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Pseudo Friends or No Friends At All?

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Posted (edited)

Which is completely fair - everyone is different and if that is what YOU need from friends, then that's what it is! Kind of what I was trying to get at. No need to seek validation for your approach IMO. If that's what you need from friends, that's what you need. 

It can be a complex thing for sure. On one hand I can say don't discount those people, on the other discount them all you want if that's where you are in life. I guess I'm kind of back-pedaling a bit on my last post. Maybe what I mean is they're not shitty friends they're just not what you need atm. 

😃

Edited by StephenG
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throw friends in bin and get social interaction from youtubers and twitch streamers imo. 

exchange $ for friendship. clean and easy. no hassle. no complications.

it .. just .. works. 

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9 minutes ago, StephenG said:

Maybe what I mean is they're not shitty friends they're just not what you need atm. 

😃

That's definitely a glass half full look on life.

One of the my best friends I dropped from my life used to say he wanted to hang out a night, then would either ditch or not pick his phone up when the time came.  That's not what anyone needs at any moment lol.  That is just a shitty friend.

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Definitely, I can agree with that for sure. I can't stand flakey people. =/

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Flakiness is kind of annoying but I find being boring much worse. I don't really mind if someone is occasionally flaky or unreliable, don't show up on time or not at all, but if they are boring it's just intolerable for me. I start to think why I'm wasting time here.

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Posted (edited)

fuck it...

Edited by Tim_J
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I had a few friends I regret hanging out with a lot. Parasites and truly fake peeps

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Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, zkom said:

Flakiness is kind of annoying but I find being boring much worse. I don't really mind if someone is occasionally flaky or unreliable, don't show up on time or not at all, but if they are boring it's just intolerable for me. I start to think why I'm wasting time here.

Boring is really subjective though... that's as much to do with you as it his her or him tbh. Flakiness is objectively shit.

Edited by StephenG

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I’ve come to the realization that I need therapy to work through a lot of issues before developing really good relationships with people. I excommunicated people because I thought “the only reason these people are still my fRiEndS is because I’m putting up with their bullshit, because they’ve seen me put up with it.” 

But I was so lonely I just needed people to hang out with. When you’re lonely, you attract shitty people, it seems. 

 

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11 minutes ago, Candiru said:

 

But I was so lonely I just needed people to hang out with. When you’re lonely, you attract shitty people, it seems. 

 

Yup, been there (in my late teens/early twenties). It's like you've got a beacon over your head alerting your presence to parasites.

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21 minutes ago, hello spiral said:

Yup, been there (in my late teens/early twenties). It's like you've got a beacon over your head alerting your presence to parasites.

Same thing here. 

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3 hours ago, lyst said:

That's definitely a glass half full look on life.

One of the my best friends I dropped from my life used to say he wanted to hang out a night, then would either ditch or not pick his phone up when the time came.  That's not what anyone needs at any moment lol.  That is just a shitty friend.

If his behavior was without a reason, sure. But given that you called him one of the best friends I get the impression something was going on in his life. Is being flaky bad if the person was depressed, for instance? Because if that was the case, you could argue you were being shitty about it, as well.

And i say this from the knowledge of having been flaky myself towards my friends. If you're in a dark place, you just want to hide from the world and all that. Shame is part of that. So you go into hiding mode and start being the flaky friend, i guess. 

Its fair to not be bothered about that. But a bit strange if that happened with a best friend. 

Regardless of the speculation, it does strike me odd you actively drop people from your life. People you used to call friends, but at one point decided they're not worth it anymore. Really sounds like economic decisions. Friendship is like some kind of economic investment. And not an emotional one. There's two sides to this coin, is my impression. And that might go beyond being picky and demanding. You should also consider people will start dropping you, if they see you behave that way towards others. 

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1 hour ago, StephenG said:

Boring is really subjective though... that's as much to do with you as it his her or him tbh. Flakiness is objectively shit.

 

Yeah, but I guess that's my point. I'd rather hang out with people who I like subjectively instead of people who are "objectively" good people.

But I don't date someone just because they are interesting.. that usually doesn't end well. I've learned this the hard way. Fuck off all pixie dream girls.

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introvert dance music

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Pseudo Friends or No Friends At All?

neither.

you're welcome

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Adults who have best friends are weird.

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14 hours ago, diatoms said:

I have Best Friend and a Brother I always talk to

who I Trust completely with Love:)

Lots of people want to hang out from work

I never do

I hang out with them at work, Ha!

but yeah

I don't have many True Friends

because

because

people

which I'm slowly getting better at being around:)

tbc...

 

52 minutes ago, Richie Sombrero said:

Adults who have best friends are weird.

 

What if I told You my Best Friend is my former wife

or I'm her former husband

the only Being I

Love and Trust

Who knows Everything

about

Me

Who has helped ME

more than anyone has ever done so

by infinity/0

We met up again in this Life

September

2001

continuing the experience...

She also Loves Aphex, Ha:)

:aphexsign:

 
  •  

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6 hours ago, goDel said:

If his behavior was without a reason, sure. But given that you called him one of the best friends I get the impression something was going on in his life. Is being flaky bad if the person was depressed, for instance? Because if that was the case, you could argue you were being shitty about it, as well.

And i say this from the knowledge of having been flaky myself towards my friends. If you're in a dark place, you just want to hide from the world and all that. Shame is part of that. So you go into hiding mode and start being the flaky friend, i guess. 

