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My anxiety issues...


Lane Visitor

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...have caused my fiancee/ gf of 3 years to be unsure of whether she wants to continue our relationship, as of last night. Apparently, I had unknowingly/unconsciously been sort of relying on her to get solace from my continuing general anxiety disorder, and its spread to our relationship and taken a toll on her and she's confused and overwhelmed about the state of us.

Doing my best to turn my life around, just last week started seeing a therapist now for emdr, and now going to get up early changing my lifestyle, finding better ways to manage stress, incl yoga, meditation, etc. I desperately hope the relationship can be salvaged. This morning she said she was willing to go to a couples counselor to give it a try after I proposed it- and that we're still "together", but she just doesn't know, after I asked her to clarify. I'm crossing my fingers and taking this as an optimistic sign. I guess time will tell. Ah and she still loves me and is attracted to me etc etc.. guess thats another plus

Just another lane visitor thread i guess ha

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that sucks man, i got some anxiety issues 2, i am uncapable to ride on a freeway anymore, i just freeze from fear when i pass a huge truck :sad: i even shit my pants when there is noone else on the road, pretty weird

changing your lifestyle and seeking some help is good and i hope your girl sticks by her man, it might be overwhelming for her but she gotta realise that it sucks the most for you and it's not your faulth

hope things gets better for you man, all the best

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that sucks man, i got some anxiety issues 2, i am uncapable to ride on a freeway anymore, i just freeze from fear when i pass a huge truck :sad: i even shit my pants when there is noone else on the road, pretty weird

changing your lifestyle and seeking some help is good and i hope your girl sticks by her man, it might be overwhelming for her but she gotta realise that it sucks the most for you and it's not your faulth

hope things gets better for you man, all the best

 

I really appreciate that brother, honestly.

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My dad had EMDR treatment off and on for about a year in the late 90s as part of his talk therapy for depression and anxiety related to a couple of traumatic things in his childhood and it worked really well. It's not a magic bullet, but as part of a more comprehensive approach it seems really helpful for trauma related stuff. Hopefully it will be as helpful for you.

 

As rough as the situation you're in must feel, the up side is that you and your girlfriend sound like you're talking about it openly and you both have the self awareness to recognize what's going on and try to work on it, and that's a positive thing. I wish I and my girlfriend at the time had had our shit together as much as it sounds like the two of you do when I was in a similar situation (although in that case I think it was good that it ended in the long run even though it messed up my life a lot for quite a while). I guess just try to focus on working things out for yourself not for the relationship or anything else external, and try not to see "healthiness" as a goal you are trying to reach, see it as an ongoing process that you are living. I know all of that sounds vague and flaky but it's the only advice I've got, it sounds like you're already ahead of me on dealing with this stuff.

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noticed you listed yoga and meditation but not some kind of fitness regimen. i certainly don't have a handle on my anxiety issues, but i can say they seem to get worse if i stray from running a few miles every couple of days. the physical component is huge but it's also very meditative. i'd be happy to give you some tips on how to get started if you're interested.

 

 

...have caused my fiancee/ gf of 3 years to be unsure of whether she wants to continue our relationship, as of last night. Apparently, I had unknowingly/unconsciously been sort of relying on her to get solace from my continuing general anxiety disorder, and its spread to our relationship and taken a toll on her and she's confused and overwhelmed about the state of us.

Doing my best to turn my life around, just last week started seeing a therapist now for emdr, and now going to get up early changing my lifestyle, finding better ways to manage stress, incl yoga, meditation, etc. I desperately hope the relationship can be salvaged. This morning she said she was willing to go to a couples counselor to give it a try after I proposed it- and that we're still "together", but she just doesn't know, after I asked her to clarify. I'm crossing my fingers and taking this as an optimistic sign. I guess time will tell. Ah and she still loves me and is attracted to me etc etc.. guess thats another plus

Just another lane visitor thread i guess ha

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Seconding exercise, even though it makes me a big hypocrite since I don't do it nearly enough. When I'm not feeling right I usually want to keep to myself, stay inside alone and make music/watch shitty movies. But without fail the quickest way for me to feel better is to go out, spend time with other people and lift some heavy objects. The problem is the more I need to do it, the less I want to. I don't think I'm at all unusual in this.

