the total emptiness of getting what you want

[Guest my usernames always really suck]

I think I relate. Or not? Maybe I don't understand but I think I do.

 

When I had a job for about two years I did get tired of the repetitive routine, but I was reluctant to take any of my vacation days because it was a job where things randomly went wrong with whatever computer systems were acting up at the time and I was the one who had to fix them. Also worried that if I left for a week that I'd come back and have a backlog of work that needs to be done and it'd take me months to catch up to it... but I don't know if I was thinking realistically. Now that I don't have a job, I have all the time of the day to loaf around and play Team Fortress 2 and troll the Internet and yet I feel guilty almost when I wake up in the morning knowing that I won't be doing anything useful for anyone that day.

 

And now I've been unemployed since November and, with enough money in my savings I can easily travel for a month if I spend very conservatively and stay thrifty, I still haven't bothered traveling or doing anything I truly want to do. My parents still ride my ass over what I do with my life and call me on the phone almost every day, and whine at me if I don't collect unemployment insurance every week. Not that I need it; sure, apartment rent is expensive, but I can survive another year or two before I'm truly in the poor house. I want a job, and yet I don't want a job. I don't think software is my passion. I'm a good programmer with strong programming skills, but I hate doing it. It isn't a hobby for me like it is with most (all?) career coders. Even then, I still don't have "minimum 3 years experience working on released software" that like 99% of all programming job listings require... so here I am, a graduate, no longer in university, and I've been recently considering interning just for that experience. Bullshit.

 

I dream of traveling Europe and Asia and just fuck around for about 2 or 3, maybe 4/5/6 months and eat exotic foods and maybe get laid but I'm not eintirely sure that's a good idea either. I'm quite shy around people, so I'm not sure my personality is compatible with that kind of Kerouac-style aimless traveling. I'd probably be the naive kind of traveler who gets conned easily, but then again I'm distrusting of strangers so maybe not?

 

Or am I way off topic?

 

[lumpenprol]

I dream of traveling Europe and Asia and just fuck around for about 2 or 3, maybe 4/5/6 months and eat exotic foods and maybe get laid but I'm not eintirely sure that's a good idea either.

 

I don't know man, I feel confident that...

 

(nsfw)

 

 

 

» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «

[Atop]

go travel man, some of the most fun I have ever had in my life....

 

and I plan on doing a lot more when I have the money...

 

go!

[Atop]

Lumpenprol, you lucky mofo!

[Guest Iain C]

What you're missing is a relationship with God.

[Guest -Ad-]

Sometime's the journey is greater than getting there, and maybe thats the key to things: to arrive at your destination and linger only as long as you need to, then keep moving on. You need direction and ambition to keep things fresh and exciting. I dont really know what this means in a real world context, that you should find new job and girls or that kind of thing, but until you've found where you belong, its easy to outstay your welcome.

I dont know how this changes when you're older, it seems like older folk are more willing to be satisfied with what they have.

I completely agree with this, although would have put it slightly differently. I am very much in the same position as you A/D, and what I realise when I'm feeling shitty is that it's all about change. I need and crave change. I have a well paid interesting job, nice friends, good family, solid loving relationship, I travel twice a year, have all the music and film I want etc etc. But sometimes it's not enough...something's gotta give.

 

Try changing some elements of your life, doing something new - I know it's easier said than done but works for me.

[Guest maantecaaa!!!]

It sounds like your life is already set up pretty good in terms of balance. Most likely you're just feeling the withdrawals from weed. Keep in mind that NO ONE has happiness figured out, and it's a different game for everybody. The best we can do is make rational decisions to do things that make us happy, but at the end of the day we're still slaves to our bodies and all of it's accompanying hormonal, mental and physical aspects. Take a little comfort in the fact that alot of great art comes from a place of suffering and not joy.

[kaini]

That song is too genius to properly explain. Basically changing the tempo of it for that verse and then getting the piano drumroll in there to speed things up is ... well... man.... shit. Thats why theyre the beatles I guess. They can just do that shit and not think twice about it.

 

 

sry to derail thread, but i know exactly what you mean, they are the originators of so much.

