How did you change your life?

[LimpyLoo]

 

 

relationships by their definition require work, wtf are you on about

 

Well sure they require work in the way that life in general requires work. Maintenance stuff.

 

 

But enjoying your time around another person shouldn't require work.

 

 

I dunno. What would you consider 'work'?

 

 

What would you consider work?

 

 

Well I think I would consider 'work' as something you don't like doing but do to get a desired outcome.

Like, I probably wouldn't do the dishes if it wasn't a necessary step in having clean dishes.

 

But my guess is that we all have a different definition of 'work'

and that's why we're disagreeing on how much work is required.

[chim]

I don't know what planet you are from Limpyloo but relationships require tons of work, unless you're talking "3am fling in the closing bar"-relationships or what people post about their SO's on facebook. The thing about real relationships is that a lot of it gets forgotten as work if you truly love the person, or at least hope that somewhere down the line it's going to work out. It's not always that easy though, sometimes the only thing that will save a relationship is 100% grit-bearing determination to see it through, no matter how "well-matched" you are, because that's what real life circumstances are.

 

The good thing about all this dismay is that once you learn to see it this way and stop with the rosetinted bullshit, you will be better equipped to both work out a good relationship, and let go of a bad relationship.

[Guest zaphod]

yep

[LimpyLoo]

I dunno, maybe you guys are right and maybe I'm crazy.

 

All I know is that my current relationship is pretty easy and we're pretty damn(ed?) happy.

 

Yes, I've been in relationships that would've required work to save them...but save them from what?

 

 

I dunno. My parents could've worked really hard to save their relationship. But the thing that was wrong with their relationship was that they were fundamentally incompatible and just wanted different things out of life.

Like, where is the line between fixing a relationship and just letting it go?

[ZoeB]

It's not just you, LimpyLoo. My partner and I are very happy together too, although we've been assured we're in a minority in that regard...

[Guest pafr]

It's not just you, ZoeB. My domestic partner (2 cats) and I are very happy together too, although we've been assured we're in a minority in that regard...

[gmanyo]

I think that people should be happy in relationships, and it's not bad if your relationship feels easy. In any close relationship though, and I'm not even just talking about romantic ones, if there's never any conflict then there's a good chance you're not close enough, or someone might even be hiding something, most likely in an unconscious way. Working out conflict and working through hard situations can solidify relationships - it's a sign that your relationship is worth fighting for, that you care more about the other person than the problems you're having. There's also risk involved in sharing parts of your life with different people; you have to be vulnerable.

[Allize]

 

I feel like I realized relationships must be taken care off with thought and prudence. Because the more you invest in them, the more they will impact you. The relationship lasted 1 year. Until then I was on some sort of fucking-dating spree with several girls, changing from one to another in a short period of time. Then I stuck with this one for very long and I feel like I've grown up.

 

I have trouble meeting girls with which I care to even have a short relationship. It's fucked because I no longer want to be alone, but my lifestyle is isolated in nature. The few relationships I've had have all ended quite poorly. So much so that I don't like getting intimate with others. I have trust issues, and a lot of anger and frustration to work through. I could benefit greatly from a good partner though.

 

 

I understand that. I said it made me grown up but now I also feel kind of traumatized.

 

 

[Allize]

 

 

I feel like I realized relationships must be taken care off with thought and prudence. Because the more you invest in them, the more they will impact you. The relationship lasted 1 year. Until then I was on some sort of fucking-dating spree with several girls, changing from one to another in a short period of time. Then I stuck with this one for very long and I feel like I've grown up.

I kind-of believe that a relationship shouldn't require too much work, per se.

 

I mean, beyond basic maintenance stuff like keeping the bills paid and the sink empty, if joyful coexistence does not come naturally to two people then maybe those two people aren't the best suited for each other. I think the basis of a relationship should be two people enjoying each other's company.

 

I've been in relationships where contrast of lifestyle was a huge problem, and I thought 'well I guess it's gonna take some effort to make this work.' But then the next relationship was just so easy because we were on the same page with everything.

 

Anyway, I think relationships should be easy, and if and when they're not easy there's something wrong. But that is totally just my opinion.

 

It was a personality and lifestyle contrast that didn't work well in the end. We both decided to go forward with it nevertheless but it was doomed to end. It's how I feel atm but I miss her and our moments anyway. This shit ain't easy. It was me that took the decision to break up. I know I should move forward and eventually forget her but at the same time I feel like I don't want to do that because what we had was beautiful and special, most of the time.

 

 

[LimpyLoo]

 

 

 

I feel like I realized relationships must be taken care off with thought and prudence. Because the more you invest in them, the more they will impact you. The relationship lasted 1 year. Until then I was on some sort of fucking-dating spree with several girls, changing from one to another in a short period of time. Then I stuck with this one for very long and I feel like I've grown up.

I kind-of believe that a relationship shouldn't require too much work, per se.

 

I mean, beyond basic maintenance stuff like keeping the bills paid and the sink empty, if joyful coexistence does not come naturally to two people then maybe those two people aren't the best suited for each other. I think the basis of a relationship should be two people enjoying each other's company.

