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Salvatorin

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Posts posted by Salvatorin

    Share your dreams

    in General Banter

    Posted

     

    dreamt me and a friend were flying a bomber plane during the 70s over the heart of africa and we crash-landed in a swampy lake and got out to be met by naked albinos, one of whom was a massive woman lying on a concrete slab, she kept pouring gasoline into her gaping vagina and it emitted a clear blue flame.

     

     

    you enjoy anal sex with albino bbw's?

     

    of course, why the hell wouldn't i?

    Planet Gonk: The Story of Session 3

    in Autechre

    Posted

    Scene 1:

     

    we start out in some kind of next-dimensional waiting room with a jumble of objects existing in a state of flux. It’s kind of a paradoxical thing, like chaotic equilibrium. there are platonic solids bouncing into globs on non-newtonian fluids, arcs of plasma jetting about, old People magazines, etc. it is here that the the first ones, the ineffable, antediluvian Great Dyad of rob and sean call their home, their unspoken machinations manifesting as great ripples and rumbles through the medium, lush pads and sick beats, the 2 elements from which all other things spring forth. the aloof, stoned gaze of rob and the piercing chav stare of sean settle on a single planet orbiting rogue paralel suns, somewhere in the intergalactic medium. this is planet known as Planet Gonk.

     

    Scene 2:

     

    on exoplanet gonk 3a5 129308 there is a club 500 kilometers under the sea.

    we descend through the hazy atmosphere and the greenish world-ocean is revealed, we descend further, under the waves, to Club Splesh.

    shit is poppin off here.

    Mature Audiences Only.

    Agent Cooper is on the scene

    “Diane, I’ve just arrived at an establishment of ill-repute—

    there is a robot with a big like jangly metal dick on stage just getting slapped all over the place.

    like some giant mech with a big fuckin weird silicon robot dick just floppin it around.

    like slapping it in a concrete hall, like some crazy flep the dolphin shit happening in the club.

    in the underwater club.”

    the scene is mental. Wiley is DJing, Flowdan is MCing. just absolute mayhem

    people are doing poppers and touching jellyfishes and stuff.

    a squid makes out with a Dyson space heater.

    Flep the dolphin does tricks (like flips and shit but also sexual?) for the robot man.

    a calculator finishes suckin him off.

    the robot man cums.

    BLISS

     

    Scene 3:

     

    okay so now we're listening to the soundtrack to "GANG FIGHT 2999", setting: ‘Techre City

    it’s like a gigantic icosahedron of a city, all floating above the ocean and shit

    all black pipes and dirty streets branching out everywhere like fucking crazy

     

    the Casual's are encroaching on the Gonk Boy's turf

    Gonk Boys pullin up

    using pirated cyberweapons

     

    the casuals outnumber gonks, but the gonks are bigger

    The Gonks have protective fur coats with +2 charm boost

     

    the Casuals employ fierce hi frequency sonic weapon emitters

    the Gonk Boys have powerful backpack woofer blasters

    the Casuals, in their numbers and ferocity are overwhelming the Gonks

    but the Gonks won't go down without a fight

     

    so the gang war has been raging on

    OH shit! RIP gonks, you think.

    but the Gonk Boys are still hanging in actually

     

    you thought they died

     

    but in one insane sub bass attack they fuckin WIPED out the casuals

    they unleashed their secret weapon:

    GATED REVERB GUN

     

    cut: we are now 33 years in the future

    The Gonks and the Casuals unified into one cartel and took over 'Techre city

    not long ago this planet was ruled by dolphins and mechs

    Now there is a filthy cabal of genocidal gangsters in control of the polyhedron

    watch them float over the global ocean, sending down plasma arcs to terrorize the unsuspecting denizens

    Unleashing vaporized high potency psychedelics and dissociative drugs into the atmosphere

    the populace is at their will

     

    Chairman Elyc9 is a miser. He rose through machiavellian tactics.

    He now punishes the world that spurned him as a child

     

    Uniting the violent underground through mutually beneficial heists and takedowns he quickly was able move up in 'Techre's parliament

    Spread the message: the dolphins and mechs are not our friends

    We must cleanse the global ocean of their idiocy

     

    Scene 4:

     

    Deep down in the ocean

    Corporal Flep is dreaming up a strategy

    The resistance has been hit hard

    But Flep wishes for the days of dancing and having casual sex with robots on the ocean floor to return

    In an old half dome ruin on the ocean floor, covered in coral and kelp, the bladelores project is being conceived

    the dolphins on one side, the mechs on the other.

    they are sharing ideas through bubble ring glyphs

    how can they restore peace to this shattered world?

    schematics made of seaweed and stabilized bubbles are created

    to unify their thoughts they move to the inner sanctum

    and begin a ritual of blowing bubbles and subtly sending electrical currents through the water

    slowly an old god

    starts to rise from the sand at the oceans floor

    it is a god made of shimmering, rippling mercury

    at times random pillars seem to form as appendages and then collapse back into the rising columnal giant

    the monks of the eastre order hit their bells

    the dolphins and mechs vibrate in ecstasy as the VeKos, the avatar of eastre, arises.

