relationships vs. getting anything done

[goDel]

* complex enough without......

 

 

o, you get the giz

[luke viia]

 

hmm, well fair enough, these last posts have been pretty irrational and flamboyant. have you tried meeting potential assets while drunk on the job maybe? perhaps make a comment on their, er, inspiring figure when they first arrive in the morning?

 

 

 

 

 

 

When it comes to work, I'm pretty much a monk. All this politics at the office is complex enough with some sexual interests intruding it...

 

I'm my boss his white knight, so to speak. Consciously naive to avoid any flirts of hot colleagues. (flirting is allowed though.... of course ;P)

 

 

lol, good, I wasn't serious

 

unfortunately i really have no advice to offer on women, I'm a noob to cohabitation and basically have left a string of failed short relationships in my wake, and now just reading the phrase "I'm a noob to cohabitation" makes it pretty clear why most of my earlier attempts were drugged-up nerd failures. though I can suggest you don't try to hit on people's gf's on the internet, that technique's success rate is actually negative.

[goDel]

It's fun though!

 

Sometimes, negative success rates can be fun!

 

*dear diary, today I've learned having failures can be fun. who would have thought...*

[DerWaschbar]

If you are mature and honest and interested with someone who is mature and honest and interested then it's not a problem.

[peace 7]

In 99~01, I used to spend a lot of my waking hours making music. I was very passionate, worked in-between classes, and sometimes worked on music while my girlfriend at the time hung out alone. Then until ~2010, I worked on music and neglected family get-togethers and going out with friends and girlz, etc., cuz again, I was very passionate and thought music meant a lot to me.

 

Years later, I realize that spending time with people is "getting things done" and is way better than any shit I'd make myself a hermit for. If an art project can't be completed during random free-timez, then there better be nobody to hang out with, else- for me anyway- it's a waste of time. On one hand, it is pretty cool and fun and nostalgic to listen to those several hundred choonz and snippets and be like, "Oh yah- I remember that..." and "Fuck, this is really good.", but people in our lives often move-on to their respective paths- we sometimes never see people again. I find it more important now, to spend time with people, because I can have fun, learn new things, etc. With artistic creation, I am just masturbating in the mirror.

 

There tends to be this idea in visual art and music, that inspiration and "genius ideas" neeeed to be completed and materialized into this world as close to tangible as possible- else they're lost!- but what I've learnt from nearly 20 years of very regularly writing down notes for invention, music, painting/drawing, book, and film ideas, is that ideas are basically infinite, just by being the creative type. So there is no need to fear losing an idea (or ruining that one perfect part of a genius track). There cannot be enough time to complete all conceived ideas, nor can perfection ever be reached-- but the illusions of ultimate completion and perfection are the most time consuming aspects of creation. And because of this, it turns out that long spans of "creativity" can actually just be years of refining nothing.

 

So in the end- well, the present- I find that it's best to work on artistic creation during random free timez, during moments of hard-boner inspiration, or whenever it just feels really good, without having to sacrifice the more significant and beautiful aspects of life-- spending a day with a significant other or close friend is more fulfilling than years of obsessed-hermit-creation. In this method, I find that since time for creation is so limited, the mind focuses on the essence of one's intention to create. So with music, instead of spending several months on a half-finished track that is perfectly mixed "but nowhere near done", I can get a track that is wholly complete but rough around the edges, in much less time. As time passes, I find, "Holy shit, I actually finished a lot of music/art", and I didn't even have to miss a good time, with people who I care much more about than something of mine that I created and went, "This is cool, self-bro, you fuckin' bomb. *wank wank wank pew pew pew*".

[ZoeB]

There tends to be this idea in visual art and music, that inspiration and "genius ideas" neeeed to be completed and materialized into this world as close to tangible as possible- else they're lost!- but what I've learnt from nearly 20 years of very regularly writing down notes for invention, music, painting/drawing, book, and film ideas, is that ideas are basically infinite, just by being the creative type.

 

I'd say both are true. I never have a want of ideas, but then again, if I don't note them down fast enough, I'll forget the last one and move on to the next one, leaving the last one never realised. And ideas themselves are cheap. It's the blood and sweat of actually executing them, bringing them to reality, realising them, that counts.

 

I have many albums that I love, that I wouldn't want to be deprived of. I don't have any beloved recordings of anyone saying "hey, guys, I've got this great idea for an album! It'd go a bit like this..."

 

But if you favour having friends over being creative, that's cool. If you can balance both, even better.

 

I also like the "good enough" approach to things (not always, but sometimes), partly as the dirty aesthetic can be fun in its own right, and partly as it frees up time to make more things! :D

[MadameChaos]

If you are mature and honest and interested with someone who is mature and honest and interested then it's not a problem.