 

if you haven't heard these, prepare to :omg:

 

http://humphreyplugg.kaen.org/13%20ADITL%20-%201.mp3

http://humphreyplugg.kaen.org/14%20ADITL%20-%202.mp3

http://humphreyplugg.kaen.org/15%20ADITL%20-%203.mp3

http://humphreyplugg.kaen.org/16%20ADITL%20-%204.mp3

 

(for a limited time only. this stuff is unreleased but beatles lawyers so litigous)

[Guest abusivegeorge]

Hi A/D, I totally Identify with hitting your all time low, thats where I was before I relapsed and guess what after a few drinks, I'm still there now.

 

With regards to the job, girlfriend etc I can't really identify because I have none of that, and I have no choice but live at home with mum and dad and claim benefits. I wish I did have a job and the means to get a place of my own, but alas it's not to be.

 

It's very depressing and I've learnt to realise we can never really have what we want, at least I don't think so, some of the things yes, but there'll always be something everyone wants that they can't have. Some people would disagree and say nice car, nice house, great wife, I know people like that, but deep down they aren't actually happy, because there is something missing spiritually.

 

I have no idea how to achieve a happy point in life, becuase I've never gotten there.

 

See what the future holds eh mate.

[plstik]

To me those dreams you named are just false promises and the wish to fullfill them has to be impossible, otherwise you´d never get the bliss of having achieved something, eating good food or having a relationship.

It helped for me to not focus on what lies well...too far away, but rather on what I´m missing on that way. I know that sounds like some esoteric bullshit, but to me depressions are just a normal thing, which´ll pass... although you´d never believe it could get any worse the next time.

[Guest maantecaaa!!!]

Thanks for putting those up. Only the first one worked for me, the rest I get an error. Is anyone else getting the same thing?

 

That song is too genius to properly explain. Basically changing the tempo of it for that verse and then getting the piano drumroll in there to speed things up is ... well... man.... shit. Thats why theyre the beatles I guess. They can just do that shit and not think twice about it.

 

 

sry to derail thread, but i know exactly what you mean, they are the originators of so much.

 

if you haven't heard these, prepare to :omg:

 

http://humphreyplugg.kaen.org/13%20ADITL%20-%201.mp3

http://humphreyplugg.kaen.org/13%20ADITL%20-%202.mp3

http://humphreyplugg.kaen.org/13%20ADITL%20-%203.mp3

http://humphreyplugg.kaen.org/13%20ADITL%20-%204.mp3

 

(for a limited time only. this stuff is unreleased but beatles lawyers so litigous)

 

[Guest A/D]

i slept for an hour and went to work and am in a different world, very even and somewhat open. my body is so weird. i get better and then i get worse again with not much to go on.

 

you guys have offered some choice bits of wisdom though, and i thank you. though i've never tripped on acid, i think some depressions are like bad trips: you forget that there could ever be another reality. thank god at least my mood swings - i probably wouldn't last long on one of those unipolar dealies.

 

420 - word. gotta keep pushing. and i have changed a lot of things lately - maybe too much. i don't know.

usernames - maybe what you and i have in common is we need to leave our comfort zones more often.

iain - i think i have one, and then i lose it. either god is or i am a fair-weather friend.

george - i wish you had those things, i really do . . but only if they turned out to be meaningful for you . . thank you.

 

thank you all, i am humbled. i'm going to try and do better.

[Guest abusivegeorge]

Sometimes you don't need to try mate, sometimes it's ok to just sit back and let nature tale it's course, maybe you've tried too hard already?

[kaini]

Thanks for putting those up. Only the first one worked for me, the rest I get an error. Is anyone else getting the same thing?

 

edited accordingly, sorry.

[Guest Drahken]

While I don't agree with everything presented within, I find Kacynski's manifesto to be spot on in its explanation of surrogate activities and why even the richest person on earth can feel hollow and empty. I best overcome this by doing something simple but useful like gardening, cleaning the dirtiest spot in the house, or working on my cabin in the woods.

