drillkicker Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 Life is just too much. It isn't for me. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drillkicker Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 6 hours ago, brian trageskin said: are you interested in becoming a proficient musician, or in having extended understanding of the language of music, or do you not really give a crap about any of that? sounds to me like you need new friends. also sounds to me like you don't know yourself too well. iirc you're very young so there's that - i don't know myself too well either (even though i'm older than you) so i know how challenging it can be. although i can't begin to understand how one could be puzzled as to why people avoid them. so my guess is you really don't know your friends too well either, you think you know them but you really don't. or something. i don't know, i might be wrong. you could also choose complete solitude as an alternative, although i wouldn't recommend it. not for the faint-hearted. if you're the sentimental/self-indulgent type, it will basically make you age faster. but it's heaven on heart if you're a strong person: being self-reliant, not having to deal with people's bullshit etc. i'm the self-indulgent type and a total wuss so my life is basically hell but if you're the strong type, might be a good thing for you. i don't know. most people are uninteresting anyway so there's also that. maybe you just need to figure out how to meet people who have the same interests as you. but i got a feeling that the real problem is you don't know yourself and the others enough, which leads to all this suffering. For the record, I don't get the feeling that anyone is avoiding me. I think they just don't care about me very much or they're too busy with other stuff. People go out of their way to tell me things like "I'm here for you" and "you fit in" but they just don't go out of their way to invite me to things unless I happen to be around or some other chance occurrence happens. I feel like I'm just an afterthought. I'm a background character who nobody really thinks about. The really shitty part is that I used to be in situations where I had people who really cared about me and would go out of their way to do shit with me all the time but they all just drifted away over time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cryptowen Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 8 minutes ago, drillkicker said: I feel like I'm just an afterthought. I'm a background character who nobody really thinks about. this is something i felt strongly at various points throughout my 20s. eventually i started to get the sense that most people felt that way, and indeed in a certain sense it's even true: people are my nature always concerned with their own lives first & foremost (possible exceptions are having a kid, or shortly after falling in love). life is a long slog & generally speaking you are going to be by far the person who is most concerned with your well-being. It isn't something about you in particular, that's just the way the world is. Maybe it'd be different if you were living in an ancient agrarian farming village & only knew like two dozen people your whole life, but that is no longer the case I think for me internalizing this helped in the long run. I came to feel that this sense of isolation/existential emptiness wasn't something that was going to become fixed one day. And yet, I didn't feel the urge to give up on life. Life became less about feeling "good" again, and more about finding a sense of determination. Life became an ongoing process of trying to develop my own framework of meaning, my own sense of valuation, something personal & internal that would give me a sense of fulfillment via my own constant efforts. The thing is is that when I moved forward in this way, the existential malaise didn't just go away. I had months & months (multiple years, recurrently perhaps) where it all felt pointless - just a distraction from the emptiness of it all. But even that became a sort of affirmatory process, choosing to endure against all reason, just as an act of willing imo the will to live isn't somethng that exists out there in the world. it's something you have to build up out of nothing. and it's not that no one wants to help, it's that ultimately no one can help. it's wholly unique to you. it comes in a way only you can recognize.. imo 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brian trageskin Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 1 hour ago, drillkicker said: For the record, I don't get the feeling that anyone is avoiding me. I think they just don't care about me very much or they're too busy with other stuff. People go out of their way to tell me things like "I'm here for you" and "you fit in" but they just don't go out of their way to invite me to things unless I happen to be around or some other chance occurrence happens. I feel like I'm just an afterthought. I'm a background character who nobody really thinks about. The really shitty part is that I used to be in situations where I had people who really cared about me and would go out of their way to do shit with me all the time but they all just drifted away over time. that's cool and all but are you interested in becoming a proficient musician? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wunderbar Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 7 hours ago, brian trageskin said: if you're the sentimental/self-indulgent type, it will basically make you age faster. whats this about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wunderbar Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 damn everyone so sad and shit not cool brro. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wunderbar Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 I feel like alot of depression can be prevented. If instead of asking kids what they wanne be when they grown up, tell them what they are going to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
