing!

I appreciate it, but I'm afraid I actually am quite mediocre. And it's funny that you've suggested the things that you have, because I've actually JUST started doing two of those things very recently, and I think they might actually be helping.

[ArtificialDisco]

If it's practice that's getting you down, maybe just make it simpler. Practice slower. Practice scales in front of the tv. Play the same thing a hundred times over. Turn yourself into a robot that practices exactly an hour every day and don't expect any results until after at least a month.

So what if you're mediocre? That *why* you practice.

[sTeh B L]

26 minutes ago, ArtificialDisco said:

If it's practice that's getting you down, maybe just make it simpler. Practice slower. Practice scales in front of the tv. Play the same thing a hundred times over. Turn yourself into a robot that practices exactly an hour every day and don't expect any results until after at least a month.

So what if you're mediocre? That *why* you practice.

Practicing more slowly has actually become EXTREMELY important to me, that and playing more softly/smoothly.

The issue I have with playing "the same thing a hundred time over" is that it makes me start to loathe playing my instrument. Instead of spending most of my time with my instrument having fun, I'm mostly just doing boring exercises. Which is normal, I think, but I hate that it often makes me view my instrument as a piece of laborious work-out equipment instead of a fun toy. (If that makes any sense.)

[ambermonk]

I can kinda relate to this. Not sure how reliable my advice would be here, but I find it helps sometimes to jam out/take a freeform approach on some piece of hardware (or even acoustic instrument) and go completely impromptu. Doesn't have to be recorded. Then when you naturally feel some tune that comes to mind, that's when you finally get something that sticks. It's almost a nebular approach in this sense.

For example, two years ago I'd just randomly be on the couch, playing around on my Korg Minilogue xd, then once I come up with a melody or some semblance of looped structure, then I'd be like "damn, I could do something with this." Then just keep practicing that same melody until I have it memorized, then apply it to my compositions in FL Studio. Pretty much what I did with my latest complete work.

You don't want it to become a chore though, or something that has to be crossed off your to-do list or whatever. It's something that has to flow naturally, as cliche as this might sound. It can actually be quite therapeutic/zen-like if you're not concerned about any kind of game plan. More or less like starting off an empty paint canvas like Bob Ross.

Like I said though, this is just my take based on experience. You do what works best for you.

[ArtificialDisco]

11 minutes ago, sTeh B L said:

Practicing more slowly has actually become EXTREMELY important to me, that and playing more softly/smoothly.

The issue I have with playing "the same thing a hundred time over" is that it makes me start to loathe playing my instrument. Instead of spending most of my time with my instrument having fun, I'm mostly just doing boring exercises. Which is normal, I think, but I hate that it often makes me view my instrument as a piece of laborious work-out equipment instead of a fun toy. (If that makes any sense.)

Oh yeah, that does make sense! And I've definitely been through the grind.

Thinking back, I always used to be in a band, or I could go to a jam session, or something, though my most formative years on my instrument (the trumpet). Being on stage and playing for people made all the tediousness make sense.

During covid I actually fell out of practice for the longest time ever. Sitting in my living room and practicing jazz standards and thinking "when am I actually going to play this shit?" did finally get to me. So I guess having something to work toward is pretty important even if I didn't realize at the time.

[sTeh B L]

42 minutes ago, ambermonk said:

You don't want it to become a chore though, or something that has to be crossed off your to-do list or whatever.

Yeah, the problem is that once I discover a melody that I like, it often becomes a chore to learn to play it as skillfully as I imagine it should sound. (Hopefully, that makes sense.) I have fun discovering different melodies and possibilities, but actually playing those passages properly? That's a different story.

[sTeh B L]

32 minutes ago, ArtificialDisco said:

Being on stage and playing for people made all the tediousness make sense.

I hope to achieve that same sense of clarity if and when I ever start a band and play live.

[Bubba69]

My thought is, no need to force yourself to be passionate about something that doesn't bring you up. I've taken big breaks from music and come back. But it's also ok if you don't

 

I don't know how to relate to the concept of being a musician having to remember and practice a piece to be able to keep performing. I stand more on the "producer" side of things and like making new things most of the time. You could try working on a studio album not meant to be performed live, that might bring new life/joy into it. No pressure to keep practicing, just one and done.

[toaoaoad]

Check out Effortless Mastery, by Kenny Werner

This helped me loads after becoming creatively blocked after four years doing music academically.

