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Midlife crisis


kakapo
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3 hours ago, kakapo said:

Also your knees are shot by that age so if you want to do reasonably intense cardio its one of the better options.

Plum, unless I have a full and sincere apology by midnight tonight there will be consequences.

I am sorry Kakapo. I’m sorry you’re a lycra clad-road bike-bummy-gang wannabe. 

I bet you linger down side roads and alleyways on your tricycle, in your homemade clingfilm outfit that you’ve adorned with brand logos like GIANT, Shimano & Team Sky using Sharpies. Waiting for groups of unaware cyclists to pass by, so you can tag on behind and imagine what it’s like to have real friends (even if it is only briefly, before they notice your mouth stench, pick up the pace and shake you off like the unwanted turd you are)

 

edit: your knees are bad due to years of noshing-off strangers in public toilets in exchange for single cigarettes.


 

Edited by Plum
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3 hours ago, Plum said:

I am sorry Kakapo. I’m sorry you’re a lycra clad-road bike-bummy-gang wannabe. 

I bet you linger down side roads and alleyways on your tricycle, in your homemade clingfilm outfit that you’ve adorned with brand logos like GIANT, Shimano & Team Sky using Sharpies. Waiting for groups of unaware cyclists to pass by, so you can tag on behind and imagine what it’s like to have real friends (even if it is only briefly, before they notice your mouth stench, pick up the pace and shake you off like the unwanted turd you are)

 

edit: your knees are bad due to years of noshing-off strangers in public toilets in exchange for single cigarettes.


 

Plum, you should know that true friendships can still be ephemeral, still contain profound beauty no matter how short.  The Japanese have a phrase for it.  Mono no aware.  Look it up.  I would've expected you to understand this after your experience of organising a 'bring your mandolin' night at a local pub in the provincial shithole that you call home.  Might have been a good idea in 2009.  Not too sure about 2019.  You told me you had dreams of meeting a quirky hipster girl like that one in 300 days of Summer.  You turned up in your best outfit which consisted of a blue harbour check shirt and jeans that were too tight for you by about 30lbs.  Still couldn't see the outline of your penis though.  Nobody turned up.  You'd already knocked back a couple of Stellas for courage, thinking that tonight was going to be the night, when Julie the postmistress and her gaggle of prosecco soaked harridans walked in.  You carried on drinking, and things got a little bit hazy didn't they?  To this day you're still not sure exactly how it happened.  I was there Plum, I was there watching.  I paid Julie to do it.  I like to watch.  I like to take photos.          

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21 minutes ago, kakapo said:

Plum, you should know that true friendships can still be ephemeral, still contain profound beauty no matter how short.  The Japanese have a phrase for it.  Mono no aware.  Look it up.  I would've expected you to understand this after your experience of organising a 'bring your mandolin' night at a local pub in the provincial shithole that you call home.  Might have been a good idea in 2009.  Not too sure about 2019.  You told me you had dreams of meeting a quirky hipster girl like that one in 300 days of Summer.  You turned up in your best outfit which consisted of a blue harbour check shirt and jeans that were too tight for you by about 30lbs.  Still couldn't see the outline of your penis though.  Nobody turned up.  You'd already knocked back a couple of Stellas for courage, thinking that tonight was going to be the night, when Julie the postmistress and her gaggle of prosecco soaked harridans walked in.  You carried on drinking, and things got a little bit hazy didn't they?  To this day you're still not sure exactly how it happened.  I was there Plum, I was there watching.  I paid Julie to do it.  I like to watch.  I like to take photos.          

Motgerfucker you’ve crossed a line. You know I love Blue Habour check shirts. Don’t weaponise that. 

 

edit: I’m absolutely livid. I’m serious never bring Blue Harbour check shirts into this again.    

edit: I’m actually shaking with rage. 

Edited by Plum
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8 minutes ago, zero said:

I'm still hoping for pics of the crocheted dildo mentioned a few pages back

Unless you’ve got an endoscope that’s gonna be tricky. Postmistress Julie hand delivered the package. Kakapos trying to unwrap it using just his colon as we speak. 

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