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how can i make some gravy?


Guest idrn

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i'm an immense dickface who forgot to get gravy when preparing a chicken roast. no way i'm going to tesco again; there is torrential downpour and galeforce winds. also, there were two kids trying to nick my bike when i came out. i'm scared next time they'll have knives. could i use some combination of fat run off, chicken stock, marmite and/or cornflour to make some gravy? how does one make gravy? where does bisto come from? thanks.

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what do you mean by chicken stock... stock prepared from the chicken your cooking ... or stock cubes?

 

caue if you got chicken cubes then just mix them up with boiling water.... preferably the water you coooked peas and carrots or whatever in.... add the chicken fat.....stir in cornflour to thicken if need be .... keep tasting it till it's alright...

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enjoy your tortured, bloated, poisoned, ball of un naturally formed meat, idiron. I hope it's 45 day life in hell was worth it for your sickening roast dinner you animal torturing murderous collaborator.

 

i was actually just talking about this with my housemate because i'd bought one of those really cheap 2 quid chickens and was wondering if the extra 2-3 quid saving was worth all the mechanised brutality. the solution is that every supermarket chicken comes with a DVD montage of it's life which you are legally bound to watch before you can eat it. so like if you buy a cheap 2 quid chicken like i did, you have to sit through 20 minutes of footage of a poor wretched squawking creature trapped in a tiny box shitting itself. if you buy an expensive chicken then it's just 20 minutes footage of a chicken gallivanting in a meadow.

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Guest abusivegeorge

enjoy your tortured, bloated, poisoned, ball of un naturally formed meat, idiron. I hope it's 45 day life in hell was worth it for your sickening roast dinner you animal torturing murderous collaborator.

 

i was actually just talking about this with my housemate because i'd bought one of those really cheap 2 quid chickens and was wondering if the extra 2-3 quid saving was worth all the mechanised brutality. the solution is that every supermarket chicken comes with a DVD montage of it's life which you are legally bound to watch before you can eat it. so like if you buy a cheap 2 quid chicken like i did, you have to sit through 20 minutes of footage of a poor wretched squawking creature trapped in a tiny box shitting itself. if you buy an expensive chicken then it's just 20 minutes footage of a chicken gallivanting in a meadow.

 

LOL, that is classic, this is a fucking excellent idea.

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i will share my delicious gravy recipe, but first you must tell me more about the little hoodlums that tried to get handsome with your bicycle.

did you confront them?

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well i just moved to a really shit area of london because it's about 10 mins from uni. there's always gangs of little kids roaming around; the older kids have children of their own. it's a proper whitetrash area, a generic UK shithole with vague trappings of london. iceland is the primary source of sustenance. the sort of place where underclass criminality consists of burglary and petty vandalism, as opposed to say, bootlegging and extortion.

 

anyway, the event itself was uneventful. i came out of tescos to see two kids yanking on my bike lock in broad daylight. i walked up to them and asked what they thought they were doing, the clever one pointed out the crack in my bike lock (from months ago) and said someone else had tried to break it. they just wanted to investigate/tell me this. i thanked him and started unlocking it. he asked questions about how much it cost, where i got it etc and said it was a cool bike. when i rode off they legged it off down an alleyway.

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yeah, stock cubes, vegetable water and chicken fat as LUDD said = wicked gravy.

 

yeah i pretty much did this. the chicken was layered with bacon and surrounded by sausages so there was loads of greasy shit which i put some in a pan and mixed with flour until it was a paste. then i mixed in chicken stock. it was very nice and helped mask the tang of chicken suffering.

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Guest abusivegeorge

thank you for elaborating. sounds like you handled the situation well!

now as promised here is my delicious gravy recipe.

 

brown and water.

 

Holy fuckin lol. It's true. This is a fact. This is what gravy is. Do as gravy says not do as gravy does.

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thank you for elaborating. sounds like you handled the situation well!

now as promised here is my delicious gravy recipe.

 

brown and water.

 

DAMN YOU PLUM

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Guest abusivegeorge

imagine how good it would be if you could cry gravy. every tantrum would be a taste sensation.

 

Catching the tears in your mouth would instantly stop the self piteous rant of bullshit and cooking would ensue. But you'd have to keep on crying to get the delicious gravy, but the taste would distract you from your dilemma. You've hit controversy here plum.

 

What's the solution?

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