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Hey man, I've gone through (and am still going through, actually) what you're facing. I've had my anxiety come between myself and my friends, family, and especially my wife. Our relationship has been to the brink, which is a very scary place to be for sure, but since then have come back and worked on alot of different issues affecting our lives, particularly my anxiety and how it manifests itself in our daily lives. I'll spare the details, but I'll tell you that I understand where you're at and know how daunting it can seem.

First of all you are doing the right things, which should be encouraging to both you and your lady. It takes courage to face a very strong negative force like anxiety. Ivan Ooze said it right - although it's certainly not your fault for having anxiety (could be traumatic childhood experiences, major life changes, or maybe just how your brain is wired) but you have to assert yourself and take charge over it, or it will ruin you. A few tips, I'll try to keep it short.

 

  • Seek professional help. It may take changing counselors/doctors a few times, but make sure you find someone you are comfortable with who can also be blunt with you and give you the best opportunity to heal. I've gone through at least 3, including a couples counselor. They've all helped in their own way, and it took some time but I finally have found someone who is making a real impact.

 

 

  • Meditate. This also works, believe me. It also takes alot of practice building a routine and getting comfortable with. First work on getting in tune with your breathing, then go from there. You aren't going to be a master at meditation right away. It takes alot of patience, and from my experience the first couple weeks seem like it isn't helping that much, but once you start to get in tune with it, it works. Proven, at least from my point of view. Some people use music, including me. I fancy Aphex Twin Select Ambient Works Vol. II :ok:

 

  • You may need medication, and that is OK. Some people will take insulin the rest of their lives because they're diabetic. Some need to take pain medication for body issues outside of their control. Lots of examples, but there is a stigma around having mental health problems and taking medication for it. You have to get over that and understand that some people need medicine to balance out whats going on in their body. Exercise, sleep, diet, etc can't cover it all and alot of people need the support of meds. I personally hate man made medication, and feel like it's force fed on the masses to stuff the wallets of pharmaceuticals. But even my skeptical ass knows now that medication is a helpful tool in managing anxiety. Like doctors, it may take a few different meds to find the right fit. I've taken 5 different medications over the years. I'm now able to cope without the help of medications, which is amazing. But I wouldn't be where I am without them. It's ok to trust them, and it's ok to take them. Just remember that taking med. alone will not cure you, it's really a combined effort.

 

  • Be patient. you won't fix your anxiety overnight. Your fiance should really understand this, and support you through everything you're going through. That doesn't make it ok to take your stress and anxiety out on others. Just make sure to communicate what you're feeling, you can't expect others to read you and understand what you're thinking all the time.

 

Just a few tips, there are plenty others. I have piles of books that are worth reading through as well, if you're interested. Sorry for the long winded reply, reading this struck a nerve as I know almost exactly how you feel, and have gone through a very similar situation. Everything is going to be ok, man. One day at a time.

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+1 on meditation and patience. Full consciousness meditation has helped me a huge huge deal lately. I was beginning to scream into pillows when I started it and now it feels so far behind me.

 

I'd say working out isnt a must as much as just having any activity that allows you to breathe out what's inside you : could be exercising yes, but also producing music, arts in general, etc. If you're already doing one of those things, try/add another one.

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My dad had EMDR treatment off and on for about a year in the late 90s as part of his talk therapy for depression and anxiety related to a couple of traumatic things in his childhood and it worked really well. It's not a magic bullet, but as part of a more comprehensive approach it seems really helpful for trauma related stuff. Hopefully it will be as helpful for you.

 

As rough as the situation you're in must feel, the up side is that you and your girlfriend sound like you're talking about it openly and you both have the self awareness to recognize what's going on and try to work on it, and that's a positive thing. I wish I and my girlfriend at the time had had our shit together as much as it sounds like the two of you do when I was in a similar situation (although in that case I think it was good that it ended in the long run even though it messed up my life a lot for quite a while). I guess just try to focus on working things out for yourself not for the relationship or anything else external, and try not to see "healthiness" as a goal you are trying to reach, see it as an ongoing process that you are living. I know all of that sounds vague and flaky but it's the only advice I've got, it sounds like you're already ahead of me on dealing with this stuff.

