Jump to content

Post your favourite jokes!!!


Recommended Posts

Guest Gravity

Why did the chicken cross the road?



Mind your own fucking business. Privacy still exists, you know.


Link to comment
Share on other sites

My son said, "Dad, when was the first time you fell in love?"

I said, "I was 18. I walked into a bar and spotted the most gorgeous blonde I'd ever seen. Cupid fired his arrow the second I saw her."

He said, "So what happened?"

I said, "Nothing. Unfortunately the arrow missed and hit your fucking Mother."





"G'day mate, Fosters Helpline.. What's the problem mate?"

"Hi Guys, I'm in Australia with the girlfriend and she's been stung on the minge by a hornet, and now her fanny has completely closed up"

"Bummer Mate..."

"Thanks Guys, that's what I thought too. Bye..."

Edited by spratters
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Geoff dies and finds himself slowly descending to Hell


On arrival at The Gates of Hell, he's met by the Chief of Devils Himself, Lord Satan

Satan looks at him and says "Hey Geoff why the long face? Why so upset?"

Geoff shaking and quivering in fear explains patheticly and grovingly that he is obviously terrified out of his wits, Satan gives him a matey, mild punch in the chest and tells him not to worry, Lord Satan starts to put Geoffs mind at ease

"Tell me Geoff, are you a drinking man?"

Geoff whimpers a "Yes Mister Satan" at which point Lucifer says " Well Monday is drinking day, all day we drink whiskey, beer, gin, vodka. Whatever you like Geoff because we drink as much as we like and you can drink until the point of death, but because your dead, it don't matter!!!" Geoff perks up a bit.

"Tell me Geoff are you a smoking man?"

Geoff says he is and Lord Satan explains that Tuesday is Smoking Day. The finest cigars, the biggest crack pipe, the biggest bongs!! All is on offer and once again explains to our man Geoff he can smoke as much as he likes because he's dead? It don't fucking matter!! Hahah

"Tell me Geoff are you a gambling man?" Geoff stands up straight, no longer whimpering and says he is much to everyones delight. "Well Geoff you guess it mate, Wednesday is gambling day, gamble all day long, loose all your money, it don't matter because your dead."

Thursday? Well thurdsay is drug day and Satan tells Geoff that he can pop E's all day, snort cocaine, jack up on Heroin as much as he likes. Because he's dead, no overdose gonna happen. Happy Days!!

Satan looks at Geoff with a big grin, Geoff grins at Mate Satan. Old Nick says to him "Tell me Geoff are you a backdoor bandit, an anal assasin?" "a cock gobbler" Geoff beats his chest hard and retorts "Hell No Satan!!, I aint no Harry Hoofter!! I never take it up the arse!!"

Satan gives Geoff a big wink and says "You're gonna hate Fridays then mate"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?




alternate ending: gaarg gaarg gaarg





Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.