This job listing is begging to be trolled !

[Phlexunger]

Hi WATMM,

 

Its been a minute I have missed you. I want to share the most ridiculous job description I have ever read...

Personal Assistant / PM / Researcher / grounding force to a creative-type
The Meyer Suite (on behalf of private clients) - New York, NY
$80,000 a year - Full-time, Part-time

NOTE: There are very specific application instructions (questions to be answered thoroughly) at the end of this job description. Those who do not apply as requested will not be considered for this job.

Salary (UP TO $80,000, depending on experience)

Your future employer has a creative mind! She is a documentary film producer, world explorer/adventure-seeker, passionate philanthropist, and seize-the-moment-and-take-advantage-of-the-opportunity kind of person. She sees a blank dining room wall and wonders: can we build a steel and glass, floor-to-ceiling display case between these two concrete pillars, add lighting, and possibly bump into with a surf board without it shattering? Five minutes later, she’ll say: I understand that Dr. Jill Biden is traveling throughout South America this month, engaging government and civil society leaders on issues related to economic empowerment and educational opportunities for women and girls. This has direct tie to the work I’m doing with my foundation. Let’s explore the possibility of setting a meeting between Frank and a member of her team when we’re all in D.C. this fall for X.

And you understand creative spirits, and how to effectively execute their visions. When she says, “I wonder if…..,” you start taking notes and consider the wonder a new research project. When she asks, “Did anything come of that idea I mentioned 7 months ago?” ……you answer with: yes, here’s where we left off, why we stalled, and what I’ve been doing in the background since you first mentioned it. Actually, she should never come to you to ask because you don’t let anything fall off the radar or linger!!)

In essence, her visions become your projects to manage, to research, to see through, to advise upon, to implement, or to stop for good reason. You’re a grounding force and what you do best allows her to do what she does best and what she wants to do more of.

The position
This is a newly created position. This employer recently worked with a part-time assistant, but the model did not work. Instead of someone coming in a few hours per week, or working from home, it’s clear the employer needs a full-time, dedicated partner to wrap her/his head around every bit of her life (professional and personal) and dedicate 100% to the role.

The role will certainly evolve over time (so flexibility is key), we know the core functions to be:

• Researcher - - you are gathering the info that will be presented to your employer so she can make a decision. You are confident that you turned over every leaf and have an answer to every question she may ask.

o Creating something - - (We need new office space. OR, I want to start a family foundation; where do we start? OR, I wonder if we can hang this sculpture from the ceiling in the new house in Costa Rica….)
o Selling something - - (from a performance vehicle and high-end artwork, to designer handbag)
o Buying something - - (from a specific, hard-to-find facial cream, to dive equipment in Uruguay)
o Travelling somewhere - - (smartest way to get there based on preferences, different types of lodging, considering why I’m going, shots that may be needed, current events to consider, where I’ll be before and after and whether that could have an impact, etc)
o Best resources - - (the Pilates instructor who uses that one, unique method, the seamstress who can fix this dress TODAY, the tour guide in Mexico City who offers the most unique tours, the country’s expert on wage issues, etc)

• Project Manager - - Your employer’s ideas will require research that will help her make decisions. Once decisions are made, you will lead the execution.

o Apartment renovations/updates, A/V installs
o Interior decorating – sourcing, best deals
o Work-wise, tracking documentary progress - - who is spearheading the screenings, should we host it and where, who will we hire for publicity, etc?
o Events - - I’m having a cocktail party next week. Notify building, set up coat rack, do we hire bartender, who will polish silver, will the art install be ready, do we need to rent chairs, who is coming?
o The actual buying/selling of items you’ve researched
o Travel planning
o Philanthropic pursuits - - anything/everything related to growing the foundation, from website establishment and researching companies to design it, to on-going discussion about expansion