That's definitely encouraging to hear about your dad's success with emdr. (: Do you know how long he went through it before he started making progress? I actually started with "brainspotting" which is apparently an alternate, somewhat lighter version of it, and it definitely relaxed me and hoping to continue to get positive results from it, gonna go into full edmr too.

 

Wow, thats really encouraging- thank you. We're definitely open communicators and do our best to own our shit and grow together. I hadn't realized the full extent of just serious my anxiety/drama had been affecting her/us until last night when she had that scary head-down-partial crying convo with me and kept saying im really sorry, im really sorry.. You prob know the drill (:

 

I always knew we both agreed our dynamics were getting unsustainable and that i needed to take care of my stuff, but that didnt translate at the time to the "i dont think this is going to work out" thing /:

 

But yes as you said, i think it is a good sign shes willing to go to couples therapy (we had gone twice before, but not for anything this serious.) We've been living together for 2 yrs and never had major fights or any break ups before (or even breaks).. We've also both lost family members and friends , i lost a job, car, etc- all this year and have gone through and withstood an incredible amount of challenges together. I'm sure that my anxiety on top of all of that for her has just completely exhausted her. She also is upset as she thinks we dont have a lot of shared interests together. Maybe a solo fun stress free vacation will help step away from everything for a bit- of course paired with lifestyle changes, and finding new common interests and doing more things together- rather than netflix n stress lol. At least truly hope so.

 

Thanks for the support man

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Hey Lane, I'm actually kind of surprised that you have them, you always seem like the kind of guy who's usually in a good mood.

You need to channel that thing you were channeling a few months ago that everyone on WATMM was jealous of.

I'm sorry I don't really have any advice. :\

Anxiety seems like something that chooses you, and for whatever reason goes easy on you one day, and is near panic attack inducing the next. Sometimes I can remind myself that it's just a 'state of mind' but that doesn't always work...

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Hey man, I've gone through (and am still going through, actually) what you're facing. I've had my anxiety come between myself and my friends, family, and especially my wife. Our relationship has been to the brink, which is a very scary place to be for sure, but since then have come back and worked on alot of different issues affecting our lives, particularly my anxiety and how it manifests itself in our daily lives. I'll spare the details, but I'll tell you that I understand where you're at and know how daunting it can seem.

First of all you are doing the right things, which should be encouraging to both you and your lady. It takes courage to face a very strong negative force like anxiety. Ivan Ooze said it right - although it's certainly not your fault for having anxiety (could be traumatic childhood experiences, major life changes, or maybe just how your brain is wired) but you have to assert yourself and take charge over it, or it will ruin you. A few tips, I'll try to keep it short.

 

  • Seek professional help. It may take changing counselors/doctors a few times, but make sure you find someone you are comfortable with who can also be blunt with you and give you the best opportunity to heal. I've gone through at least 3, including a couples counselor. They've all helped in their own way, and it took some time but I finally have found someone who is making a real impact.

 

 

  • Meditate. This also works, believe me. It also takes alot of practice building a routine and getting comfortable with. First work on getting in tune with your breathing, then go from there. You aren't going to be a master at meditation right away. It takes alot of patience, and from my experience the first couple weeks seem like it isn't helping that much, but once you start to get in tune with it, it works. Proven, at least from my point of view. Some people use music, including me. I fancy Aphex Twin Select Ambient Works Vol. II :ok:

 

  • You may need medication, and that is OK. Some people will take insulin the rest of their lives because they're diabetic. Some need to take pain medication for body issues outside of their control. Lots of examples, but there is a stigma around having mental health problems and taking medication for it. You have to get over that and understand that some people need medicine to balance out whats going on in their body. Exercise, sleep, diet, etc can't cover it all and alot of people need the support of meds. I personally hate man made medication, and feel like it's force fed on the masses to stuff the wallets of pharmaceuticals. But even my skeptical ass knows now that medication is a helpful tool in managing anxiety. Like doctors, it may take a few different meds to find the right fit. I've taken 5 different medications over the years. I'm now able to cope without the help of medications, which is amazing. But I wouldn't be where I am without them. It's ok to trust them, and it's ok to take them. Just remember that taking med. alone will not cure you, it's really a combined effort.

