Aphex Twin adventures in rapping: special "revenge of the nerd" edition

[sinicalypse]

they're going to show up eventually... i've really only been doing this like gung ho "if you're gonna be a monkey, be a guerilla" style sicne two mondays ago. i mean lyrically i've got something for anyone in the world.

 

 

like babe ruth, i wish to call my shot. remember a thread called "i'm going to kick the flashbulb's ass all across the galaxy" or something to that effect?!@

 

i'm waiting til i'm signed. oh man i've gotta hustle up to send out the demo of all demos... i've got a wicked idea. but like, once people know and care who i am by virtue fo the fact that i am who i am, you know, when i wake up in the morning stretch out and its like OH SHIT THE FORCE LIGHTNING and i accidentally cook a bird like "who wants indian delicatessen?!@" that's when...

 

and listen up harky or whatever the fuck you are, cuz like, let's break this down.

 

you called my favorite musician poor in the wake of your self-made millionaire shit. i liked red extensions of squarepusher it was fun and more, if not COMPLETELY FUCKING UNORIGINAL LIKE ARRRGH WHY THE FUCK DO YOU MAKE MUSIC?!@ OH YEAH SO STUPID GIRLS FUCK YOU AND DUMB GUYS PRETEND TO RESPECT YOU. ahhh, got it.

 

anyways, you dissed my guy, musically, and i dont stand for that shit. on a freestyle i called

the attack of mackrapalicious i say "i fly above the archangel and imma let you know i ain't criss, i ain't steal aphex twin's logo like a bitch / i'm not a failed industrial musician (go look it up) i'm a successful rapper"

 

now y'all be the judge here:

 

 

 

remember he's a FAILED INDUSTRIAL MUSICIAN and having been to 2 of the last 3 wax trax! nights here in chicago, aka old crusty goth emeritus night, there's a lot of aphex twin love to be had there. thats why i rock *one of* my aphex twin *shirts* to be the coolest motherfucker in the place by default.

 

and like, no doubt he had to reinvent himself and he's like no doubt like whoa when he hears actual musical genius cuz he cant make a decent track worth shit in fact someday imma mash up and 37blast his fucking music to hell and back just so i can send it back to hell again and again and again like the rough prison sex i admittedly do wish upon him (tho banging that playmate after hef was in that... god's got my back, dude)

 

so like, he just stole a logo and left it alone. you told me that my guy can't afford to live in london so he raises a family in rural scotland whilst you're a self-made millionaire?!@

 

quoteth jay-z "i'm a motherfucking problem: is this what you want?!@"

 

well you answered it when you said it disrespecting me like i'm some average tool.

 

you know how biggie smalls ended kwame's career with one one-liner "ya played out like kwame with them polka dots"?!@

 

think about that. read up on it. i'm going to blow that out of the water when i end your fucking sick joke of a so-called career in one fell swoop that people in the netherlands are gonna see and it's gonna be like "whoa a shooting star" in whatever the fuck language they speak.

 

i'm from the future, and that's your fate buddy. dismiss me as a loon and pray to god i get hit by a bus next week or somehow become mentally retarded from prologned headphone abuse and lose my burgeoning-literally-by-the-day powers, cuz like, you're what the spanglish call EL FUCKEDO@#$@!#@

 

whilst i profess to be not as much of a true artiste as much as the graffitiae pipeline to teh emessiah complex, i do have one other unique purpose on earth that has earned me the nickname "the hammer of god" on this very bulletin board: i dispense justice.

 

and yours is coming shitface. head for the hills, captain made up name and his imaginary army of supporters fans and people who need to STOP TELLING HIM HOW TO GET BETTER AT WHST HE'S DOING is seriously gonna fuck your little world up so when you have to mvoe to rural indiana and play tag team shows with your dog like you need a gimmick cuz you're a fucking masterful hack, i'll give you that, a talented hack but a hack nonetheless and guess what?!2 whack. your face is having nightmares about the rap/beatmashing excalibur that was put on earth to strike it down.

 

 

my bad, i'm feeling myself like i'm masturbating cuz i know how good that cut is, and if y'all dont say its as good as i think it is, welp, thats why i make music: to amuse myself. i can listen to any one of my tracks all day long like fuck you and fuck the world, and thats why my shit works like it's selling drugs.

[sinicalypse]

yo, read this advice Sini:

 

A. Listen to this advice. I want to help you. I have some sort of mental disorder, and I assume that you do too. I'm not talking down to you, I think you have good skills on the mic, we have similar goals in music (I see you as a competitor in some ways), and I know I don't know you but the shit you say here worries me somewhat.

 

B. You aren't insane. There is no such thing, it's a dirty word made up over time that needs to disappear. But you don't seem to have a good grip on reality. You need to develop a better attachment to the "real world," and accept that this "real world" does exist. Your world is different from the real world, that I understand. But there needs to be a compromise between your world and the world that your potential fans live in. Basically, try to come down from your mania for a little while.

 

C. You probably hate being given advice. And there is nothing I can do to make you listen or give two shits about what I'm saying, but try, please. I don't think you can possibly be successful unless you start putting more effort into your recordings. I'm not going to be the one to tear you down from wherever you are in the clouds, but your production is terrible. Your voice is muffled and your beats are not well organized. That said your lyrical abilities and delivery are enjoyable. Please understand that I'm giving you this advice not to be critical but because you do have talent and you seem to be completely clueless as to how to use it. Don't take offense to that, just perhaps know that I'm giving you genuine criticism that there is pretty much no doubt you should have an open mind to. You shouldn't do the egotistical thing until you have actual work that you think people are listening to and enjoying, and you know yourself that you can get away with it. For now try to subdue that side of yourself, whether or not it's an act.

 

whatever. I don't know your history but just to put things into perspective - your posts are so out there that there are many times when I seriously, seriously think that you're just a GENIUS troll. Then I read a bit more and realize that you're not joking around (at least that's my final conclusion as of right now - though the line between seriousness and hilarity is a confusing one with you). I hope that doesn't piss you off, but I just thought you should know. Anyway brother, buy a nice microphone and make a mixtape. Put some work into that shit!