 

I've been in relationships where contrast of lifestyle was a huge problem, and I thought 'well I guess it's gonna take some effort to make this work.' But then the next relationship was just so easy because we were on the same page with everything.

 

Anyway, I think relationships should be easy, and if and when they're not easy there's something wrong. But that is totally just my opinion.

 

It was a personality and lifestyle contrast that didn't work well in the end. We both decided to go forward with it nevertheless but it was doomed to end. It's how I feel atm but I miss her and our moments anyway. This shit ain't easy. It was me that took the decision to break up. I know I should move forward and eventually forget her but at the same time I feel like I don't want to do that because what we had was beautiful and special, most of the time.

 

 

 

Yeah, I know that feeling. I think the source of that is...well from my experience, there's this sort-of cognitive dissonance where you long for the good times you had but at the same time you're both kinda different people and those same good times would be impossible to have again. I think it's a deficiency in the way we think about people. Like, sometimes I'll miss an ex-girlfriend but then I'll think "she's not even the same person...like maybe 20% of the girl I knew is still in there."

 

Or something. I dunno, I still haven't figured anything out yet lol.

[Allize]

The problem came mostly from me. I'm a difficult and undecided person. She's the sweetest girl. That's what I love most about her, and she probably will always be that way.

Probably not with me tho.

/proceeds to cry in fetal position

[Guest pafr]

You see, in order to solve any problem, you have to find the root cause of such problem. Why do you want to get into a relationship, disregarding professional relationship for work and bringing food to the table? Because you feel lonely. Why do you feel lonely? Because of human conditions. Now, if you drop enough acid, you can solve that human condition problem.

[chenGOD]

I think that people should be happy in relationships, and it's not bad if your relationship feels easy. In any close relationship though, and I'm not even just talking about romantic ones, if there's never any conflict then there's a good chance you're not close enough, or someone might even be hiding something, most likely in an unconscious way. Working out conflict and working through hard situations can solidify relationships - it's a sign that your relationship is worth fighting for, that you care more about the other person than the problems you're having. There's also risk involved in sharing parts of your life with different people; you have to be vulnerable.

 

I love this post :)

[peace 7]

"Work" in a relationship, in music creation terms... The "easy and fun" part of a relationship, is what starts it and what is cherry on top but not the foundation that maintaaaaaaains such goodness. So like when you start off a track, they usually start off bad ass. Like you'll have that awesome beat or awesome melody, and it's like, "FUCK, this track is fucking good." But guess what? You only have a badass 1:35 second intro, and that means shit. You can't get signed with a badass 1:35 second intro, and nobody fucking cares. So this is where FUN+WORK collide, where you have to take the themes you're feeling from that badass 1:35 intro and expand on the concepts to create flow and an experience. This is where in a relationship, the novelty of "funny guy" or "hot ass" wears off, and you are left with secondarily-cool factors to work with. This is where many tracks/relationships fail, because it can get boring. The hard work required here is 100% the reason why so many electronic tracks have good intros, that basically go nowhere (and the listener cries, because intro is so good but shittiness of rest does not make intro a whole track). This is where lazy people make relationships fail, because they don't realize that they have to MAINTAIN it-- good relationships are not served to you.

 

So you're a hard worker and one with your heart, so now you have like 3:52 seconds on your track, but you keep telling yourself you have 4 minutes. No, you only have 3:52, but you're convinced of 4 minutes and will continue listening to this well-crafted 4 minutes for at least 2 hours a day. This is the part of the relationship where true bonding starts to occur, and things are getting fleshed out enough that the experience of a long-term relationship with the other can be imagined more accurately. Initial novelties (intro) are still good, but the rest of experiences (the middle bit of track) are what keep the bond. In a relationship, this is about where it starts to get cool to talk about anal problems or help the other pop a pimple or support the other in their constant farting. So now you have neeeeearly 4 minutes on your track, and this is really starting to get GOOD. The intro is meeerely the beginning of the finally awesome melody bits you wrote, that make you feel like you reinvented Hasty Boom Alert. But the following, this is where it gets TOUGH.....

 

So you've been listening to your near 4 minutes for days (weeks) now, adding like 3 seconds in that period. You are so PROUD and even IMPRESSED of your admittedly awesome creation, but the track is not finished SO IT MEANS NOTHING. Again, muthafuckin' Planet Mu doesn't give a shit about your almost finished track, and nobody else wants to hear your bullshit cuz they will just be left hanging. All you will tell your friends with your unfinished track is "Hey, I'm almost really cool." So in a relationship, this is where problems can come-- this is where there is struggle in moving forward for both, because really, you are both there to ride the cosmic space craft of life together; both navigating the controls simultaneously. This is where you see how much your intro and middle of the track are worth. This is where you prove to yourself and the other, just how much you care. If you cannot finish a track, your song is worthless and your efforts all go to waste. So THIS PART-- this is what separates mediocre relationships from fucking awesome cosmic ultra Jupiter lazer relationships. This is what separates crying IDM fanboyz from dyudez with actual albums. All right- so you've already listened to your near 4 minutes for AT LEAST 15 hours by this point, and YOU KNOW WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE. YOU KNOOOOOW WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE. You FUCKING KNOW EXACTLY WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE. And this is where- STRENGTH OF WILL PERMITTING-... you take that last sip of 10 cups of coffee, put down the weed, close your porn and wash your hands-- this is where, you fucking painfully rock through to the final bitz that make your track worth anything. You lock-in, FOCUS, and after many many many hours.... YOU HAVE COMPLETED YOUR TRACK (which now clocks in at 5:49).

