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stupid first world problems you're dealing with


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I try to be good but I'm a worthless piece of shit and should probably kill myself but won't do it because:

1) People around me would suffer.

2) I'm afraid of suicide.

This post alone is proof of its accuracy.

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6 hours ago, nikisoko said:

depressed?

Ofc not i have to much testosterone to be depressed.

Just stop telling these crayon eating motherfuckers they can be docters.

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I type too much stuff into the internet while I don't talk enough IRL. For example I saw a woman wearing a transparent top and small bikini underneath it and I wanted to thank her and tell her that I think it's a shame that women hide their boobs and that I think her top looks really good but I always think: "Nah, that's too intrusive & pervy"*, and then try to come up with a better way to pay attention to people and compliment them/make them feel special without being pervy, and in the process I get slightly nervous and then don't say anything. I think I'm depressive but I don't want therapy because doctors and therapists are sick and part of a system of deceit and hidden malevolence. They take your soul and turn you into a limp "positive" version of yourself that has no connection to the great all-encompassing being that creates and provides everything (including WATMM and my ability to write this post, but also everything else). I'm not saying that therapists are bad people but I think they are mostly wrong and I don't want them in my life. Then again, I'm already a weak-willed, incompetent, lazy, boring fucktard who repeatedly fails in every aspect of life so they couldn't make me much worse than I already am. Still, my mom is a therapist and she is a very mental person and I am basically a worse version of her. I combine the worst properties of my parents, no wonder my dad doesn't want any contact with me any longer. Maybe I have daddy issues, or mommy issues or something. I'm basically an immature baby that cries over all sorts of little things and about the fact it is experiencing an existential transformation of becoming spiritually aware, which in itself is pathetic, since the spiritual ego is the most boring and unnecessary way of existing because spirituality is about dissolving the ego, not about becoming some sort of para-religious nutjob. Things just don't work out the way I plan them and I'm intellectually and emotionally not capable of handling even small challenges, they make me hate, fear, rage, despair and generally lose my sanity. Anyway, this is probably a lie or something, I lie a lot and words aren't enough anymore anyway, because they don't say anything. Also, I lost 600€ for a stupid reason and it makes me sad.

 

 *"Nah that's too intrusive & pervy" is kind of the motto of my life, I guess, I should become more impolite and "confident" (even though confidence in the way it is presented in pop culture is pathetic; authenticity is key but I think I'm simply not good enough to show others my authentic self, also I don't really know how to do that? like go back to nature make grunting sounds and be naked or something? if u want to be authentic you need to imitate others, because you need to use their language, but this automatically makes you inauthentic. the human condition makes it impossible for people as stupid as me to be truly themselves, and i want to cry, but i can't because I'm not as sad as I should be, all things considered)

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Posted (edited)

Sorry to start all this shit and then leave.  I ended up going to a 4th of July rave underneath I-95 and channeled all of my negative energy into awesome dance moves.  It was one of the coolest nights of my life.  I got drunk beyond belief and made out with some girl in a public swimming pool.  It's still pretty hazy.

Edit:  by "public" I mean that we found a gap in the fence lol

Edited by drillkicker
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22 minutes ago, drillkicker said:

Sorry to start all this shit and then leave.  I ended up going to a 4th of July rave underneath I-95 and channeled all of my negative energy into awesome dance moves.  It was one of the coolest nights of my life.  I got drunk beyond belief and made out with some girl in a public swimming pool.  It's still pretty hazy.

Edit:  by "public" I mean that we found a gap in the fence lol

i bet you flexed your knowledge of music theory. it never fails.

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                                                                         attending a rave, dancing & connecting with others

                                                                                                   depression be gone:)

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If I was still pondering suicide i would still be thinking along the axis of "how do i do it the most painless and efficient way" (and there is no way because i would make others suffer with that decision, i simply have to sustain myself for much longer because there simply is no good way to leave tracelessly, and i also think there is a lot of pleasure to be gained, still, if i worked a bit harder to GET IT FOR MYSELF [which probably is a mistake from the beginning on, since pleasure multiplies when shared etc etc etc])

I have so much to learn yet, I'm so incomplete (which is making me stupid and hopeful at the same time). May destiny be benevolent. I'm talking as if I'm having real problems whereas I'm a well fed being who doesn't know what suffering really is. I should probably lose all I have and experience real suffering in order to appreciate existence... I guess?

Maybe if I lose all I have I can transform into a more mature and complete version of human, and then help others to become the same, and appreciate existence as what it is, an infinitely wondrous occurrence that we will never understand.

I really want to get it as much as i want to learn about the universe. I think I've changed my mind about what would benefit me the most. I think i might want to go back to the land and start farming. I would have to learn a whole bunch of new things but it would be so rewarding. I have a lot to learn.