 

Then again this whole post could be an embarrassment, because you might be clowning around.

 

 

you know what that is?!2 it's the onramp to my jock. please for the love of god stop trying to act like some caring shithead who has the miracle cure like OH MY GOD YOU'D BE GREAT IF YOU TOOK SOME ASPECT OF MY PERSONALITY AND APPLIED IT TO YOURSELF, CRAZY GUY.

 

you know my ex-girlfriend in massapequa long island (1.25 girlfriends in life, .25 of one was in san diego in 2000, and the other 1 was in massapequa long island. i'm a lifelong chicago guy. you see like, yeah, i get around, tupac. anyways, my ex in long island who btw lemme break this to you, i could FUCK her, you know, she thought her vagina was like the fucking magical skeleton key to my abilities and she could hitch a wagon to the stars with me. she went a bit mental about it in the end, trying to tell me to essentially do what i'm doing now, but i waited til i was ready. this is a 13 year investment. if you wanna suck this bad, you damn well better have 10+ years of omnipresent sucktitude to be a practictioner of the fine art of suck like i am. but yeah man, she failed and i mean she was cool she was banging a dude out there the whole time and she still paid ~$2500 to come out here twice and hotel it up and pay for everything cuz ya bw0y's super secret secret superhero identity, nigga rich, treated her to the full extent of my powers for the 7-23 days they lasted on the 4 trips i made out there in 10 months. i had to hustle, but man, i had to hit that. and i did. and she didnt fix me... so like, you think some asshat on this forum in the wake of me dropping the most brilliant thing i've ever created in my life in a 12 year window of creating brilliant shit that, quite frankily, nobody cared about ME enough to ever care to listen to unless i forced it on them like prisonsex... man... whatever.

 

look at the world around you: go to wal-mart. spend an hour in a supermarket... THIS PLACE IS PROPER FUCKED UP, MATEY-O (tm that someone i need to make that my 2nd cereal, after Phar-Os in honour of thee one thee only pharoahe monch i mean like you're going down the cereal aisle and you see all these cartoony motherfuckers and then like you see this mofo on a cereal box:

 

 

HOW ARE YOU NOT BUYING THAT FUCKING CEREAL!?@ HE'S GWANNA SHOOT YOU IF YOU DONT LIKE MAN THIS DUDE AINT PLAY and then the cereal's slogan is "get on your morning grizzly" and there's a little silhouette logo of an arrow pointing down to a grizzly bear i mean foreal what teh fuck i need to be running corporations.

 

thank god i'm never going to dilute whatever it is that makes me with the pieces of you you're almost as desperately forcing your "answer" for my "problem" on me. OFF THE NUTS, SQUIRREL cuz i'm the super secret secret squirrel on some ol shhh.

 

here, you're surely a force of unrequited benevolence in the universe. go to another one of the FINE QUALITY THREADS on genbanter --- http://forum.watmm.com/topic/43385-a-few-films-recently-watched/ --- and tell the overlook overcast or whatever the fuck his name is your no doubt brilliant psychological observations based off of a longtime history of weird-to-you posts on watmm (see like, if i'm a joke i'm that joke you remember and tell your friends the next morning pretending like you came up with it--- proof @ http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&ct=res&cd=6&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdreamchimney.com%2Ftracks%2F24000&ei=DHabSqruEpXunQfUjYWWCA&rct=j&q=sinicalypse&usg=AFQjCNEJxDlWulqqHuBLe_0UO0b8h__mfQ )

 

i mean seriously you're no doubt valedictorian of the mental health field, and i'm sure the world at large is just cumming in its collective pants dreaming of your no doubt monumental contributions to the field.

 

don't waste time with rap boy, i mean, GO SAVE THE WORLD FRIEND. I AM A MAN YOU CAN NOT SHANT NOT AND RASHARD MCCANTS NOT FIX. go be all you can be in the army: the people's army of omnipresent mediocrity.

[Siegecow]

at least get a new mic

 

surely you agree you need a new mic

[sinicalypse]

oh and hey shit for brains, i'm rapping in a $25 best buy mic on a laptop in soundforge 9 like fuckall you just need to hear the words.

 

put me in a studio with professionals and i'll excel. duh. can't you figure that out?!@ where are all the old guard in ehre, they're oddly quiet... it's just you n00bs fronting like your thoughts on the fidelity of music matter to me, nevermind the quote on my myspace page "strictly the hardcore dirty street level hits god's on my side so watch what the devil gets positivity rolling 50 levels deep comin out the comin out the comin out the woofers in my jeep" - masta ace

 

put on my doctor who song and if you're listening for any sort of audio fidelity, you're a self-loathing cunt who can't enjoy a good tune cuz you're so worried about details like didnt boc name a song about that to warn you oh wait you werent paying attention, im sure you were looking for a forum on music70.com to give boc your much-needed advice on how to be all they can be.

 

i mean, hey stonecutters you bitch about this place.. i'm a certifiable loon, but i'm in the muck with a big ol mop like WHAT?!@2

[sinicalypse]

BTW I'M also gearing up my shit-talking insult comedy routine to the max cuz i'm meeting one of its, gods, thee legendary maddox, as in http://maddox.xmission.com maddox @ a book signing on thursday. there's tremors in teh force when two asskicking savants like ourselves are within 37 feet of each otehr, let alone getting a picture together and he's getting a done up printed up full-sleeved-album of my debut EP called supreme pizza (this little shit ken frazier was on my fantasy baseball team... well i was a pudgeball at 1B and when i took a grounder once the coach encouraged me to "move that pizza, schaefer" ken was always the little redheaded shit you wanted to kick in the nuts, so true to himself he decided to start calling me "pizza" and he didnt just call me pizza, he said it like a little faggy "peeesa" and got like all of his dumbass fake-zeppelin-stoner/honors-student friends (the kids who bought weed off of me and apologized 60 times over once they figured out i was like, on the next level liek the bitch is in another castle: no doubt a recurring theme in my life :) and i had to hear PEEEESA for so many fucking years like i'm strong man everyone always comes at me in life man, like, this is what i do nah'mean?!@ but like, now... i'm going to find that motherfucker. maybe even tie up a copy of supreme pizza to a brick and i'm not saying i'm going to do it echelon/officers/CIA-agent-on-my-case, but like, i'll be damned if special brickhouse edition of supreme pizza aint going through his front window someday =D =D =D

