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our dog usually doesn't bark much, but the other morning was barking his head off in the backyard. went outside and saw he had trapped a squirrel up a smallish tree/shrub, which was too far from the fence for the squirrel to jump to escape. immediately I was like yeah this is some nature channel shit here, let's see how it plays out. but the nonstop barking crossed the line with me, so I had to take action. tried to chase the dog to get away from the tree, the squirrel immediately saw this and bolted to the fence, tried to scale the fucking thing but failed, and so the dog was on his ass. the squirrel yelped as the dog nipped at it, and ran up another small tree with the same problem - too far to jump to the fence and no escape possible. I could've easily knocked the squirrel to the ground with a rake, and let the dog finish him. but then I started thinking of all the blood and fur that I'd have to clean up, and so sided with the squirrel. grabbed the dog and the squirrel bolted, found a small hole under the fence and was gone. I know the dog was super pissed at me, probably confused why I let it get away, as his programming tells him the main thing you are here for is to hunt vermin, take craps, and sleep.

so my pointless thought is I wish karma worked they way I want it to. as in I saved a squirrels life, and so someone has to die. the first person I thought of was Sean Hannity.

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Spent 3 days in and out of bed with food poisoning and have now reached that transient stage of extreme grogginess where I'm subconsciously trying to sort through which conversations were fever dreams and which ones were real. Feels fucking weird, sleep is a strange beast.

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35 minutes ago, dcom said:

A random comment made me seriously consider - for several milliseconds - immediately and permanently vacating WATMM.

That would be a shame. Glad you didn’t.

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24 minutes ago, LimpyLoo said:

Which one?

Just a piss-take, standard forum fare, but it virtually flash-banged me to seething rage - I had to take a deep breath, mouth "fuck you" silently (so I don't use it as a reply), and let it pass.

Edited by dcom
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My first therapy appointment is coming up really soon and it's been weighing on my mind.  My brain keeps telling me that he's going to break into my mind, record my thoughts, and show them to god so he can take my soul away from me but i still want to go anyway.  People keep telling me mixed things about therapy and i dont know how to interpret any of it or how to prepare.

Also i have decided to stop listening to music.  I cant stand having music playing over and over in my mind all day and i want to be able to think my own thoughts without them being drowned out by some stupid song.  It's infuriating and i dont understand why ive been torturing myself with music for so long.

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On 10/16/2021 at 7:31 PM, drillkicker said:

My first therapy appointment is coming up really soon and it's been weighing on my mind.  My brain keeps telling me that he's going to break into my mind, record my thoughts, and show them to god so he can take my soul away from me but i still want to go anyway.  People keep telling me mixed things about therapy and i dont know how to interpret any of it or how to prepare.

Also i have decided to stop listening to music.  I cant stand having music playing over and over in my mind all day and i want to be able to think my own thoughts without them being drowned out by some stupid song.  It's infuriating and i dont understand why ive been torturing myself with music for so long.

First, congrats! Big step but scary going into it for the first time. Therapy is a good thing.
Some tips: The best thing to do is to be honest with yourself and to be honest with your therapist so that you can make progress. They are there to help and you can advocate for yourself to get whatever you need at any time. 
Having said that, not all therapists are great so don’t give up if it doesn’t feel like you’re getting what you need out of it. You can always switch therapists. I quit seeing one because they never remembered basic info and seemed bored a few times but the next one I saw was phenomenal and I’m forever grateful for their help. You’re going to be fine ❤️

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On 10/16/2021 at 7:31 PM, drillkicker said:

My first therapy appointment is coming up really soon and it's been weighing on my mind.  My brain keeps telling me that he's going to break into my mind, record my thoughts, and show them to god so he can take my soul away from me but i still want to go anyway.  People keep telling me mixed things about therapy and i dont know how to interpret any of it or how to prepare.

Also i have decided to stop listening to music.  I cant stand having music playing over and over in my mind all day and i want to be able to think my own thoughts without them being drowned out by some stupid song.  It's infuriating and i dont understand why ive been torturing myself with music for so long.

Congrats! Good advice above from J3FF3R00.

Regarding the music, taking a break is probably not a bad idea and I've considered it myself. As far as stopping completely/indefinitely, if that works for you then great, but maybe it's a matter of shifting to purely instrumental stuff for a while? Maybe just calm stuff, even? I'm saying this on an electronic music board so there's a chance most of what you listen to is already purely instrumental, but you never know (I'd say probably 60% of what I listen to has vocals). I understand that even instrumental music can cloud your own thoughts if it's hard not to focus on that. I can relate. But I also know that music has helped me and countless others get through things. 

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3 hours ago, sidewinder said:

Congrats! Good advice above from J3FF3R00.