 

  • Be patient. you won't fix your anxiety overnight. Your fiance should really understand this, and support you through everything you're going through. That doesn't make it ok to take your stress and anxiety out on others. Just make sure to communicate what you're feeling, you can't expect others to read you and understand what you're thinking all the time.

 

Just a few tips, there are plenty others. I have piles of books that are worth reading through as well, if you're interested. Sorry for the long winded reply, reading this struck a nerve as I know almost exactly how you feel, and have gone through a very similar situation. Everything is going to be ok, man. One day at a time.

 

This is extremely helpful man, I can't thank you enough, and all of you guys. I'm not normally one to post personal relationship stuff on the nets but watmm always feels like a safe haven.

 

That's crazy that you've been there too regarding anxiety taking almost over a relationship, and super encouraging knowing you guys got through it. One of the hard things for me right now in the immediate is to determine whether it's better for me to encourage and try to instill hope in her and give pep talks etc or let her be and give her space and time to reflect (or a mixture of both ha)- The group counseling is a good step I guess, and then maybe outline and strategist together how we're going to improve and build our relationship back up. As far as myself, yes, I'm definitely 100% committed to doing the work (pretty much all of what you bullet-pointed above), no matter how much i may not feel like it or how jaded i may be, or how much ive lacked will power in the past. It's funny, around 5/6 years ago, when I was more in shape and eating right and on a really positive lifestyle streak, I was able to get there from thinking about meeting new girls and dating and more confidence with my body. Of course, that motivation/mindset wasn't sustainable, as I very slowly and gradually slipped off of it as soon as I started getting my mojo back and dating girls and feeling confident. And then when my current partner and I started dating, the lifestyle I had previously committed to sloped off pretty heavily as I finally felt super comfortable and confident and accepted for who I was, and I couldn't "find my motivation" to get back in shape again as I "have a girlfriend already", as I used to joke with my friends about.

 

Meanwhile, she eats clean as fuck and KILLS it at the gym, powerlifting, hiking, rock climbing, all kinds of training. She's unreal and incredible in her motivation and goals and lifestyle. I don't know if she believes anymore than I can get my stuff together and improve lifestyle/defeat anxiety/etc, and that might be what this is about. Maybe I didn't believe that anymore either. Maybe I have become complacent, jaded, mediocre, satisfied and just stagnant. The tables have turned cuz now I realize that if I want to be with the person I love- if I want this, I need to grow and face my issues and overcome them. But more than that, I need to do it for myself and for the relationship. If that's not an intense motivator, I don't know what is. Sucks that it took this point for me to say "I'm ready". It's funny what us humans will do to keep from losing love. And this day will be a constant reminder of what happens when I don't own my shit, when I let my positive/healthy lifestyle slip, when I fall into the cracks. I just hope she gives me the chance to be a new person inside this relationship, rather than... post-relationship.

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My girlfriend has mad anxiety issues, it can be quite tiring as you sometimes feel like you are carrying the load for two so this may have lead her to thinking of breaking up, seeing you want to change things will help I hope. Are you taking anything? I used to think those who suggest meds immediately have no patience but honestly, diazepam has helped massively, maybe consider it.

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Hey man, I've gone through (and am still going through, actually) what you're facing. I've had my anxiety come between myself and my friends, family, and especially my wife. Our relationship has been to the brink, which is a very scary place to be for sure, but since then have come back and worked on alot of different issues affecting our lives, particularly my anxiety and how it manifests itself in our daily lives. I'll spare the details, but I'll tell you that I understand where you're at and know how daunting it can seem.

First of all you are doing the right things, which should be encouraging to both you and your lady. It takes courage to face a very strong negative force like anxiety. Ivan Ooze said it right - although it's certainly not your fault for having anxiety (could be traumatic childhood experiences, major life changes, or maybe just how your brain is wired) but you have to assert yourself and take charge over it, or it will ruin you. A few tips, I'll try to keep it short.