 

btw i'll have the internet version of supreme pizza up for y'all tomorrow once i can put the finishing touches on this doctor who cut, i'mm a few samples short. but like, fuck it i'll also say i'm done with morton grove's finest a freestyle history i mean i've got cuts out the kazoo like don't stop don't you know i'm never gonna let you go DON'T GOOOOO doot doot doot dit dit dit dit doot doot doot doot dit dit dit dit doot. i'm in the zone like PASS ME THE BALL, MOTHERFUCKER@#$@

[sinicalypse]

look man, ill say it and say it again.

 

you have skills.

 

but for fuck sake, tighten up and get a producer.

 

man if i tighten up any more people are going to think i'm an 8 year old vagina... 8 year olds, dude, 8 year olds.

 

* high five *

 

when does the grey ghost wanna get down on a cut?!@ i live to build like the architect of the matrix that i am.

 

btw god bless you n00bs everyone COME AND GET ME i forgot how much fun putting you dumb little hamsters in your place is MWAHAHHAHAHAH evil cacke.

 

before i pass out tonight, cuz honest guys im so geeked with this song i cant sleep for prolly another 20 hours, imma do up the george carlin tribute song. in fact while i have battery left here i'm going to get carlin quotes up the wazoo and load up. it's going to be amazing, cuz guess what, so am i?!2 wanna see how real i am guys?!2 read this shit:

 

 

http://twitpic.com/fyak2 if that doesnt work

 

and on the back it says "that's right: ADMIRAL FUCKING AWESOME. and i spelled out sinicalypse real nice like cuz my momma raised a good boy. i put that on top of a cd case and literally divebomb a bitch and put it right in her wheelhouse, wait for her to turn and look, flash her a buddy christ, aka

 

 

then turn the fuck around and walk away like i'm way too cool to mack you, bitch, and then move on to find my next prey... erm, future sinicalypse fan. i tried to get as many bars as i could get in... a total of 8 bars for $28 dollars on a saturday night in chicago. my baseball acumen earned me a total of 4 free beers at 3 bars, cuz when you roll up expos massive with vlad on the back, true baseball fans recognize and evidently intoxicate the originality =D

 

"girl, i'm like the wyld stallyns of rapping: my music saves the future" =D =D =D

[sinicalypse]

all I saw was winner winner chicken dinner

 

sorry going over my little shitstorm i forgot to address this b4:

 

miss winner winner chicken dinner looked like this...

 

 

like im bad with eye contact but learning cuz i gave her such good eye contact i started getting a hardon, no joke.

 

you know, with how ill my life has been lately, that might have been megan fox and maybe i'm even more infamous like... who knows?!@ the doctor travels, nah'mena?!@

 

you know, i asked her if she gets megan fox a lot and she didnt answer, mean glare. so that means either its "duh i get that" or "duh, i'm her" and uhh... fuck if i know!!@ the telepathy's on the fritz. i'm gonna get it fixed after i fix that bloody chameleon drive =D

 

my life is so cool i think up odd ways like i missed some of the coolness on the first pass through =D

[vamos scorcho]

i am not benevolent. i don't genuinely care. that would be gay, and i don't like dick no way jose. it's more that i'm tired and bored and thought, "fuck it." it's kind of like if you're driving and you pass somebody getting beaten to death. you dial 911. that's what i did in that post. i dialed 911 for you. i could have just kept driving like "hey fuck that guy let him get murdered." i'm going to stop mingling in your universe now because you scare me and i'm no pantywaste.

[Eggs]

you are a fucking wigger.

 

ban this poor loser.

 

kill yourself sinicalypse.

[lumpenprol]

i first read the title as "adventures in raping", which seemed like an equally plausible sini post and surely would have been more entertaining.

[SR4]

id actually be up for rappin with you over a beat...lemme see if i can dig up something decent.

[sinicalypse]

 

ok so like i manage to fall asleep by 6am... snap out of bed at 10:22am like this song is playing in my walkman and god all i ever ask you to do is show me the path AND YOU AINT BEEN LETTIN ME DOWN LATELY, HOMEY *HIGH FIVE *

 

you showed me the path. supreme pizza needed to end with a bang... well i'ev got a beat thats so badass there's literally gun-clicking sounds worked into the beat....

 

http://sinicalypse.kaen.org/rapsteez/07%20-%20i%20kick%20raps%20like%20witchcraft%20on%20top%20of....mp3

 

 

oh and still aint finished it but here's a proper host of that doctor cut ---

http://sinicalypse.kaen.org/rapsteez/doctor%20me.mp3

 

ok so i gotta go hit up grandpa for $300 so i can make some real fucking demos and pick out my record labels... i'm going to hit up a bunch... project blowed, quannum, hiero, you fucking name it i fucking deserve it. but there's one label i'm seriously asking god to have a chance with... i gotta get the fuck out of here. i've followed the 37 from this place so i think it's divine fucking providence that i do something to help the coolest record label in the world get even cooler.

 

enjoy guys... my life is now a labor of love like i'm in the zone like you play laser tag?!@ MEET MY MUZAPPER BLASTER MOTHERFUCKER!#@$#@

 

i am not benevolent. i don't genuinely care. that would be gay, and i don't like dick no way jose. it's more that i'm tired and bored and thought, "fuck it." it's kind of like if you're driving and you pass somebody getting beaten to death. you dial 911. that's what i did in that post. i dialed 911 for you. i could have just kept driving like "hey fuck that guy let him get murdered." i'm going to stop mingling in your universe now because you scare me and i'm no pantywaste.