exitonly Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 3 hours ago, Wunderbar said: I feel like alot of depression can be prevented. If instead of asking kids what they wanne be when they grown up, tell them what they are going to be. depressed? 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brian trageskin Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 7 hours ago, Wunderbar said: whats this about. yeah i guess that sentence was pretty obscure . the fact that i used "self-indulgent" without really knowing what it meant doesn't help either. i checked the definition afterwards and i was like "what? that's not what i meant. oh well" lol what i meant basically is if you're the kind of person who doesn't know how to manage their anxiety (and other unpleasant feelings) and indulges in sadness and such, complete solitude will crush you, slowly but surely, as solitude can be very stressful. which will make you age faster - not sure if that's scientifically accurate though lol 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dingformung Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 I try to be good but I'm a worthless piece of shit and should probably kill myself but won't do it because: 1) People around me would suffer. 2) I'm afraid of suicide. This post alone is proof of its accuracy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wunderbar Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 6 hours ago, nikisoko said: depressed? Ofc not i have to much testosterone to be depressed. Just stop telling these crayon eating motherfuckers they can be docters. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dingformung Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 I type too much stuff into the internet while I don't talk enough IRL. For example I saw a woman wearing a transparent top and small bikini underneath it and I wanted to thank her and tell her that I think it's a shame that women hide their boobs and that I think her top looks really good but I always think: "Nah, that's too intrusive & pervy"*, and then try to come up with a better way to pay attention to people and compliment them/make them feel special without being pervy, and in the process I get slightly nervous and then don't say anything. I think I'm depressive but I don't want therapy because doctors and therapists are sick and part of a system of deceit and hidden malevolence. They take your soul and turn you into a limp "positive" version of yourself that has no connection to the great all-encompassing being that creates and provides everything (including WATMM and my ability to write this post, but also everything else). I'm not saying that therapists are bad people but I think they are mostly wrong and I don't want them in my life. Then again, I'm already a weak-willed, incompetent, lazy, boring fucktard who repeatedly fails in every aspect of life so they couldn't make me much worse than I already am. Still, my mom is a therapist and she is a very mental person and I am basically a worse version of her. I combine the worst properties of my parents, no wonder my dad doesn't want any contact with me any longer. Maybe I have daddy issues, or mommy issues or something. I'm basically an immature baby that cries over all sorts of little things and about the fact it is experiencing an existential transformation of becoming spiritually aware, which in itself is pathetic, since the spiritual ego is the most boring and unnecessary way of existing because spirituality is about dissolving the ego, not about becoming some sort of para-religious nutjob. Things just don't work out the way I plan them and I'm intellectually and emotionally not capable of handling even small challenges, they make me hate, fear, rage, despair and generally lose my sanity. Anyway, this is probably a lie or something, I lie a lot and words aren't enough anymore anyway, because they don't say anything. Also, I lost 600€ for a stupid reason and it makes me sad. *"Nah that's too intrusive & pervy" is kind of the motto of my life, I guess, I should become more impolite and "confident" (even though confidence in the way it is presented in pop culture is pathetic; authenticity is key but I think I'm simply not good enough to show others my authentic self, also I don't really know how to do that? like go back to nature make grunting sounds and be naked or something? if u want to be authentic you need to imitate others, because you need to use their language, but this automatically makes you inauthentic. the human condition makes it impossible for people as stupid as me to be truly themselves, and i want to cry, but i can't because I'm not as sad as I should be, all things considered) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drillkicker Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 (edited) Sorry to start all this shit and then leave. I ended up going to a 4th of July rave underneath I-95 and channeled all of my negative energy into awesome dance moves. It was one of the coolest nights of my life. I got drunk beyond belief and made out with some girl in a public swimming pool. It's still pretty hazy. Edit: by "public" I mean that we found a gap in the fence lol Edited July 5, 2021 by drillkicker 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brian trageskin Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 22 minutes ago, drillkicker said: Sorry to start all this shit and then leave. I ended up going to a 4th of July rave underneath I-95 and channeled all of my negative energy into awesome dance moves. It was one of the coolest nights of my life. I got drunk beyond belief and made out with some girl in a public swimming pool. It's still pretty hazy. Edit: by "public" I mean that we found a gap in the fence lol i bet you flexed your knowledge of music theory. it never fails. