Squee Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 You have to pick a cat with super powers or a dog with super powers. But there's a twist. The dog can read minds and communicate with your telepathically. He can plant one tree per day anywhere in the world and it'll grow instantly. He is also a five star chef. But, the dog must be within 25 feet of you at all times or you get bone chilling migraines. He's also racist, so if you're around anyone who isn't white he constantly ridicules them to you through telepathy. When you hear the dog's voice in your head it is the voice of Gilbert Gottfried. The cat has the power of teleportation and can transport you anywhere as long as you hold it. He also does your taxes. You always get the highest refund and he does them the second you get your W-2. If the cat lives to be 20 years or older he grants you the secret to immortality. He will teach you one extreme sport of your choosing and you become an expert at it. But, if the cat dies before he is 20 you get bad luck for the next year (you will be cursed for 365 days). The cat is a pack-a-day smoker and can't buy them himself. You have to do it. He only eats specialty cat food, and you need to drive to the pet store to get it. He's also diabetic. You need to make sure that he has insulin. Finally, he doesn't like being touched and will scratch you if you do. So, WATMM... what do you choose and why? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gary C Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 LOL, that's brilliant, and I really can't decide. Probably the cat. Teleportation and healthy taxes are better than 5-star food and trees. It's tough, but a year's bad luck might be better than migraines and a racist voice in your head too. Healthy taxes might help to cover the food and fags, but giving him an insulin shot will probably mean you get mauled regularly, but most cats do that anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Squee Posted July 28, 2011 Author Share Posted July 28, 2011 But the cat will scratch the shit out of you everytime you need to teleport somewhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest theSun Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 gilbert gottfried spewing racism telepathically through the medium of a dog would be pretty great. i just would like to know the breed. immortality would be boss, but holding a cat for 20 years might kill me first (i'm quite allergic) basically i'd need to phone dikembe mutombo and ask for his input Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gary C Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 But the cat will scratch the shit out of you everytime you need to teleport somewhere. Imagine transporting around wearing those. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest theSun Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 maybe we should clarify - is the gilbert dog just a mean, skin head racist or a witty old timey shitmydadsays racist? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Squee Posted July 28, 2011 Author Share Posted July 28, 2011 Mean racism. Otherwise it would have been an easy pick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 the cat is a pretty good deal compared to the dog? don't buy smokes > he lives longer. hold on to the insulin for a bit > doesn't scratch you. also you have to hold him only when you want a teleport? good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spratters Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 The cat Because the dog can plant only one tree per day. Velvet Tissue plant 3 for every one they use. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
essines Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Cat. I'm a diabetic and a smoker. Fuck Gilbert Gottfried. Brilliant thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Velazquez Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 dog. I hate cats. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tec Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 I'm going to have to think about this... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest disparaissant Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 cat because i am a cat person, no other reason i don't even want the secret to immortality. and i hate extreme sports. but dogs irritate me enough WITHOUT constantly yelling like gilbert gottfried in my head. and i have already lived with cats who scratch me every time i touch them. also teleportation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Braintree Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Can't I just get some fish? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Squee Posted July 28, 2011 Author Share Posted July 28, 2011 No. No fish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QBLA Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 dog Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
essines Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nene multiple assgasms Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 I'm going with the cat. the migraines and mind speech from the dog sound horrific. I've had plenty of experience dealing with scratchy cats. I would gradually ween the cat onto clove cigarettes and put him on a challenging exercise regimen to extend his life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sup Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 is this a battle like u pick 1 and they fight like pokemon but real Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechDiff Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 cat.. No contest! when I saw the thread title I thought maybe this was a new film or something, did you consider pitching this to pixar? I think you're on to something! Cat Vs Dog, the ultimate showdown, decide once and for all which is better. I'd watch it :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Coalbucket PI Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 I think the cat, I really doubt I could get it 20 years if its diabetic though,cats don't often live that long do they? Is it human intelligent? Or just for taxes? It could just wander off and live with someone else. basically i'd need to phone dikembe mutombo and ask for his input LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Coalbucket PI Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 the more you know: The condition is definitely treatable, and need not shorten the animal's life span or life quality. In type-2 cats, prompt effective treatment can even lead to diabetic remission,[6] in which the cat no longer needs injected insulin. Creme Puff (August 3, 1967 – August 6, 2005), was a female cat who died at age 38 years and 3 days. She was the oldest cat ever recorded, according to the 2010 edition of Guinness World Records.[1][2] Creme Puff lived with her owner, Jake Perry, in Austin, Texas, United States.[1] Perry also owned Granpa Rexs Allen, a registered sphynx. Granpa was claimed to have been born in Paris, France in 1964 and died 1998, aged 34 years and 2 months and was posthumously awarded 1999 Cat of the Year by Cats & Kittens magazine.[3][4] Granpa was featured in an earlier edition of Guinness World Records.[5] The co-authors of at least one book have pondered whether the longevity of Perry's cats may have had something to do with an unusual diet of, among other things, bacon and eggs, asparagus, and broccoli, concluding that Perry "must be doing something right." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gary C Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 If the cat lives to be 20 years or older he grants you the secret to immortality. Just realised that granting you "the secret" may be useless if it was something like 'lick plutonium whilst jizzing into the sun'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest theSun Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 If the cat lives to be 20 years or older he grants you the secret to immortality. Just realised that granting you "the secret" may be useless if it was something like 'lick plutonium whilst jizzing into the sun'. WAT A TWIST! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zazen Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 Teleportation is much better than good food and instant trees. Getting in the smokes, cat food and insulin would not be too difficult (especially with teleportation) You get used to cat scratches. So even without taking immortality into account I reckon the cat wins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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