sneaksta303 Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 For those not familiar with the actor (i know, i know), Harvey Keitel plays Mr. White in Reservoir Dogs, Winston (The Wolf) in Pulp Fiction, the Father, Jacob, in From Dusk till Dawn, Dad (or Satan) in Little Nicky, Judas in The Last Temptation of Christ, and countless roles, most in the genre of Police/Crime, in the 70's and 80's. For a lot of my friends, it has become a hobby to think of Harvey Keitel playing the role of a character in an existing film. For example: Harvey Keitel as Peter Parker in Sam Raimi's Spiderman. To make the scenerio work, you must picture Harvey not at the age of the character he is portraying, but as a middle-aged man, sweaty, mad, and most likely wearing a wife-beater. Though he looks this way, he would still try desperately to give a good performance in any role we put him in. Although the story lines in the films stay the same, the fact the Harvey Keitel is on screen can change the outcome of events drastically... Take Home Alone for instance - when the two robbers, Harry and Marv, attempt to break into the McCalaster home and kill Kevin (played by Keitel, formerly played by Culkin), he does not leave a variety of wacky booby-traps around the house, but rather hides in a dark room, shoots Harry and Marv with a revolver, and runs from the house through the snow, in little clothing covered by a trench coat. The remaining twenty minutes of the film are of Keitel crying violently on a train. When he arrives at his destination, he kills himself. We try to keep the films on the same path that they are on in reality, but sometimes, the films outcomes just don't work out in the favor of the persona we give him. Sometimes it's funnier if he plays a tired, depressed, angered, ex-cop type personality in an existing role, and other times, it's funnier if he acts the way the actor acts in the existing film. I'm so happy that I have things like this to ponder over when I'm out and about, bored, or looking for something to think in detail about. Five favorite roles: 1. The shark in Jaws (he swims around really fast in only a wife beater and violently stabs people. When not stabbing, he carries the knife in his mouth). 2. Kevin McCalaster in Home Alone (already explained). 3. Peter Parker in the Spiderman Films (he acts exactly like Tobey McGuire, but appears in his usual sweaty, wife-beater wearing personality). 4. Mufasa in The Lion King (In this case, Keitel appears in the film with green-screen technology. Everything is in 2-D animation but he appears as live-action over the existing film, replacing Mufasa the Lion. The whole story is transformed to include drugs, rape, government pay-offs, and graphic sex between Keitel and Nala. Of course, he is sweaty and angry). 5. As Forest in Forrest Gump (Instead of a happy mildly retarded man with a universally appealing life story to tell, Keitel plays the part bitter and angry. The beginning of the film starts with not a feather soaring down landing on his feet, but with a violent thunderstorm as Harvey sits quietly but dramatically on the bench in the rain. A woman sits down next to him and he forces her to listen to his story of pimping, prostitution, murder, and addiction. For example, when he and Bubba are in 'nam, Forrest is pressured into raping a local villager. Ever since then, it has been a dark secret. He and Leutienant Dan start trafficking drugs in a New York apartment until he goes to prison, is released, and is presently on his way to Kill Jenny, the bitch he's known his whole life that ratted him out). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest beatfanatic Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 Harvey Keital never disappoints me. He was also great as the pimp in Scorsese's Taxi Driver. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sneaksta303 Posted August 15, 2009 Author Share Posted August 15, 2009 That is one of my faves. I dunno how I could forget mentioning it in my intro paragraph. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awepittance Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 does anyone remember that really prevalent rumor around 1 year before Eyes Wide Shut came out claiming that Harvey Kietel masturbated during one of his auditions because he was such a hardcore method actor and that he shot semen at Nicole Kidman's face by accident. and apparently he was fired because he jizzed on her face and tom cruise got mad Bad Lieutenant ftw Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caretstik Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 He was great as the pimp in Scorsese's Taxi Driver. Absolutely. My own fave Keitel performances: Mean Streets Bad Lieutenant Who's That Knocking At My Door? Dangerous Game Clockers Reservoir Dogs Blue Collar Buffalo Bill and The Indians Not sure if that's what you were getting at sneaksta, but the man deserves big appreciation. I'd have loved to have seen what he'd could have done in Apocalypse Now or Eyes Wide Shut. Or anything with Coppola, Kubrick or more Altman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sneaksta303 Posted August 15, 2009 Author Share Posted August 15, 2009 He was great as the pimp in Scorsese's Taxi Driver. Absolutely. My own fave Keitel performances: Mean Streets Bad Lieutenant Who's That Knocking At My Door? Dangerous Game Clockers Reservoir Dogs Blue Collar Buffalo Bill and The Indians Not sure if that's what you were getting at sneaksta, but the man deserves big appreciation. I'd have loved to have seen what he'd could have done in Apocalypse Now or Eyes Wide Shut. Or anything with Coppola, Kubrick or more Altman. Oh, i was not making fun at all. He is a fucking brilliant actor, and yeah, that's all i can say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caretstik Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 He was great as the pimp in Scorsese's Taxi Driver. Absolutely. My own fave Keitel performances: Mean Streets Bad Lieutenant Who's That Knocking At My Door? Dangerous Game Clockers Reservoir Dogs Blue Collar Buffalo Bill and The Indians Not sure if that's what you were getting at sneaksta, but the man deserves big appreciation. I'd have loved to have seen what he'd could have done in Apocalypse Now or Eyes Wide Shut. Or anything with Coppola, Kubrick or more Altman. Oh, i was not making fun at all. He is a fucking brilliant actor, and yeah, that's all i can say. Didn't think you were taking the piss man, just wasn't sure if I'd missed the gist of your thread! