Revenge of the Introvert

[wahrk]

i guess what i don't like about this article and threads like this is that it somehow entitles "introverts" to be socially awkward loners. like there's something magical and special about not wanting to go out. it reeks of being self obsessed, which is what i think most introverts really are. why not make an effort to be socially well adjusted. everyone has anxiety about other people. this whole "i just feel more, maaaan" sensitive thing is really a ploy to get attention, in the passive aggressive way that introverts are comfortable with.

 

yeah, i made the choice to be this way, because i'm obviously fucking enjoying it

and i enjoy admitting the things that haunt me on watmm, because it feels good right?

 

NO ONE makes a deliberate choice to be a social fuck up or an introvert.

not all introverts struggle to socialize, but when you're really fucking a social life up

being introverted and awkward tends to go hand in hand.

I dunno man. I'd say that if you don't like being introverted, it could be more than just introversion. It's probably actual social anxiety.

 

I wouldn't say that I chose to be introverted, but I definitely wouldn't change if given the option. I couldn't imagine not wanting analyze and organize everything. That's the biggest driving force in my life. It's how I enjoy life. For me, I live inside my head and everything outside of it is there for observation and experimentation. I couldn't imagine feeling any other way.

[chim]

Edit: damn i shouldn't make my posts so long, half of watmm already beat me to this one

 

I think you really put it well. I wouldn't call myself introvert but I'm very thoughtful and sensitive which introverts tend to be. Still, I love partaking in social situations and just "being there" without any specific goal in mind other than to imbibe the atmosphere and am more or less uninterested in the games people play. I'm cutting down on the time I push myself to put on a mask and pretend to be well-adjusted since it's meaningless in the big scheme of things.

 

And this is something the real extrovert/normal people don't seem to get, that when we try to change our actions it's only a game of pretend, whereas they think we're pretending we're different to justify being failures.

 

I think the real introverts that have outed themselves in this thread recognize that there is alot of conflict in many social situations (the whole people being annoying loudmouths thing) and how not self-validating or enjoyable that generally is, especially if you don't find satisfaction in climbing the social ladder.

 

The big problem here isn't that it isn't bad to be introvert but that it's considered bad to be, same with all the other shit a human can be that isn't white, male and good at conquering things. Why does every fucking thing have to be about failures or successes rather than differences?

[Guest Backson]

i guess what i don't like about this article and threads like this is that it somehow entitles "introverts" to be socially awkward loners. like there's something magical and special about not wanting to go out. it reeks of being self obsessed, which is what i think most introverts really are. why not make an effort to be socially well adjusted. everyone has anxiety about other people. this whole "i just feel more, maaaan" sensitive thing is really a ploy to get attention, in the passive aggressive way that introverts are comfortable with.

i sense this tread is going to divide WATMM opinion.

 

i agree that an introvert is essentially the same as being a socially awkward loner.

 

but I guess that the point is that there is nothing wrong with that. you dig? to prefer the company of a few isn't a failing or a disorder, its just a preference.

[Guest fiznuthian]

i guess what i don't like about this article and threads like this is that it somehow entitles "introverts" to be socially awkward loners. like there's something magical and special about not wanting to go out. it reeks of being self obsessed, which is what i think most introverts really are. why not make an effort to be socially well adjusted. everyone has anxiety about other people. this whole "i just feel more, maaaan" sensitive thing is really a ploy to get attention, in the passive aggressive way that introverts are comfortable with.

 

yeah, i made the choice to be this way, because i'm obviously fucking enjoying it

and i enjoy admitting the things that haunt me on watmm, because it feels good right?

 

NO ONE makes a deliberate choice to be a social fuck up or an introvert.

not all introverts struggle to socialize, but when you're really fucking a social life up

being introverted and awkward tends to go hand in hand.

I dunno man. I'd say that if you don't like being introverted, it could be more than just introversion. It's probably actual social anxiety.

 

I wouldn't say that I chose to be introverted, but I definitely wouldn't change if given the option. I couldn't imagine not wanting analyze and organize everything. That's the biggest driving force in my life. It's how I enjoy life. For me, I live inside my head and everything outside of it is there for observation and experimentation. I couldn't imagine feeling any other way.

 

oh, you're dead on. i'm seeing a neuropsychologist for help with depression and SAD. its helping slowly.

i know exactly how you feel, being an introvert has many pros.

social anxiety turns introversion into a problem perhaps,

a combination of not meeting social goals and being so accustomed to internalizing things

the mind fills chock full of awry defense mechanisms and self-defeating beliefs.

[chim]

i agree that an introvert is essentially the same as being a socially awkward loner.

 

I dunno man. I'd say that if you don't like being introverted, it could be more than just introversion. It's probably actual social anxiety.