• Point person - - you become the point-of-contact for:

o Vendors for the apartment - scheduling the appointments, supervising the work, reviewing contracts and invoices, etc. You are making the appointments around the employers schedule, but always the one to be on-site to meet the workers and oversee their work
o Professional contacts – you are a liaison and go-to for employer’s professional contacts; they know you will help expedite communication and/or are capable of handling matters on employer’s behalf in her absence.
o Housekeeper – constant communication to ensure, as a team, you have everything covered for the employer and her home

• And then the day-to-day stuff :

o Correspondence – read/filter emails, respond to emails/requests on behalf of employer
o Hey, the guest shower isn’t working, please get it fixed
o Errands (ex: dry cleaning, jewelry/shoe repairs, buying gifts, making returns)
o Groceries - - Keep pantry and fridge stocked, according to travel schedule – she should never have to think about it or ask for something that is considered a staple (hint: this likely means establishing a checklist for what is to be stocked at all times, what is needed upon return from a trip, what the essentials are for any event at the apartment, etc)
o Stay on top of insurance (includes renewals, tweaks, adjustments as property is moved, etc)

Ideal candidate:
We are putting considerable time and effort into developing this role and our ideal candidate. In turn, we will challenge applicants to be clear about why this role suits you. Every PA role is unique and tailored to the needs of the employer. The PA hired for this role:

• Is curious, and uses that curiosity to explore issues in-depth - - from what your employer “really means” with that casual request, to whether or not you feel like YOU have a handle on a topic you’ll be quizzed on
• Can easily and methodically break down seemingly complex issues
• As a new “expert” in the topic you’ve recently researched, help guide employer through options, clearly and with confidence
• Can manage up. And can explain to us what that means and how you’ve done it.
• Is a learner. You enjoy new topics (be it exotic locations, sculpture installation, getting obscure item from point A to point B, why white rice is actually better than brown rice) , and diving into them so you understand them better. A year from now, you’ll enjoy reflecting back on the topics you’ve tackled and research you’ve provided.
• Truly takes pride in being thorough and exhaustive. You are the type who turned in research papers on time and with confidence that your sources were the best sources and subject matter experts backed up your thesis perfectly. The A+ you received felt amazing, even though you know you deserved it.
• Not an “office 9 to 5’er.” While your working hours will typically fit within a business day, you move around a lot and enjoy that variety. On Tuesday, you may start out working from your laptop at the kitchen island while waiting on the plumber, and then on your way to the office that afternoon, you swing by three stores to pick up misc. items needed for Friday night’s party. You’ll leave the office an hour early because you want to make an in-person visit to the architect’s office on the other side of town because you’ll get to see a rendering faster than waiting for him to come over with it next Thursday.
• Commitment means something to you. You are entering into a professional relationship and understand that especially because this is a newly created position, there will be an evolution to the role. You are committed to it and excited to partner with your employer and get this right!
• We want you to read this ad and think, “What? My dream job exists? I’d get paid to do this? I’m the PA for you because……”

Additional qualities of the PA we hire:

• Organized – at a moment’s notice, you’re able to provide an update on any given project. And being asked to do so excites you.
• Highly developed communication skills – understanding people, personalities, and how to move seamlessly from a conversation with the electrician about the sound system to an email with your employer’s big donor charity partner.
• Quick/efficient, but not willing to sacrifice work quality
• If deadlines aren’t given, you establish them and stick to them
• You are punctual
• You are discreet and confidential about your work
• If your job is to “free your employer to share her ideas and not worry about the “how’s,” what is your mandate?
• We’ll want to know – what IS your communication style? Can you define it?

NOTE: This position is NOT for you if :

• You haven’t read this job description in its entirety and can summarize it back to us easily.
• You read this job description and think, “I could do that,” but aren’t convinced you’re THE BEST person for this job.
• If you like making plans and then get frustrated easily when a lot of changes crop up, this job is not for you.
• If you prefer a lot of little, daily projects that you can easily check off your list, and dread the bigger stuff that takes a lot longer to work through, this job is not for you.

