Guest Etch Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 All evils aside, (in the case of Jean-Bedel Bokassa, murder and apparently cannibalism) You have to admit... I mean, just look at him...he just fucking went for it didnt he... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lumpenprol Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 don't hate the playa, hate the war crimes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SCONES TO DIE FOR Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 lol, I like nero's style Nero's rule is often associated with tyranny and extravagance.[4] He is known for a number of executions, including those of his mother[5] and stepbrother. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nero Nero reminds me of some one, I just can't place it, wait I know... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dirty Protest Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 For being good at the whole dictator lark, Tito. For having a good name, Bebe Doc. Edit: For good names, how could I forget Zog I Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mrajh Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 damn husseins Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mrajh Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Rabodoandrianampoinimerina or 'Ranavalona the Cruel' "Never say, 'She is only a feeble and ignorant woman, how can she rule such a vast empire?' I will rule here, to the good fortune of my people and the glory of my name! I will worship no gods but those of my ancestors. The ocean shall be the boundary of my realm, and I will not cede the thickness of one hair of my realm!" Queen Ranavalona I of Madagascar wasn't known by the warm-and-cuddly nickname "Ranavalona the Cruel" for nothing. In fact, according to most of the (admittedly somewhat-unreliable) sources we have on this powerful African ruler, she generally tends to fall somewhere in the "Vlad the Impaler" quadrant of the spectrum between "benevolent dictator" and "bloodthirsty oppressive tyrant who would be more likely to jam a sharpened toothpick in your eye than grant you one sentence's worth of freedom of speech". Ruling a country that's nowadays more known for delicious vanilla beans and delightfully-wacky dancing CGI Disney characters than it is for vicious public executions and coastlines adorned with severed heads mounted on spiked poles, this exceedingly-violent Queen carved out a gruesome, badass reputation that would have many people today referring to her as the "Female Caligula". Ranavalona's birth name was Rabodoandrianampoinimerina, which is a ludicrously-long name that literally translates into roughly a paragraph of English text. She was daughter of a poor peasant, and illiterate for her entire life, but that last part is understandable considering that Madagascar didn't actually have a written language until a few years before she ascended to the throne so let's cut the lady a break. With little more than a life of poverty and hard, back-breaking labor ahead of her, Ranavalona caught kind of a sweet break when her father somehow managed to uncover a murder conspiracy aimed at assassinating King Andrianampoinimerinandriantsimitoviaminandriampanjaka (!!) and managed to warn the regent before his impending doom. The King was so happy that he wasn't going to die a bloody, premature death that he adopted Ranvalona into the royal family, marrying her off to the incredibly-boringly-named Prince Radama (only three syllables -- what a loser!). She was to be the first of his twelve wives, which I guess is the sort of honor that made a girl feel really good about herself back then. Radama took over as King after his dad retired, but he didn't last too long. Theories on Radama's untimely death range from syphilis to cirrhosis, but the safe money here is on Queen Ranavalona slipping him a few too many cyanide-laced sugar cubes in his morning tea. After Radama's sudden, untimely, and excruciatingly-painful demise in 1828 (he is said to have been in such head-searingly devastating agony that he cut his own throat to end his suffering), the power-hungry Queen sprung into action like a rocket-powered pogo stick of totalitarian authority. The rightful heir to the throne – Radama's brother – got all pissed and decided to take the crown and have Ranavalona executed, but she had spent her entire career in the royal palace making friends with powerful ministers, self-proclaimed sorcerers, and super-fundamental traditionalists, and the 46-year old tyrant was so firmly entrenched in her position that you couldn't dig her out with the Bagger 288. She seized the palace, garrisoned it with a powerful contingent of loyal warriors from her village, and had them kill the shit out of anyone who tried to enter the gates. Ranavalona already kind of hated her in-laws, but after she was in control she decided to go out of her way to make sure that no one - especially them - messed with her. First, she killed every member of the royal family that she could get her hands on, starting with the rightful heir to the throne and ending with some guy who knew a guy that used to be Facebook friends with the King's second cousin. It bears mentioning that it was considered bad form to spill royal blood, so these poor saps were usually either strangled to death or locked into a prison cell until they died of starvation. Both of these are equally shitty ways to go, but Ranavalona couldn't have given two craps about it as long as she eliminated any threat to her rule. In 1828, the 46-year old peasant girl was anointed with the blood of a freshly-slaughtered bull and coronated Queen and Supreme Ruler of Madagascar. Now during this time in history, European Colonialism was in the early stages of getting its 4X on with Madagascar. Ranavalona's power base was with traditionalists who hated this foreign expansion, and as soon as she took over she told every country in Europe that they could get fucked with a tetanus-encrusted pipe wrench. She expelled or destroyed all foreigners in her country, stripped all colonials of their titles, nullified all of Madagascar's treaties with Britain and France, and banned Christianity in favor of the traditional tribal religion. She also did away with the bullshit legal system, and brought back "Trial by Ordeal", where a person's guilt was judged not by logic and reason, but rather whether or not they threw up after drinking the super-poisonous juice of a particular indigenous plant. I think everyone will agree that this is crazy and/or awesome. The French of course got all pissed off about this, and launched an amphibious attack on the port city of Tamataye within a few months of Ranavalona seizing power. They made marginal gains against the Madagascarian defenders, and actually took control of the city at one point, but they were eventually turned back when most of their assault team was killed by a combination of gunshot wounds and malaria-infected mosquitoes. Both the French and the British would devote quite a bit of effort to ripping Ranavalona's face off, but nothing really proved successful. In 1835 a combined army landed at Tamataye once again, but they fared even worse against the entrenched defenders than the initial invaders. Ranavalona, being the good propaganda mistress that she was, cut off the heads of the slain Europeans, impaled them on pikes, and lined them up along the beach facing the ocean as a warning to anybody dumbshit enough to screw with her. After this little display of generosity, the Europeans decided they'd just leave well enough alone and worry about conquest and colonial exploitation of resources until such time as there wasn't an insane, dominant shit-wrecker presiding over the armies of Madagascar. Having effectively (and gruesomely), elected for sovereignty and self-rule over European power, wealth, and territorial dominance, Ranavalona's