 

The anxiety/social awkwardness comes from not letting yourself express you the way you are or want to be because we're taught since birth that it's wrong to be different, and this is a difference in actual processing of events and how you relate to the world.

 

It doesn't have to be that you don't like going out, but that when you're there you're speaking a different language than normal people, and if they're not understanding why shouldn't it be awkward? The social anxiety isn't innate to the introverted orientation, and there have been a lot of magnificent oddballs throughout history, but these days it can be a serious burden due to the stigma.

 

I'm not sure we all agree on what the term introvert actually means. I know people who like to interact socially but on a different, more flexible and intimate level (and consider myself to be such), and those who are too occupied with the universe inside their head to even bother with interacting, are these both introverted persuasions?

[Guest fiznuthian]

i agree that an introvert is essentially the same as being a socially awkward loner.

 

I dunno man. I'd say that if you don't like being introverted, it could be more than just introversion. It's probably actual social anxiety.

 

The anxiety/social awkwardness comes from not letting yourself express you the way you are or want to be because we're taught since birth that it's wrong to be different, and this is a difference in actual processing of events and how you relate to the world.

 

It doesn't have to be that you don't like going out, but that when you're there you're speaking a different language than normal people, and if they're not understanding why shouldn't it be awkward? The social anxiety isn't innate to the introverted orientation, and there have been a lot of magnificent oddballs throughout history, but these days it can be a serious burden due to the stigma.

 

I'm not sure we all agree on what the term introvert actually means. I know people who like to interact socially but on a different, more flexible and intimate level (and consider myself to be such), and those who are too occupied with the universe inside their head to even bother with interacting, are these both introverted persuasions?

 

The first article mentioned this last bit I think.

It seems introversion comes in many flavors and degrees.

What do all introverts share in common?

Preferring social activity in small doses, how exhausting it can be.

Certainly this is true for anyone who believes they are introverted?

[Guest Al5x]

And this is something the real extrovert/normal people don't seem to get, that when we try to change our actions it's only a game of pretend, whereas they think we're pretending we're different to justify being failures.

 

I believe someone already said something like this or maybe it was the article, but this is a very accurate way of expressing this idea, at least from the point of view I've been at for some time.

 

There was a time in my life when I hated who I was for various reasons, I felt like I was a huge letdown to all my friends and family so I decided I was going to not be such an awkward, non-achieving, clumsy introverted weirdo and try to be sociable and "worth something" to society at large. To make a long story short after putting in genuine effort to climb the social ladder, like more people, have more people like me etc. I was just trying to be someone I simply wasn't. This seems to be something a whole lot of teenagers, even young adults (or middle-aged men when they buy a motorcycle that they look like a total dick while riding) tend to go through often.

 

I admit I did learn some pretty important lessons about how to deal with people and certain kinds of situations I wouldn't have put myself in otherwise, and I did make some progress as far as climbing the social ladder and being more accepted, hell it probably even succeeded in shaping my character a little bit, but at the same time the more time I spent time around people constantly the more I felt like I was wearing a mask to deal with them and I began to get into harder drugs and just generally acting like a total careless fuck and not enjoying myself, because of the fact that I refused to be myself. Overall it was an unhealthy situation.

 

What it seems to all boil down to, at least for me, is that when I put on the "social mask" (although I'm not sure if it's necessarily the same kind of thing for extraverts, I suppose for others it may be a natural state) I feel like I'm not being true to myself or to anyone else, and it's uncomfortable and it feels wrong, it makes me want to crawl out of my own skin (unless im high as balls 24/7). I would say I'm generally an introvert around most people at this point in my life, and somewhat of an extrovert around close friends in comfortable situations. I quite enjoy my existence a lot more than I did trying to be different.

 

Fuck being a popular "well-adjusted" idiot like every other cocksucker out there.

 

The end.

[chim]

And this is something the real extrovert/normal people don't seem to get, that when we try to change our actions it's only a game of pretend, whereas they think we're pretending we're different to justify being failures.

 

I believe someone already said something like this or maybe it was the article, but this is a very accurate way of expressing this idea, at least from the point of view I've been at for some time.

 

There was a time in my life when I hated who I was for various reasons, I felt like I was a huge letdown to all my friends and family so I decided I was going to not be such an awkward, non-achieving, clumsy introverted weirdo and try to be sociable and "worth something" to society at large. To make a long story short after putting in genuine effort to climb the social ladder, like more people, have more people like me etc. I was just trying to be someone I simply wasn't. This seems to be something a whole lot of teenagers, even young adults (or middle-aged men when they buy a motorcycle that they look like a total dick while riding) tend to go through often.

