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Funny Autechre Stories


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Guest nsixqatsi
That video was hilarious. He was dancing to "Djarum" if I remember correctly.

i think it was Glitch or Nil..

 

but i can't find the damn video either.. i'm sad now

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Reading one star reviews on Amazon = endless entertainment

 

"Oooh, two guys doing difficult things with drummachines and keyboards; only the extremely naive buy this just because they think it'll make them look intelligent. This has nothing to do with music. I listen to virtually every kind of music (...) and artists like Autechre, Aphex Twin and Mu-Ziq made stuff I really think is good; the otherworldy feel it sometimes has can be great. But Confield is just a big joke.

Take the first track; it's absolutely unlistenable trash which sounds the same as a couple of wine glasses on top of a spinning washing machine. I bet Confield took a lot of work, programming the beats in the most difficult way possible, but Sean and Rob really wasted their time. It's as uninteresting as it is bad. Avoid it bigtime."

 

"I would give this zero stars if I could. I don't know why I was so foolish to spend money on this without hearing it first. It sounds worse than their last one and that one is terrible. It's not even music, just random noise. I don't know what happened to Autechre, they used to make good music. They are terrible in concert as well."

Ooh lawd :teeth:

 

NME review of gantz graf is legendary

 

NME Reviews

Autechre : Gantz Graf

 

Avoid as you would a bald German

 

Autechre records are purchased solely by bald men in expensive anoraks who would masturbate to a car alarm if it was re-mixed by a German. This impenetrable curtain of misanthropic noise - released with an accompanying three-track DVD that features a squabble of hopelessly pretentious video "interpretations" - is typical of the menopausal electro-manglers' dogged refusal to bow to convention and produce anything of interest to anyone not either a) bald or b) German. It bleeps. It skronks. It krrraaaanks. But mainly, it blows like a ruddy awful hurricane. Remember, kids; if it sounds like a festering hillock of tune-shy bum-wank, it's because it IS a festering hillock of tune-shy bum-wank. Avoid as you would a bald German.

 

Sarah Dempster

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Reading one star reviews on Amazon = endless entertainment

 

"Oooh, two guys doing difficult things with drummachines and keyboards; only the extremely naive buy this just because they think it'll make them look intelligent. This has nothing to do with music. I listen to virtually every kind of music (...) and artists like Autechre, Aphex Twin and Mu-Ziq made stuff I really think is good; the otherworldy feel it sometimes has can be great. But Confield is just a big joke.

Take the first track; it's absolutely unlistenable trash which sounds the same as a couple of wine glasses on top of a spinning washing machine. I bet Confield took a lot of work, programming the beats in the most difficult way possible, but Sean and Rob really wasted their time. It's as uninteresting as it is bad. Avoid it bigtime."

 

"I would give this zero stars if I could. I don't know why I was so foolish to spend money on this without hearing it first. It sounds worse than their last one and that one is terrible. It's not even music, just random noise. I don't know what happened to Autechre, they used to make good music. They are terrible in concert as well."

Ooh lawd :teeth:

 

NME review of gantz graf is legendary

 

NME Reviews

Autechre : Gantz Graf

 

Avoid as you would a bald German

 

Autechre records are purchased solely by bald men in expensive anoraks who would masturbate to a car alarm if it was re-mixed by a German. This impenetrable curtain of misanthropic noise - released with an accompanying three-track DVD that features a squabble of hopelessly pretentious video "interpretations" - is typical of the menopausal electro-manglers' dogged refusal to bow to convention and produce anything of interest to anyone not either a) bald or b) German. It bleeps. It skronks. It krrraaaanks. But mainly, it blows like a ruddy awful hurricane. Remember, kids; if it sounds like a festering hillock of tune-shy bum-wank, it's because it IS a festering hillock of tune-shy bum-wank. Avoid as you would a bald German.

 

Sarah Dempster

 

the response is even more legendary

muserock7997

May 13, 2008

 

NME, What are you talking aboutit may be noise,but its complex and and hard to makeand the video is complexer

:pinch:

 

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Guest spraaaa
NME Reviews

Autechre : Gantz Graf

 

Avoid as you would a bald German

 

Autechre records are purchased solely by bald men in expensive anoraks who would masturbate to a car alarm if it was re-mixed by a German. This impenetrable curtain of misanthropic noise - released with an accompanying three-track DVD that features a squabble of hopelessly pretentious video "interpretations" - is typical of the menopausal electro-manglers' dogged refusal to bow to convention and produce anything of interest to anyone not either a) bald or b) German. It bleeps. It skronks. It krrraaaanks. But mainly, it blows like a ruddy awful hurricane. Remember, kids; if it sounds like a festering hillock of tune-shy bum-wank, it's because it IS a festering hillock of tune-shy bum-wank. Avoid as you would a bald German.

