Post terrible idea for films

[NorthernFusion]

 

Chick's hot.

anything where my music would work as soundtrack

 

 

Honey, I shrunk the Arnold. Arnold Scwarzenegger is chased by insects for 2.5 hours in this epic action comedy for all the family. Watch as the fruity mrs butterfly is transformed into mr catterpillar. Oh, Arnie!

 

 

I don't think he can fit in that plane.

[Ragnar]

a david lynch movie that is just some documentary about TM for 2 and a half hours

[marf]

a serial killer entomologist. family man, colleague, with two big secrets. he has a 12 inch cock when flaccid and hes a serial killer. he kills exterminators around the city by walking into the room as they are working naked from the waist down. as they look in astonishment as to why a man is naked and how a cock could be so big he beheads them with a scythe

[zkom]

Two 40-Year-Old Virgins: A romcom about a feminazi and a Nice Guy PUA who meet in a social media website and fall in love.

[Guest Atom Dowry Firth]

Thatchnado!: A scientist buys a piece of amber containing a mosquito while on holiday in South America. Back in his lab in Chobham he runs some tests and discovers the blood contained inside appears to belong to a type of reptile hitherto unknown to science. Excited by this unprecedented discovery and inspired by having just seen Jurassic Park for the first time, he feverishly works away at attempting to clone the DNA so he can build a theme park and wow the world with his creation. As he's setting the dial on his cloning machine he slips on some agar jelly and accidentally turns the dial to make 1000 copies. A freak tornado brought on by global warming forms outside just as he's waking up from having banged his head. At this precise moment the batch of clones are ready and the door of the machine swings open. To his horror a swarm of naked and confused Margaret Thatchers emerge before the roof of the lab is torn away by the tornado and all 1000 clones are swept up into the vortex. The tornado, now containing not only the Thatchers but also quite a lot of straw because it happened to have passed through a village with a large number of thatched roofs on the way, then goes on a rampage of destruction through Chobham, Chertsey and Staines. It blows over fence panels, garden gnomes and even knocks over a wheelie bin or two while the rabble of now extremely confused rotating Thatchers try to make people the tornado comes into contact with pay their poll tax while it simultaneously gives them hey fever from all the straw that's flying about.

[auxien]

WiFi: An affluent suburban home, in a residential area where 'Huge Mega Interwebz Company' is trying out new unheard-of technology whose origins and operations are kept highly secretive. They offer cheap but BLAZING fast internet to all in this small community as a trial of their new tech. Strange things start happening as we see the WiFi routers blink in synchronous patterns that slowly brainwash many family members. But it's not the big company that's brainwashing the residents, it's GHOSTS! Because the technology is actually black magic and summons the spiritual superhighway to allow such great internet access, the ghosts use it to take over and soon we've got The Exorcist/They Live/Lawnmower Man/The Matrix/(insert zombie film here) ALL ROLLED INTO ONE.

 

Hijinks ensue, people die, Morgan Freeman plays the head of the evil tech giant, Latoya Jackson plays a resident unsusceptible to the ghostly brainwashing who leads a revolution against the spirit world, Rick Moranis plays the main ghost.

[Guest]

This one's a Danish film set in 1978 The Garage Door

An epic tale, a year seen through the wooden eyes of a garage door.

 

Original Soundtrack performed by John Bon Jovi

 

Straight to DVD

Edited June 2, 2014 by Guest

[MadameChaos]

(SH)IT

 

a children's entertainer struggles with IBS while making a living as a clown, with hilarious consequences.

[oscillik]

lol

 

Stephen King's (sh)IT

[NorthernFusion]

lol

 

Stephen King's (sh)IT

[auxien]

 

lol

 

Stephen King's (sh)IT

 

[baph]

It is nearly Christmas. During a freak electrical storm, Roger Killjoy III (Mike Myers), a cold-hearted billionaire industrialist who is in the middle of a bitter divorce with his even more unscrupulous wife Bianca (Gwyneth Paltrow), finds his consciousness transported into that of a nearby ATM machine!

 

Inexplicably, the storm has also allowed the ATM machine to sprout large ball-bearings which Roger uses to move about NYC. Initially, a comedy of errors results as Nathan (Jack Black), a technician for the financial institution, is continuously forced to relocate Roger. Soon, however, Nathan comes to learn Roger's secret. Despite retaining his consciousness, Roger also finds that some element of the ATM's programming has been retained, and Roger realizes that he is unable to function happily without distributing money.

 

As a result of this programming, Roger is forced to come face-to-face -- for the first time in years! -- with the average citizens of New York. In particular, Roger will meet a beautiful, struggling artist named Zoe (Zooey Deschanel), who will teach Roger to confront the consequences of his unchecked greed, and also teach him the meaning of true love.

 

As Roger's icy heart melts, Nathan and Roger form a fast friendship.

 

Roger and Zoe, with the help of Nathan, will hatch a high-risk plan to distribute Roger's billions to New York's poor... that is, if they can avoid the masterful financial manipulations of Bianca!

 

And does Ra the Great, a seemingly rambling homeless man (Louis Gosset, Jr) actually speak of a prophecy that might allow Roger to regain his human form?

 

A comedy about what it means to be human, in the tradition of Weekend at Bernie's II.