 

Very much this. Any resonable person will give you the time and space to work on your own projects, it's a given in any healthy relationship.

 

The crazy wild sex until the early hours of the morning during the first stages of the relationship can be a bit taxing on the day job though.

[peace 7]

if you favour having friends over being creative, that's cool. If you can balance both, even better.

 

 

Yah balance in all is best! For me it's not about favoring one over the other... more about realizing what I really wanted with regards to both. I used to draw near-daily since 4 years old to 19 years old, and I only started deserting people for visual art when the idea of "making a living from art" came into being, but really, that's not even about money-- it's about "living" by doing something. But that is actually what I was doing prior to the "making a living" idea. Same with music-- I worked on music for 10+ years, because I actually thought it'd be cool to do it "for a living". So again, it was somehow about basing my life off of and around creation, but casually making music and interacting with people, is actually also living. So in the end end end- for me- it's all been about living. Just... living, and making a life by being myself. (Though I do believe that hardcore obsession in creation is necessary for honing craft to its limits and for one to realize one's own value system and sense of self.)

 

So I think a lot of the time that people spend on sacrificing social interaction for their craft, comes down to obsessive ideas about wanting to be recognized for it and being labeled as "a composer", "a painter", etc. Ironically, I find a lot of art that's been created casually, to be much more sincere, direct, and moving.

[Terpentintollwut]

OH FOR FUCKS SAKE wrote a long-ish post and then went out and got myself some ice cream. Never posted the thing. Fuck things sometimes.

Let's do it again then... but shorter:

 

Had this prob with prev gf, sucked. Now not, don't suck.

 

 

To elaborate beyond the need: I used to have this problem with my ex. Actually it was sort of the other way round: I did get my shit done, but she felt totally and utterly neglected by me, and was kinda right about that, too. I saw her like once a week at most. She is a particularly needy gf, too, so we were a terrible match to begin with! She needed constant emotional support and someone to build her confidence and all that, and I just wanted some ... -oh wow I sound like an ass. But to be fair, I was kinda clear about that from the start. I said I had some shit I wanted to do most of the time, and I never got how she didn't have her own stuff to do in the meantime. I did enjoy being with her but only when it wasn't to make up for social neglect etc ... I think that resulted in me being a bit unfair with her at some point. I'm friends with her now though! We were just a silly match to begin with, like I said, but after that was made clear, there was no need to fight. I kinda helped her hook up with some guy I hadn't seen since Kindergarten, for some reason.

 

Anyway, this is a problem that just doesn't exist with my lady now. Probably because she's just as much of a "solo-worker" when it comes to creating stuff as me ... or, maybe it's just down to her actually being another "creative type" in the first place. We either collaborate or go our own way for a while, it usually works. So I guess that recommendation

 

Date someone who is passionate and obsessed with something.

 

is a good one in general.

[joshuatxuk]

what luke said basically

[vamos scorcho]

Women are universally a waste of time.

 

They are very undervalued by our society.

 

They undervalue themselves by choice.

 

Where is the line?

 

Relationships are mostly built on a lie.

 

Most people who don't think this are simply ignorant of the truth.

 

I'm talking out of my ass.

 

There is a time and a place. I would never have made such great music without having beautiful women and people in life to be around and interact with. The two are basically inseparable and inform one another, but I am against long term relationships at this time. I think all should be short in the physical area but long in the mental and spiritual connection. I feel a long connection to the people I've known but the actual relationships have all not lasted more than six months.

 

I'm sure that will change but I think if you're below twenty six and you haven't figured anything out long term relationships are impractical.

[Guest RadarJammer]

In 99~01, I used to spend a lot of my waking hours making music. I was very passionate, worked in-between classes, and sometimes worked on music while my girlfriend at the time hung out alone. Then until ~2010, I worked on music and neglected family get-togethers and going out with friends and girlz, etc., cuz again, I was very passionate and thought music meant a lot to me.

 

Years later, I realize that spending time with people is "getting things done" and is way better than any shit I'd make myself a hermit for. If an art project can't be completed during random free-timez, then there better be nobody to hang out with, else- for me anyway- it's a waste of time. On one hand, it is pretty cool and fun and nostalgic to listen to those several hundred choonz and snippets and be like, "Oh yah- I remember that..." and "Fuck, this is really good.", but people in our lives often move-on to their respective paths- we sometimes never see people again. I find it more important now, to spend time with people, because I can have fun, learn new things, etc. With artistic creation, I am just masturbating in the mirror.