 

  • Seek professional help. It may take changing counselors/doctors a few times, but make sure you find someone you are comfortable with who can also be blunt with you and give you the best opportunity to heal. I've gone through at least 3, including a couples counselor. They've all helped in their own way, and it took some time but I finally have found someone who is making a real impact.

 

 

  • Meditate. This also works, believe me. It also takes alot of practice building a routine and getting comfortable with. First work on getting in tune with your breathing, then go from there. You aren't going to be a master at meditation right away. It takes alot of patience, and from my experience the first couple weeks seem like it isn't helping that much, but once you start to get in tune with it, it works. Proven, at least from my point of view. Some people use music, including me. I fancy Aphex Twin Select Ambient Works Vol. II :ok:

 

  • You may need medication, and that is OK. Some people will take insulin the rest of their lives because they're diabetic. Some need to take pain medication for body issues outside of their control. Lots of examples, but there is a stigma around having mental health problems and taking medication for it. You have to get over that and understand that some people need medicine to balance out whats going on in their body. Exercise, sleep, diet, etc can't cover it all and alot of people need the support of meds. I personally hate man made medication, and feel like it's force fed on the masses to stuff the wallets of pharmaceuticals. But even my skeptical ass knows now that medication is a helpful tool in managing anxiety. Like doctors, it may take a few different meds to find the right fit. I've taken 5 different medications over the years. I'm now able to cope without the help of medications, which is amazing. But I wouldn't be where I am without them. It's ok to trust them, and it's ok to take them. Just remember that taking med. alone will not cure you, it's really a combined effort.

 

  • Be patient. you won't fix your anxiety overnight. Your fiance should really understand this, and support you through everything you're going through. That doesn't make it ok to take your stress and anxiety out on others. Just make sure to communicate what you're feeling, you can't expect others to read you and understand what you're thinking all the time.

 

Just a few tips, there are plenty others. I have piles of books that are worth reading through as well, if you're interested. Sorry for the long winded reply, reading this struck a nerve as I know almost exactly how you feel, and have gone through a very similar situation. Everything is going to be ok, man. One day at a time.

 

This is extremely helpful man, I can't thank you enough, and all of you guys. I'm not normally one to post personal relationship stuff on the nets but watmm always feels like a safe haven.

 

That's crazy that you've been there too regarding anxiety taking almost over a relationship, and super encouraging knowing you guys got through it. One of the hard things for me right now in the immediate is to determine whether it's better for me to encourage and try to instill hope in her and give pep talks etc or let her be and give her space and time to reflect (or a mixture of both ha)- The group counseling is a good step I guess, and then maybe outline and strategist together how we're going to improve and build our relationship back up. As far as myself, yes, I'm definitely 100% committed to doing the work (pretty much all of what you bullet-pointed above), no matter how much i may not feel like it or how jaded i may be, or how much ive lacked will power in the past. It's funny, around 5/6 years ago, when I was more in shape and eating right and on a really positive lifestyle streak, I was able to get there from thinking about meeting new girls and dating and more confidence with my body. Of course, that motivation/mindset wasn't sustainable, as I very slowly and gradually slipped off of it as soon as I started getting my mojo back and dating girls and feeling confident. And then when my current partner and I started dating, the lifestyle I had previously committed to sloped off pretty heavily as I finally felt super comfortable and confident and accepted for who I was, and I couldn't "find my motivation" to get back in shape again as I "have a girlfriend already", as I used to joke with my friends about.

 

Meanwhile, she eats clean as fuck and KILLS it at the gym, powerlifting, hiking, rock climbing, all kinds of training. She's unreal and incredible in her motivation and goals and lifestyle. I don't know if she believes anymore than I can get my stuff together and improve lifestyle/defeat anxiety/etc, and that might be what this is about. Maybe I didn't believe that anymore either. Maybe I have become complacent, jaded, mediocre, satisfied and just stagnant. The tables have turned cuz now I realize that if I want to be with the person I love- if I want this, I need to grow and face my issues and overcome them. But more than that, I need to do it for myself and for the relationship. If that's not an intense motivator, I don't know what is. Sucks that it took this point for me to say "I'm ready". It's funny what us humans will do to keep from losing love. And this day will be a constant reminder of what happens when I don't own my shit, when I let my positive/healthy lifestyle slip, when I fall into the cracks. I just hope she gives me the chance to be a new person inside this relationship, rather than... post-relationship.