 I'm so naive and stupid. I'm like a child, in a way. In comparison to the wisdom of Allah we are all children, no matter how wise we are. There is so much for me to learn. I feel stupid. I'm like a kid who hasn't learned anything at all. I just act or whatever and hope that things will work out. I'm just a hopeful and stupid kid.

I'm a suicide bomber (just kidding, I'm a true liar).

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Islam is right and wrong, yes. We all are muslims. We all are atheists. We all are christians. We all are buddhists. We all are Jews. We all are agnostics.
We are all human beings. We all are non-humans. We all are souls and we all are soul.

We are all equal. We all are not equal.

We are all different. We are all the same.

We are all the same, but we are not the same. We are different, but we are not different. We have differences, but we have no differences at all. All at the same time.

All there is to be expressed in human language is pure truth and pure lie at the same time. Existence is so much more than there is to be expressed in human language.

I am a human being. I am not a human being. I am not a human being, but I am a human being. I am an eternal soul temporarily inhabiting a human being.

I am an atheist. I am not an atheist. I am an atheist, but I'm not an atheist at all, I know there is much, much more, yet I don't know anything about existence.

I have no religion. Religion is a lie, religion is truth. It doesn't matter what I say, everything is one, everything is separate, everything exists. Religion may be an entrance point into truth, or into delusion.

We all are muslims. We all are atheists. We all are christians. We all are humans and non-humans. There is nothing more to add.

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1 hour ago, diatoms said:

                                                                         attending a rave, dancing & connecting with others

                                                                                                   depression be gone:)

If you want to meet me IRL, I can clean off some of your negative energies & you can clean off a lot more of mine. Just DM me, I know how to transform energy like a snake that ate a monkey 🙂 Just trust me, I have done it many times

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2 hours ago, drillkicker said:

Sorry to start all this shit and then leave.  I ended up going to a 4th of July rave underneath I-95 and channeled all of my negative energy into awesome dance moves.  It was one of the coolest nights of my life.  I got drunk beyond belief and made out with some girl in a public swimming pool.  It's still pretty hazy.

Edit:  by "public" I mean that we found a gap in the fence lol

 

1 hour ago, diatoms said:

                                                                         attending a rave, dancing & connecting with others

                                                                                                   depression be gone:)

 

20 minutes ago, dingformung said:

If you want to meet me IRL, I can clean off some of your negative energies & you can clean off a lot more of mine. Just DM me, I know how to transform energy like a snake that ate a monkey 🙂 Just trust me, I have done it many times

                                                                                                         quantum healing

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4 minutes ago, dingformung said:

Let's do it! Quantum heal me

DM me 😉

                                                             i'm working on myself before i can:)

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Just trust me, I have done it many times. My goal is not to form a cult, it is it become cult of strong personalities. I'm not an occultist, an atheist or a nihilist. I'm just a person who is more interested in self-enlightenment & personal evolution than anything else. My goal is to create the most powerful positive emotional state in myself by surrounding myself with people who can help me be better & reach my full potential. I love all of you guys, even the ones that hate me because it's their karma to hate me, for various reasons. I won't ever ask for positive energies or "good karma" from anyone. If you want to donate something, please donate your energy & time. There are many ways to do this: comment on my posts, send me texts about how you feel when reading my words, talk about what I say with your friends etc… I don't care if you like me or not, as long as you are willing to help me reach my goals, we can work together & I will be very grateful. Allah or God can be my witness. I'm not a narcissist, I don't care about myself that much. I care about you & the world. My mission is to help everyone achieve their full potential by being their true selves and helping them be happy & spread Love & Light. I'm not a spiritual leader, an enlightened guru or a prophet of any kind, but I do have some valuable insights into human nature and self-development that can help you become more aware of yourself and others. You can use this knowledge to improve your relationships with others, yourself & your surroundings. to donate your energy!

 

Just kidding, this is all a scam, don't fall for this New Age bullshit.  The world is burning, there is no order to the chaos, don't trust messages like this, don't be naive. Do not trust anybody. Be your own guru. That is all

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My goal is to protect you all from scam gurus like these. This was just an example. If you want to learn more about how to spot scam gurus, check this: Usually, scammers use low-quality videos because they don’t want to spend much time and money making it look good. So if you see a video that looks like it was taken with a regular cell phone camera, or anything worse than that, then it’s probably not real (or from the country of India, which mostly produces scam video for Uk an US custormer). Video Length: Another sign of a fake video is if the video is too long or too short. You see, most people on YouTube try to keep their videos between 2-5 minutes long. This is because they know most people won’t watch anything longer than that…unless it’s REALLY good quality! So if you see a 30 minute video from someone who claims to be an expert on something (for example), then that’s not normal. It’s probably fake! Also, if the person has only made 1 or 2 videos ever (and they are long), then you should be especially suspicious!!!!

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