 

Sarah Dempster

 

hey she should hook up with the guy who wrote the "concrete monthly" review (assuming that wasn't also her)

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Guest nannystatenoise

i love this thread. way cooler than 'Funny BoC stories' or 'Funny AFX Stories'. The sheer breadth and scale of responses Autechre elicit from some people who come across their music - some are utterly priceless!

Edited by nannystatenoise
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Guest Sir Winston

Just another reason why I hate the NME with a wonderful passion. Did she hear Cap IV properly or did her ears fall off the stupid bint?

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The worst thing about the review is her description of the videos. I can understand people finding Gantz Graf a bit difficult, but the accompanying video is so obviously incredible that to dismiss it like that is very stupid. When I've shown it to people, they've all been amazed at the synchronization of the graphics to the sounds and the sheer imagination and detail on display in the way the shape within the vido morphs. But I guess she was attempting to be funny.

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I think her approach to music is easily summed up by this:

 

the menopausal electro-manglers' dogged refusal to bow to convention and produce anything of interest to anyone not either a) bald or b) German

 

Yes, obviously every sensible person is only interested in music that bows to convention. This is a prime example of why you should only get people who know something about music to review music.

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"Well, I would of got away with it if it weren't for you and that meddling AUTECHRE!"

LMFAO, its really too bad that is the kind of joke that can only ever be appreceated by hardcore AE nerds like us.

 

Some memorable situations:

 

Played IO for my mom in the car, she lost it and said it was horrible and she was actually shockingly upset that I somehow enjoy that kind of music. Honestly I have never seen my mom so perturbed in my life, so I did what any respectable child would do and told her 'while I'm driving, its my music' and continued to play.

 

When I was listening to AE at Boston Pizza when I was a cook there, the bartender came by and stopped dead. He had a look of complete stupor on his face. He looked at me, then the cd player, then back at me, then back at the cd player, and then he said "you take drugs don't you?"

lol, and i do.

 

And my absolute favourite - 'Where are the words? What? theres no words? How do you sing along?'

 

for some undefinable reason, alot of people just completely dont understand the concept of instrumental music. These must be the same people that are infinitely confused by other objects of boundless mystery such as child-proof medicine caps, mechanical pencils and all tropical fruits with un-edible skin.

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Guest Fat Roland

Five Autechre tracks that don't quite rhyme:

 

1. Gnit

2. Glitch

3. Slip

4. Krib

5. Theme Of Sudden Roundabout

 

(ripped from my blog)

 

Everyone who has posted on this should have a badge or a hat or, maybe, a personalized mug saying 'Watmm's best thread'.

Edited by Fat Roland
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He looked at me, then the cd player, then back at me, then back at the cd player, and then he said "you take drugs don't you?"

lol, and i do.

The association made between electronic music and drugs is really annoying. I don't take drugs and I listen to Autechre almost every day.

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He looked at me, then the cd player, then back at me, then back at the cd player, and then he said "you take drugs don't you?"

lol, and i do.

The association made between electronic music and drugs is really annoying. I don't take drugs and I listen to Autechre almost every day.

 

I hate seeming like a stereotypical drug advocate but if you have never listened to AE under the influence of anything, I strongly urge you to make a point of doing it at some point. It doesnt even really matter what you are on, but the reason its so awesome compared to other music is that it is made for listening to and paying attention to, and on psyches all of the details become much more apparent. Not to mention you get to listen to every track with genuine novelty like its the first time you are hearing it.

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And my absolute favourite - 'Where are the words? What? theres no words? How do you sing along?'

 

may I steal this quote, it's perfect.

 

and yes, it's really annoying how people nowadays (by nowadays I mean, since I was born, and before that, in contrast to e.g. the times where the most innovative classical concerts were being composed, and were popular) seem to be unable to listen to instrumental music. as if "songs" were the only kind of music that exists, ignoring the obvious fact that there are like a trillion more ways to combine and compose things using the whole scale of possible sounds, not only the tiny fraction that is vocals... like the people in my country who just lurk around the German part of the internet, unimpressed by and resistant to the possibility to explore the WHOLE internet... using "de.youtube.com" so they get content that's been filtered for them, made German-appropriate (and that while they could still use the regular youtube.com in German language). and regarding the music, it feels like so many people simply have an urge to cathegorize things they hear, so they rather do that instead of just listening and reacting to what they hear.