 

I admit I did learn some pretty important lessons about how to deal with people and certain kinds of situations I wouldn't have put myself in otherwise, and I did make some progress as far as climbing the social ladder and being more accepted, hell it probably even succeeded in shaping my character a little bit, but at the same time the more time I spent time around people constantly the more I felt like I was wearing a mask to deal with them and I began to get into harder drugs and just generally acting like a total careless fuck and not enjoying myself, because of the fact that I refused to be myself. Overall it was an unhealthy situation.

 

What it seems to all boil down to, at least for me, is that when I put on the "social mask" (although I'm not sure if it's necessarily the same kind of thing for extraverts, I suppose for others it may be a natural state) I feel like I'm not being true to myself or to anyone else, and it's uncomfortable and it feels wrong, it makes me want to crawl out of my own skin (unless im high as balls 24/7). I would say I'm generally an introvert around most people at this point in my life, and somewhat of an extrovert around close friends in comfortable situations. I quite enjoy my existence a lot more than I did trying to be different.

 

The end.

 

YES! I was 100% right about you and can pretty much relate to every single thing you said. What I'm surprised with is how quickly you've gone through these realizations. I took ages for me and I see so many people that still don't get it after many, many years.

[Guest AcrossCanyons]

i guess what i don't like about this article and threads like this is that it somehow entitles "introverts" to be socially awkward loners. like there's something magical and special about not wanting to go out. it reeks of being self obsessed, which is what i think most introverts really are. why not make an effort to be socially well adjusted. everyone has anxiety about other people. this whole "i just feel more, maaaan" sensitive thing is really a ploy to get attention, in the passive aggressive way that introverts are comfortable with.

 

Kinda agree with the last point myself. I find everybody is socially awkward up until a point where they make effort to break that and after a while it rolls round naturally. You guys just haven't broken the awkward social barrier yet.

[Guest Al5x]

Socially awkward ≠ introverted

[Guest AcrossCanyons]

Socially awkward ≠ introverted

"Introverts" are just awkward people given a name as an excuse to be more awkward.

[Guest fiznuthian]

i think my whiny rants are getting people jumbled up about the two.

 

i'm without a doubt both, but seems like you guys are fairing better.

 

"the state of or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one's own mental life"

 

doesn't sound like being socially awkward..

[Guest AcrossCanyons]

"the state of or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one's own mental life"

 

doesn't sound like being socially awkward..

I understand that, but it isn't just that, really. Everybody is concerned and interested with their own mental life, and being more openly social is definitely an interest of ones mental life, I would think.

[Guest Al5x]

Socially awkward ≠ introverted

"Introverts" are just awkward people given a name as an excuse to be more awkward.

 

Fuck sakes Canyons...I had respect for you boy, but you fucked up. Unless you're trolling, in which case you really fucked up.

 

The point is re-read the thread and next time make a better point then "well they ain't the same way as I is so therefors they must be making thangs up huhhh." You have more integrity than that and we both know it. Back up your case with shit.

 

I didn't want to call you out like this in public but goddamnit you're embarrassing me.

[Guest AcrossCanyons]

Socially awkward ≠ introverted

"Introverts" are just awkward people given a name as an excuse to be more awkward.

 

Fuck sakes Canyons...I had respect for you boy, but you fucked up. Unless you're trolling, in which case you really fucked up.

 

The point is re-read the thread and next time make a better point then "well they ain't the same way as I is so therefors they must be making thangs up huhhh." You have more integrity than that and we both know it.

 

I didn't want to call you out like this in public but goddamnit you're embarrassing me.

No need to get defensive, I'm not arguing.

 

I used to be very introverted myself, that's why what I'm saying has merit.

[Guest AcrossCanyons]

Was going to edit but damn that cutoff...

 

[edit: sorry if my words seem harsh, I've not worded my shit very well but the basic point is there. Y'all cool as hell in my eyes.]

[Guest Al5x]

Get in the truck son.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

we're going to the docks

 

[Guest fiznuthian]

can you please explain more?

i don't necessarily think you are wrong.

is what you mean to say that sociability can be conditioned? that an introvert can become an extrovert if they make it so?

 

see, my psychologist has me doing cognitive behavior therapy. the idea being that by accumulating positive experiences and meeting goals the ability to navigate social situations can be trained like a muscle, a reflex. in my case its social anxiety and a mountain of irrational beliefs. i believe my psychologist would probably agree with your point of view.

 

from what i understand, people like myself who are both introverted and experiencing unwarranted CNS responses when socializing have had solid success with CBT. but really its the same thing isn't it? making the decision to approach people and allow yourself to be exposed to them, that there's nothing wrong with stupid small talk and being around a lot of people at once who really don't care that much what you're on about. the more you do it, the easier it gets, and like most tasks through repetition it begins to feel natural.

