1. I've lost 60 lbs the past year and have 20 more to go before I am the most attractive person of all time
(but seriously, I feel good about myself for the most part, and I need reminding that this is a stellar acheivement of a great man. no seriously, good job. I have dedication and I also know how to do things well! Losing that much weight requires things most people will never understand, and hence I am now also holding knowledge most people are unaware of, perhaps attained through deaths of grandparents) [[[[NOTE: what this meant was that I attained knowledge of pain, self hatred, misery, aloneness, that most people probably have gained through deaths in the family. I have never faced having a really close person die so that is still foreign to me, I sometimes wonder if that is why I have trouble getting along with humorless people]]]
2. I made an excellent chili that, after making the top 10 or so chilis on Allrecipe, is superior! I could win a damn chili cookoff with my own damn recipe!
3. I put a fried egg on it
4. I started learning to see past the surface level of my comments, facial expressions, attire, and modes ("I could win a damn chili cookoff with my own damn recipe" [kill the invalid] + avatar + movements) and realized that my innate superiority is not something to be taken lightly. We all have this, it just so happens that I had a difficult upbringing and I have various confusions, I don't really care what you think, we'd all get along if people knew the truth about "I" which is just that... well, basically I need to make it easier for people to love me. I have a hardcore dictionary of information waiting to be tapped by the most beautiful girl in the world, a 6/10 to the rest but a 10/10 to me, a lovely fluid dynamic "bird" as they say. I can dance with/better than the best of them, I can talk about stars and do great poetry of the linguistics. I am not goofy. I can drive a car and make an amazing chili with fried eggs on top. I have expensive musical equipment for a person my age. I have amazing taste. I am well read, better than 99% of the people I automatically assume to be better and more normal than myself who I also assume to be more attractive. BUZZER! incorrect! I am the shit! I should love myself!
I love myself now. But who can learn love without parents of that type? The derangement, alcohol, poison seeping. I'm here, now, with y'all.
6. cleaned apartment
7. album coming along. I put on my own music last night and tore off the cobwebs of self-hatred and self-denial and started dancing in front of the mirror, and I realized that what I am working on is the future of music. And if that hadn't have happened, I would have just sat in bed getting more and more depressed. It's amazing the duality of experience, black to white.
8. It's all in your mind, in my mind. Everything. It's what you want to be, be it, know how to be it.
Knowledge how = knowledge that. Virtuoso piano players and artists are probably the same. I completely 100% lack certain communicative social characteristics, such as knowing how to work and understand others. I am sorry. I am here, with warmth, and various gifts of selfhood but I don't really know how to socialize so please forgive me. I'm not good at the back and forth. I am working on it with the "knowledge that"
Edited by vamos scorcho, 04 April 2013 - 06:05 PM.