Revenge of the Introvert

[wahrk]

a little article for you to digest

 

 

 

What Not to Say to an Introvert

Introverts, those quiet creatures that walk among you, are not as mild-mannered as made out to be. They seethe and even will lash out at those who encroach upon or malign their personal comfort zones. Here are a few emotional buttons to avoid with your introverted companions.

 

• "'Why don't you like parties? Don't you like people?' is a common remark introverts hear," says Marti Laney, a psychologist and the author of The Introvert Advantage. "Usually we like people fine," she insists. "We just like them in small doses." Cocktail parties can be deadly. "We're social but it's a different type of socializing."
  
• "Surprise, we've decided to bring the family and stay with you for the weekend." Anyone anywhere on the -vert spectrum could find such a declaration objectionable, but it's more likely to bring an introvert to a boil, according to Nancy Ancowitz. Introverts count on their downtime to rejuvenate their resources; an extended presence in their homes robs them of that respite.
  
• Don't demand immediate feedback from an introvert. "Extraverts think we have answers but just aren't giving them," Laney says. "They don't understand we need time to formulate them" and often won't talk until a thought is suitably polished.
  
• Don't ask introverts why they're not contributing in meetings. If you're holding a brainstorming session, let the introvert prepare, or encourage him to follow up with his contributions afterward.
  
• Don't interrupt if an introvert does get to talking. Listen closely. "Being overlooked is a really big issue for introverts," Laney says. Introverts are unlikely to repeat themselves; they will not risk making the same mistake twice.
  
• Above all, "we hate people telling us how we can be more extraverted, as if that's the desired state," says Beth Buelow, a life and leadership coach for introverts. Many introverts are happy with the way they are. And if you're not, that's your problem.—Matthew Hutson
  

 

 

[Cryptowen]

I sure hope they don't turn liking to spend time alone into the next Asperger's.

[Guest Gary C]

I like what I've read so far. I'll read it all tomorrow.

[Guest fiznuthian]

thanks for this!

i read through all of it, and i'm glad i did.

i'm a terrible introvert, i struggle with social relationships,

meeting people, being outgoing, etc.. it hinders me with people often.

i spend an extraordinary amount of time constructing internally how

i will communicate with people. and like mentioned in the article

its a real struggle for me to keep up with chatty people who have no filter.

i envy them and how they seem to have no problem with saying whats on their mind.

ive tried for years now to acquire the skill and still fail horribly. only in rare

form do i lose my filter and talk people silly, and yet when i do it feels effortless.

if only i could maintain that state?

 

i always assumed i was just not right, mentally ill or something.

i have a crippling social phobia and i am sure that does not help,

i really just fucking lost my shit today, just emotionally lost it.

 

so yeah, maybe its just pop science this article, but

it made me feel hopeful that im not just fucked.

[Berk]

I'm an introvert as well, but I'm not sure if introvert/extravert is a matter of characteristics or simply (lack of) angst. And it seems that among my friends most of them are extravert, so I wonder if there are relatively less introverted people out there, it seems so.> nvm found it in the article, pretty obvious of course "It's just that perceptual biases lead us all to overestimate the number of extraverts among us"

[wahrk]

thanks for this!

i read through all of it, and i'm glad i did.

i'm a terrible introvert, i struggle with social relationships,

meeting people, being outgoing, etc.. it hinders me with people often.

i spend an extraordinary amount of time constructing internally how

i will communicate with people. and like mentioned in the article

its a real struggle for me to keep up with chatty people who have no filter.

i envy them and how they seem to have no problem with saying whats on their mind.

ive tried for years now to acquire the skill and still fail horribly. only in rare

form do i lose my filter and talk people silly, and yet when i do it feels effortless.

if only i could maintain that state?

 

i always assumed i was just not right, mentally ill or something.

i have a crippling social phobia and i am sure that does not help,

i really just fucking lost my shit today, just emotionally lost it.

 

so yeah, maybe its just pop science this article, but

it made me feel hopeful that im not just fucked.

You are welcome, sir.

 

I too am quite the introvert. I trained myself over the years to be able to put out a solid up-to-speed personality for social interactions, especially in a situations that present better opportunities when approached as such, but it's taxing and I don't like it all that much. It's also made me really cynical.

 

I go to shows to see bands and I go to clubs to dance. I rarely talk to anyone and I've definitely never thought of them as places where I could meet new friends. If I want to socialize I'll go over to a friend's place and chill.

 

But yes, there is hope that perhaps other people can be made to realize that it's fun to sit in your room and read a book, organize your music library, and ponder on how you're going to restructure your room to make room for a kitten, even when you're a mile from the club your pals are gettin' crunk at with the intention of picking up ladies.

[Guest Promo]

"It's just that perceptual biases lead us all to overestimate the number of extraverts among us"

Yeah, I wouldn't be suprised if that's the case.

[Guest Bramsworth]

"Don't interrupt if an introvert does get to talking."

 

This happens to me ALL THE FUCKING TIME!!!!!! I always am talking and it never fails that the person just cuts in like they didn't even hear me talking at all. It's so rude and uncalled for. If they even notice I'm there it should be so damn obvious I'm talking ffs.