Playing music that's totally different from what I would normally do has helped me improve on the instrument more than I would have expected (playing accomp for vocal groups and stuff like that), plus it's fun because there's no emotional attachment to it like there might be if it was "my music". Later on I found that some technical aspects of my playing that had been underdeveloped improved with this type of work, whereas if I had focused on "I need to get better at this" and forced some kind of exercise it might not have integrated as deeply(?). It also ended up being really fun and I feel a lot more comfortable playing different kinds of material than I did when I was overthinking everything. And I guess my point is that by broadening my practice this way, and improving on a technical level, I also loosened up creatively.

As for tedious and mechanical practice sessions, some good advice that was given to me:  Always end your practice session (especially the gruelling ones) with something fun that you're really good at. This way your last memory of the session will be more positive, vs walking away in frustration or whatever.

Edited March 25, 2023 by toaoaoad

[toaoaoad]

pt.2

Just realized I might have been coming at the question wrong, though. If the issue is simply that you've lost the passion then that might be more of a "spiritual journey" you need to go on lol. I think there's still good stuff in Werner's book that helps with that particular problem, but the rest of the stuff I said might be irrelevant (until you're actually feeling passionate about music again).

Losing passion for stuff happens cyclically for me as well. Pandemic life killed my passion for just about everything for awhile including music. To be honest I still struggle a lot with music love/hate. It doesn't have to be a painful relationship but some of us can't really help it because of the way our brains are wired to be analytical about music and have strong values about quality and integrity etc. Can't really undo that. So when the musical anhedonia hits hard I pretty much just take a break from music entirely. You can't force passion. But if a passion for music is innately inside you (I suspect it probably is or you wouldn't care enough to write this post) then it will come back when you give it time and space and feed it inspiring things.

Inspiration and re-sparking passion can come from unexpected places and notably across mediums. Reading a good book or poetry or looking at artwork might reignite musical ideas. You never know.

Edited March 25, 2023 by toaoaoad

[sTeh B L]

I feel bad for taking so long to respond. I've been trying to change some things in my life and the last week has been hectic, to say the least.

On 3/25/2023 at 3:51 PM, Bubba69 said:

You could try working on a studio album not meant to be performed live

I'm kind of doing I really love this concept and I made it a point to put it into my notes so I don't forget it. I really appreciate it man.that right now, actually. I'm not writing as much as I want from myself, but I'm definitely writing more than before.

On 3/25/2023 at 4:59 PM, toaoaoad said:

Always end your practice session (especially the gruelling ones) with something fun that you're really good at. This way your last memory of the session will be more positive, vs walking away in frustration or whatever.

I really love this concept and I made it a point to put it into my notes so I don't forget it. I really appreciate it man.

On 3/25/2023 at 5:15 PM, toaoaoad said:

Inspiration and re-sparking passion can come from unexpected places and notably across mediums. Reading a good book or poetry or looking at artwork might reignite musical ideas.

I think I've experienced exactly what you're talking about. Maybe I should try checking out other art forms.

[exitonly]

maybe just approach music from a different angle. if you are burnt out on practicing/performance maybe try composing or getting into recording etc. 

[sTeh B L]

On 3/31/2023 at 6:52 PM, exitonly said:

maybe just approach music from a different angle. if you are burnt out on practicing/performance maybe try composing or getting into recording etc. 

I'm not sure what you mean exactly by "recording," but I have been composing to a certain extent for most of my life. It definitely is less stressful for me to do that than it is to practice and to try to get the best take recorded. So, I think I understand and agree with your point.

[exitonly]

5 hours ago, sTeh B L said:

I'm not sure what you mean exactly by "recording," but I have been composing to a certain extent for most of my life. It definitely is less stressful for me to do that than it is to practice and to try to get the best take recorded. So, I think I understand and agree with your point.

i mean recording acoustic instruments with microphones or digital keyboards via midi. Basically meaning producing complete works by recording/arranging. Typically this would be in a computer using a DAW but could also be on a digital recorder or tascam tape deck.

[sTeh B L]

5 hours ago, exitonly said:

i mean recording acoustic instruments with microphones or digital keyboards via midi. Basically meaning producing complete works by recording/arranging. Typically this would be in a computer using a DAW but could also be on a digital recorder or tascam tape deck.

Yeah, I think I see what you're saying. The problem is, what usually happens is that I can't play/record what I have in mind properly, so I end up falling back into the "practice spiral" again, if that makes sense.

[Rubin Farr]

Have you thought of taking up a new instrument, or using a toolset you are completely unfamiliar with? Necessity breeds innovation.