 

 

You seem like you've got the right attitude! Having been there and back I just want to reinforce that it takes actions more than words, particularly in the eyes of your significant other. Stick with your commitments, its not just putting a patch on things to make a quick fix. It really is adjusting to a 'new normal' and making some jarring and significant changes to your lifestyle. It's scary and daunting but when you come out the other end you'll be super grateful for what you've done to get there.

 

Keep it up man. Don't forget there are lots others, speaking up here and certainly many more keeping their head down or bottling it in, that are going through the same things. Theres such a stigma around mental health that it takes alot of courage to face it head on. You've got the right mindset!

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There's some wicked advice in here and although I can't improve on what has been written I'll add what has helped me.

  • Exercise, specifically running. Sweating is good for you, gets the heart going and the brain pulsing.
  • Talk to someone about it and/or take medication.
  • Eat healthy, clean food and get a decent night sleep.
  • Doing that thing you don't want to do. A lot of anxiety stems from a specific incident in the past or a future thing you don't want to do. I did my thing last weekend and it was no where near as bad as I thought it would be.
  • Do what you enjoy/create stuff. I read more, made more music
  • Learn something new. Anything... There's always something out there worth learning about.

Granted those last 2 things may be distraction tactics but refinding past passions or finding new ones can help you feel better. Reading this back it sounds boring as fuck but it has definitely helped me.

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There's some wicked advice in here and although I can't improve on what has been written I'll add what has helped me.

  • Exercise, specifically running. Sweating is good for you, gets the heart going and the brain pulsing.
  • Talk to someone about it and/or take medication.
  • Eat healthy, clean food and get a decent night sleep.
  • Doing that thing you don't want to do. A lot of anxiety stems from a specific incident in the past or a future thing you don't want to do. I did my thing last weekend and it was no where near as bad as I thought it would be.
  • Do what you enjoy/create stuff. I read more, made more music
  • Learn something new. Anything... There's always something out there worth learning about.

Granted those last 2 things may be distraction tactics but refinding past passions or finding new ones can help you feel better. Reading this back it sounds boring as fuck but it has definitely helped me.

 

Cheers man, thank you for this.

 

 

 

 

Hey man, I've gone through (and am still going through, actually) what you're facing. I've had my anxiety come between myself and my friends, family, and especially my wife. Our relationship has been to the brink, which is a very scary place to be for sure, but since then have come back and worked on alot of different issues affecting our lives, particularly my anxiety and how it manifests itself in our daily lives. I'll spare the details, but I'll tell you that I understand where you're at and know how daunting it can seem.

First of all you are doing the right things, which should be encouraging to both you and your lady. It takes courage to face a very strong negative force like anxiety. Ivan Ooze said it right - although it's certainly not your fault for having anxiety (could be traumatic childhood experiences, major life changes, or maybe just how your brain is wired) but you have to assert yourself and take charge over it, or it will ruin you. A few tips, I'll try to keep it short.

 

  • Seek professional help. It may take changing counselors/doctors a few times, but make sure you find someone you are comfortable with who can also be blunt with you and give you the best opportunity to heal. I've gone through at least 3, including a couples counselor. They've all helped in their own way, and it took some time but I finally have found someone who is making a real impact.

 

 

  • Meditate. This also works, believe me. It also takes alot of practice building a routine and getting comfortable with. First work on getting in tune with your breathing, then go from there. You aren't going to be a master at meditation right away. It takes alot of patience, and from my experience the first couple weeks seem like it isn't helping that much, but once you start to get in tune with it, it works. Proven, at least from my point of view. Some people use music, including me. I fancy Aphex Twin Select Ambient Works Vol. II :ok:

 

  • You may need medication, and that is OK. Some people will take insulin the rest of their lives because they're diabetic. Some need to take pain medication for body issues outside of their control. Lots of examples, but there is a stigma around having mental health problems and taking medication for it. You have to get over that and understand that some people need medicine to balance out whats going on in their body. Exercise, sleep, diet, etc can't cover it all and alot of people need the support of meds. I personally hate man made medication, and feel like it's force fed on the masses to stuff the wallets of pharmaceuticals. But even my skeptical ass knows now that medication is a helpful tool in managing anxiety. Like doctors, it may take a few different meds to find the right fit. I've taken 5 different medications over the years. I'm now able to cope without the help of medications, which is amazing. But I wouldn't be where I am without them. It's ok to trust them, and it's ok to take them. Just remember that taking med. alone will not cure you, it's really a combined effort.