 

Surrogate activities

 

38. But not every leisured aristocrat becomes bored and demoralized. For example, the emperor Hirohito, instead of sinking into decadent hedonism, devoted himself to marine biology, a field in which he became distinguished. When people do not have to exert themselves to satisfy their physical needs they often set up artificial goals for themselves. In many cases they then pursue these goals with the same energy and emotional involvement that they otherwise would have put into the search for physical necessities. Thus the aristocrats of the Roman Empire had their literary pretensions; many European aristocrats a few centuries ago invested tremendous time and energy in hunting, though they certainly didn't need the meat; other aristocracies have competed for status through elaborate displays of wealth; and a few aristocrats, like Hirohito, have turned to science.

 

39. We use the term "surrogate activity" to designate an activity that is directed toward an artificial goal that people set up for themselves merely in order to have some goal to work toward, or let us say, merely for the sake of the "fulfillment" that they get from pursuing the goal. Here is a rule of thumb for the identification of surrogate activities. Given a person who devotes much time and energy to the pursuit of goal X, ask yourself this: If he had to devote most of his time and energy to satisfying his biological needs, and if that effort required him to use his physical and mental facilities in a varied and interesting way, would he feel seriously deprived because he did not attain goal X? If the answer is no, then the person's pursuit of a goal X is a surrogate activity. Hirohito's studies in marine biology clearly constituted a surrogate activity, since it is pretty certain that if Hirohito had had to spend his time working at interesting non-scientific tasks in order to obtain the necessities of life, he would not have felt deprived because he didn't know all about the anatomy and life-cycles of marine animals. On the other hand the pursuit of sex and love (for example) is not a surrogate activity, because most people, even if their existence were otherwise satisfactory, would feel deprived if they passed their lives without ever having a relationship with a member of the opposite sex. (But pursuit of an excessive amount of sex, more than one really needs, can be a surrogate activity.)

 

40. In modern industrial society only minimal effort is necessary to satisfy one's physical needs. It is enough to go through a training program to acquire some petty technical skill, then come to work on time and exert very modest effort needed to hold a job. The only requirements are a moderate amount of intelligence, and most of all, simple obedience. If one has those, society takes care of one from cradle to grave. (Yes, there is an underclass that cannot take physical necessities for granted, but we are speaking here of mainstream society.) Thus it is not surprising that modern society is full of surrogate activities. These include scientific work, athletic achievement, humanitarian work, artistic and literary creation, climbing the corporate ladder, acquisition of money and material goods far beyond the point at which they cease to give any additional physical satisfaction, and social activism when it addresses issues that are not important for the activist personally, as in the case of white activists who work for the rights of nonwhite minorities. These are not always pure surrogate activities, since for many people they may be motivated in part by needs other than the need to have some goal to pursue. Scientific work may be motivated in part by a drive for prestige, artistic creation by a need to express feelings, militant social activism by hostility. But for most people who pursue them, these activities are in large part surrogate activities. For example, the majority of scientists will probably agree that the "fulfillment" they get from their work is more important than the money and prestige they earn.

 

41. For many if not most people, surrogate activities are less satisfying than the pursuit of real goals (that is, goals that people would want to attain even if their need for the power process were already fulfilled). One indication of this is the fact that, in many or most cases, people who are deeply involved in surrogate activities are never satisfied, never at rest. Thus the money-maker constantly strives for more and more wealth. The scientist no sooner solves one problem than he moves on to the next. The long-distance runner drives himself to run always farther and faster. Many people who pursue surrogate activities will say that they get far more fulfillment from these activities than they do from the "mundane" business of satisfying their biological needs, but that it is because in our society the effort needed to satisfy the biological needs has been reduced to triviality. More importantly, in our society people do not satisfy their biological needs autonomously but by functioning as parts of an immense social machine. In contrast, people generally have a great deal of autonomy in pursuing their surrogate activities.

[kaini]

edited once more, PROMISE working now

 

so very embrassed... :embrassed:

[Guest hahathhat]

http://www.eyeweekly.com/article/55882

 

still reading it but i immediately thought of this thread.

[chim]

the psyche trives in it's own set circumstances, not external ones

 

i think we value our wants more than we do achieving them

[Guest weed]

you don't know what depression is...until you've stepped on sea urchins

 

 

"a conflict of generations: a powerful feeling of the American system in failing to deal with the real threats to life"