Regarding the music, taking a break is probably not a bad idea and I've considered it myself. As far as stopping completely/indefinitely, if that works for you then great, but maybe it's a matter of shifting to purely instrumental stuff for a while? Maybe just calm stuff, even? I'm saying this on an electronic music board so there's a chance most of what you listen to is already purely instrumental, but you never know (I'd say probably 60% of what I listen to has vocals). I understand that even instrumental music can cloud your own thoughts if it's hard not to focus on that. I can relate. But I also know that music has helped me and countless others get through things. 

I dont think instrumental music is any better, it still gets caught in my head just the same.  Lyrics dont really bother me, one thing that does happen is i have a part of a song playing in my head all the time except the lyrics are changed to a more sinister version of what the real lyrics are.  That part is annoying but the part that bothers me the most is just repetitive melodies.  Maybe listening to something unmusical like florian hecker would be fine, but i've been listening to a lot of elliott smith.  Either way it doesnt really matter what kind of music it is, it all sounds abusive to me right now.

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1 hour ago, drillkicker said:

I dont think instrumental music is any better, it still gets caught in my head just the same.  Lyrics dont really bother me, one thing that does happen is i have a part of a song playing in my head all the time except the lyrics are changed to a more sinister version of what the real lyrics are.  That part is annoying but the part that bothers me the most is just repetitive melodies.  Maybe listening to something unmusical like florian hecker would be fine, but i've been listening to a lot of elliott smith.  Either way it doesnt really matter what kind of music it is, it all sounds abusive to me right now.

Maybe try listening to classical music?

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9 hours ago, drillkicker said:

 i've been listening to a lot of elliott smith.

As far as music to be stuck in your head goes, you could do much worse.

Building off Yek's idea, you could go on an all jazz diet for a while and see if the repetition dies.  Or you may end up increasing your musical memory, which would be neat, but also maybe maddening for you.

I listened to noise and extreme metal almost exclusively for a year, and there was one band rehearsal in that period where I lost my ability to count in 6/8.  It was the most fucked up thing that ever happened to my brain.

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10 hours ago, toaoaoad said:

Ok new pointless thought:  Lately I have been...

This thought would be pretty good conversation starter, if you haven't already used it outside watmm.  You could get some extra mileage out of it too, because the response would change quite a bit depending on who you brought it up with.  It's pretty relatable.

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14 hours ago, toaoaoad said:

Ok new pointless thought:  Lately I have been feeling like I have nothing new to offer socially. Like every time I have a conversation with someone now I feel like I just talk about the same shit and tell the same stories. I don't know if other people actually feel this way about me but these days I find myself cringeing after every social interaction I have, thinking afterwards how lame I am and what people must think etc.  I suspect it's a side effect from lack of social practice, because of COVID, sometimes going days without seeing people besides on Zoom, and sometimes longer without meaningful interactions. But I also feel like my memory has taken a serious hit from all the weed I've smoked over the years and I wonder if I'm just getting stuck in a loop. Like not realizing I'm telling the same people the same shit over and over lol. Anyway COVID-era life has been boring af and I haven't exactly been nourishing my brain, more like lots of escapism. So I guess it's no wonder I've become so dull and all my stories are a few years old. I'm thinking I should learn something new, like if my life is still going to be sort of dull activity-wise for a while longer then I could at least be feeding my brain, and then I would at least have nerdy things to talk about, which in my mind seems better than this current situation. I can socialize just fine and I enjoy it but I have really been struggling with this cringey feeling I get afterwards, even if I try to stay really mindful I still end up saying at least one stupid thing or doing something stupid, and then I just obsess about it for the rest of the day. /pointless thought

I find that this kind of self-critique can be used to your benefit.  If everything you say is dumb, then just roll with it and say more dumb things.  Not much to lose if youre going to feel the same regret either way.

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On the topic of taking a break from music, has anyone else noticed how much louder it sounds after a day or two break?(maybe this is obvious) Its like a t break. And a really strange thing I noticed, sleeping doesnt count as a break. I can take an 8hr break and music sounds much louder, but after an 8hr sleep it doesnt sound louder at all.

Edited by vkxwz
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i just had a million-dollar idea for an app: resurrect the sweet voice of your dead wife/husband/daughter/etc. by feeding an AI audio recordings of the dead person. you can then have entire conversations with the simulacrum. 

the next step would be deepfakes generated in real time, using video recordings of the dead. basically skype with the dead. 

Edited by brian trageskin
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5 minutes ago, brian trageskin said:

i just had a million-dollar idea for an app: resurrect the sweet voice of your dead wife/husband/daughter/etc. by feeding an AI audio recordings of the dead person. you can then have entire conversations with the simulacrum. 

the next step would be deepfakes generated in real time, using video recordings of the dead. basically skype with the dead. 

Yeah, and make the voices say things randomly in the background or in the middle of the night that allude to hellfire and crippling regret

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If someone told you to go fuck yourself and you suddenly split into two bodies (with one mind). Would you go fuck yourself? Would you consider it any worse than masturbation? Would you feel gay? When you're masturbating you're literally wanking some guys cock anyway, unless you're female. 

This was my pointless thought. Thank you.

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