 

[GORDO]

read this a while ago about how to treat us :P :

 

http://www.jonathanrauch.com/jrauch_articles/caring_for_your_introvert/

 

and this:

 

[Guest fiznuthian]

"Don't interrupt if an introvert does get to talking."

 

This happens to me ALL THE FUCKING TIME!!!!!! I always am talking and it never fails that the person just cuts in like they didn't even hear me talking at all. It's so rude and uncalled for. If they even notice I'm there it should be so damn obvious I'm talking ffs.

 

 

interruption gets me steamed briefly then i lose focus.

it can disorganize my thoughts, or just scatterbrain me.

usually shuts me down and at that point i'm now thinking about a multitude of things not pertaining to the conversation at hand

[wahrk]

• Enable them to find one best friend who has similar interests and abilities; encourage this relationship even if the friend moves.
  

Ah, the trauma of my childhood. That best friend being pulled out of my life fucked me up something fierce.

[marf]

Im a loner and an introvert. but some might think im extraverted cause when around new people I try to put on my wittiest person to make the whole thing feel as smooth as possible. I do pepper people with questions and try to make a conversation go as smoothly as possible but Im usually in agony the whole time. Im good at it though

[Guest Backson]

I show some of these characteristics, but then again I assume everyone on Wattum would.

 

except Joyrex. he's a big bully.

[remy marathe]

most of the things introverts supposedly demand are just natural ways that all people should be treated. who actually likes being embarrassed in public? most people can't formulate an instant answer to something. it seems like coddling. as if being socially awkward is this special class of person. i don't see the distinction.

[Guest fiznuthian]

who here has often been told they seem good with people,

yet are complete introverts?

 

i've been told most of my life i'm good at talking to people yet i feel like a social gimp,

i spend 90% of my time doing isolating tasks. see: watmm.

in grade school i heard a lot of remarks about my speeches being interesting,

girls have often told me they love to listen to me talk, as if i give them the feeling they're learning something.

it does fuck all to attract a girl.

 

even had a friend's friend of a friend in a room full of people

say "hey, i just wanted to say i really look up to you, man. i've heard about you."

or something to that affect about how i'm a cool dude, getting almost melodramatic about it.

it came out of nowhere, and he got nervous about saying it like i had some kind of mysterious presence over him.

the entire time i was feeling confused and awkward, really wondering just what kind of things people must be telling the guy.

i barely even know him still, never really did.

this kind of thing has happened often.

 

 

that second posted article mentioned introverts giving captivating speeches but freaking out at the thought of attending parties,

then a lot of you fellow introverts keep saying you get good at "playing the part" of an extravert.

that's why i ask.. call it the BoC affect - being allured to the quiet, mysterious presence. the guys both shy away from public appearance and it accumulates interest.

 

i still feel like a turd though, there's really no mystery to it..

if i'm away alone doing my thing i'm not brewing up genius, i'm just avoiding the mountain of small-talk i'd have to go through if i left my comfort-zones.

[wahrk]

Eggs-fucking-zacktly.

 

 

 

 

Wait...so watmm is full of intelligent introverted individuals who are also capable of promoting superior self-images in social situations, AND we make magnificent music?

 

 

 

And why aren't we ruling the world?

 

 

Oh that's right, we're too scared and uninterested.

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest fiznuthian]

yeah that's pretty much it.

 

so how about some positives..

 

well, we could be out banging three broads at once and leading community action,

but we've got books to finish and idms to make.

think i'll stay home, sounds fun.

 

[wahrk]

Books and idms do sound better than three broads and leading community action though.

 

I mean, three broads are good and all, but a good book? That's like mind sex, which is way better than regular sex.

[Guest Blanket Fort Collapse]

Your opinion might change after someone finally buys you a prostitute.

[Guest Al Hounos]

I'd guess that half of WATMM's self-described 'introverts' are not introverts at all, but are using the classification to comfort themselves about being shy and socially awkward.

 

 

 

I know because I used to be one of them.

 

[Guest the anonymous forumite]

read this a while ago about how to treat us :P :

 

http://www.jonathanrauch.com/jrauch_articles/caring_for_your_introvert/

 

and this:

 

 

 

Why is it that us introverts are treated like handicapped people ? These advices are just so condenscending.

[Guest disparaissant]

i'm an extrovert with extreme social anxiety.

i'll be the life of the party, if i know everyone at the party. otherwise i'll be in the corner hyperventilating.

[Guest Backson]

most of the things introverts supposedly demand are just natural ways that all people should be treated.

I agree with this strongly. I intentionally take time to formulate my conversations, don't speak when I don't see it relevant or necessary, don't go out regularly if I don't like the venue or the people 100% and so forth. I don't think that makes me "special", its just me deciding how I'd prefer to interact with people and then following through with it.

[marf]

well, we could be out banging three broads at once and leading community action,

but we've got books to finish and idms to make.

 

 

you scarily summed up my life in one sentence. lol

 

im an introvert on facebook now. I deleted about 90 people last night. I have like 50 friends now all from college in the mid 90's

[marf]

I blame the assburgers