stupid first world problems you're dealing with

[Guest Aserinsky]

Nay, I have no family in Southampton

[granty]

I'm intrigued. A celebrity who needs a favour from you... Michael Barrymore? John Leslie?

[triachus]

I've volunteered to get in contact with a cousin my family have recently discovered we're related to. Turns out they're quite a well known celebrity (within the UK at least).

 

Things are going to be a lot more complex than I thought...

 

Since you say they're and you're not keen on telling it directly, I'm assuming:

 

 

 

[Zephyr_Nova]

Yeeeee. What are those two known for? Do I want to know?

 

Got tired early tonight, so I went to bed early. Now I'm wide awake and it's only 6AM. This would be a good thing if I could stay awake until a reasonable hour tonight, then crash. But it is far more likely that I will crash at 11am and fuck up my sleeping schedule even more.

[triachus]

What are those two known for? Do I want to know?

 

No.

 

They're called Jedward.

 

[Guest boo]

mate why did you have to post that? now i have to post this

to return balance

[Zephyr_Nova]

Oh nooooooo!

This is either a ripoff of that NIN song that has lines like "he took the money and he... she took the money and they..." from Year Zero, or that's a ripoff of this song, which I could totally see being the case. lol to that.

 

(in response to that first horrid song)

Edited January 19, 2013 by Zephyr_Nova

[Zephyr_Nova]

Oh wow @ "touch my bum/this is life". Fantastic.

[Zephyr_Nova]

Oh nooooooo!

This is either a ripoff of that NIN song that has lines like "he pushed a button and he... she pushed a button and they..." from Year Zero, or that's a ripoff of this song, which I could totally see being the case.

 

I haven't listened to NIN in a while.

[Guest Aserinsky]

I'm probably posting in this thread a tad bit more than I should, which is in itself a FWP, but regardless:

The girl I've been dating has now decided to cut off all contact with me without any explanation. Thus I've spent the last few hours quietly sobbing to myself, partly because I have no IRL friends to vent to but mainly because all the shops have been shut so I can't drown my sorrows in beer.

 

I could really do with a good hug and/or docking to make me feel better right now

[Guest Aserinsky]

Thanks man, its been a couple of months but she hasn't been returning any calls or messages this month.

 

Funnily enough though as I've been writing this everything has mysteriously returned to normal, so could have been an honest mistake. Now I feel a bit of a dick overreacting but have the FWP of whether or not to question her why I haven't heard anything this month. The FWPs never end :/

[chenGOD]

mate why did you have to post that? now i have to post this

to return balance

 

LOL please tell me this is some Chris Morris metaparody.

[Guest disparaissant]

i'm so bored i installed linux on my old laptop.

[Adieu]

Thanks man, its been a couple of months but she hasn't been returning any calls or messages this month.

 

Funnily enough though as I've been writing this everything has mysteriously returned to normal, so could have been an honest mistake. Now I feel a bit of a dick overreacting but have the FWP of whether or not to question her why I haven't heard anything this month. The FWPs never end :/

 

Most likely she was seeing someone else during that period. I hate to break it to you. Although, with the short period of time you have been dating she still kind of has every right to. In my opinion, don't ask because you don't want to hear the answer and it's likely she'll be inclined to lie to you, which will only hurt you more when you find out the truth. I think you should just be happy that things are back the way you want them, because if you make a fuss of it you might scare her off.

[Adieu]