 

Fox Searchlight presents

"Up In ATM"

Coming Christmas 2015

Edited June 2, 2014 by baph

[oscillik]

[NorthernFusion]

[Guest Roksen Creek]

DEAD

 

A plane carrying a group of Uruguayan rugby players crashes in the Andes. They all die. The end.

[oscillik]

 

 

[NorthernFusion]

 

 

 

 

Great gif, osc!

 

 

 

[oscillik]

[NorthernFusion]

[baph]

Jaws Origins: Voodoo Dawn

A Film By Paul W.S. Anderson

 

Beginning two years before the events of Jaws: the Revenge, Chief Martin Brody is on his death bed after suffering a massive heart attack. As the spirit realm looms closer, Martin experiences a vision -- or does he uncover repressed memories? -- of his traumatized father upon return from service during World War II.

 

The bulk of the film is a flashback. Jack Brody is an officer in the OSS during the war, stationed off the coast of New Jersey. With the help of scientist Werner Von Schiit, a seemingly repentant Nazi defector, Jack Brody is transforming marine life into weapons to assist in the Allied war effort. Also on the team is biologist Reggie Loa, a brilliant and deeply moral ecologist who's mother -- unknown to everyone at OSS Ocean Lab 32 -- is a powerful Voodoo priestess.

 

Reggie comes to see the evil the team is perpetrating on the marine ecosystem, and uncovers Von Schiit's secret plan to destroy humanity with supersharks! Although initially a skeptic, Reggie must counter Nazi occultism with powerful Louisiana Voodoo!

 

When Jack Brody realizes the extent of the situation, he attempts to help Reggie. However, the voodoo magic has also led to the creation of a sapient but amoral supershark called UR-JAWS... and UR-JAWS vows to take revenge on everyone on the team -- even Reggie and Jack!

 

UR-JAWS kills Von Schiit, but to stop UR-JAWS from rampaging further, Reggie must allow Papa Legba to assume control of his body. Papa Legba appeases UR-JAWS, but in so doing must place a curse on Jack and Reggie that will haunt their families for generations to come....

 

Years later, Chief Brody awakens from his reverie-- but soon succumbs to another heart attack. As he dies, his eyes roll back in his head and his mouth gapes open in a perverse approximation of the sharks that have haunted his dreams for years. The camera pans left, and we see a black man in a top hat, a grin stretching from ear to ear. The black man laughs, and we know that he is Papa Legba, still inhabiting the aged body of Reggie. Moments later, we see Brody's funeral. Papa Legba watches from a distance.

 

After a lengthy fade to black, we see Brody's hand force itself from his grave. Brody emerges, a zombie, eyes still rolled over white, mouith still agape. Brody walks into the sea.

 

The credits roll. After the credits, we see an additional scene. A woman has drowned. Her body has been discovered on the beach. It is Amity Island. The medical examiner notices extreme exsanguination... and savage, but human, bite marks.

 

Rated NC-17 for racism.

Edited June 2, 2014 by baph

[Rubin Farr]

Scumbag - the life and times of a used condom.

[sheatheman]

 

 

post terrible idea for films

 

My idea for films is that the industry keeps going on the course it is on and people keep making 99% post-consumer material films and we keep watching them.

 

My terrible idea for films is that they -- the amalgam goddess, remains the holographic phallus-yoni that is the terminus of our suckling and penetrating arts, the nexus of human illusion, the accelerant of archetype.

 

Want to hear my good idea?

[Atop]

A team of superheroes are fighting an unknown enemy and special effects are going crazy, different characters are performing different feats of magical display but we don't know why until two old dudes, magnet man and the professor, explain some of it to us while chilling in a room apparently where the enemies can't get to, for no explained reason, and then they come up with an awesome idea to travel back in time using one of the "specials" powers, which she never had up until right now, and bloop a dude with magical claws goes back in time to stop the "robots", he was warned by one of the old guys that if he meets the professor old guy in his earlier life, he will be disappointed, and boy is he, and so are we because the old guy chose to have use of his legs versus saving humanity with his awesome super powers, in the previous magically protected future room we were told that one of the "specials" killed the inventor of the unknown enemies aka "robots", making it possible for the US government to okay the mass extinction of "specials" and in turn everyone, nothing like that Terminator series though, so the professor is a junkie and his friend is helping him but no one else lives in their huge house on the school lot that the junkie built to help mankind, instead he wants to use drugs and only help himself.....magnet man escapes with the help of goggles man, magnet man pisses off Richard Nixon and keeps his gf Morph Girl from being able to kill the tiny dude who destroyed the future past by tearing up a baseball stadium and plopping it on the lawn of the white house, then there is an exchange, "Hey Morph Girl." "I am Enigma now." "Nah, you are Morph Girl." "I am like totally Enigma now!" "Shut up Morph Girl, we have to go!" "You asshole I am totally Morph Girl now, I mean Enigma!" All are saved, after we show you everyone not be saved in the future, in slow motion, they are actually saved, SURPRISE! Magical Claws gets to be with old gf and everything is awesome! Credits role, but no it isn't over, we throw in a scene of a mash up of Stargate and Close Encounters at the end of the film just to be cool.

 

 

Pretty Shitty huh?

Edited June 2, 2014 by Atop

[doublename]

Remake 1993 Sly Stallone vehicle Cliffhanger.

[Guest]

new movie from Michael Bay.