Judging People/ My Aunt Died

[mat]

So I went to my Aunt's funeral the other day and it opened my eyes quite a bit.

 

I had always thought of my aunt as a kind of crazy person who I wanted to keep my distance from. She was always nice and ALWAYS quick to hug, but it was what seemed to me an over niceness and, again, a little crazy. My whole immediate family felt this way and also a good bit of my extended family.

 

So I'm at her funeral and first of all they are playing Beatles songs which is already such a huge change from the typical hymnal, stuffy religious songs I usually hear at funerals (I have been to alot of funerals). The atmosphere is already loose instead of obligatorily somber.

 

Then the people get up to talk about her. Every single person talks about how she loved everyone like family. She had driven to Minnesota to pack up her sister and her four kids to come live with her in Texas (making their 3 bedroom 4 person house a 9 person household!), she had helped a boy who was homeless and jobless get back on his feet to the point where he eventually married her daughter. She had influenced her niece to sign up for the army which turned out to be a hugely helpful and wonderful thing for her. She had introduced a woman to a man that became that woman's husband after she had sworn off dating. She actually changed people's lives and touched them.

 

The funeral home was mostly full of people who she worked with. There were a ton of people that worked with her there!

 

I was struck with how different we perceive people. I liked her and cared about her, but these people loved her and were so mournful of her passing because of the differences she made in their lives. I feel like I judged my aunt unfairly and this caused me to keep my distance while these other people truly relished her existence.

 

I hope this sticks with me and helps me truly accept people more instead of judging appearances of their status in this monetary achievement driven society. I tend to respect and look up to people I feel have achieved a certain kind of status or salary when there are so many other avenues to be successful.

 

My aunt would have loved her funeral.

[dr lopez]

that's nice.

 

my grandfather was an ornery old chain-smoking alcoholic after his leg was shattered in WWII. That's my father's memory of him and my memory of him as well.

 

At his funeral a lot of his pre-war friends from rural washington came to the funeral and spoke of their astonishment at my family's words about his "passion and intensity" (code for anger and hatred.)

 

They all said their memories of my grandfather were of a helpful, loving man who would do anything for a friend.

Long story short, war fucks you up mang

[mat]

that's nice.

 

my grandfather was an ornery old chain-smoking alcoholic after his leg was shattered in WWII. That's my father's memory of him and my memory of him as well.

 

At his funeral a lot of his pre-war friends from rural washington came to the funeral and spoke of their astonishment at my family's words about his "passion and intensity" (code for anger and hatred.)

 

They all said their memories of my grandfather were of a helpful, loving man who would do anything for a friend.

 

Long story short, war fucks you up mang

 

My friend's father is pretty much hated or ignored by all members of his family and yet casual acquaintances think the world of him sometimes and it absolutely kills her when people talk about him in a positive light.

 

It's odd how many different sides/personalities/moods we all have and who we decide to show which to.

 

I know your Grandfather's story is different as there seemed to be a clear defining line of pre-war/post-war but that makes me think of the Fizgerald line that says there are no second acts in american lives. This quote is misused quite a bit but I think we all know that we can unequivocally choose to change if we fell the need to enough or sometimes we don't get to choose and the change just happens.

 

That being said, even with the change the past is still what it is and therefore informs the present, but Alan Watts would say it's actually the present that colors the past...I am rambling now.

 

Thank you for sharing about your Grandfather. Interesting how we wear so many different masks throughout our lives.

[trying to be less rude]

sorry for your loss.

 

nice post. it is very interesting how differently people perceive things.

[chassis]

Why would you consider someone who's too nice to be crazy? Maybe you were just influenced by the rest of your families deductions.

 

My aunt always wants a hug, doesn't mean shes crazy.

[delet...]

Well he considered people with more money to be better people so, you know, i'm glad he had that worldview rebooted.

[Adieu]

A+ thread

[logakght]

 

 

I hope this sticks with me and helps me truly accept people more instead of judging appearances of their status in this monetary achievement driven society. I tend to respect and look up to people I feel have achieved a certain kind of status or salary when there are so many other avenues to be successful.

 

 

 

Beautiful. And yeah, I used to think the same. Thankfully I changed that, and now I can say I feel better with myself and with others.

[Guest M360]

kindness is it's own reward.

[joshuatxuk]

A+ thread

 

 

 

 

I hope this sticks with me and helps me truly accept people more instead of judging appearances of their status in this monetary achievement driven society. I tend to respect and look up to people I feel have achieved a certain kind of status or salary when there are so many other avenues to be successful.

 

 

 

Beautiful. And yeah, I used to think the same. Thankfully I changed that, and now I can say I feel better with myself and with others.

 

 

Such cliche sayings, but true: but you really can't judge a book by it's cover / actions speak louder than words. I think everyone needs to slow down a bit and give everyone a chance to know others for who they really are especially when the social media and society encourage superficial and flippant judgement. I was often guilty of being cynical or mean-spirited toward many things as a pissy teenager and young 20-something, but it's such a waste. If you get past the little quirks and faults of some people you often realize they're really good individuals. Some of my best friends are, on the surface, completely opposite of me, but share the same values, and, I dunno, just click personally.

 

kindness is it's own reward.

 

This. To quote Derek, kindness is magic.

[Guest]

Limbo.