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simple tasks that you perform in the bottom first percentile

Fred McGriff

By Fred McGriff
in General Banter

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Guest MortstoX

Guest MortstoX

Posted
Posted

I can't do ironing. If I iron my shirt, it looks even wrinkled than when I started. One summer I worked some kind of professional laundry, and ironing was a part of it. Sheets, curtains, everything. I had to put them in a big rolling machine, and they always looked like shit when they came out. Customers complained and my boss got angry. I think he had an idea that I messed it up on purpose, but I just didn't get any better. Four weeks of putting curtains in the rolling machine and no skill improvement whatsoever.

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perunamuusi Grand Master

perunamuusi

Posted
Posted

this thread has taught me that keltoi is a real egg jedi.

 

an EGGSPERT! :cisfor:

 

but i still can't make consistently good soft boiled eggs! i make some perfect then do the same thing the next time and they're either over or under cooked.

 

 

i've really mastered this now...

 

i'm really getting into 5 minute semi boiled medium boiled eggs for salads at the moment

 

and tauboo.. i dunno what kind of "professional" duvet cover putter onners you've been talking to but the insiode out corner grab method is definitely the best

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jules Grand Master

jules

Posted
Posted

this thread has taught me that keltoi is a real egg jedi.

 

an EGGSPERT! :cisfor:

 

but i still can't make consistently good soft boiled eggs! i make some perfect then do the same thing the next time and they're either over or under cooked.

 

 

eggsactly.

 

fucking eggcellent keltoi.

 

 

i have never liked soft or hard boiled eggs. i go through phases with eggs where i absolutely love them and want them all the time, then i am disgusted by them. the smell, the consistency. everything about them makes me nauseous. then i love them again.

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Guest 277: 930-933

Guest 277: 930-933

Posted
Posted

patternoverlap's method is too slow and you get your hands wet with egg juice which is not cool.

 

love those one minute videos teaching you how to do simple cooking stuff

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1s75okIUqE

 

Mind = Blown

 

That's a terrible way to dice a tomato.

Also who the hell takes the core out of a tomato, let alone gets a special kitchen utensil to do it?!

WTF

 

I have an an absolutely terrible sense of direction although it's gotten somewhat better when I started driving a couple of years ago.

My map reading skills aren't so hot either.

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chenGOD Grand Master

chenGOD

Posted
Posted

patternoverlap's method is too slow and you get your hands wet with egg juice which is not cool.

 

love those one minute videos teaching you how to do simple cooking stuff

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1s75okIUqE

 

Mind = Blown

 

That's a terrible way to dice a tomato.

Also who the hell takes the core out of a tomato, let alone gets a special kitchen utensil to do it?!

WTF

 

 

taking the core (basically the leafy part and the little hard bit directly below that) out of tomatoes is standard practice in any kitchen. Also tomato sharks are hardly special kitchen utensils....

Not a bad method all in all.

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Guest 277: 930-933

Guest 277: 930-933

Posted
Posted

I just think it's ridiculous, my tomatoes are diced in their entirety and used, no need to get anything other than a knife involved in the process.

The world's gone mad.

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chim Grand Master

chim

Posted
Posted

I don't know how it is in the US or UK with plastic bags in grocery stores/supermarkets, but here you have to grab them yourself and pull them open as they lie on a shelf next to the cashier, connected in a fashion that resembles a toilet roll. Separating the bags is difficult enough, you have to pull and

stretch at the right angles, with an amount of force that is just beneath enough to pull the entire roll off the shelf... But opening them, man, that's where I really fuck up. On a bad day I'll look like a cro-magnon wrestling a shredded piece of plastic.

 

I can make terrific salads, no problems with eggs, but I can't for the life of me figure out when pasta or meat is done. Thank god my cell phone has a timer.

 

I always fuck up getting on the bus when I'm the only one standing at the bus stop. Which way does the door open again? do I put my right or left foot first? I usually stand at a terrible angle from where the driver stops, barely miss walking right into the door, and subsequently stumble on the thing struggling to keep myself on my feet. Might not look so bad on a friday night, but wednesday morning is different. Standing in line for the bus is such a convenience.

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Guest couch

Guest couch

Posted
Posted

Stepping off escalators.

 

I always think about it too much when I'm approaching the end. So I overcompensate and do some derp speed walk/run thing off the top then slow back down.

 

 

Answering phones. Specifically my cell phone.

 

I'll go hours without a call and the second I leave my phone and walk out of the room, leave it in my car or wherever I can't get to it immediately it fucking rings.

 

 

Turning left in a car to park.

 

Cannot do it well so I don't. If there are no parking spots on the right side and I saw one on the left I will pass it, turn around and come back from the right side. This is in a car with the drivers seat on the left side.

 

 

Making any type of mixed drink that uses powder and water.

 

Things like lemonade, gatorade or kool aid with a powder mix where you have to measure the scoops n shit. If I follow instructions exactly it tastes like shit. So I add more powder to get it right and it tastes over saturated. I swear I can add in one grain of powder at a time and it will still fuck up.

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Zephyr_Nova Grand Master

Zephyr_Nova

Posted
Posted

Remembering to bring everything I need when I go out. Usually there's at least one important item I need that gets forgotten, be it my debit card/ID, picks/capo, keys, etc.

Remembering names.

Remembering words.

Remembering numbers.

My memory for mundane details of conversations, sounds/music, and experiences I've had is weirdly good, but for the most part my memory is terrible.

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Guest dean789

Guest dean789

Posted
Posted

I hate shaving my hoop. it's risky putting a blade down there

so are you no good at it? bloody?

No! i nearly lost my foreskin

 

I hate shaving my hoop. it's risky putting a blade down there

 

what the frick is a hoop

Its the hole in my arse where the brown stuff comes out

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