ghOsty Posted December 8, 2018 Share Posted December 8, 2018 lol, i hate texts like these... keep em coming Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YEK Posted December 8, 2018 Share Posted December 8, 2018 The man should work for Hallmark Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leon Sumbitches Posted December 8, 2018 Share Posted December 8, 2018 Oh man, this is incredible, that cookie one was divine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dingformung Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 require update Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T3551ER Posted December 10, 2018 Author Share Posted December 10, 2018 update: initiate: "Just like we know that the North Pole and South Pole aren't exactly alike because they're actually a world apart and we know that Dancer and Prancer drink coffee because they are Santa's star bucks and because sheep at Christmas time wish us all "seasons bleatings" and because a santameter is Santa's favorite metric measurement and because we know that a sheep's favorite Christmas carol is Fleece Navidad and because we know that Santa's favorite snack is Crisp Pringle's and because we know that the alphabet is different on Christmas because it has no-el and because Santa's primary language is North Polish...whew! Because all of that we know what a happy and special time of year this is. Merry Christmas!!!!!" Ok. I have to admit. This is terrible but I'm a pretty big fan of "dad" jokes here. Still terrible and makes me want to vomit in my mouth, but for the RIGHT reasons. "Okay now. It's time for everyone else to start sharing. Anecdotes, Christmas memories, holiday history, more "dad" jokes, whatever. It's only 22 days till the big day and I need to know that you are all allowing yourselves to be infused with the Christmas spirit. Cmon! Help me out here. I feel like I'm drowning." Yes. Yes you are. "WHAT SANTA KNOWS. We all know that the celebration of Christmas was originally designated to commemorate the birth of Christ. The actual day that was chosen is not a historical fact , but coincides with a number of pagan rituals surrounding the winter solstice, the date when the short dark days of winter begin to get longer. It was a time that the ancient pagans set aside to worship the sun gods and it is interesting to note that the early Christian fathers and Christians still today refer to Christ as the way and the "light". While all of us, including Santa respect this fact, it's what Santa knows that truly embodies the true "spirit" of Christmas. It is a thing that is so simple that the first time you try it you will be immediately rewarded with all the joy and happiness that the feeling of Christmas spirit is all about. It is the genuine act of giving with love. Giving a helping hand, giving your time, saying a kind word, encouraging a friend or family member, giving a! thoughtful gift, giving with no thought of recompense or even a wink and a nod with a finger to the side of your nose. So if you are having trouble getting into the spirit of Christmas stop thinking about yourself and give giving a try. Nothing works better to fill your heart. Boy, doesn't Santa know that!" annnnd.... shit, I got nothing smartass to say about this one. I actually was totally surprised that he brought up the pagan origins. A little saccharine at the end there but overall, this didn't fill me with hate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leon Sumbitches Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 The dad jokes coaxed a lol from me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amen Warrior Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 This makes me grateful that my partner's dad is an uncommunicative prick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TubularCorporation Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 Credit where credit's due, as bad as these are at least they don't go too overboard on the adjectives. I'm surprised actually, usually adjective and adverb and modifier abuse is a hallmark of this kind of stuff. He even uses some contractions - maybe not as many as he should but enough that it doesn't come off as TOO ridiculously formal. Guy is clearly a pro in his field, he should self-publish a little inspiration-a-day type checkout aisle book or something. EDIT: you know, the kind of thing you give to your girlfriend's aunt who you don't really know or care to know but are socially obligated to give a gift to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YEK Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 Well he asked for memories, so share with everyone how he was an asshole Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YEK Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 Lol! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dingformung Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 if he knew this thread existed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silent Member Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 What would Santa do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T3551ER Posted December 12, 2018 Author Share Posted December 12, 2018 Phew! Ok, couple of days of flu knocked me out there. Anyway, in response to the above: It's kind of weird. I've had my FIL on occasion make sideways comments or give, like, an eyebrow raise about how hot some chick is. All I can think is, "You know I'm banging your daughter, right?" It's weird. Totally paralyzing as I kind of don't know ow to respond. Oh, also, my mother-in-law is prone to kissing people on the mouth just as, like, her way of greeting. It's just what she does, and I avoided it for, like 8 years (quick head turn to the side) but lost focus on day and it was all over. I've been flirting with the idea of slipping her the tongue the next time she does it as an aversion technique but have no idea what to do if, like, she goes for it. . . AnyWAY, here's more holiday cheer for you to choke on: "One day just before Christmas an honest politician a generous lawyer and Santa all got into an elevator together. As they traveled from the fifth floor down to ground level one