Its fair to not be bothered about that. But a bit strange if that happened with a best friend. 

Regardless of the speculation, it does strike me odd you actively drop people from your life. People you used to call friends, but at one point decided they're not worth it anymore. Really sounds like economic decisions. Friendship is like some kind of economic investment. And not an emotional one. There's two sides to this coin, is my impression. And that might go beyond being picky and demanding. You should also consider people will start dropping you, if they see you behave that way towards others. 

I am pretty sure he was just a selfish asshole, but at the rate your going him being a selfish asshole must be attributed to some type of psychological reason.

 

You say drop out of life like it is some insanely negative connotation.  I view it the opposite.  If someone is negatively affecting you, bringing you down with them, it is the wise thing to do to let those people go.  Even if it just for a period of time for them to get their shit together or grow up etc. 

Another buddy was great sober but the problem was he was drunk all the time and began mixing it with meds too.  It got real bad and I was actually one or the last few left that did not abandon him.  But eventually I had to as well.  Now hes been sober for like 120 days.  Wrote me a 3 paragraph text about how he was sorry he took me for granted / was a shitty friend and we started talking again every other day about sports or the like.

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19 hours ago, Somanymachines said:

I'd rather have no friends than shitty friends

 

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i have too many friends. too many social events I have to turn up to. even bffs that I love deeply. I have 3 friends that I talk to and see regularly that I've known since birth - great guys. They annoy the shit out of me often but that's what old friends do, and you still love them for it. Three more v close friends I've known since middle school that I talk to at least once a week, usually once a day. Then I'd add two more in High school, and then 4 more great college friends, maybe one great friend since college. That's like 13 friends I have to talk to every week and "show up for" when they're doing something. All but two live here on the east coast so I see them a lot too. And 6 of them are girls so there's a lot of emotional work involved. Sometimes dr lopez just wants to game. or listen to colundi. or have a wank. nope can't do it. btw i'm not even starting on my gf and all her friends. good lord. I want fewer friends. I think I'm lucky in that I have like 10 or so lifelong friends that I don't need to "drop" because they're being fake or w/e. It's very hard to make friends when you're an adult I think. Everyone sucks.

 

and what about my watmm friends??? everyone here hates me these days lol

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11 minutes ago, dr lopez said:

i have too many friends. too many social events I have to turn up to. even bffs that I love deeply. I have 3 friends that I talk to and see regularly that I've known since birth - great guys. They annoy the shit out of me often but that's what old friends do, and you still love them for it. Three more v close friends I've known since middle school that I talk to at least once a week, usually once a day. Then I'd add two more in High school, and then 4 more great college friends, maybe one great friend since college. That's like 13 friends I have to talk to every week and "show up for" when they're doing something. All but two live here on the east coast so I see them a lot too. And 6 of them are girls so there's a lot of emotional work involved. Sometimes dr lopez just wants to game. or listen to colundi. or have a wank. nope can't do it. btw i'm not even starting on my gf and all her friends. good lord. I want fewer friends. I think I'm lucky in that I have like 10 or so lifelong friends that I don't need to "drop" because they're being fake or w/e. It's very hard to make friends when you're an adult I think. Everyone sucks.

 

and what about my watmm friends??? everyone here hates me these days lol

Not everyone... poopypants 💕

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Yeah, you're alright dr l.

 

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5 hours ago, dr lopez said:

i have too many friends. too many social events I have to turn up to. even bffs that I love deeply. I have 3 friends that I talk to and see regularly that I've known since birth - great guys. They annoy the shit out of me often but that's what old friends do, and you still love them for it. Three more v close friends I've known since middle school that I talk to at least once a week, usually once a day. Then I'd add two more in High school, and then 4 more great college friends, maybe one great friend since college. That's like 13 friends I have to talk to every week and "show up for" when they're doing something. All but two live here on the east coast so I see them a lot too. And 6 of them are girls so there's a lot of emotional work involved. Sometimes dr lopez just wants to game. or listen to colundi. or have a wank. nope can't do it. btw i'm not even starting on my gf and all her friends. good lord. I want fewer friends. I think I'm lucky in that I have like 10 or so lifelong friends that I don't need to "drop" because they're being fake or w/e. It's very hard to make friends when you're an adult I think. Everyone sucks.

 

and what about my watmm friends??? everyone here hates me these days lol

This is exactly how life was for me from high school to 30 years old.  Probably around 15-20 "Friends" that I would switch around every weekend, tons of parties / events.  Now that I'm 32, have a wife (no kids yet).  Trying to grow up a little bit and look at things differently.  Distancing myself from the shitty / negative / unsupportive friends has allowed for other things to happen.  I wasn't as pissed off or upset as I normally was, my relationship with my wife increased ten-fold, got closer with my family and my brothers.  

But yea, making friends as an adult is a lot more difficult than when young.  For the most part adults all already have their core friendships in place- are not really looking for new ones.  

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If over time you feel worse after interacting with people than you did before seeing them then cut them out of your life . It's good to be there for your friends when they are having a hard time but if the relationship is a drain without any hope of redemption than jump off the sinking ship. I've become good at discerning this over the last decade and my life is much better as a consequence . Similarly , try to make your friends lives better by knowing you and that can be as easy as listening and not judging 

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