 

GOOD. stay scared... that's why i'm a phenomenon and you're some dude jocking me in my thread, bitchmade!@#$

 

btw on my next shit for my next EP/LP/whatever im working on i just make songs and then its like oh shit i have an EP or LP or two sitting around... hahahhfajlfaskl;d YES * points skyward *

 

i can't lose like i'm sinicalypse thee sin ov thee sinical apocalypsE: you gotta believe otherwise the apocalypse is coming. and that aint happening on my watch. promise... i owe the world for the rest of my life for sucking so much that i'm so diabolically awesome in comparison... I AM THE DOCTOR, after all, i'm here to help.

 

thats what i say when i bumrush a bum and give them the rest of my money and turn around the walk away... i'm the doctor, i'm here to help.

[sinicalypse]

ok since obviously i'm the don of talking and you guys are speechless in my magnanimous stead like they gotta invent new psychoses to figure out just what the fuck is RIGHT with me, like, i wanna say thank you watmm. you're as much as part of this whole thing i'm doing as i am. i love coming here and sharing what i do with you, and like, i'm gonna step back and stop running up with here with every new song i make... you guys know i make songs now, and soon i'm going to have the audacity to ask you for moeny for what i do, but rest assured i'm putting every ounce of my heart spirit mind body and soul into my work, and my work is on the block like your friendly neighborhood drug dealer.

 

i'm ridiculous like devin hester on some real chicago shit. anyone see that punt return last night?!@ GOOD THINGS HAPPEN WHEN YOU DON'T RUN BACKWARDS DEVIN. i'm that fantasy diesel this year like greg olson, speaking of the bears.

 

i'm snapping on life dude. i met a little hot as shit redhead schoolgirl named charlotte. highschool chick like, most soon to be 29 year old guys dont step, but thank you jesus i aint most guys. i'mma be playing shows within a few monhts, and from then until they get that vaudeville hook and drag me off of the stage.. so i'll be playing in 1 2 3 5 10 years, whatever it takes dear little charlotte to come up to me. i told her that *when* i see her at one of my shows i'mma stop the show and shout her out. thats just how i roll, pillsbury.

 

so i go up to her like "hi my name is james and i'm from teh future and hey i knew you look familiar... you're my seventh ex-wife. btw where do you go to school and where do i send the thankyoucard cuz man i'm a sucker for a proper sakura. by the way do you like eminem?!@'

 

she's attracted and smiling already as she belts out "OH I LOOOOOOOVEEEE HIM"

 

retort: "then prepare to fuck me in the alley next to the dumpster in five minutes cuz i'm gonna play you a song... you ever heard of doctor who?!@"

 

somehow, this presumably slugfan-aged-girl says "yes"

 

i play her the song. the smile on her face could only be beaten if my phallus was all up in that. and like, i tell her i'm making her a special bootleg edition of my first EP just for her what's her name?!@ charlotte. SPIDA!#@$ bust on some charlottes web game, hit her up with i kick raps like witchcraft on glitchcraft while i watch her mind get blown and then start expanding to make room for all the shit i'm stuffing in there, and like, i get the cd. tat it up with my # (now guys i know.. i know. but hey 17 year old chick meet awesome ass rapper. if my giving her my # and her loving my shit gives her confidence to live her life to the fullest of her abilities, then i'm literally the doctor: i'm here to help" not to mention i'll be playing shows when shes 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 and so on and so forth

 

i tat up the cd sinicalypse supreme pizza special edition made fresh just for you charlotte: feel free to spin me all up in your web anyway. digits ensue.

 

i give it to her and give her a high five and i'm like "i know you're going to have a fun life... look at you, i dont know you but if i said i was gonna marry you out of principle i mean, dude, i'd have the hottest wife in the bar by default... i can't wait to see how brilliant you are at 30, cuz look at you now, you radiate like sunlight providing life to everything around you... like, hey, you get hit on by guys a lot right?!@"

 

yep

 

"has anyone ever done it as amazingly as i have just done it?!@"

 

"hell naw! * another high five ensues * "

 

"what do you think of my music?!@"

 

"i like it"

 

"i like you =D =D =D"

 

* shoot her a buddy christ... explain my diabolical plans for that pose *

 

"then know this, like, i used to be a wack motherfucker. on drugs overweight masturbating and like, even at my worst i never let anyone else tell me that what resided in the existential void in the pit of my soul was anything but exactly what the universe has been waiting for it's whole entire existence. you say you know doctor who, and like, that show is a brilliant message of empowerment to brilliant people like us. and you know what?!2 obviously i'd have rabid monkey sex with you that you'd tell your grandkids about it, i mean, comeon you're worth the jail risk, but like, i'm doing all of this just to let you know that i'm amazing and a bold fresh piece of humanity like just you wait and see what o'reilly's gonna get from me when my powers are approaching super saiyajin 3... oh fuck i'm going to turn into a monkey, and its like, quoteth redman, if you're gonna be a monkey be a guerilla. but what im getting at is like, i want you to know one thing: if i can do this (explains pizza to supreme pizza story to her) then you can do this, and no matter what life gives you dont let anything knock you off of your true passions, what you love, what you thank god for when you wake up in the morning... that's what i'm here to do, gentrify the world one person at a time, one song at a time, one best-live-show-experience-of-your-life-at-a-time and thank you for being your fine self, cuz like, you keep me going. and that's the lord's work, literally"

 

we hug and i proceed to fuck off and call up my rappin friend robust and drop the voicemail like... yeah. my friend jeremy actual fact just hit me up on some ol "dont cut on people as you come up" but like he just acknowledged my raps. i log on here sneaksta303 wants to do a track and heroin too i think.... whatever.