    …

     

    Scene 5:

     

    in the laboratory of Turbile Robotics manufacturing ramps up with new speed

    Everything must be stress tested

    no piece of squishyware can go un poked

    every bioluminescent tendril must writhe

    all cubes must be stomped upon

    that's what makes a Turbile a Turbile™

    The workers dine on shimripls (a type of very gay shrimp)

    Turbile robotics employees can expect a minimum of 17 shimripls a day

    they are paid in shimripls, which is a privilege in a world where if you don't gonk hard enough you'll basically just get killed

    Oh lord what is this? someone just introduced a trojan into Turbile manufacturing's mainframe

    the technician inspects the terminal

    "Spl9.ramshooter.b" ?

     

    machinery is being repurposed

    something is being built

    the plant is creating strange, incomprehensible objects

    it used to make cubes

     

    now the virus has taken control and the organic synthesis machines are making unsound hybrids of silicon and flesh

    and all of these creations fall down into the the unfathomably deep cistern of rejects, the glos ceramic

    a cylindrical hole bored deep into the planet, so large it has developed its own ecosystem in the darkness and filth

    the heaps of AI chips form autonomously organizing beings made of trash and rotting flesh and wires

    these new beings know nothing other than that the great shute in the sky gives them garbage, their lifeblood

    so they raise up their appendages in praise

    revel in the garbage, make love in the garbage, do their taxes in the garbage

     

    Scene 6:

     

    back in 'techre city Bill Evans plays the piano

    at a slimey gonk establishment

     

    Thom Yorke gets on stage

    by now he has become a kind of hairy skeleton

    he makes high pitched wails into a canister, on all fours

    he has learned the art of bone origami

    and he is folding himself up into an ever smaller thing

    eventually he is so small he is not visible, which is part of the art of it, you see

    yet he still is able to wail

    Bill Evans dies of many years of cocaine use

     

    Scene 7:

     

    The aftermath of a mass culling of technicians suspected as double agents for the Dolphin-Mech Alliance

    Chairman Elyc6 has dealt with the turbile problem, or at least he thinks he did

    so we looked at the data

    The truth is, Chairman Elyc9 doesn't really care about purging the planet of dolphins and mechs.

    the war was a ruse

    he baited the enemy into summoning eastre,

    the primeval power at the center of the planet, he wishes to harness its powere

     

    planet gonk was once at peace

     

    long ago, the dolphins were sucking robot penis and all was well

    but desperate times call for desperate measures

    the garbage hybrids congeal into a chain tall enough to reach the ceiling of the great cystern

    as the liquid god of eastre penetrates the corroded, leaking bottom of the cystern

     

    an unholy union is formed

     

    The Gonk Casuals must be stopped.

     

    Scene 8:

     

    we now shift deep under the garbage, into the dark saline sea that lines the deepest trenches under the global ocean

    this is the primordial soup from whence it all came

    in a place darker than vantablack, conscious ions flicker with intent

     

    before the gonks, before the dolphins, before the casuals and mechs, there was only this place

    a place of stillness punctuated by rippling chains of actions that had no beginning and no end

    the creatures of planet gonk arose from this place

     

    and it is this place that will bring the planet back to equilibrium

     

    Scene 9:

     

    the Great Dyad regards the goings on with detached amusement.

     

    Sean: M8 this shit is mental. Did you see Thom Yorke do that? fuck me that’s brilliant.

    Rob: Check out that Dolphin down there, he’s got a laser gun.

    Sean: (tokes spliff) fookin incredible aye

    Rob: aye there’s like some kinda war or battle going on innit

    Sean: lush, hey check out this new patch i’ve been working on

     

    ...

    in a twist of events, the Dolphin-Mechs lose control of the Avatar of Eastre, VeKos, and it takes control of the garbageFleshKin, unifying them into a writhing tentacle of wires and organs emerging from the core of Planet Gonk to strike ‘Techre city from the sky. the icosahedron shatters into a trillion shimmering shards and the city falls into the churning world-ocean.

    the casualties of the great conflict are immense

    calculators go instinct. Corporal Flep is valiantly killed in the line of duty when he impales Chairman Elyc6 with his snout (he duct-taped a knife to it). RIP.

    the Gonk Boys and the Casuals are forgotten. the ocean swallows up all things. there is only wreckage, and the mindless, waving tentacles of eastre protruding from the sea like living monoliths. Who knows what lies in the future for this ruined planet? but for now, all end.

     

    And thus concludes the story of Planet Gonk…

    OR DOES IT?

    stupid first world problems you're dealing with

    in General Banter

    Posted

    it's just kind of fundamentally tasteless though. that track you posted sounds like something written for a tim & eric sketch. i can't understand how he would think that all that flashy shit like orchestral sections and record scratches and overly processed vocals fits together to make something pleasurable to listen to. it's like if OPN's tongue-in-cheek deconstructions of pop and academic music were reconstructed into a frankenstein's monster of earnestness.

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