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gmanyo

Knob Twiddlers
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Posts posted by gmanyo

  1. Oh well stick at it, I'm still concerned that you were self harming though. Why do you think it came to that?

    Not sure, pretty sure the worst is over though, so it's uphill from here. I'll probably be perfectly dandy in a couple weeks; such is the nature of bipolar disorder. I have a support system to get me through the worst parts.

  2. Not the first psych I've tried, and I'm changing my drugs up a bit at the moment, added one while I was in the hospital. My counselor is good, and I like my current psych. I'm getting good care atm, which definitely helps.

  3.  

     

    Hmmm yeah I went through a period where I was very self analytical and felt like the "joker" side of me was fake, but then I took a step back and asked myself why I.thought I was being fake. I came to the conclusion that I was being overly self critical and that the funny side if myself was part of who.I am.and just to enjoy it.

     

    Why did you end up in hospital?

    No suicide attempts but heavy ideation and some forms of moving toward it (I don't want to go into detail). And yeah, I think I'm just dissociated a bit, which makes everything feel fake. In actuality I probably am just a social guy.

     

    Also, so as not to freak anyone here out, the ideation is not nearly as bad anymore, which is why they let me out.

    Oh dear that doesn't sound good. At the risk of repeating what someone else may have said, have you tried counselling?

     

    I see a counselor and a psychiatrist every month, and I'm seeing a different counselor at the moment while on vacation visiting my parents in Taiwan, and I'm going to Skype my counselor in the US in a few days. And as stated before, I take a bunch of medication for it.

  4. Hmmm yeah I went through a period where I was very self analytical and felt like the "joker" side of me was fake, but then I took a step back and asked myself why I.thought I was being fake. I came to the conclusion that I was being overly self critical and that the funny side if myself was part of who.I am.and just to enjoy it.

     

    Why did you end up in hospital?

    No suicide attempts but heavy ideation and some forms of moving toward it (I don't want to go into detail). And yeah, I think I'm just dissociated a bit, which makes everything feel fake. In actuality I probably am just a social guy.

     

    Also, so as not to freak anyone here out, the ideation is not nearly as bad anymore, which is why they let me out.

  5. Yesterday my depression was triggered particularly badly (still hasn't let up) because I was hanging out with friends and having fun for the holidays, which is weird because one would expect to feel better in those situations. I'm the "funny guy" who cracks jokes and talks a lot and makes people laugh. When I get like that I feel like I'm putting up a front. I'm afraid to talk about it, too, because people get worried about me and it troubles them (I have a really big support system though). I know I put my parents through hell with this shit even though they try not to show it much, especially when I end up hospitalized like I just did.

  6. I really need to start exercising, like xxx said. I got out of a 10 day stay in a psych ward about 20 days ago, and frankly I'm not a whole lot better at this point. Better enough to stay out I guess. Started some new "Latuda" drug that costs a million dollars (thankfully Obamacare pays for it). It's supposed to help with bipolar depression but it doesn't seem to be helping much, at least at the current dose.

  7.  

    I'm not a big fan of most vaporwave stuff, but this album has been blowing my mind for the last week. It's pretty much vaporwave + trap + R & B samples, which sounds awful in theory, but is put together in a fun way that's actually insanely catchy and even a little emotional. Not sure if you guys have heard of Giant Claw - He's new to me but seems to be hugely prolific.

     

    http://bandcamp.com/EmbeddedPlayer/album=2036094323/size=medium/

     

    really good

     

    thanks for sharing

     

    I keep hearing about this guy. I think he lives walking distance from my house.

  8.  

    i can't drink high alcohol beers though, you can taste the alcohol and i can't get over it. That's why i can't do doppelbock. It's strange though because i can drink liqueurs and hard liquor no worries. I wonder why it comes through so strongly in beers, maybe it's the combination of the hops and the alcohol.

     

     

    it doesn't need to be boozy like that though, some brewers just play that up. I've had some excellent light-bodied bocks. When it's boozy and hoppy it can be a lot to stomach

     

    Oh man, I love high-alcohol high-IBU black IPAs. Sometimes I think I like the taste of alcohol itself more than the taste of most alcoholic beverages.

     

    I had Stone's Self Righeous Black IPA a while back, it was damn good.

     

    stonesublimelyselfrighteous.jpg

     

    More recently, Bell's Expedition Stout, which was really tasty. I'm aging a bottle of it.

    expedition.jpg

  9. I think we should just post our favorite posts from this thread for a few weeks. A methodological homage to vaporwave if you will.

    If I was the creator of this thread (I'm sort of amazed that I wasn't) I would have locked it 20 pages ago.

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