 

  • Be patient. you won't fix your anxiety overnight. Your fiance should really understand this, and support you through everything you're going through. That doesn't make it ok to take your stress and anxiety out on others. Just make sure to communicate what you're feeling, you can't expect others to read you and understand what you're thinking all the time.

 

Just a few tips, there are plenty others. I have piles of books that are worth reading through as well, if you're interested. Sorry for the long winded reply, reading this struck a nerve as I know almost exactly how you feel, and have gone through a very similar situation. Everything is going to be ok, man. One day at a time.

 

This is extremely helpful man, I can't thank you enough, and all of you guys. I'm not normally one to post personal relationship stuff on the nets but watmm always feels like a safe haven.

 

That's crazy that you've been there too regarding anxiety taking almost over a relationship, and super encouraging knowing you guys got through it. One of the hard things for me right now in the immediate is to determine whether it's better for me to encourage and try to instill hope in her and give pep talks etc or let her be and give her space and time to reflect (or a mixture of both ha)- The group counseling is a good step I guess, and then maybe outline and strategist together how we're going to improve and build our relationship back up. As far as myself, yes, I'm definitely 100% committed to doing the work (pretty much all of what you bullet-pointed above), no matter how much i may not feel like it or how jaded i may be, or how much ive lacked will power in the past. It's funny, around 5/6 years ago, when I was more in shape and eating right and on a really positive lifestyle streak, I was able to get there from thinking about meeting new girls and dating and more confidence with my body. Of course, that motivation/mindset wasn't sustainable, as I very slowly and gradually slipped off of it as soon as I started getting my mojo back and dating girls and feeling confident. And then when my current partner and I started dating, the lifestyle I had previously committed to sloped off pretty heavily as I finally felt super comfortable and confident and accepted for who I was, and I couldn't "find my motivation" to get back in shape again as I "have a girlfriend already", as I used to joke with my friends about.

 

Meanwhile, she eats clean as fuck and KILLS it at the gym, powerlifting, hiking, rock climbing, all kinds of training. She's unreal and incredible in her motivation and goals and lifestyle. I don't know if she believes anymore than I can get my stuff together and improve lifestyle/defeat anxiety/etc, and that might be what this is about. Maybe I didn't believe that anymore either. Maybe I have become complacent, jaded, mediocre, satisfied and just stagnant. The tables have turned cuz now I realize that if I want to be with the person I love- if I want this, I need to grow and face my issues and overcome them. But more than that, I need to do it for myself and for the relationship. If that's not an intense motivator, I don't know what is. Sucks that it took this point for me to say "I'm ready". It's funny what us humans will do to keep from losing love. And this day will be a constant reminder of what happens when I don't own my shit, when I let my positive/healthy lifestyle slip, when I fall into the cracks. I just hope she gives me the chance to be a new person inside this relationship, rather than... post-relationship.

 

 

You seem like you've got the right attitude! Having been there and back I just want to reinforce that it takes actions more than words, particularly in the eyes of your significant other. Stick with your commitments, its not just putting a patch on things to make a quick fix. It really is adjusting to a 'new normal' and making some jarring and significant changes to your lifestyle. It's scary and daunting but when you come out the other end you'll be super grateful for what you've done to get there.

 

Keep it up man. Don't forget there are lots others, speaking up here and certainly many more keeping their head down or bottling it in, that are going through the same things. Theres such a stigma around mental health that it takes alot of courage to face it head on. You've got the right mindset!