 

i know i'm dope like fuck with me you're gonna need detox. and now i'm so looking forward to ascending from my basement, aka siniapolis: thee thirtyseven caustic defenestration station, and seeing what crazy ass funky as fuck path god has for me to walk, and i wont just walk it, i'll bob and weave and dance down it in giant headphones with my fist in the air like "i dare you to try and knock the smile off of my face. your failure will make it grow like my dick when a fine bitch is in the presence"

 

and literally, charlotte woke up ol majestic and like, yeah. my life is gonna be fun. i cant wait to invite you all in to enjoy it with me... sorry im gonna have to charge you to do it soon, but like, trust me... i'm worth your money, cuz i quote my own freestyles like "i treat my fans like the gods they are, not as money seething objects"

 

if/when you think i suck or you need to tell me what one thing i need to make my music better, i'll always be around here. tell me to my virtual face. just remember: i'm vegeta like i'm intergalactic royalty =D =D =D

[sinicalypse]

btw one more thing before as the guy said i get manic and dont show up for a couple'a weeks: if you think this is like sini shot his wad... dude, i'm like a bitches' wet dream: there's always 3-4 in the chamber with me.

 

i've finally got unlimited/unproxied bandwith and lets just say my sample army and the direction of my first LP, not THE sinicalypse LP but i've got a theme and... you guys. i cant wait to rock your fucking world... you have no idea what im gonna do, but i do, and i'm from the future: i know you're going to love it.

 

FOREVER YOUR HUMBLE SERVANT AND DIVINE VESSEL LIKE CHECKOV SAID NOOOOO-CLEAR WESSELS

 

# james, like lebron or richard dee

 

btw billy dee williams, intergalactic pimp, real name = william december williams junior. THAT'S HOW YOU NAME A FUCKING CHILD.

[Guest Rabid]

rabid monkey sex

what

[Guest KY]

do heroin for 8 years. jock the most balls out brilliant rap for ~8 years

 

lol

 

also, dragonball sux

[Guest Dirty Protest]

I clicked on your myspace site and throught you were very good, until i realised i'ld accidently left itunes running and it was Sammy Dread I was listening to =) true dat. After listening to the real tracks, you have all the grace and style of Wesley Willis.

[sinicalypse]

yeah cuz im a retarded guy literally sitting in a L station in chicago playing my savant genius songs... ever heard KMFDM by wesley?!2 love that one. i cant find the picture i got with him in an L station.

 

dude... guys... the mix needs 15 mins to finish but to show you my true power (plus i wanna spin @ this bar... the bitches here are so fine i need that authoritarian position as selecta to help my pussy parade which, hey guess what, it's coming like the bitches will be 2 hours after they decide to take the plunge and find out =) im sitting @ rainbo club in chicago, a bar with many bitches well worthy of a quality deep dicking from yours truly, and like, they play mp3s off of an ipod on shuffle. DJ TIM OSMAN ON THE SCENE LIKE THE ASSET THAT I AM. but i had to shed my osama bin laden most hated dj in america shit and do another mix... one i made in ~1hr while sitting here drinking scotch sippin pbr and being the coolest motherfucker in the place. i want to cut my teeth here cuz this is my favorite bar in the city, so while most people talk about their job or try to shove their dick in something, i made....

 

http://sinicalypse.kaen.org/djtimosman/dj%20allstate%20-%20you're%20in%20good%20hands.mp3

 

give it 15 mins from the time of this posting, cuz it's still uploading. again, kaen, dude, when i get to england cyborg/human hybrids 10000 years later will still tell the tales of how hard we're gonna party, dude. i cant wait to like, figure out that my irrational hardon for british bitches (i think britian is at least 2x as smart as america. proof: where are aphex squarepusher and ceefax from!?@ right. plus i bet y'all british bitches will jock my intelligence more than american girls who get scared and offended and find some schmuck who will worship them as opposed to taking a ride with me in my tardis, cuz i am the doctor in case you havent heard my rap song yet. so like, yeah, i need to know them to get some healthy disdain going and btw jimmy disdain is my punk rock name, and even facebook doesnt make me change it to my real one cuz i'd be like "i'm french, asshole" seriously http://www.facebook/*guesswhattheurlisidontneedtotellyounowreallydoi?*

 

again, i'm sitting at a bar and like, there's 4 copies of this made.. one guy asked me for it, but he saw my expos gear and said OMFG THE WORST TRADE IN BASEBALL HISTORY WAS GRADY SIZEMORE BRANDON PHILLIPS AND CLIFF LEE FOR A 1/2 SEASON OF BARTOLO COLON.

 

hint, guys, and take it cuz you're gonna need it when i meet y'all someday... study up on your expos. it will get you free beer, weed, cds, whatever i've got to give. that flatters me like, you know, it's like knowing who the timelords are like "bitch i'd fuck you even tho you're a tree"

 

also, the finest girl in the bar gets the only copy of this mix i'm giving out to a chick and she gets a compliemntary copy of my debut ep, which will get me on the coolest record label in the world, ask NME, and like, if not quannum hiero project blowed come and get me. i aint gonna stop doing what im doign and im making more and betterer songs than even my vaunted heroes right now... and once i get into real studios and get a chance to play this music i'm making 24/7/365 in front of people, i'm only going to get better.

 

seriously, did you ever think i was gonna be anything but the best?!@ and if you think im an egotistical fuck you're jealous, cuz my life is a party and you're lucky i'm inviting you in to rock out with me cuz for 28 years i didnt, so for the next 27-37 years i will. maybe i'll retire after 37 years: i am that number like rose is the bad wolf, nah'mean?!@ i create myself.

 

btw like aphex twin i plan to have many aliases. right now i've got sinicalypse emessiah dj tim osman dj allstate mack rapalicious and the modelfucker. now wait til you find out my next one, like, you dont know how real i roll.. i'mma blow y'all feeble peasant minds.

