joke thread

[sup]

what do myspace and dj nate have in common ??

 

 

they both prominantly feature TOMS :sup:

 

[Npoess]

:sup:

[Guest Enter a new display name]

Is this a joke thread or a juke thread?

[DerWaschbar]

The chicken and the egg are laying in bed together. The chicken pulls out a pack of cigarettes, removes one and lights it. He says:

 

I guess we figured that one out.

 

[Terpentintollwut]

A man walks into a bar. He claims that he finds spontaneous humor much funnier than written jokes. I thoroughly agree with him.

[data]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WuzO9Fth2wQ

[Terpentintollwut]

okay now I actually lol'd.

[data]

mitch hedberg is was awesome

[chassis]

rip micth. One of the few American comics I like.

[jeremymacgregor87]

'"This bed blows up in three minutes" - a mattress is already ready'

[chenGOD]

Classic stuff here

 

JOKES FROM GERMANY

 

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband is in

hospital.

 

A man walks into a pub.

He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.

 

Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?

She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly

low self-esteem.

 

What do you call a cat with no tail?

A Manx cat.

 

Why do undertakers wear ties?

Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their

appearance has a degree of gravitas.

 

How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?

One.

 

Why do women fake orgasms?

Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.

 

Two men are sitting in a pub.

One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men

coming in and out of your wife's house.'

The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her

drug habit.'

 

Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out

and runs away.

One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.

 

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?

Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell

pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.

 

 

 

One morning, two Englishmen are strolling down a London street, when they see a stray dog licking its own testicles.

 

One of the Englishmen turns to the other and says, "Say, I wish I could do that!"

 

His mate watches the dog for a moment, sighs longingly, and replies, "I should say so! But don't you think you ought to get to know him first?"

 

[Zephyr_Nova]

I always loved Mitch Hedberg--the great thing about his standup is that every second is a joke

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-zFQ9fOTSU

 

Ha! I laughed at almost every bit other than the last minute or so. Either the ending wasn't as funny or my humor ran out. An hour and a half of that would make me dizzy, but it's great. Sorry to hear he's no longer with us... I swear stand-up comics have a higher mortality rate than people in almost any other profession.

[Guest Carlo1Brito]

There's a psychologist waiting in his office for a patient who is 20min late. 5min later the patient walks in naked wrapped in saran wrap. Then the psychologist says "Bob, I thought you were crazy. But know I clearly see you're nuts."

 

Hahah

[Guest -Ad-]

What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and Pope Jean Paul II?

 

Pope Jean Paul II died a virgin.

[eugene]

A man walks into a pub.

He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.

[Guest rumbo]

A little Jewish kid walks up to his Dad and says, "Dad, can I have $30?"

His Dad says "20 bucks?? What do you want 10 bucks for?"

[pcock]

some seriously dire jokes going on in her

 

 

whats the difference between a joke and a penis

 

 

 

i love penis

 

[jeremymacgregor87]

what do 7 out of 8 people like?

 

 

gang rape

 

[Guest Calx Sherbet]

lol

[Blir]

what do 7 out of 8 people like?

 

 

gang rape

 

 

Nine out of ten gang rape participants say they enjoyed it.

[essines]

what do 7 out of 8 people like?

 

 

gang rape

 

Nine out of ten gang rape participants say they enjoyed it.

[pcock]

actually its 8 out of ten, no-one likes to go last

[spratters]

Before you slate me for this. I warn you that you may find it of bad taste.

 

But it's just a joke so, whatever.

 

 

 

What's pink and smells of Holly?

 

 

Ian Huntleys knob

 

 

[Blir]

Before you slate me for this. I warn you that you may find it of bad taste.

 

But it's just a joke so, whatever.

 

 

 

What's pink and smells of Holly?

 

 

Ian Huntleys knob

 

 

 

lol

[Guest Pennywise]

yeh not that funny