 

people try to do it when I listen to whatever stuff, it's frustrating - "this is like it's music for people that are, in clubs" - "this, to me, is like techno" - "this is like for people who meditate, yoga music"

 

and you just want to tell them ffs, just listen, then decide whether you like it or not, and don't try to grasp what it IS (especially since you're failing miserably at it too)

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people try to do it when I listen to whatever stuff, it's frustrating - "this is like it's music for people that are, in clubs" - "this, to me, is like techno" - "this is like for people who meditate, yoga music"

fuck i get brain irritation hearing that. or when the melodies get a little slower and calmer, they're like "oh, this is so depressing i like stuff to be more positive" aw shit. and when i get the chance to hear their definition of "positive" they throw in some new-age-emo-gay teenage "rock" bands with all the yawning and high pitched cheap sounds that is just same shit feeling "oh, we're so cool, we're popular kids, and life is soo positive and we're soo open minded..." yeah, right, you cut yourself with a razor after your 16 year old gf dumped you because you don't wear that cool new-ravish baseball cap, so just go and fuck your mate in the ass, you ignorant prick

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I think we broke this thread with our anger - get it back on track with some more quotes and stories

 

"And you actually do spend money on this then" - Julius, plays the guitar

 

stories are better, but I couldn't think of many to be honest, when do I play ae in public and when do people actually react and say something about it....

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Put Gantz Graf on after work one time, very loud by the way

House mate walks into my room, and complains that this is not music!

I asked for him to define what music is.. he left the room quietly.

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Guest acridavid
people try to do it when I listen to whatever stuff, it's frustrating - "this is like it's music for people that are, in clubs" - "this, to me, is like techno" - "this is like for people who meditate, yoga music"

fuck i get brain irritation hearing that. or when the melodies get a little slower and calmer, they're like "oh, this is so depressing i like stuff to be more positive" aw shit. and when i get the chance to hear their definition of "positive" they throw in some new-age-emo-gay teenage "rock" bands with all the yawning and high pitched cheap sounds that is just same shit feeling "oh, we're so cool, we're popular kids, and life is soo positive and we're soo open minded..." yeah, right, you cut yourself with a razor after your 16 year old gf dumped you because you don't wear that cool new-ravish baseball cap, so just go and fuck your mate in the ass, you ignorant prick

 

Hahaha uberlol. Yah totally true, gotta hate all that. That's actually the stuff that makes ME depressed, go emo and just wanna kick against the world and most of its inhabitants.

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Guest acridavid

oh yeah funny stories of course. Also, Gantz Graf, had it on very loudly in my house. Because I like listening to it but also because me and a friend were annoying another housemate, all in good fun. He wanted to sleep and he obviously couldn't at that sound volume :P Anyway, we heard banging on the front door, so we sorta went quiet and turned the music down knowing what the banging meant :P Next day, my friend had to open the door for a very angry neighbour lady who was giving him shit about some horrible (washing?) machine that was on last night in our house and about some bad-ass alligator.. or something.

 

'Hello we're Autechre, our music sounds like alligators having a rough time in the washing machine. Big alligators!'

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  • 2 weeks later...
Put Gantz Graf on after work one time, very loud by the way

House mate walks into my room, and complains that this is not music!

I asked for him to define what music is.. he left the room quietly.

lol just about an hour ago my brother and I were driving through town, windows down, blaring Gantz Graf.

Nearly everyone we passed looked at us in disbelief. Their brains could not quite comprehend what they were hearing.. I couldn't stop laughing

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Guest Rogueofmv
Put Gantz Graf on after work one time, very loud by the way

House mate walks into my room, and complains that this is not music!

I asked for him to define what music is.. he left the room quietly.

lol just about an hour ago my brother and I were driving through town, windows down, blaring Gantz Graf.

Nearly everyone we passed looked at us in disbelief. Their brains could not quite comprehend what they were hearing.. I couldn't stop laughing

 

I absolutely must try this sometime.

Southern California... jackpot of jaded teenagers with their pseudo-emo pop and their brand clothing. A little "SCCDREERWEKRFKEFJWKFJBNNNJJJKKKKKRWBJNNQBBNRNKMKK" might loosen their nuts a bit.

 

Heck, my roomie's friend gets creeped out listening to Chris Clark, and that has a melody. xD

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