next task was to make her people self-reliant. She brought in a handful of prominent foreign mercenaries to set up an infrastructure and train people in industrial development (making sure to keep them close enough that they wouldn't get into any trouble), and before long Madagascar had built factories for producing all of the most important shit they needed to sustain themselves – namely guns, bullets, sugar, clothing, and booze. For severing ties and dependence on foreign aid, Ranavalona was something of a hero to those people who opposed colonialism and foreign control. It was really only after she got older and crazier that Ranavalona started to put the "mad" in "Madagascar" (and perhaps both "mad"s in the phrase, "The Mad Queen of Madagascar") with the ridiculous tortures and killings for which she is now famous. In addition to suppressing a couple revolts (her preferred method for dealing with dissent in her ranks way by sending her enemies on endless force-marches through malaria-infested swamps) on her own turf, Ranavalona made every effort to crush European influence in her country. She was so opposed to these colonials and their beliefs that she then made it her personal mission to wipe out Christianity on the island – first by banning it, and then by executing Christians and missionaries by throwing them off of high places, setting them on fire, and/or torturing them to death with something called "progressive amputation", which doesn't sound like much of a picnic. Through this sort-of inverse Spanish Inquisition, she attempted to torture people to renounce their faith, and then popped their heads off when they didn't. She was never really able to wipe the Christians off of Madagascar (they are a tenacious bunch, from what I understand), but she did force it underground during her reign, effectively eliminating Christianity as a threat to her pro-traditionalist rule. Slaughtering tens of thousands of your own citizens has that effect on people from time to time. I suppose it's important to point out that I'm certainly not saying it's "awesome" or "totally awesome" to go around tossing people head-first off of cliffs just because they don't share your particular religious convictions, but you kind of have to appreciate the fact that she was really willing to go that extra mile for the sake of being a brutal despot. From her palace, which was dominated by a Sauron-esque 100-foot tower, Ranavalona the Cruel reined for 33 years of semi-oppressive, Vlad the Impaler-style tyranny. She founded cities, built structures, and was one of the few African rulers to successfully hold off colonial rule (a fact that makes her something of a hero among African traditionalists), and even though she was somewhat of a bastard, she overcame her enemies and died peacefully in her bed of old age at the age of 80. Two other queens of Madagascar would go on to take her name, and her island wouldn't fall under colonial control for another 30 years after her death. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chassis Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Ye. Lets make a thread where we copy and paste a load of shit off wiki and nobody will read anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ezkerraldean Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Niyazov of Turkmenistan. Renamed himself Turkmenbashi (father of the turkmens). loves statues of himself. they rotate so that they always face the sun. classy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chenGOD Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Kim Jong Il - original bad bwoy #1. Great ideology creates great times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dirty Protest Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 We could take North Korea, all we need is a giant magnet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cichlisuite Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 wtf?! "Absolute Ruling Your Nation For Dummies" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chenGOD Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Kim Jong Il == world's biggest troll. "Oh hai south korea - yeah we blew up ur boatz" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dementia Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Emperor of Mankind The Imperium of Man The Emperor is confined within the Golden Throne, vast biomechanical machinery forming the great Sanctum Imperialis, located deep within the continent-spanning complex on Terra known as the Imperial Palace. There the Emperor's physical form is sustained by carefully maintained machinery. Physically, the enthroned Emperor of Mankind is a ravaged corpse. The last surviving cells in his shattered body are sustained by the Golden Throne, providing an anchor for the Emperor's spirit, which extends across the entire Imperium. While his body is sustained, his will endures. In addition to these already profound powers, the Emperor is capable of stopping time for undetermined lengths and guiding his servants through manipulation of his Tarot and sheer influence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cornflakes002 Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Nicolae Ceauşescu wikipedia link biggist Palace in europe, I dunno if it still is tho Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaini Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 heyyyyy craig! welcome back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest dese manz hatin Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Joyrex Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boxing Day Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Hitla Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gbiscuit Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaini Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 he's so... shiny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cornflakes002 Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caretstik Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Tito or Stalin, just because they took cool pseudonyms like Brazilian footballers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
National Park Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Niyazov of Turkmenistan. Renamed himself Turkmenbashi (father of the turkmens). loves statues of himself. they rotate so that they always face the sun. classy Turkmenbashi was indeed a fucking lunatic. more funny than scary and he deserves more props for being so heres some facts: - In April 2001, ballet and opera were banned after Niyazov felt they were “unnecessary … not a part of Turkmen culture”. - In 2004 it was forbidden for young men to grow long hair or beards. - In April 2004 the youth of Turkmenistan were encouraged to chew on bones to preserve their teeth rather than be fitted with gold tooth caps or gold teeth - In 2004 it was prohibited for news readers to wear make-up - In December 2005 video games were banned as being too violent for young Turkmen to play. - In September 2006 Turkmen teachers who failed to publish praise of the Turkmen leader would remain at a lower payscale or be sacked - Car radios, lip-syncing, and recorded music are all prohibited. - Video monitors are required in all public places. - Dogs are restricted from the capital city due to unappealing odour Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ezkerraldean Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Tito he wasn't too bad actually, didn't really kill many folks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Etch Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 - In 2004 it was forbidden for young men to grow long hair or beards. fuck that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Etch Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Literally zero style. Yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.