 

keep the insults/inverted-jockriding/compliments/tryin'ta-be-my-friend coming cuz ask yourself this: what does aphex twin do when he just rips a mix that he's going to play at a liveshow and 75% masterfully fake playing live?!@ i mean look at his 97 USA tour he hates us americans cuz we're, well, americans... and all he did was remix a bunch of songs and play mp3s off of a powerbook like "fuck you i'm aphex twin and you're not" --- i wont do that to you if you pay to see me live, i will innovate like only i can do, but like... i'm here. i aint going nowhere. i'll be here to take all of your shit and shove it right back in your face cuz vegata dont back down... vegeta's the realest motherfucker in the galaxy like i cant wait til im powerful enough to give him the proper rap song tribute... and hey i gotta do i need vegeta samples for tracks and http://www.vidtomp3.com is MY FUCKING SHIT DUDE OMFG IT'S MAKING MY RAP CAREER EVEN PIMPER.

[Blir]

 

 

yeah cuz im a retarded guy literally sitting in a L station in chicago playing my savant genius songs... ever heard KMFDM by wesley?!2 love that one. i cant find the picture i got with him in an L station.

 

dude... guys... the mix needs 15 mins to finish but to show you my true power (plus i wanna spin @ this bar... the bitches here are so fine i need that authoritarian position as selecta to help my pussy parade which, hey guess what, it's coming like the bitches will be 2 hours after they decide to take the plunge and find out =) im sitting @ rainbo club in chicago, a bar with many bitches well worthy of a quality deep dicking from yours truly, and like, they play mp3s off of an ipod on shuffle. DJ TIM OSMAN ON THE SCENE LIKE THE ASSET THAT I AM. but i had to shed my osama bin laden most hated dj in america shit and do another mix... one i made in ~1hr while sitting here drinking scotch sippin pbr and being the coolest motherfucker in the place. i want to cut my teeth here cuz this is my favorite bar in the city, so while most people talk about their job or try to shove their dick in something, i made....

 

http://sinicalypse.kaen.org/djtimosman/dj%20allstate%20-%20you're%20in%20good%20hands.mp3

 

give it 15 mins from the time of this posting, cuz it's still uploading. again, kaen, dude, when i get to england cyborg/human hybrids 10000 years later will still tell the tales of how hard we're gonna party, dude. i cant wait to like, figure out that my irrational hardon for british bitches (i think britian is at least 2x as smart as america. proof: where are aphex squarepusher and ceefax from!?@ right. plus i bet y'all british bitches will jock my intelligence more than american girls who get scared and offended and find some schmuck who will worship them as opposed to taking a ride with me in my tardis, cuz i am the doctor in case you havent heard my rap song yet. so like, yeah, i need to know them to get some healthy disdain going and btw jimmy disdain is my punk rock name, and even facebook doesnt make me change it to my real one cuz i'd be like "i'm french, asshole" seriously http://www.facebook/*guesswhattheurlisidontneedtotellyounowreallydoi?*

 

again, i'm sitting at a bar and like, there's 4 copies of this made.. one guy asked me for it, but he saw my expos gear and said OMFG THE WORST TRADE IN BASEBALL HISTORY WAS GRADY SIZEMORE BRANDON PHILLIPS AND CLIFF LEE FOR A 1/2 SEASON OF BARTOLO COLON.

 

hint, guys, and take it cuz you're gonna need it when i meet y'all someday... study up on your expos. it will get you free beer, weed, cds, whatever i've got to give. that flatters me like, you know, it's like knowing who the timelords are like "bitch i'd fuck you even tho you're a tree"

 

also, the finest girl in the bar gets the only copy of this mix i'm giving out to a chick and she gets a compliemntary copy of my debut ep, which will get me on the coolest record label in the world, ask NME, and like, if not quannum hiero project blowed come and get me. i aint gonna stop doing what im doign and im making more and betterer songs than even my vaunted heroes right now... and once i get into real studios and get a chance to play this music i'm making 24/7/365 in front of people, i'm only going to get better.

 

seriously, did you ever think i was gonna be anything but the best?!@ and if you think im an egotistical fuck you're jealous, cuz my life is a party and you're lucky i'm inviting you in to rock out with me cuz for 28 years i didnt, so for the next 27-37 years i will. maybe i'll retire after 37 years: i am that number like rose is the bad wolf, nah'mean?!@ i create myself.

 

btw like aphex twin i plan to have many aliases. right now i've got sinicalypse emessiah dj tim osman dj allstate mack rapalicious and the modelfucker. now wait til you find out my next one, like, you dont know how real i roll.. i'mma blow y'all feeble peasant minds.

 

keep the insults/inverted-jockriding/compliments/tryin'ta-be-my-friend coming cuz ask yourself this: what does aphex twin do when he just rips a mix that he's going to play at a liveshow and 75% masterfully fake playing live?!@ i mean look at his 97 USA tour he hates us americans cuz we're, well, americans... and all he did was remix a bunch of songs and play mp3s off of a powerbook like "fuck you i'm aphex twin and you're not" --- i wont do that to you if you pay to see me live, i will innovate like only i can do, but like... i'm here. i aint going nowhere. i'll be here to take all of your shit and shove it right back in your face cuz vegata dont back down... vegeta's the realest motherfucker in the galaxy like i cant wait til im powerful enough to give him the proper rap song tribute... and hey i gotta do i need vegeta samples for tracks and http://www.vidtomp3.com is MY FUCKING SHIT DUDE OMFG IT'S MAKING MY RAP CAREER EVEN PIMPER.

 

Fo' real, nigga!

[sinicalypse]

man this shit is ridiculous... i'm fucking addicted to this whimsical lifestyle where i wake up, thats even if i went to sleep at all cuz so many nights lately i have much better things to do than sleep... and like, man, i'm dancing through the world like "hahahahahahh you white peasants suck at this" and like i'm moving so fast and for-once-in-my-life-not-trying-to-be-anything-other-than-what-the-fuck-i-actually-am that it's fucking fantastic. i find myself truly becoming more and more like the doctor, the kind of comments i make... they come naturally and brilliantly i might add. i'm literally texting myself ~15 one-liners/song-ideas per day and like, man, i dont even have to try... but when i do.. wow.