 

FUCK!!! Oh FUCK. Your track is now awesome! You might think that maaaybe some parts need to be remixed or some part needs more reverb, but that is perfectionism and idealism, and NOBODY but you will be able to perceive the difference in subtle changes, cuz you worked so fucking hard on the track-- the main thing anyone will experience is how awesome it is, and two: just how hard you worked on the track. Their pants will be blown off on multiple fronts, and they will listen again, and again, and again. Mike P will listen to it again, and again, and again, and he will ask you for more tracks, because holy shit, you actually had something to show for all your hot shot talk about being IDM. AT THIS POINT, the intro doesn't mean what it used to, the middle doesn't mean what it used to, the end isn't just an end-- EVERY SINGLE PART IS AWESOME BECAUSE THE WHOLE TRACK IS AWESOME. And all that shit that seeeeeemed like HARD FUCKING WORK? Well, it was totally painful, but totally 100% worth it. Your track.... is FUCKING GOOD.

And if you can do that in a relationship, it will be fucking good. All the hard work will not be any easier, but you'll know the value so will not see hurdles as problems. You will see hard times as required struggles, towards something that you know is worth time and effort. If you get this far, everything you thought was the intro/mid/end, will change. Your value for all of it will change. You will be in new territory that you could not have possibly imagined the relationship would be, in the start of it. Both of you- through maintenance effort- have created something new together. You started off as one being with the other, but now, you are ONE. TEAM OF ULTRA.

 

Godspeed.

[YangYing]

Everything you do is a balloon.

 

I realised then I would always be alone.

[Guest pafr]

peace 7, I like you.

try again, fail again, fail better. Well, the try again part slowly dies with more failures. If the tracks are as ideally amazing as you describe and as easy as you say, then I'll be damned. People have different and different levels of expectations. Some relationships can be deep and amazing, pretty much like a religious experience. Flings are easy but not as satisfying. No relationship of any kind is guaranteed to hold together. If you compare relationship to tracks, then the track will not end until the relationship ends. Ending isn't always bad, but most people don't learn anything from their failed relationship. They just assume/blame it on incompatibility issues. Time heals almost all things, for almost everyone, unless you are someone who's unable to forget the past.

 

"the more you love something, the deeper the pain" - Suzuki

[MadameChaos]

When you get the blanket thing you can relax, because everything you could ever want or be, you already have and are.

[kinski]

 

Like, where is the line between fixing a relationship and just letting it go?

if its worth fixing you'll know. if you question it its not. simple.

[Guest A/D]

Peace7 I want to make that my signature. Thank you.

[peace 7]

If you compare relationship to tracks, then the track will not end until the relationship ends.

 

Naw, man- when you finish making a track, that's when the track is BORN. That's when the track starts. Just like in amazing relationships, after all that hard work, that is when the true harmony begins.

[Guest pafr]

 

If you compare relationship to tracks, then the track will not end until the relationship ends.

 

Naw, man- when you finish making a track, that's when the track is BORN. That's when the track starts. Just like in amazing relationships, after all that hard work, that is when the true harmony begins.

 

and you live happily ever after. End of story.

[sheatheman]

Trust and no secrets and all that.

[Guest murphythecat8]

meeting my girlfriend at 17 years old.

Smoking my first joint changed my life 10 years ago.

Taking magic mushroom completely changed my view about reality.

Discovered buddhism and quantum physics: that kinda saved my sanity, I felt I was going crazy going around and saying to people that rality is not what it looks like, dependent origination and all. I now had a religion to back me up!

DMT breathrough. my one and only. This prooved to me that reality is not what we think it is, that theres life after death, that the very notion of being alive or death isnt really define. I saw deities, millions of worlds and galaxy all in 4 dimension (yes 4 dimension).

Meditation experiences

I'll likely become a monk down the road, but I am too attached to sensual desires and pleasure, my GF and food.

[Guest pafr]

DMT breathrough. my one and only. This prooved to me that reality is not what we think it is, that theres life after death, that the very notion of being alive or death isnt really define. I saw deities, millions of worlds and galaxy all in 4 dimension (yes 4 dimension).

I've never seen any deity or any other bullshit like that. Personally, I think it's the individual's delusion plus the bandwagon effect. Similar to the placebo effect where if you think you might see gods, then you probably will believe and think so that way when you are tripping.

[ambermonk]

Peace 7, that was beautiful. Subarasikatta.

If and when I start my first relationship (yea I'm serious), I will keep your advice in mind as a parable in its likeness to making a badass track.