Workspace:
One of your first projects will be to research options for office space close to the apartment (West Village), and then set up that office. The office will likely be a small office in a creative-type environment (think: a small office in a co-working space). When you are not working from the apartment, you will be working from this office space. Employer may work from this office space as well.

Experience required:

• Must be experienced working with a creative person, implementing their vision
• Must have project management experience. While this need not be a past job title, you must be able to provide examples of long-range projects that you’ve overseen as a the primary lead
• Minimum of 3 years of professional experience (meaning, full-time work in a professional setting)
• Must have travel booking experience (for someone other than yourself/family)
• Proficiency with spreadsheets and project tracking
• Must know NYC, how to navigate it, and how to get things done in this City!
• Bachelor’s Degree required.
• (non-smoker)

Additional information

• Candidate must pass an extensive background check.
• Professional references will be called
• Candidate will be required to sign a Non Disclosure/ Confidentiality Agreement.

To apply:
PLEASE READ: In lieu of a formulaic cover letter, please answer the following questions within the body of your reply, and attach your resume.

• This is a rather lengthy job description. Please summarize this role, in your own words. Don’t just regurgitate; instead, really illustrate that you understand the purpose of the role.
• Why are you seeking a new job? Are you simply sick of your last job, quietly looking for something your current job doesn’t offer, or recently laid off and desperate for work?
• What position have you had that you think best prepared you for this position, as described? And why?
• Why you? There are so many people in NYC looking at this ad and applying. Why should we *not* overlook you?
• Please share an example of a boss/manager who challenged you in ways that were new to you and for which you are grateful. (The more descriptive – without breaking confidentiality – the better)
• What do you want us to know about you that may not be obvious when we look at your resume?
• Your target salary (There is a tendency to be vague, but please do not be vague. Your work has value and we want to know you know your value and non-negotiables.)

Thank you for your time reviewing this job description and applying for the job. Due to the volume of responses we receive, we will not be able to acknowledge each application. If we feel you could be a good fit for this position, we will contact you. Please do not contact us multiple times.

Job Type: Full-time

Job Location:

• New York, NY

Required education:

• Bachelor's

 

Here is the link to the listing if any of you guys want to apply

moving art around and smashing a surf board into a glass cabinet sounds fun

all whilst looking for the perfect vacay spot and finding her a tailor TODAY!

http://www.indeed.com/cmp/The-Meyer-Suite/jobs/Personal-Assistant-7e6760788e428abf?sjdu=QwrRXKrqZ3CNX5W-O9jEvWAer-tkNsqLPuwBqq00yjIqSh0StW3ukuLRMPHMpyJ3JcsYrLUt0dL0KeYGdlbJVHLWSLEfBKvKJQu3X5Y1elzZRudb1qi0HSpVEXAwiYsFqZSGUvJGZsudXIREuDjP-A

[bubbhasdance]

Cum

[Phlexunger]

Cum

Points for replying this outside of CHATMM

[BCM]

sounds like a viral marketing ploy for the new season of Supergirl. this has Cat Grant written all over it. yes I watch Supergirl, fuck you.

[usagi]

obscene.

[Phlexunger]

this is wankier than the fake melbourne hipster guy.

 

so maybe this is fake too?

Yeah it kinda reads as fake but people in NY are this entitled and stupid

[goDel]

Almost sounds like a PA for Kanye: how to bullshit him into thinking his stupid ideas are put into practice without actually lifting a finger.

 

disclaimer: yes, i read it is supposed to be some female director, but this is such a stupid idea I can only imagine someone like kanye being behind it. not sexual.

 

edit: i mean not sexist. thank you freudian slipper!

[psn]

What's wrong with being sexy?

[Guest]

"i have ideas, i have money (probably not my own).. but i have no idea how to manifest this idea into reality. therefore i will throw money at someone who can do this for me and take away all their creds"

 

:heavyprojectilevomitting:

[goDel]

good summary. you should apply!

[BobDobalina]

What's wrong with being sexy?

 

You should've seen the cover they wanted... it wasn't a glove I can assure you!