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what would you do if you found that your significant other

Fred McGriff

By Fred McGriff
in General Banter

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Guest hahathhat

Guest hahathhat

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there's something fun about hiding money and building up a stash little by little. it's like your little secret. and then one day you can blow it on something frivolous or hire a plane to dump it over your neighborhood.

see my rant in the amy winehouse thread.

 

if i had to go all spock and logic-over-emotion on this: how much is $15k relative to their household income? if they're pulling $200k a year, it'd be about a month's worth, yes? that would not be out of line. but if they make $50k a year, $15k in a drawer is a bit off.

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goDel Grand Master

goDel

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But can Spock drive a 15K Porsche?

 

I think the Porsche should be silver, btw. And I'm willing to throw my 2K sock into the matter.

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Guest hahathhat

Guest hahathhat

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buy a Porsche with the panties and then crash it into her drawer

5th grade dirty jokes come flooding back

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Guest AcrossCanyons

Guest AcrossCanyons

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move the desk/drawer and replace it with another one. tell her I couldn't open the draw but figured there was nothing of importance in it anyway. get a hearty lol out of her reaction.

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Fred McGriff Grand Master

Fred McGriff

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so i heard back from my friend. he told me that he was going to take her out to dinner tonight to discuss the matter in a public place in case she tries to bolt, or worse, stab him. i've made arrangements to panty sniff while they are out to dinner.

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Velazquez Grand Master

Velazquez

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lol.

a buddy of mine ended up taking this girl home, after he had met her out drinking one night. He ended up going home with her, but because they were both real drunk they never sealed the deal. He woke up the next morning, got up to piss, and noticed her underwear drawer was open. He grabbed a pair of her panties and sniffed them. After a few seconds, he noticed she was looking at him in horror from the bed. He simply pocketed the panties and left.

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Candiru Grand Master

Candiru

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It's funny how panty sniffing only works after puberty/fucking. When I was around 7 or 8, my neighbor friend had a teenaged sister. We happened upon some dirty laundry and he picked up a pair of her panties and breathed in deep. "Smell 'em" he said and I took an equally deep huff. I found it to be repulsive. If you think about pussy musk through the lens of an 8 year old, it's pretty gross. Now, it's like electricity for Johnny 5 JOHNNY FIVE IS ALLLIIIIIVVVVVEEEE!

 

Waaaaaiiit just a minute here. Hold up. Your friend was sniffing his sister's panties? :ohmy:

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Zephyr_Nova Grand Master

Zephyr_Nova

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It's funny how panty sniffing only works after puberty/fucking. When I was around 7 or 8, my neighbor friend had a teenaged sister. We happened upon some dirty laundry and he picked up a pair of her panties and breathed in deep. "Smell 'em" he said and I took an equally deep huff. I found it to be repulsive. If you think about pussy musk through the lens of an 8 year old, it's pretty gross. Now, it's like electricity for Johnny 5 JOHNNY FIVE IS ALLLIIIIIVVVVVEEEE!

 

Waaaaaiiit just a minute here. Hold up. Your friend was sniffing his sister's panties? :ohmy:

 

While high on E, a friend of a friend once confided in my friend that he once fucked his own sister. Love that sentence.

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Fred McGriff Grand Master

Fred McGriff

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lol.

a buddy of mine ended up taking this girl home, after he had met her out drinking one night. He ended up going home with her, but because they were both real drunk they never sealed the deal. He woke up the next morning, got up to piss, and noticed her underwear drawer was open. He grabbed a pair of her panties and sniffed them. After a few seconds, he noticed she was looking at him in horror from the bed. He simply pocketed the panties and left.

 

OMG, that totally reminds me of a story:

 

It was the summer of 1933, early one Tuesday morning, and I had just finished milking our cow Sophia. There was only the tiniest suggestion of light creeping up from the eastern horizon, illuminating the humidity above the ground with an eerie translucent copper mist. As I walked, my very long shadow flowed across the damp grass of our acreage and emptied anonymously into the western darkness where the trees rustled with stirring creatures. To my left there was the guest house where my great grandmother-in-law had taken root to spend her remaining days consumed with chronically debilitating osteoporosis and alcoholism.

 

Her bedroom lantern was still lit, which was not unusual, but I felt compelled to bend my usual path to the kitchen so that I might stroll by her window to check for signs of life. As I approached, the intense odor of brandy, salty musk, and rotting flesh took the air from my lungs. I dropped to one knee and positioned for a vomit that would not soil my clothes or shoes, but fortunately caught an upward waft of sweet, fresh, milk, and was able to eventually compose myself.

 

With renewed strength I crept closer to the window. With my hand touching the brick of the guest house, my view in was obstructed, for the window sat squarely a foot or so above my head. I could make out a sound that was slightly unnerving-- was someone emptying a bath tub onto a patch of particularly muddy ground? I stood on the tip of my toes but still could not gain a revealing angle into the my great grandmother-in-law's quarters. The muffled gurgle of thick fluid making contact with sloppy earth continued. I had to understand the source of this sound, so I quickly removed my boots and filled them with milk, turned the empty milk pail upside down, carefully gained my footing on top of it, and slowly raised myself up. When I finally had the height to peer in, I saw this: A massive, mahogany penis, the size of an above-ground septic tank, with testicles as large and wiry as broom shrubs, emptying a steady stream of its contents onto my great grandmother-in-law's bed with, presumably, my great grandmother-in-law in it. The vast amount of white substance that covered the entire room made it especially hard to pick out the silhouette of a shriveled 112 year old woman. I stood and watched for several minutes as the enormous penis calmly emptied itself of what seemed like a never-ending supply of heavy-flowing seed. Never in my life had I dreamed of such an offensively sexual being. With a barely audible tap, my forehead accidentally met the window pane. The penis must have sensed my presence, for it dammed its flow instantly and nervously looked around the room. I could now hear the pathetic moan of my great grandmother-in-law, a crumpled pile of bones wedged between the bed and the nightstand, her sopping wet bloomers caught on the post of her bed in a tether with her ankles. Instinctively I yelled at the penis, as if to shoo it away. With a single motion and the deftness of a large cat, the penis snatched the bloomers from the bedpost and bounded out the large hole in the ceiling from which it had made to gain access to the room in the first place. I saw a dark brown streak of mass barrel westward to the forest to my right and disappear before I could think to give chase.

 

My naked great-grandmother-in-law, contorted impossibly, then made apparent eye contact with me before taking her final breath as some sort of final plea escaped past her lips. Her last words were heard by only her. I would later discover that she had been eying the last drops of brandy in the bottle by the sill instead of me. This was a relief because I had feared she had died with the burden of shame echoing eternally in the afterlife, having realized, in her final moment, that her great-grandson-in-law had witnessed such a violently erotic and fantastic spectacle. We went on that summer never mentioning the incident, and except for our cow Sophia exploding in early August, everything proceeded as normal.

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