 

supposedly the process has made some people more extroverted.

maybe she's breeding chatty bastards, i don't know. i do believe all of this, that one day i just might be totally comfortable amongst the people.

but its not quick nor is it easy to eradicate harmful introverted behaviors from the beneficial ones. i've been conjuring them up for almost two decades.

[Guest Backson]

Socially awkward ≠ introverted

"Introverts" are just awkward people given a name as an excuse to be more awkward.

you're both wrong

 

they are essentially the same thing, and there's nothing wrong with being "awkward".

 

or rather, awkward is not the right word. quiet people can be far less awkward than those who are outspoken.

[Guest Al5x]

Socially awkward ≠ introverted

"Introverts" are just awkward people given a name as an excuse to be more awkward.

you're both wrong

 

they are essentially the same thing, and there's nothing wrong with being "awkward".

 

or rather, awkward is not the right word. quiet people can be far less awkward than those who are outspoken.

 

Yes, and I mean only in the sense that they don't necessarily fumble their way through situations. My brother is very much an introvert, he spends most of his time learning how to use programs, reading books, reading wikipedia or playing musical instruments, he prefers more to be alone usually or just with one or two other people he knows well.. However he is one smooth motherfucker, thinks things out very well, and knows how to take care of business. There are plenty of people out there in the world like this, and there seem to be just as many extroverted awkward people.

 

Introverted does not necessarily mean that the person being described is afraid or disabled in some way but rather they have interests/value things that generally involve solitude and they enjoy solo hobbies quite a lot. Some people (me included) just don't get all that much out of the kind of social interaction that the majority of extroverts tend to enjoy.

 

Yes growing up involves some adjusting and some awkwardness and for a time tons of people have been temporary "intoverts" of sorts due to social awkwardness. In these cases the cause is pretty clear but don't be silly and assume everyone who is an introvert is just an extrovert with some kind of social anxiety, or confidence issues etc. some of us like our alone time a lot and it's not always more complex than that

[Guest AcrossCanyons]

I think being introverted is an effect of of a persons anxiety rather than the other way around (liking to spend most time alone because they aren't so good with people, as opposed to not liking to be with many people as a result of liking to do things alone [it's 3am and I'm struggling to make this sentence sound right, so sorry if it doesn't make any sense.])

 

is what you mean to say that sociability can be conditioned? that an introvert can become an extrovert if they make it so?

 

I'd definitely say so.

 

the idea being that by accumulating positive experiences and meeting goals the ability to navigate social situations can be trained like a muscle, a reflex.

 

A few years back I ticked all the boxes of an introvert, and through getting into more social occasions it naturally easier over time until the point where the social situations I would have dreaded at one point I have no qualms with now.

 

from what i understand, people like myself who are both introverted and experiencing unwarranted CNS responses when socializing have had solid success with CBT. but really its the same thing isn't it? making the decision to approach people and allow yourself to be exposed to them, that there's nothing wrong with stupid small talk and being around a lot of people at once who really don't care that much what you're on about. the more you do it, the easier it gets, and like most tasks through repetition it begins to feel natural.

 

Again, I'd definitely say so.

 

but its not quick nor is it easy to eradicate harmful introverted behaviors from the beneficial ones. i've been conjuring them up for almost two decades.

 

For sure it's not that easy, otherwise nobody would have those problems. Good luck.

 

some of us like our alone time a lot and it's not always more complex than that

 

I don't really consider somebody who just likes to spent time alone an introvert, so maybe that's where our wires got mixed up.

[marf]

I think most old people are introverts. Its really a problem of youth. As you get older you don't give a fuck about being at every party or whatever. Your friends decrease in number. You just want a girl and want to stay in on a Friday.

 

fiznuthian , you should read 'the game' it would be very helpful to you i think. It sounds vapid and sleazy but it has good info. I dl'ed the torrent pdf on Demonoid

[remy marathe]

my post probably made it sound like i have a problem with introversion, which i don't. i'm probably on the introverted side. what i have a problem with is the coddling inherent in little lists and articles where being introverted is equated with being special. if you're quiet and not really comfortable coming out of your shell that's fine, but it isn't a better or preferred state and no one needs to treat you differently because of it. it's extremely self absorbed to think otherwise.

[Guest fiznuthian]

I think most old people are introverts. Its really a problem of youth. As you get older you don't give a fuck about being at every party or whatever. Your friends decrease in number. You just want a girl and want to stay in on a Friday.

 

fiznuthian , you should read 'the game' it would be very helpful to you i think. It sounds vapid and sleazy but it has good info. I dl'ed the torrent pdf on Demonoid

 

 

noted, thanks.

keep in mind i don't just struggle with women, it can be anyone.

men also trigger the same anxieties, sometimes worse. getting to feel comfortable with people takes a very long time.

[marf]

CBT might be for you. Yes. Sounds extreme. Stay away from ativan and those drugs I suggest