 

i'm seriously like unstoppable right now. maybe if redman showed up and we got combative he could put me in my place, but right now thats about it... and if i met redman, holy fuck, it'd be the best adventures in rapping thread ever cuz i know me and the funk doc are gonna get along just fine.

 

so tonight like a few bitches of note out of the usual ~10-15 or so i approach, spit game at, and circle around her so fast the bitch has a halo over her head when i'm done...

 

1) at rainbo this fine piece of faux-hipster walks in. i've seen the type, she's like the coolest girl from incest, indiana and she made it to the big city so SHE'S THE SHIT and like, you know how society and the telescreens condition women into becoming vain materialistic cunts in order to make them so materialistic that their suitors end up having to be materialistic cuz thats all they want... they oversexualize them so now by like 12-13 they're thinking shag shag shag shag summore, it is the shag times after all, and like, man... this girl started flirting with me at the bar. like she sits down and goes "is this seat taken?" im thinking "bitch, there's a seat next to me that nobody's sitting in and then you're sitting 2 seats next to me?!@ i'll take "excuses to talk to me" for $500, alex. so she did and i does and like, this girl starts off with potential liek she's saying some clever shit, but it's all a front, once i really unleash the hellacious amount of otherworldly information stored in my infinite database, i can see it in her eyes like the second that it hits her that THIS BITCH IS AFRAID OF ME NOW. seriously, she's used to being the queen of her little universe, whereas i am THE doctor of any and all universes, let alone her piddly little autistic finger-induced-wet-dream. so within 30 seconds i start talking symbolism mysticism and purposely drown her out cuz she fell off faster than slug did after modern man's hustle, she ends up switching seats with this big burly fuck, no doubt a "good friend" cuz unless shes a str8up cockfiend theres no way in hell this guy is getting pussy... i've been that dude before. the one who drives, the one who makes sure other guys dont rape them, the guy who has 75 signaturss in his yearbook "you're so sweet, jim" cuz basically i'm too pudgy for you to seriously consider fucking me and like, im actually a pretty darn good looking dude and like, wow yeah, we've covered that girls arent usually creative or original or especially interesdting and due to their societal pwnage they're shallow as shit and requiring us to change who and/or what we are to accomodate their world of bullshit.,.. and all of you girlfriend-having motherfuckers i know your girl is purportedly the exception to the rule, but dont deny it, there's some inherent bullshit you put up with cuz you're a pussyfiend and/or afraid of being alone. dont lie. this is why we listen to idm songs named cock version 10 and secretly wanna fuck essines: IDM: THE "MANHOLE"-TYPE-BAR OF THE ELECTRONIC NUSIC WORLD.

 

so like, this bitch sees me later outside of flatiron and goes "YOU'RE THAT CRAZY COKED UP GUY FROM RAINBO WHO CREEPED ME THE FUCK OUT" so i've had enough of this bitch really i mean i'm in such rare form i'm instant-fire retorts like example some girl comes up to me in the bar and goes "dude, do you know you're a guy on a laptop in a bar?!@" and i'm like "your powers of spatial recognition are off the charts, miss, and that's quite impressive: now please get the fuck away from me please"

 

so i mean its all like IS WAYNE BRADY GONNA HAVE TO CHOKE A BITCH?@!#$@!

 

oh yeah, wayne brady had to choke a bitch. i let it rip. deconstructing her as a faux-hipster really-a-yuppie who moved out here from the suburbs or cousinfucker, nebraska and i mean obviusly you're hot so it's stunted your ability to see life for what it really is cuz you have this easy ass life where everyone worships you like you're interesting, intelligent, worthwhile, or about 17 different things that you're really not. it's really quite sad, actually, cuz you seem liek you could be a fairly decent human being if you werent so in love with being the girl that's dodging incoming cock a midget in a lockerroom and actually stopped to consider that there's more to this life of yours than getting ripped off on your little faux-artsy boots and having your tits hanging out of your dress like HEY SOMEONE I CAN RULE WITH MY AESTHETICS, BUY ME A BEER PLEASE.

 

she interjects: "i'm wearing a dress"

 

to my immediate retort of: "so? think about this one, if i was wearing a dress right now i'd be getting 5 times the attention you're getting and you'd hate me that much more. have an extra one actually i kind of love vexing the shit out of you"

 

she tries the cocaine line again... seriously guys, this is like neo at the end of hte matrix time for me... i look down and see the shots people always have fired at me in my life, and i spent nearly all of my life getting not getting shot in clever ways, or having to hide from it outright and sit in the corner or something... but now i realize something... i let the bullets hit me. then i look down and touch the wounds and look at the blood all surreal cut to morpheus "now he believes" and then it's time to go serve a few agents. like, man, i move faster than human beings. honestly, when i'm in the zone, whcih i have been for 3 weeks str8 god bless, these bitches have no chance. honestly, as much as i wanna fuck these hot ones, i'm quite let down that they're not brilliant cuz like, whats a brilliant girl doing out in a bar on monday night?!@ its like posting your brilliant shit in genbanter and having some rectally-gifted kid from ohio show up and be like "sini, u know i work in a mental institution and no disrespect man i love you those songs are dope but... you need help" yeah i know. i rake through the muck because someone has to, dammi.

 

so i keep doing my thing... met a girl named dice, that's an odd name, i'm like "dice, eh?!@ nice name, tho i gotta ask: do guys throw you on the ground and hope for the best?!@"

 

eh actually she was on the tip like, seriously, do you have any idea how much PDA i induce when i'm walking around being the fly guy with the force like luke sky/redman?!@ seriously man the area arounding me is like a softcore porno sometimes, which cracks me the fuck up... you'd better hold on tight, dude, cuz i'm the boyfriend gentrification station like WHAT WHAT?@#43

 

so to end my night, there's erin. oh yes there's erin. erin is awesome nad like, someday my double entendres ar egoing to have an exhibit at the smithsonian, cuz like, i had two... one on the train, talkin to a houstonian in a pimpin 80s nolan ryan jersey about baseball and i go "dah dah dah and i saw that game cuz i got the package like thats why all the girls love me... erm, wait, thats why they think i'm weird. sorry i always get my packages mixed up" and the lady behind me told the guy next to her what i said like immediately afterwards. a few nights back i had a girl whip out her phone and text herself one of my one-liners... i'm on that next shit like i just ate a double whopper, know what im sayin?!@

 

erin is like, yeah. just fucking yeah. i can tell immediately that out of all the girls i bumrushed she's into me, cuz like, she was just kind of there no bumrushery involved in fact i turned around and nearly ran into her like "damn i lvoe my life, i can literally trip and fall into a gorgeous chick like hi whats your name?"

