auxien Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 lot of new members here it seems...i know this not because they're posting (that i've noticed) but because i often accidentally click the Members tab under the logo, which always sorts by new so um... welcome. read the rules. if you need an excuse to say hello i guess this is a good place for that? or not if you don't want of course that's cool too. most of you have probably been lurkers for a while anyway but still: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whosebrian Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salvatorin Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 WELCOME. TO 3-D DINOSAUR ADVENTURE. GET READY. PUT YOUR 3-D GLASSES ON. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dingformung Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
President Squidward Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ambermonk Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zephyr_Nova Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YangYing Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 jb7 Quote zaphod said: Hello new person! Read the rules, then throw them out the window! Watmm is like Australia. No rules, just right. Here, check out this handy guide I wrote as a special gift, exclusive and free with your trial membership! THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO WATMM A Little History Lesson There was Eru, the One, who shat a great baby into the sky, and it was called the 303, and from it came a mighty sound, the sound of music, though some would not call it music but would call it bleeps, or even bloops, and sometimes the music that issued forth was a pure sine wave, and it was this music that was heard by the angels, and they called it electronic music, the purest form of music, and for some time the 303 was glad. From his bosom he birthed many Lords of the Dance, and they were Aphex Twin, Squarepusher, Boards of Canada, µ-ziq, and in a coughing fit wherein he could not pronounce the name clearly and concisely, Autechre. For eons the music of the Lords of the Dance fell upon tin ears, for many humans preferred the sound of the lute or the glockenspiel, but then in the last age a group of drug addicts and sociopaths heard the music and it filled their heads with bliss. This group argued for many years over a name for the music and many shook their heads at suggestions like electronica, electronic music, dance, braindance and even the holy name itself, electronic music. And so it was that two factions formed to document the origins of this music and the creator. The first group was lead by a blind Swede named Phobiazero, and that group is now known as That Other Site™ and they smell bad. The other group was once called Joyrex, lead by the fool king Joyrex, but now is known as Watmm. And that is how this place came to be. Members The first thing people say when they come to Watmm is “Wow, there are lots of people not posting here!” How right they are. With over three million registered members, Watmm forums are the largest in the eastern hemisphere. And yet only fifty of these members actually post on a regular basis. Here is a run down of some of the ones you should know. Delet… Delet is over three thousand years old. He was born on Neptune to a gaseous life form and a rock. He came to Earth as a child. In the forests of Denmark, a Wood Elf named Nilmiiri found him and raised him as her own. His adolescence was a whimsical time spent lolling about playing a pan flute to the local nymphs and blabbering about a return to the stars. Eventually, her sex life heating up, Nilmiiri abandoned the boy. For years he wandered the hills and valleys of Scandinavia, laughing and muttering to himself until he found a laptop in a lake and began connecting telepathically to the Internet. No one knows what he’s saying. Those that do are lying. Most put up with him because he makes them nervous. Typical Post: Aye waznt seying wohmehn shudent bee abel two voate, aye waz seying wohmehn shud bee abel two voate…heh, juz ghose too show ewe arint reeding mye pohsts. Zelah Zelah is a fag. Typical Post: So yeah, just picked up three pairs of slim fit 501 girl jeans for fifty bucks. Gonna bike into town tomorrow and see if they’ve got any pique polo shirts on sale at H&M then probably go chill with my mom and watch Gilmore Girls. Mosca Forged from volcanic rock in the Scottish Highlands, Mosca is the oldest man on the Internet. His posts are curt and striking, a simple haiku-like grace that will impress even the most hardened of cunts. He is a master. Typical Post: shite band om Kaen A distant relative of Mosca, Kaen arrived at Watmm as a fully formed member, already in on jokes that hadn’t yet developed, always quick to host someone’s music on his domain, and carrying with him an aptitude for cuntly actions that would make most older cunts balk in disbelief. He at first appears distant and intimidating but, given time, you may be able to feed him acorns from your hand. Typical Post: i'd nail her then kick her in the cunt Plantre Residing somewhere in West Virginia, Plantre makes Da Da look straightforward. Typical Post: THE INTERNET IS SO SERIOUS! LETS ALL TAKE THE INTERNET SERIOUSLY! SEARIOUSLY? EARS. LETS TAKE THE INTERNET’S SERIOUSNESS! HERE IS AN OPINION! LOOK AT THIS OPINION. WHAT? WHRER? NOW THAT’S A SHOTGUN---> BUT THE GUNSHOT??? New brianellis album on earstroke! Skytree Son of the late painter Bob Ross, Skytree emerged from the ethereal plane to join the human race and impart his collected wisdom on all who cross his path. Typical Post: I think I've already mentioned my new home in a thread, but did I mention the forest around it? Or how I went walking through the forests around it with my girlfriend. We talked about the new album I've got coming out and then about how society is debasing itself by not embracing wind power. Fred Mcgriff If Watmm needed an ambassador, Fred Mcgriff