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Relationship Advice...


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3 minutes ago, zkom said:

Well, it's not much fun when a woman starts to stalk you on the streets and threatens to kill you if they see you with other women. But granted it doesn't happen that often, luckily..

 

Yeah, that's not really a thing I've ever considered being a potential threat.  Did that happen to you?

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Just now, Zephyr_Nova said:

 

Yeah, that's not really a thing I've ever considered being a potential threat.  Did that happen to you?

 

Yes. But it's a long story. I'm not sure how serious the situation was but she managed to get an access where I was staying and just started to appear there without warning or was waiting in the alley next to the front door.

 

Another one was my friend dating a woman who's ex was jealous and violent and my friend had to hide in his apartment for a week with the lights turned off. Then the lady decided to get back with her ex..

 

Gay guys have also the problem of potentially getting raped.

 

Just stay safe even if you're a guy.

 

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2 minutes ago, zkom said:

 

Yes. But it's a long story. I'm not sure how serious the situation was but she managed to get an access where I was staying and just started to appear there without warning or was waiting in the alley next to the front door.

 

Another one was my friend dating a woman who's ex was jealous and violent and my friend had to hide in his apartment for a week with the lights turned off. Then the lady decided to get back with her ex..

 

Gay guys have also the problem of potentially getting raped.

 

Just stay safe even if you're a guy.

 

 

As a heterosexual guy I feel pretty safe.  But I'd be a prime target in the gay scene, being a little birdlike guy with such a sweet, sweet ass/mouth.

 

7 minutes ago, Cryptowen said:

I once had a girl say she would jump off a roof if I broke contact with her. Didn't feel super great tbh

 

That's really awful.

 

Yeah I mean, most guys have at least some bizarro anecdote like that, but it's usually not representative of a pattern of behaviour to constantly be worried about.  Whereas with most of the women I talk to... it really does seem like something close to 50% of guys have that rapist potential, at least on the apps.  Been hearing a lot of stories like that about guys they meet otherwise too so... yeah, the human race is basically fucked.  Since guys have the physical advantage they can really let that shine.

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4 minutes ago, Zephyr_Nova said:

50% of guys have that rapist potential, at least on the apps

Yeah this is another suspicion I have (again, having never participated directly in the online dating scene). Probably there are a lot of "normal" guys on dating apps, but you'd also have a fair share of

A. really socially maladjusted men who otherwise would never approach a girl romantically, who probably are going to do a terrible job at it

B. sociopaths who are basically using the app to efficiently act out some kind of weird control fantasy, and are probably very active compared to the average man

So it might not even be that they make up a huge percentage of the userbase, but they're likely the ones doing the most to draw (negative) attention to themselves

Spoiler

I'm iffy about using the term "sociopath" as like, a real thing that exists, but here i'm mostly just using it as shorthand for a certain personality type you see popping up from time to time

 

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5 minutes ago, Zephyr_Nova said:

Yeah I mean, most guys have at least some bizarro anecdote like that, but it's usually not representative of a pattern of behaviour to constantly be worried about.  Whereas with most of the women I talk to... it really does seem like something close to 50% of guys have that rapist potential, at least on the apps.  Been hearing a lot of stories like that about guys they meet otherwise too so... yeah, the human race is basically fucked.  Since guys have the physical advantage they can really let that shine.

 

It's not a constant pattern with women of course. But when you meet someone online you don't really know anything about them they don't want to tell you. They might be married to a guy who's sitting in prison for a murder or have a history of violent psychotic episodes for all you know.

 

I've been also tried to be recruited to come along to a secluded cabin in the woods for a threesome by some random nice couple I met in a bar who kept buying me drinks. It also sounds a bit risky proposition..

 

No, I didn't go.

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2 hours ago, Zephyr_Nova said:

 

Ha, very well put.  App life is bizarre for a lot of reasons, most notably that every "date" is almost more like a job application.  You know you're just one among several different interviewees.  For women it's much worse, as you're more concerned with figuring out who's a sexual predator and who's safe.  For guys, rejection is really the worst thing you have to worry about, for women it's getting raped.  I've been really disturbed by it after all the convos I've had with various women using bumble/tinder.  I've always had a reasonably bleak view of humanity, but its become a lot darker thanks to the internet dating scene.

 

 

There's certainly a lot more than rejection to worry about for men. App dating exposes you to some strange people, regardless of your gender or sexuality. Sure, most of the horror stories I've heard have been from female friend about dating. Shocking messages, or a scumbag managing to get through their filtering and go on a few dates. An old house mate used to let me read her messages, and yeah...

 

21 minutes ago, zkom said:

 

Yes. But it's a long story. I'm not sure how serious the situation was but she managed to get an access where I was staying and just started to appear there without warning or was waiting in the alley next to the front door.

 

 

That sounds pretty ropey. You just don't know what the other person is capable of. I had someone start calling me at work, that was a shock when I realised the who it likely was. And the number of times they called. We'd never actually met. 