 

"erin"

 

"do you like rap, erin?!@"

 

she makes the thumb.forefinger "little bit" gesture

 

and i'm like well then that's defcon 4 in my book, cuz trust me on this one, if you think rap is (her gesture) then you gotta hear mine cuz it's like * makes ~footlong gap between hands * cuz it was literally channeled down to earth to satisfy beautiful women like yourself.

 

thats when she took off my hat and started rubbing my hair.

 

i mean this girl is look in her eyes and start bonering up hot and like, she's on the tip. she starts running her hands over my back so i get the arm around her and pull her in tight to let her know theres flab but really i'm a strong dude and like, you know, that girl was put on earth to be in my arms, among other locales she wont have to buy a map to find, and like, i tell her imma make her a cd shes like im gonna smoke and she puts her forefinger to my lips and says promise. so i lick the tip of her finger and said "do you think i'm gay or something?!2 we need to get this out of the way foreal"

 

she laughs and follows her finger in close and kind of goes over the side of my face to my shoulder and rubs that and then leaves. GUESS WHAT GIRL YOU'RE GETTING THE DISCO MIX TOO WOOOOHSDLFGJSDLJVSLI so literally it pops out i tat it up with the chiseltip turn around there she is, i give it to her, as she's flanked by two dudes. not a boyfriend... arrrgh, your name is ricky, right?!@ i see one of the guys pop thge cd out of her hand and give it the once over as they walk away and im like... oh shit i'm busted, cuz in the booklet i signed it "just in case of the approximately 1% chance i dont get your phone number tonight, here's the request like at WSCZ radio blah blah blah" i also wrote her name on the cd with a "baked hot fresh in the oven just for you, an equally hot an fresh source of heat that has been known to cause ovens to go to support groups and cry about their lack of purpose in life" BAM. so like, i mull over it have a smoke and she sees me and walks over and i go "your boyfriend didn't just hijack your cd, did he?!@" she goes "oh hell no i've got that, and that's not my boyfriend that's my brother...." so i ask the obvious "what kind of rocker athlete mathlete or elephantitis-of-the-penis savant is your boyfriend!"?@

 

"i don't have a boyfriend"

 

"girl, that is like the greatest phrase the human race has ever come up with so allow me to hug you for that"

 

hug ensues.

 

"so hey lemme get your number cuz like, i wanna show you the unvierse.. if you're ready that is, i'll take you on the wildest trip of your life and i cant say you'll come home the same woman, but you'll be much much better for it in the end. trust me on this one"

 

she's enthralled and her one hand like walled on the inside of us standing there goes back to touching me and i just put my fucking arm around her i mean i'll be her brother's best friend if i have to.

 

"dude that's my OLDER brother (sigh. so close yet so far, right?) so im like aha, "well you have my phone number... call me when you're ready, and i swear to god that if you actgually call me up i'm going to youtube myself dancing in pure joy and amazement that you hti me up cuz with a girl liek you us hunter-gatherer men have to get taht # cuz we'll never hear from you, thats how it works, it's a courtesy thi...."

 

at this point she has my right hand and she pulls it up to her mouth and kisses it like 7 times and nearly slips and starts sucking a finger. now like, ordinarily i'd dismiss this girl as a whore, but i dont get much str8up whore love, and like, man, if this girl is a whore THANK YOU JESUS you know what i mean?!@ my name is jim, you know how i roll, ask boogie down productions... but i dont think so, she like, i think she just thought i was hot and my game is so sickening its like, she looked at me and said "yeah i wanna hit that" and im not used to it so its whoaoaflkjflsdjfajsdlfjasd;fgjas';lgmslih bousngouseahymt[pnhvo[hkohnysrobzud YES YES YES so like, she then made me kiss her hand, and she kissed mine, and then shes like "my brother's going to kill me, i gotta go, i'll see you soon"

 

and she left.

 

now look man that redhead on teh L who got the song by me was stupid fly like she's addicted to swatters and she was omfg on my rap , but like, that came and went like, i got a song out of it. woemn come and go, songs are forever, and i get songs out of everything now.

 

so leaving nothing to chance, and like i'd start bonering up when i thoguth about this girl and how this went down, i heard a beat i was like ZOMFG on the way home and then i went home and made this track.

 

i hope y'all enjoy it. its how i roll, pillsbury.

 

and of course i'll keep you posted as to what happens with this one, cuz doing what ive been doing i do have the hopes of nailing one of these chicks in a backalley dumpster smae night i meeif i t her, but like, with this one... man, i dont think shes a whore, i think she just gets how fucking awesome i am was blown away and like "come here big boi" and hey man i'll be damned if i aint got a southernplayaisticadillacmuzik cd cover as part of my wall montage, nah'mean?!@

 

anyways enjoy the song. it's a labor of love... and lovemaking =D

i wanna fuck you back to the dawn of time.mp3

[Guest Super lurker ultra V12]

lol banned

[acidphakist]

To anyone that may still wonder, sini was not taking the piss. I hung out with him last weekend and, well, it was like a live-action version of his posts.

[SCONES TO DIE FOR]

I don't think anyone ever wondered.

[SR4]

i thought he was better now?

[vamos scorcho]

i did think he was taking this piss, at least a little

 

hows the rap game going for him? and why did he get banned?