would be it. He makes music, enjoys the mundane minutia of everyday life, is a master draftsmen and understands the philosophical importance of poop. Typical Post: Fred's posts are anything but typical. Lol Alzado Fred Mcgriff lite. Typical Post: I just shat all over my wife and then went to work naked. The partners at the firm were out to lunch so I strolled around the office, admiring my physique in reflections in the windows, then masturbated into my secretary's coffee. So the question, Watmm, is: have you ever fondled a hamster with one of those long slurpee straws with the scoop at the end? Idiron If Idiron was forced to choose between stopping Hitler before he started or destroying America, he'd create a third option in which America is destroyed by Hitler and go with that. Typical Post: Playbynumbers An academic whose specialty is arguing with people, he has yet to engage in and win an argument with anyone on the board. Playbynumbers posts about three things: drone music, film, and books. Typical Post: Oh verily, it was absurdly good. Easily the best book of the century. The Pynchon book was equally good, probably the best book I’ve ever read. Mr. Salads Mr. Salads likes movies. He hates drugs. He is indifferent to movies about drugs. Typical Post: i see the carnival of faggots is still going strong. ~ism One of the Scottish Three, ~ism exists in a constant state of disappointment with Watmm. He believes that only Vik can save the board, but look at beakdotcom for evidence to the contrary. Typical Post: Watmm's been in slow death for some time now. Only teh Earl Grey geezer can save it now. Essines Essines is ten feet tall and lives a life of tall tales and adventure in rural Canada. To pluck a hair from his head is to be blessed by God. Typical Post: yeah i need a job.fuck. atleast i have my girl, gonna have some sex later, sleep, drink, have some sex. fuck i hate my life. i need money. Jswift Either a highly successful playboy living in London or a sociopath living in his parent’s basement, Jswift is a man of the world. When he isn’t posting about the genius of Wong Kar Wai and Asian Cinema he’s rebuking a theory on quantum physics and the nature of duality in Metzinger’s ideal of the self or relating an anecdote about how he developed Microsoft. Typical Post: Ctrl c Ctrl v Mrx Quite simply one of the greatest visual artists of this or any century. Typical Post: this is my cat Sinicalypse If you think this guide is running a little long, wait til you read one of this guy’s fuckin posts. He could turn an urban legend into an urban novel. Typical Post (Abridged): So I’m back atcha African Americans with a smirnoff bass drop. It was in late 98, I’m sittin pretty on two tons of beats when I get this urge to light up a Newport and head out on the chi town strip ta find some play and some milk cuz we out at my dad’s house and this African American needs his corn flakes in the morning. I mean that’s the thing with corn flakes, it’s like early ambient techno, like you gotta have some of that glass half full mentality to go wit your soft bass rumble or you’re on the curb like every other house African American left out to rot by the authorities. So I’m goin to the grocery store ta pick up the milk when I see this girl, Jessica Springer, went to high school with her and had a straight prorogative to nail that bitch when I still had half my virginity intact, so I mean I’m just a noble mc at this point so only way I’m impressing this bitch is with my rhyming skill like back in the day when a minstrel had to woo the shit out the ladies with a lute and his inner thug but I’m really too anti-thug to ever “woo” anything which is why I just resort to hiding in my basement, I mean not to get too cutting here but let’s just face it we’re all just bailing out of our unix administrating house arrest anyway so let’s just cut that shit out right now. And to all my haters, I already know where you wanna go with the “longwinded” post shit, so just drop that like Jay-z dropped all the good mcs from his label, we know how “wordy” I am it’s not a surprise anymore and this isn’t a defense or hypocritical anyway, I mean hell, you sit in front of a computer all day pushing media nodes to squares like I did when I was still a comp sci head in college checking out irc chats back when that was progressive not in like the pitchfork progressive way but real progression like music is supposed to be instead of all this cliché snare rush hi hat Zelda theme ruggedness and since when was rockin out a bad thing? Zaphod A bit of an idiot really. Typical Post: This post. Joyrex The mastermind behind We Are the Music Makers, Joyrex is from Texas or England. As a child he had a traumatic experience involving an exploding colostomy bag and has since been obsessed with shit. He will ban you for trolling or dupe accounts and then create a topic about someone launching nachos out of their asshole onto a tiled wall in a restaurant in El Paso. Typical Post: LOLocaust Fred, brilliant, just brilliant. I went to Taco Bell today and bought a schilling’s worth of Enchilada then had a massive growl over the bowl while I put the finishing touches on the site. And for all you wankers creating dupe accounts, just to let you know, you might be having a right laugh but it won’t fly on this forum. Wallie whale, LOL. We’re almost there. There are loads more members but fuck if I'm going to write dossiers on all of them. Q&A q: I want to make a new topic about a video floating around youtube. Is this ok? a: Under no circumstances should you ever do this. q: Someone posted the word "jazz" in my topic on a video floating around youtube. What does this mean? a: "Jazz" is slang for jazzband, a watmmeme that began when someone said "jazzband covers aphex twin" in reference to a cover version of the song "flim" which had multiple topics created about it. Some members are so lazy they simply write "j" while others come up with imaginative, similar