 

 

Thanks mate.. taking actio-

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lol yup.. i was so pumped about my new lifestyle, i went climbing on the rim of the grand canyon without any proper training or ropes. (:

Hey that guy that was yelling at you from across the valley cheering you on, that was me.

 

...

 

Why did you flip me the bird? Is it part of your edgy new unhinged persona?! :(

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lol yup.. i was so pumped about my new lifestyle, i went climbing on the rim of the grand canyon without any proper training or ropes. (:

Hey that guy that was yelling at you from across the valley cheering you on, that was me.

 

...

 

Why did you flip me the bird? Is it part of your edgy new unhinged persona?! :(

 

 

haha, indeed!!

Hey Lane, I'm actually kind of surprised that you have them, you always seem like the kind of guy who's usually in a good mood.

 

You need to channel that thing you were channeling a few months ago that everyone on WATMM was jealous of.

 

I'm sorry I don't really have any advice. :\

 

Anxiety seems like something that chooses you, and for whatever reason goes easy on you one day, and is near panic attack inducing the next. Sometimes I can remind myself that it's just a 'state of mind' but that doesn't always work...

 

Yeah even LV, the optimist/charismatic has lows (:

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My girlfriend has mad anxiety issues, it can be quite tiring as you sometimes feel like you are carrying the load for two so this may have lead her to thinking of breaking up, seeing you want to change things will help I hope. Are you taking anything? I used to think those who suggest meds immediately have no patience but honestly, diazepam has helped massively, maybe consider it.

 

Man, yeah I bet you were carrying a lot for her for sure.. Definitely, I've been sending her text updates of all the things im researching, doing for myself, and going to actually make them happen. I'm not taking anything, and that's been something we've talked about- she wonders why i keep saying maybe, yeah, and then not look into it- mostly because part of my anxiety is hypochondriac in nature, so the idea of taking non-natural and sometimes even natural, drugs/things that alter me is pretty frightening for me. but i just took the fearless first step and reached out to someone for some treatment options- just to see what's recommended, and then ill make a decision and possibly pair that with these new lifestyle changes.

 

hmm.. ill have to ask about diazepam. my emdr therapist mentioned that a light anti-depressant could be beneficial for me, i have no clue about meds except that my friend is hopped on a bunch since he was a kid and some of them have really messed him up, so that kind of scares me as well.

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lol yup.. i was so pumped about my new lifestyle, i went climbing on the rim of the grand canyon without any proper training or ropes. (:

Hey that guy that was yelling at you from across the valley cheering you on, that was me.

 

...

 

Why did you flip me the bird? Is it part of your edgy new unhinged persona?! :(

 

 

Sumbitch only needs 8 fingers to climb.

 

Flippin' 2 birds all the way to the top.

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Lexapro is an SSRI that treats general anxiety. It's often prescribed for panic disorders/GAD as well as depression. I've been at 10mg for about a year now, and it keeps me from always "reacting" in the daily fight-or-flight situations, giving me an inch or two of space to remain calm and make some rational choices about how to respond. I found it pretty helpful as a first step in my recovery. (I'm also seeing a licensed psychologist weekly and attending a recovery program loosely related to my anxiety)

 

I, too, am in a relationship that has been rocked a few times by mental illness, and not always on my end, either. I've realized that both parties feel those jolts equally. If I can offer some advice, it is this. My relationship improves when I focus (perhaps paradoxically) on myself. When you make recovery for you, both of you will eventually benefit from it. I have been down the other path as well, where I have tried to become a person that he wants me to be - and it always bred resentment, frustration and sadness. I would suggest you to not consider so much your girlfriend's expectations in the relationship, but rather examine honestly the kind of person you are, and what patterns would emerge again in the next relationship. Working with a counselor makes this process a lot less daunting.

 

Are you into reading? philosophy, religion?

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Seconding exercise, even though it makes me a big hypocrite since I don't do it nearly enough. When I'm not feeling right I usually want to keep to myself, stay inside alone and make music/watch shitty movies. But without fail the quickest way for me to feel better is to go out, spend time with other people and lift some heavy objects. The problem is the more I need to do it, the less I want to. I don't think I'm at all unusual in this.

 

fourthing exercise or whatever we're up to now.

 

bon chance lane visitor.

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