 

21 minutes ago, zkom said:

Gay guys have also the problem of potentially getting raped.

 

Just stay safe even if you're a guy.

Yup, heard some scary stories from friends, and been in some sticky situations myself. I think there is a problem with the hook up culture in the gay community, and "particular" apps that promote risky behaviours. Most of my experiences have been while out on the town, but I'm more mindful of the men or woman I'd speak to and date now; if I were to ever date again. 

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53 minutes ago, Cryptowen said:

I guess what i'm trying to say is that all my life I was told that eventually I'd find my place in society, I'd find a comfortable spot to settle down. But the older I get the more it feels like the opposite is occuring - "society" as it current exists feels like something increasingly alien being imposed upon me, which I must actively resist.  

 

haha i can totally relate to that

 

 

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I almost compulsively create narratives about life, existence, the self, others, the world, society etc. in my head. My mind almost automatically produces them 24/7, often in language form (I've always felt drawn to text & speech). They easily distract me from the here & now / the reality in front of me, sometimes they tempt to be confused with reality. Modern life is much less physical than the kind of life people lived for the most part of human evolution. It's sensory deprivation compared to that. Too little physical activity means more mind activity, something the modern human has to live with. Too much intelligence. We are doomed to produce too much thought, often not very productive or healthy thought at that. You can stop thinking, like you can hold your breath, but not indefinitely, thought comes back automatically pretty soon but there are ways to modulate your mind's output of text/ideas/narratives. Physical activity, music, drugs and relationships/being around other humans change your world of thought. Not necessarily in a positive way, mind you. It's partly why I start hating everyone I am with for too long (without them deserving any of my hate). They break my concentration by constant verbal communication. Very annoying. It's sad that a lot of people seem to have lost the ability to just vibe and not talk all the time. 

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14 minutes ago, dingformung said:

Modern life is much less physical than the kind of life people lived for the most part of human evolution. It's sensory deprivation compared to that. Too little physical activity means more mind activity, something the modern human has to live with. Too much intelligence. We are doomed to produce too much thought, often not very productive or healthy thought at that.

this is very true. often i feel like i'm living at this awkward in between stage of human evolution - we've gotten too brainy to just be able to live purely as animals/sensual beings any more, but we're also nowhere near the point of existing as wholly decorporealized beings of pure consciousness or whatever. a lot of life feels like an attempt to approximate one pole or the other. You exercise, you spend time in nature, you have sex, you eat a nice meal - always trying to forge some kind of total connection with your own physicality/the physical as such. or you're trying to reach this higher plane of enlightenment through meditation, spirituality, philosophy, art, media, etc. - trying to inhabit as much as possible some kind of abstract idea realm where the thing you're thinking about becomes more "you" than the decaying physical body generating the thought. The difficulty is that often attempting to actively move towards one pole seems to involve neglecting the other, and too rarely does it feel like that little "a ha" lightbulb moment where everything clicks together nicely

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In other words you crave pussy and anus but are frigid. A deep thinker and wannabe philosopher, sure, but at your core an emotional eunuch. 

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3 minutes ago, Cryptowen said:

this is very true. often i feel like i'm living at this awkward in between stage of human evolution - we've gotten too brainy to just be able to live purely as animals/sensual beings any more, but we're also nowhere near the point of existing as wholly decorporealized beings of pure consciousness or whatever. a lot of life feels like an attempt to approximate one pole or the other. You exercise, you spend time in nature, you have sex, you eat a nice meal - always trying to forge some kind of total connection with your own physicality/the physical as such. or you're trying to reach this higher plane of enlightenment through meditation, spirituality, philosophy, art, media, etc. - trying to inhabit as much as possible some kind of abstract idea realm where the thing you're thinking about becomes more "you" than the decaying physical body generating the thought. The difficulty is that often attempting to actively move towards one pole seems to involve neglecting the other, and too rarely does it feel like that little "a ha" lightbulb moment where everything clicks together nicely

 I really should continue reading "Self Comes To Mind" by Antonio Damasio. If I remember correctly he basically says that the intuitive distinction between physical and mental/cognitive world may be illusionary. Reality is counter-intuitive sometimes and the same way the earth intuitively appears to be flat but is in fact round, mind & subjective experience may be a strictly physical phenomenon (not in that it just has physical correlates but in that it is part of the physical world). Something like that, I might recollect it wrongly. That aside, the body you are experiencing as your own is in fact just a map of your body created in your mind. We already live inside our minds in that way, and in them only. Subjective physicality is just a model of objective physicality that does or does not function until reproduction. A product of evolutionary logic. So is our mind and as such it may be a pretty useless tool for actually understanding the world as it is.

 

 

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Wow guys, what are you talking about? You seem quite nihilistic and suicidal at this point! Watmm’s relativizations and solipsism at work again? 
Intellectualizations all over the place! You’re just overthinking this! ...out of balance

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1 minute ago, eassae said:

 

Yeah, I can relate to this as well. As I've gotten older I've lost a lot of my youthful exuberance for metaphysics. There are a lot of great conversations on Watmm, and a lot of times I want to join in and contribute—say something smart…then I realize really I have nothing to say. I still appreciate people having these discussions though.