headline events. For instance: Second tower collapses! q: I have a track by Aphex Twins called "Ghost in the Shell". Where can I find the album it's on? a: You're an idiot. q: Why do you guys talk about poop so much? a: Because it's all we have. q: Do I need a cat to post here? a: If you don't have a cat, you have five days to find one. If you don't, you'll be banned. q: Where are all the girls? a: Watmm has a history of scaring off the few real females who choose to post here. We do it in a number of ways. If you're a girl yourself, and you're new, ninety percent of the board will claim you're Beno's dupe account. The other ten percent will attempt to PM you saying not to get down about it, and of them, two will construct fantasies about saving you from the internet and making you their wife. q: Who is Leah? a: Leah is Zelah's courtly love interest. She has caterpillars for eyebrows, a hobo musician for a boyfriend and a voice like a papercut. Most members of Watmm have masturbated to Leah at some point. The Rolling lol To truly master the internet, a forum must be able to construct a Rolling lol. This is simply a topic full of posts that, in uniform fashion, say "lol". That is all. If a forum is able to come together and create a Rolling lol, they will be freed from the cycle of Samsara and all will reach Nirvana. electronic music: Internet Dork Music This may be a surprise to you, but Watmm actually had to do with music at one point! If you go to the main page, you'll see five artists listed with space for content under each. They also each have their own sub forum! When a new member joins, they make an important decision: become one of many general banter staples, constantly rofling and shooting mountain dew out of their nostrils, or venture deep into the dark recesses of the BOC subforum where they will eventually disappear, eaten alive by the lowly Gollum like creatures that inhabit that dank netherworld. That's one fork in the road I wouldn't want to come to! Good luck! edit: 2006 was a different time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YEK Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 Welcome to the jungle WATTEM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brisbot Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 The power of bots to create their own accounts has been accomplished for 20 years now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Braintree Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iococoi Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 1 hour ago, MIXL2 said: Typical Post: this is my stool Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iococoi Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 that "Read more".. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kieselguhr kid Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 4 hours ago, auxien said: lot of new members here it seems...i know this not because they're posting (that i've noticed) but because i often accidentally click the Members tab under the logo, which always sorts by new so um... welcome. read the rules. if you need an excuse to say hello i guess this is a good place for that? or not if you don't want of course that's cool too. most of you have probably been lurkers for a while anyway but still: WAIT WHAT THERE'S A HELLRAISER SEQUEL WHIT LANCE FUCKING HENRIKSEN ??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EdamAnchorman Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 what happened to thejacketloose Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BCM Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 wait, is this not the Dawson's Creek fan forum?*unregisters* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyrex Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 11 hours ago, Brisbot said: The power of bots to create their own accounts has been accomplished for 20 years now We have software that screens out bots - very rarely do any spam/bot accounts actually make it through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milkface Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 For the past few months I've been having vivid dreams where I'm walking through a server room and when I get to the end of it a man gives me a thumbs up and I jolt awake. This was all well and good until last night. I had the dream yet again, except this time upon exiting my state of slumber, ManjuShri was stood at the foot of my bed. We instantly lock eyes and ManjuShri with a cold fixed expression remarks, "nothing personal kid" and throws a gargantuan sack of severed hands with their thumbs extended out into my chest killing me instantly. "Farnsworth reaction" he uttered as he left. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
diatoms Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 What if I told You Welcome to WATMM:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zephyr_Nova Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 Somebody plz post the "This is America" video but overdub the word "watmm" on top of America every time it happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cloud capture Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 thx everybody Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rubin Farr Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lada Laika Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ambermonk Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 Joseph Fraioli's early releases were so goofy. I kinda miss that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lada Laika Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 8 hours ago, ambergonk said: Joseph Fraioli's early releases were so goofy. I kinda miss that. Yeah, he’s still got hints of playfulness on the (excellent) newer stuff but sometimes whimsy is more in line with my mood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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