by one they noticed a hundred dollar bill on the floor. Which one picked up the hundred dollar bill and handed it into the reception desk. Well Santa of course. The other two don't actually exist." Which immediately makes me think about: EDIT: my god I used the word "like," like, way too often, like, in that first paragraph. Turning into a fucking valley girl. *blames dayquil* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leon Sumbitches Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amen Warrior Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silent Member Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chenGOD Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 I've seen a bunch of films about the situation you are talking about with the mum . From what I gather , if you start kissing the mum the daughter will get jealous and start giving fellatio but sometimes those roles are reversed , sometimes they are wearing hijabs even - that's weird . I say go for it Are those the documentaries that David Attenborough narrated? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T3551ER Posted December 13, 2018 Author Share Posted December 13, 2018 I've seen a bunch of films about the situation you are talking about with the mum . From what I gather , if you start kissing the mum the daughter will get jealous and start giving fellatio but sometimes those roles are reversed , sometimes they are wearing hijabs even - that's weird . I say go for it Are those the documentaries that David Attenborough narrated? Would pay $ to see this happen. Also: lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gyroscopic Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 what a fucking savage with that santa text Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T3551ER Posted December 14, 2018 Author Share Posted December 14, 2018 "I blew it yesterday and didn't send out my Christmas message. Oh well, nobody's perfect. Speaking of perfect I sometimes ask myself what makes a perfect Christmas? Where do you find it? Do you find it in a store? I never did, but I love the whole experience of shopping during this time of year, all the decorations and watching all the happy people trying to find the perfect gift. So is that what it is? Is it all about the gifts we wake up to on Christmas Day? I like getting gifts as much as the next person, but I've found I like some gifts better than others. Part of making a perfect Christmas is getting gifts that someone has spent a lot of time and thought about. It matters less if it is the very thing I really wanted and more about the love in which it was given. Or how about all the special things that people do for each other, like [REDACTED] making all those beautiful wreaths and bows or [REDACTED] and [REDACTED'S CHIILD] making Christmas cookies. There seems to be too many things to mention t! hat can help to make a perfect Christmas, but the most perfect thing I found out about Christmas is that if we want it to, it can last all year" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T3551ER Posted December 14, 2018 Author Share Posted December 14, 2018 "Who is Santa Clause? The legend goes that Santa is based on the life of an early Christian bishop, canonized St. Nicholas, who was born in what is modern day Turkey around 280 AD. As a young man he lost both his parents and used his inheritance to help the poor and sick. There is one story of how he helped three poor sisters whose father was going to sell them into servitude because he couldn't pay their dowries. Three times the Bishop of Myra secretly went to their house at night and left a bag of gold. On the third night the father caught him in the act and the story spread to all parts of the world. This tradition continued after his death on December 6th, which became the celebration of his life, St Nicholas' Feast Day or his nickname in their language, Sinterklaas. The Dutch continued to celebrate this feast day with the common practice of leaving their wooden shoes out the night before and in the morning find all the gifts that St. Nicholas left for them. The Dutch brought this tradition with them to America in the 1700s where it went through many transformations till today he is recognized as a fat man in a red suit that comes down a chimney. Interesting history, right? But what is truly amazing is how the life of one man who dedicated his life in giving with love to those in need transformed the entire world down through the centuries. It kind of puts in perspective the importance of the example each of us set for all those we come in contact with and the importance of each of our lives. Merry Christmas!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dingformung Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 what a beautful message Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stock Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 Respects to the man, you really feel his dedication through each of his messages. And thank you t355 for giving us those lols in a Christmas-y way, maybe your posts will turn into a religious celebration within a few centuries! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zkom Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 A beautiful story how one man's charity work turned into a global consumerist shitfest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T3551ER Posted December 14, 2018 Author Share Posted December 14, 2018 Respects to the man, you really feel his dedication through each of his messages. And thank you t355 for giving us those lols in a Christmas-y way, maybe your posts will turn into a religious celebration within a few centuries! It's my sincerest hope that one days these will be etched into gigantic stone tablets prolapsing out of a goatse effigy ringed by 17 monitors playing all of Chris Cunningham's works at once thereby inducing "religious" seizures in all who behold it. SO IT IS WRITTEN. SO IT SHALL BE DONE. A beautiful story how one man's charity work turned into a global consumerist shitfest. my thoughts EXACTLY. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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