 

There tends to be this idea in visual art and music, that inspiration and "genius ideas" neeeed to be completed and materialized into this world as close to tangible as possible- else they're lost!- but what I've learnt from nearly 20 years of very regularly writing down notes for invention, music, painting/drawing, book, and film ideas, is that ideas are basically infinite, just by being the creative type. So there is no need to fear losing an idea (or ruining that one perfect part of a genius track). There cannot be enough time to complete all conceived ideas, nor can perfection ever be reached-- but the illusions of ultimate completion and perfection are the most time consuming aspects of creation. And because of this, it turns out that long spans of "creativity" can actually just be years of refining nothing.

 

So in the end- well, the present- I find that it's best to work on artistic creation during random free timez, during moments of hard-boner inspiration, or whenever it just feels really good, without having to sacrifice the more significant and beautiful aspects of life-- spending a day with a significant other or close friend is more fulfilling than years of obsessed-hermit-creation. In this method, I find that since time for creation is so limited, the mind focuses on the essence of one's intention to create. So with music, instead of spending several months on a half-finished track that is perfectly mixed "but nowhere near done", I can get a track that is wholly complete but rough around the edges, in much less time. As time passes, I find, "Holy shit, I actually finished a lot of music/art", and I didn't even have to miss a good time, with people who I care much more about than something of mine that I created and went, "This is cool, self-bro, you fuckin' bomb. *wank wank wank pew pew pew*".

 

I would rather explore an unpredictable train of creative thought than have a predictable day out with friends and family but I would drop everything and skip to the door if invited on a mystery adventure or to the forest

 

i think there can be a big difference between those who work in genres and abstract artists who don't know where they are gonna start with something and have no idea what form its gonna take, this is an arguable point but I think experimental artistry can be less like masturbation and more like having a non verbal conversation with parts of the brain that are normally pretty quiet and reserved.

 

if your just locking yourself away making music all day then you'r problem is probably more complicated and deep rooted than just being focused or obsessed on making music to a unhealthy degree

[delet...]

Date someone who is passionate and obsessed with something.

 

 

That might not end so well.

 

[spunktronics]

Last relationship consumed my entire life! Both our faults, we made a mutual decision to end it, now I'm really productive music wise but missing the friendship.

[goDel]

 

Date someone who is passionate and obsessed with something.

 

 

That might not end so well.

 

 

 

So passionate and dedicated. How can you not fall in love with this beautifal lady!

 

[delet...]

I must admit that she seems, from interviews, like a nice peepa. But still i've heard of women taking over what the furnishings of an house look like and the man's world confined to the garage or the back shed, but this goes beyond floral print curtains and fluffy cat cushions....

[MadameChaos]

I had an ex who spent literally all their time on the computer, they told me they were doing work so I respected it even when it meant having to go to social events without them. After a while though I got to understand what work he could/should be doing (I'm doing a similar role in my spare time) and realised that this couldn't possibly account for all the time he was spending on the web. Anyway it turns out he was a hardcore porn addict. We broke up.

[goDel]

That begs the question: what was having sex like with a porn addict? I assume being a porn addict does not imply being a sex addict.

 

edit: please spare me any details about latex fetish etc. It's the larger picture which is begging for questions...

[MadameChaos]

.

[goDel]

Ehm, no not really. The porn addict is the bored dog, or the active one?

 

Yes, I'm rather happy being naively stupid at this point. It's always fun chatting about sex with a lady. ;p

[MadameChaos]

.

[goDel]

You don't want to be sleeping in the same bed with one of those. I hope you kicked him in the groin if he did engage in your sleep...

 

Perhaps you should have made him watch lesbian porn (that's made for straights). Could have made him a bit more soft, so to speak.

[MadameChaos]

.

[goDel]

hahaha

[Terpentintollwut]

I hope you broke up eventually because of the stuff his porn-addiction resulted in (or maybe because he was lying about it), not just because you were outraged by the fact that he was watching porn in general...? It seems for a lot of younger people, the majority of them being women, porn is still a highly sensitive topic, even though you'd think we're all pretty much cool with it at this point.

 

My girlfriend just wrote her bachelor thesis about porn-watching-behavior of women and interviewed a couple of friends for it, with interesting results.

There was also an incident in which I showed a music video of mine (for which I had sampled some porn-footage off the web) in class, to a group of art-students - five or six girls actually left the room, followed by a one hour discussion about whether it's okay to show this kinda stuff - at an ART SCHOOL! I'd never have expected that.

Anyway, in the end of the day, pretty much all men (and a whole lot of women) watch porn, except maybe this one guy I know. And it's silly to feel jealous or hurt about your partner enjoying porn, it's no big deal as long as you're honest about it - Hence, it is also very stupid to hide this from a partner, and I would have been pissed off as well to find out somebody had been lying to me.