Dead cat

[kakapo]

There's a dead cat in my front garden. Judging by its body position I believe somebody has placed it there deliberately. What does this mean? Will I be sleeping with the fishes?

 

I was going to post a pic, but I know how sensitive some of you are. But pic on request.

[Ivan Ooze]

i hope you are kidding, it just got hit by a car, then dragged himself into your garden 2 die

that or maybe a satanic cannibal kvlt

[zkom]

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_kill_a_dead_cat?

[kakapo]

i hope you are kidding, it just got hit by a car, then dragged himself into your garden 2 die

that or maybe a satanic cannibal kvlt

We heard someone in the garden last night, definitely didn't sound like a dying cat, and there's no obvious trauma to the body.

[dr lopez]

What kind of cat is it

[tec]

Have you seen Kill List? Is there any chance that a cult are trying to kill you?

[ambermonk]

I was also thinking Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

[BCM]

have you seen any large black men wearing a top hat and face paint lately?

[YO303]

Years ago i read an article on a UFO magazine about a farmer who claimed human flesh was raining. When the police had the pieces of flesh tested turned out it belonged to a father and son that disappeared a week before, this magazine was saying the father and son were abducted and the aliens disposed of the humans parts by trowing out of the UFO.

 

maybe thats what happened to the cat you found

[kakapo]

What kind of cat is it

 

An ex-fishing cat.

 

Have you seen Kill List? Is there any chance that a cult are trying to kill you?

I think the guys in wheelchairs who chase me down the road shouting cunt might be a cult, but they haven't caught me yet so don't know if they're trying to kill me.

 

have you seen any large black men wearing a top hat and face paint lately?

Everyday. I live in Brixton.

[ambermonk]

Years ago i read an article on a UFO magazine about a farmer who claimed human flesh was raining. When the police had the pieces of flesh tested turned out it belonged to a father and son who disappeared a week before, this magazine was saying the father and son were abducted and the aliens disposed of the humans parts by trowing out of the UFO.

 

maybe thats what happened to the cat you found

Always gotta harvest and abduct Earth life in sparsely-populated rural environs, innit. The cowards!

 

(I don't know if it's actually true or not, but I'm just rollin wid it)

[baph]

have you seen any large black men wearing a top hat and face paint lately?

 

yeah, probably just Papa Legba and/or Papa Ghede

 

it happens

[kakapo]

maybe thats what happened to the cat you found

Why would aliens being throwing cats at me? This cat had no collar, but was healthy and well fed. It wasn't a stray. Somebody took the collar before placing the cat in the garden.

[BCM]

what colour is it?

[baph]

when you found the cat in the garden

was it slowly turning

slowly turning?

[Leon Sumbitches]

Have you considered stuffing it and posting it in the bad taxidermy thread?

 

Anyway, I endorse the UFO explanation.

 

[kakapo]

 

[baph]

:(

 

You should probably call animal control or whatever local equivalent to remove the dead cat, btw.

 

A neighborhood cat lost a fight with a raccoon or coyote or sommat and died in the woods near my old house one summer. It's been almost 20 years and I still remember that smell; it's as if some small remnant of that awful putrefaction is still buried somewhere in my sinuses.

[Guest bitroast]

there's not much going on there to suggest someone planted the dead cat there or anything??

it just looks like a dead cat.

[Audioblysk]

Poor little bugger, might have been placed there by a parent who didn't want to teach their child the reality that things die? Still sad, I like cats.

Bury the thing, say some words and keep a warhammer next to your bed.

 

Give it a decent burial. I feel that all animals should be returned to the earth.

[Audioblysk]

 

I feel that all animals should be returned to the earth.

 

I don't get it. But I still laughed.

[YEK]

[gmanyo]

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_kill_a_dead_cat?

this is probably the best thing ive seen all day

[peace 7]

Ooooh, shit..... You see those sticks at the top and the white rock at the bottom? Notice the shit by the feet and specific variation of surrounding plant types (thin and long facing the butt, short and bushy facing the tail; both meeting in the center to surround the white rock)? This is a ritualistic sacrifice, by not just any cult..... THIS IS A SPECIFIC RITUAL DONE BY A CULT OF GREYS. So the UFO stuff mentioned was not far off, at all.

 

That's right. Not only do you have religious fanatics marking your territory for action-- calling you out, are a group of religious fanatics from Glaxon-9 in the Cat's Eye Nebula; specifically The Cult of Malvagatron.

 

But you're safe. Their intention here is to make you anxious, so you reduce your stress by masturbating more. Then when you're sleeping, the greys collect the leftover semen in your urethra and use it for cloning. Not really a big deal. You can make this work in your favor by not ejaculating for like a week. Then before you go to sleep one night, exclaim to yourself, "Oh! I'm just so stressed about this dead cat; so much so, that I cannot get myself to masturbate, even though I'm sure this stress and non-ejaculation has built up quite a lot of semen! Oh, well- I suppose I will just have to sleep without masturbation." Then basically what happens is right when REM sleep starts, you'll be awoken by a naked figure in your room, who matches your ideal erotic mate (they scan your brain for this info), and then you can have sex with shim. IIRC, they use a fog machine to make you think you're still dreaming. On the upside, you get to have unlimited sex with your personal fantasy. On the possible downside, you will be banging a grey who merely looks like your fantasy using a hologram suit.

 

Anyway..... Godspeed.

[delet...]

Oh good, i didn't want to have to PM kakapo.