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Pizza with pineapple on it is the worst thing humanity has perpetrated


Dan C

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Hey, ya fucken' weirdos. Pineapple fucken' rocks my dick off when complemented with some fucken' dough, tomato paste, fucken' cheese and a little bit of ham.

 

I gotta message to all you hater s: LOG OFf.

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But anyway. Appreciate the fruit/meat combo and you're well on your way to understanding the merits of the pineapple on the pizza.

A

I appreciate it. No.

Next time you fart, smell it in deep. Feel that satisfaction. That is your scent. Ur breakfast made it. Then you'll understand.

 

 

Pineapple pizza is like huffing your own farts, gottit.

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octopus, chickpeas, courvoisier marinated peach, finely sliced burrata, heritage tomato and parmesan pizza, made on an ultra thin spread focaccia base. was made yesterday in work as a staff meal to use up octopus and peaches that only had 12 hours left on their sellability. absolutely wild. 

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This topic has finally infiltrated my facebook feed.  Someone posted a quiz with the following:

 

18. Does pineapple belong on pizza?

 

He thought it did not, but that it's okay if other people enjoy it.

 

Case closed.

 

Case reopened on second thought after reading that bit about mint jelly.  I think jelly's disgusting both in doughnuts and on toast, but it actually improves a lamb roast.  Sorry guys.

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Hawaiian pizza as they call it makes bad pizza better. I would never order it if i knew the place made an amazing new york style red sauce basic pizza. My old home town had a place that made a margherita pizza that would change you forever it was so good. 

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I would never order it if i knew the place made an amazing new york style red sauce basic pizza.

Well put. I tried to make this point earlier much more poorly. Pizza is really tempting to overdo, but is best when understated and putting effort into quality of each component and the interactions between them, rather than adding clever gimmicks.

 

I've yet to have a margherita that knocked my socks off though. I've always been a pepperoni guy.

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I'm certainly one of the more sophisticated members here, and in real life am probably considered one of the global experts on SE Asian food through my food writing, although I also get the odd commission for more prosaic writing about the London food scene.  I have been a consultant on more than one award winning restaurant project.  Essentially I'm one of those increasing rarities who is able to combine practical, first hand knowledge with a robust intellect, with a keen eye for those cultural ironies that form a rhizomatic web around our food consumption and rituals.

 

Pineapple on pizza is ok.     

 

This was a pineappeal to authority.  None of you got it.    

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Watmm BBQ and pizza cookout needs to happen. I can show the gents above how to make a New York style plain cheese at home. It's all about the moisture ratio in the dough and a good punch-down after the dough rises.

 

Surprisingly the best consistency I found for dough was this weird modified bagel dough recipe. It lacks some of the tackiness and is easier to chew tho, not as dense of a crumb to it. Diastatic malt and high-gluten flour are essential for it so it's not the best for you. If you go drier it gets to be too cracker-ish in consistency and has an unstable crust that cracks. Italians love to ride that fine line.

 

Very fun to experiment with - add a tiny dash of balsamic to your pizza sauce for more basic pies, it makes meaty-flavors pop when you add that tart acidity over the neutral acidity of the tomato sauce

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Watmm BBQ and pizza cookout needs to happen.

That sounds awesome.

 

Surprisingly the best consistency I found for dough was this weird modified bagel dough recipe. It lacks some of the tackiness and is easier to chew tho, not as dense of a crumb to it.

I've heard this before. Not sure whether it was from you, but it kind of makes sense with that whole chewy thing going on.

 

add a tiny dash of balsamic to your pizza sauce for more basic pies, it makes meaty-flavors pop when you add that tart acidity over the neutral acidity of the tomato sauce

Ooh, mommy.
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  • 1 month later...

Someone on my fb feed just posted 500+ words admitting defeat on the pineapple-on-pizza-is-gross argument.  (She accidentally ate some while drunk and realized it was delicious, after two decades + of being anti-pineapple on pizza.)

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Someone on my fb feed just posted 500+ words admitting defeat on the pineapple-on-pizza-is-gross argument.  (She accidentally ate some while drunk and realized it was delicious, after two decades + of being anti-pineapple on pizza.)

The world is a better place today :)

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That's how it always goes. 

 

My GF was a bandwagon-ass pineapple hating fascist until I made her some home-baked pizza utilizing pineapple and she ate nearly the whole damn thing. It really is only nice if you use it sparingly with the right sauce and topping combinations. I've had some god awful pineapple pizzas where the cheese was all congealed and shit. 

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That's how it always goes. 

 

My GF was a bandwagon-ass pineapple hating fascist until I made her some home-baked pizza utilizing pineapple and she ate nearly the whole damn thing. It really is only nice if you use it sparingly with the right sauce and topping combinations. I've had some god awful pineapple pizzas where the cheese was all congealed and shit. 

 

What toppings did you use??

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That's how it always goes.

 

My GF was a bandwagon-ass pineapple hating fascist until I made her some home-baked pizza utilizing pineapple and she ate nearly the whole damn thing. It really is only nice if you use it sparingly with the right sauce and topping combinations. I've had some god awful pineapple pizzas where the cheese was all congealed and shit.

What toppings did you use??

pineapple

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gross

 

it'll be apple, pear & peaches next, although thats probably already been done & dusted in some hipster schweinestall

 

good pizza is almost impossible to source here outside of London & Manchester.....the dough/base is always gloopy in the middle, you can taste the fkn lard in some, none of them can even get the basic tom-sauce & cheese bit on point & to even conjure the idea of buying differently topped slices?

 

c'est impossible, so yer left with either gooey crap of self-made abortions or relying on a chef brother's moods:

 

"Fancy pizza tonight?"

 

- "Fuck off, make it yerself"

 

".............................."

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