Online music magazines?

[keanu reeves]

i'm a big fan of this rym review of mumford and sons - i will wait:

 

The man is standing in a bathtub of lard. His trousers are rolled to his knees. He holds a gnarled stick which he beats upon the ground. He grunts and begins to stamp his feet. The lard sloshes out of the bathtub and onto the floor. From a distance he might look like a Frenchman treading grapes, but he is not a Frenchman; he is English, and a supporter of Chelsea. Now he begins to sing, "iii eee aaa, iii eee aaa, ooo uuu." The sounds are in time with the stamping of his feet, but not with the banging of his stick, which seems to occur at random. His motions become exaggerated, and his trousers, unsupported by a belt, begin to slip from his waist. A crowd gathers. Around their wrists are tied strips of brightly-coloured fruit skin - banana, satsuma, mango. Some carry banners on which they have written meaningless shapes in imitation of the Latin alphabet. A few individuals clamber onto others' shoulders. Some wave their arms in time with the man's stamping. Some try to nod their head in time with the banging of the man's stick, but none succeed, it cannot be predicted. The man's singing becomes louder, his voice cracks. The performance appears to be reaching a climax. A woman standing three feet to the left of the bathtub flashes an Aldis lamp at the crowd. The crowd give a low moan of appreciation. One falls to the ground. The man's trousers are now round his ankles. The lard engulfs them.

 

and this one star of london calling:

 

Monday. I am in London, about which I've little to say except that when I stepped onto the platform at Finsbury Park tube station I was hit by a smell that combined Germolene and piss.

 

another one star, same user, for blood on the tracks (i could post these all day):

 

The most swearing I've done all year was while listening to this record, which is tedious and has fuck awful words. Look: just because the guy knows how to use a rhyming dictionary doesn't make him the greatest lyricist since Pindar. "Time is a jet plane: it moves too fast". Woah. That's fucking deep. Cos, like, jets, they're really fast, yeah? Man, this guy blows my mind!

[dr lopez]

lol sounds like u ^

 

 

i went to rym for the first time in a while and started reading the reviews of whatever (happened to be amber because i was listening at the time)

 

i'm so used to twitter that reading this long-form retardation was fucking jarring. i'm a shitty writer but what some fellows conclude about electronic music etc is beyond embarrassing. it's like an irony free website