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cryptowen Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 Getting turnt up & making out with someone at a rave is usually a pretty effective treatment for existential ennui 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brian trageskin Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 15 minutes ago, brian trageskin said: i bet you flexed your knowledge of music theory. it never fails. 1 1 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
diatoms Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 attending a rave, dancing & connecting with others depression be gone:) 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dingformung Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 If I was still pondering suicide i would still be thinking along the axis of "how do i do it the most painless and efficient way" (and there is no way because i would make others suffer with that decision, i simply have to sustain myself for much longer because there simply is no good way to leave tracelessly, and i also think there is a lot of pleasure to be gained, still, if i worked a bit harder to GET IT FOR MYSELF [which probably is a mistake from the beginning on, since pleasure multiplies when shared etc etc etc]) I have so much to learn yet, I'm so incomplete (which is making me stupid and hopeful at the same time). May destiny be benevolent. I'm talking as if I'm having real problems whereas I'm a well fed being who doesn't know what suffering really is. I should probably lose all I have and experience real suffering in order to appreciate existence... I guess? Maybe if I lose all I have I can transform into a more mature and complete version of human, and then help others to become the same, and appreciate existence as what it is, an infinitely wondrous occurrence that we will never understand. I really want to get it as much as i want to learn about the universe. I think I've changed my mind about what would benefit me the most. I think i might want to go back to the land and start farming. I would have to learn a whole bunch of new things but it would be so rewarding. I have a lot to learn. I'm so naive and stupid. I'm like a child, in a way. In comparison to the wisdom of Allah we are all children, no matter how wise we are. There is so much for me to learn. I feel stupid. I'm like a kid who hasn't learned anything at all. I just act or whatever and hope that things will work out. I'm just a hopeful and stupid kid. I'm a suicide bomber (just kidding, I'm a true liar). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brian trageskin Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 dingformung the muslim 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dingformung Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 Islam is right and wrong, yes. We all are muslims. We all are atheists. We all are christians. We all are buddhists. We all are Jews. We all are agnostics. We are all human beings. We all are non-humans. We all are souls and we all are soul. We are all equal. We all are not equal. We are all different. We are all the same. We are all the same, but we are not the same. We are different, but we are not different. We have differences, but we have no differences at all. All at the same time. All there is to be expressed in human language is pure truth and pure lie at the same time. Existence is so much more than there is to be expressed in human language. I am a human being. I am not a human being. I am not a human being, but I am a human being. I am an eternal soul temporarily inhabiting a human being. I am an atheist. I am not an atheist. I am an atheist, but I'm not an atheist at all, I know there is much, much more, yet I don't know anything about existence. I have no religion. Religion is a lie, religion is truth. It doesn't matter what I say, everything is one, everything is separate, everything exists. Religion may be an entrance point into truth, or into delusion. We all are muslims. We all are atheists. We all are christians. We all are humans and non-humans. There is nothing more to add. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zephyr_Nova Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 Have you considered starting a blog? 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cichlisuite Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 jfk: ich bin ein berliner jerry horne: we are all icelanders dingamformul: we are all muslims 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brian trageskin Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 4 minutes ago, cichlisuite said: dingamformul: we are all muslims - Islam is right and wrong - I'm a suicide bomber 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ignatius Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dingformung Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 1 hour ago, diatoms said: attending a rave, dancing & connecting with others depression be gone:) If you want to meet me IRL, I can clean off some of your negative energies & you can clean off a lot more of mine. Just DM me, I know how to transform energy like a snake that ate a monkey Just trust me, I have done it many times Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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