 

Join the WATMM Dad Club TM!

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16 minutes ago, eassae said:

 

As I've gotten older I've lost a lot of my youthful exuberance for metaphysics.

 


Good! That means that you’ve became (emotionally) mature enough to understand that intellectualism cant help you understand yourself, your loved ones or the world in general so you stopped investing your energy into it.

 

edit: 74 typos in one word!!! Wtf am I doing here at 3 am?! This is sick xox! You’re sick boy xox

Edited by xox
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1 hour ago, dingformung said:

 It's sad that a lot of people seem to have lost the ability to just vibe and not talk all the time. 

Agreed. The back of my head tingles when an awkward silence turns into a comfortable pause between me and someone else, it is incredibly relieving. Reminds me of that Pulp Fiction scene with Uma, "why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?" always think about that line...

I think this discussion is pretty cool. Sometimes I wonder if this digital age will push the majority of society towards a frustrated, anxious, depressed, and anti-social mess that's ripe to be controlled easier through media and misinformation. Yet I hope it leans more towards a knowledge-generating society that uses our skill for thinking to learn better treatment of each other and become aware of our shortcomings. Humans have really progressed pretty quickly in terms of tech and intellect (for the most part) since the industrial age

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2 hours ago, dingformung said:

They break my concentration by constant verbal communication. Very annoying. It's sad that a lot of people seem to have lost the ability to just vibe and not talk all the time. 

 

Very relatable.  When I'm around someone extremely extroverted for... not even that long, I start feeling like I'm losing my mind, because their thoughts are constantly forcing themselves into my psyche and replacing my own.  Pure madness... especially because they usually sound crazy.  Fuckin' extros...

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4 hours ago, Shimon_Shimon said:

 

There's certainly a lot more than rejection to worry about for men. App dating exposes you to some strange people, regardless of your gender or sexuality. Sure, most of the horror stories I've heard have been from female friend about dating. Shocking messages, or a scumbag managing to get through their filtering and go on a few dates. An old house mate used to let me read her messages, and yeah...

 

There's plenty of potential ___ to worry about, sure.  Terrible shit can happen unexpectedly to anyone, but the frequency of it occurring to straight men on dating apps is so small as to be completely unconcerning for me (rejection aside).  Like there hasn't been a single instance of me worrying about my physical safety around anyone I've met, despite being a tiny guy.  In... 12 instances of meeting up with strangers, I've had zero experiences that have caused me any anxiety.  But it seems with almost all the women I've spoken to, sexual harassment and assault is par for the course.  I have yet to experience anything like that.  Of course it sometimes happens, same as car accidents do.  But I don't worry about being in a car accident every time I get in my van.  Seems to me that from a woman's perspective, it would be logical to fear your physical safety is in danger every time you meet up with a man.  It's not just a remote risk.  

1 minute ago, auxien said:

 

should just hit them with a car tbh

  Reveal hidden contents

xtrogif.gif?w=700

 

That's very true.

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7 hours ago, auxien said:

should just hit them with a car tbh

  Reveal hidden contents

xtrogif.gif?w=700

 

 

fascinating thing about his gif is it's just some naked dude in this position 

 

Yoga_Reverse-Table-Top-Plank_Exercise.jp

 

add a silly mask on the back of your head and other cheap shit on your body and voilà

 

 

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Yep, I'm not saying the risks are nowhere near the same level for men as what they are for women, but they are not non-existent. When you meet new people of any gender you might get pulled into some bullshit circus of personal problems you never expected.

 

Anyway, usually the worst I get from women is a few weeks of silent treatment after I said something really dumb.

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9 hours ago, Zephyr_Nova said:

 

Very relatable.  When I'm around someone extremely extroverted for... not even that long, I start feeling like I'm losing my mind, because their thoughts are constantly forcing themselves into my psyche and replacing my own.  Pure madness... especially because they usually sound crazy.  Fuckin' extros...

But think about the other side of that coin. They probably feel like they’re getting the silent treatment from you,  thinking fuckin’ intros...

50 minutes ago, zkom said:

Yep, I'm not saying the risks are nowhere near the same level for men as what they are for women, but they are not non-existent. When you meet new people of any gender you might get pulled into some bullshit circus of personal problems you never expected.

 

Anyway, usually the worst I get from women is a few weeks of silent treatment after I said something really dumb.

 Few weeks!? After two days id say to her “can’t you just punch me in the face pls?”

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11 hours ago, xox said:

Good! That means that you’ve became (emotionally) mature enough to understand that intellectualism cant help you understand yourself, your loved ones or the world in general so you stopped investing your energy into it.

That's both assumptive and prescriptive. You don't know anything about his motifs and yet your health care worker ego causes you to ascribe attributes to him that you just pulled out of your ass, such as "maturity". 

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