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sneaksta303 Posted August 15, 2009 Author Share Posted August 15, 2009 a couple of buddies and I thought it was funny to use our imaginations and cast HK into unlikely roles, for the lolz. That's all I was getting at. Well, that, and harvey is pure win. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caretstik Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 a couple of buddies and I thought it was funny to use our imaginations and cast HK into unlikely roles, for the lolz. That's all I was getting at. Well, that, and harvey is pure win. I was obviously trying to be too deep! And it's hard to imagine that Harve's not had a thread already. Pure win alright. Some poor films but no poor performances. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest abusivegeorge Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 a couple of buddies and I thought it was funny to use our imaginations and cast HK into unlikely roles, for the lolz. That's all I was getting at. Well, that, and harvey is pure win. I was obviously trying to be too deep! And it's hard to imagine that Harve's not had a thread already. Pure win alright. Some poor films but no poor performances. You two should make a thread and hump already. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sneaksta303 Posted August 15, 2009 Author Share Posted August 15, 2009 care to join me for a wank caresticky? FUCK! Lets get this thread going. We need more fictional scenarios with HK in unlikely roles. You lot are a creative bunch, lets see it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest abusivegeorge Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 Harvey Keitel goes round to the lady in lingeries house to fix the boiler, he fixes it, and leaves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sneaksta303 Posted August 15, 2009 Author Share Posted August 15, 2009 Harvey Keitel goes round to the lady in lingeries house to fix the boiler, he fixes it, and leaves. fail. you need to replace him in an existing movie. Like, imagine HK playing harry potter, only he only wears wife beaters, and has long hair ala Taxi, and he be keepin his pimp hand strong on that Hermione cunt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest abusivegeorge Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest beatfanatic Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 i love how nobody gets what sneaksta is trying to accomplish with this thread. I do but its just fun seeing him explain it again and again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caretstik Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 care to join me for a wank caresticky? *works on existing semi* *offers sneak a reacharound* Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope - Han Solo (to Luke): "What do you think, a Princess and guy like me? She'd suck your cock so hard she'd make it explooooode...". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest abusivegeorge Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 i love how nobody gets what sneaksta is trying to accomplish with this thread. I do but its just fun seeing him explain it again and again. I know exactly what sneaksta is trying to accomplish with this thread, I am just being an arse. And anyone from England will get what I was qouting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest beatfanatic Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 i love how nobody gets what sneaksta is trying to accomplish with this thread. I do but its just fun seeing him explain it again and again. I know exactly what sneaksta is trying to accomplish with this thread, I am just being an arse. And anyone from England will get what I was qouting. Mr Bean? thats all i know about England Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caretstik Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 i love how nobody gets what sneaksta is trying to accomplish with this thread. I do but its just fun seeing him explain it again and again. I know exactly what sneaksta is trying to accomplish with this thread, I am just being an arse. And anyone from England will get what I was qouting. I do now. I'm ashamed to say I skimmed his original post and just saw 'Harvey Keitel' and got excited. But yeah, sneaksta's thread has legs. And George, I can see that LUDD has taught you well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest abusivegeorge Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 Sometimes I like to think it's me teaching him, but you're right, it's the other way round. Him and his 15 year old, he better share. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sneaksta303 Posted August 15, 2009 Author Share Posted August 15, 2009 i love how nobody gets what sneaksta is trying to accomplish with this thread. I do but its just fun seeing him explain it again and again. i mean is it really that hard to understand?~?~?~ But yeah, sneaksta's thread has legs. damn tootin! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caretstik Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 Sometimes I like to think it's me teaching him, but you're right, it's the other way round. Him and his 15 year old, he better share. If you pen0r is free of visible disease, I think sharing won't be an issue. Back on track, the Keitster's marginal role in Rising Sun sums up how great he is. Average film at best, but he even outdid Sean Connery (who I personally love to watch in anything, even the shite). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nene multiple assgasms Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 no one else cries like keitel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chenGOD Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 Harvey Keitel replaces Julai Roberts in Pretty Woman. After 2 hours of violent homosexual sex, Keitel smashes in Richard Gere's face and then overdoses on heroin. Whilst wearing a wife-beater. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sneaksta303 Posted August 16, 2009 Author Share Posted August 16, 2009 Harvey Keitel replaces Julai Roberts in Pretty Woman. After 2 hours of violent homosexual sex, Keitel smashes in Richard Gere's face and then overdoses on heroin. Whilst wearing a wife-beater. you are VERY MUCH on the right track. Come on people! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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