I was eating dinner at a steakhouse. I ended up sitting at the bar, because they were so busy. After a moment a guy came up and leaned between me and the next person to order a drink. He was mid-fifties with a five o'clock shadow. He had a worn look about him like he worked a blue collar job his entire life, and he was average both in dress and appearance. I was ok with his presence until he decided to stay and chat me up after receiving his beverage. He seemed a little drunk but I humored him figuring he was just being social. After a while it was bugging me that he was interrupting me as I was trying to eat dinner. He then proceeded to sit down and continue to talk when the person next to me left. It became more and more apparent that he was plastered, his speech was slurred and his sentences trailed off into a mumble. He prodded me with annoying and awkward questions, and as each new drink slid in front of him, his brain turned more into mush. He began asking the same set of questions over and over forgetting he had asked them as soon as they were answered. Sometimes his sentences made no sense at all and I just smiled and nodded secretly hoping he would leave. He remarked at my being good looking and I graciously replied, "thank you". At one point he stopped a woman walking and said, "Hey", and she replied slightly bewildered, "Hello". Later, he put out his hand for me to shake and I extended my hand, but before I could fully grasp it he squeezed uncomfortably as if to challenge me. Sensing aggression I quickly told him he needed to let go. I forgot to mention that at some point he asked me if I am gay. I answered, "no", being rather used to normal people thinking this about me, it didn't phase me much. He had been bothering me so long at this point I wasn't even looking at him but he kept talking and trying to get my attention. Around the thirtieth round of asking the same questions again he more aggressively began asking me repeatedly, "Are you gay? You're gay. Are you gay?". Furious at this point I turned to him and said with my most stern voice, " You need to fuck off!". My hands were shaking from the adrenaline coursing through my veins; My body remembering that feeling moments before a fight when you know that you are going to be forced to defend yourself. He put some distance between us and slid down the bar. I felt relieved that he would no longer be imposing on my dinner and also that I wasn't going to have to fight. To my utter amazement he forgot that it even happened. He slid back over and the same questions began again. He was so obliterated that he forgot that tense moment from just minutes ago. I wasn't even acknowledging his existence anymore. Fortunately, he finished his drink, called a cab, and eventually left. I was almost finished with my steak at this point my dinner basically ruined. All I was left with was a bloody hunk of flesh and the lingering thought of whether he was trying to pick me up or just a clueless, drunk, fool.

[modey]

jesus christ, what a loser. I have encounters like that every now and then as well. It's quite common for someone to think I'm gay because of the way I dress (somehow straight guys aren't allowed to match colours?). I don't necessarily have a problem with it, it's just a misrepresentation. And I find it bizarre that people keep bugging me about it, like I'm lying or something.. which is why I just spontaneously kissed the last girl that did it to me, just to shut her up and give me an opportunity to make an exit.

[Adieu]

I've never had a girl ask me that, but I'm sure the more regular ones are thinking it. It is just annoying to me that people ask it. It is really none of your business, and why the fuck is it even relevant? You're the asshole who came and started talking to me during my dinner. If I had a beard, was larger, or more overtly masculine I guarantee it wouldn't happen. What is most annoying is that it is so impolite to even ask that question. It shows a complete lack of culture and manners. I was at a strip club one time and my buddy got asked by another dude if I was gay even after I got a lap dance. It is outstanding to me. I feel like it is just these dudes having trouble processing the fact that they are attracted to me or something. Stupid fucking Americans man...

[Guest boo]

nah he definitely wanted you to suck his cock. ive been in that situation many times and i didn't notice obvious flirtatious innuendo because i wasn't expecting it. on one occasion it got to the point that i was telling a dude to put his socks back on and please don't "just do what i think we should do", get the fuck out (i was working in a pub and he was the last lock-in)

[Guest Aserinsky]

Yeah I'd say the same, seems like a homophobe unable to come to terms with his sexuality trying to pick you up discreetly. I see it all the time in my job, where supposed straight guys get all friendly with very effeminite guys and suddenly turn aggresive on them for being gay when he doesn't immediately get an offer to get his dick sucked. Just another creepy drunken wanker with a false sense of entitlement for sex, nothing different from him and the hoardes of messed up guys that send unsolicited pictures of their dick to women. People like that need to be told to fuck off, still sorry your dinner got ruined man.

[MisterE]

Thanks man, its been a couple of months but she hasn't been returning any calls or messages this month.

 

Funnily enough though as I've been writing this everything has mysteriously returned to normal, so could have been an honest mistake. Now I feel a bit of a dick overreacting but have the FWP of whether or not to question her why I haven't heard anything this month. The FWPs never end :/

 

Most likely she was seeing someone else during that period. I hate to break it to you. Although, with the short period of time you have been dating she still kind of has every right to. In my opinion, don't ask because you don't want to hear the answer and it's likely she'll be inclined to lie to you, which will only hurt you more when you find out the truth. I think you should just be happy that things are back the way you want them, because if you make a fuss of it you might scare her off.

i think it's debatable that someone has 'every right' to just start seeing someone else after 2 months into a relationship, and just shut off contact with the first person, put them on hold, and then out of nowhere resume communication with that person without offering any explanation or excuse. it really would have to be judged on a case-by-case basis with the nature of the relationship and the kind of words that had been spoken being taken into consideration. but then you go on to suggest that she would lie if asked directly about it which definitely goes beyond the question of 'rights' (but the context suggests that you also think lying would be her 'right', which is a bit revealing). a relationship is supposed to be built on trust, not betrayal of trust and lies. I'm not going to directly give Aserinsky any advice or suggestions about this issue, but to me that kind of behavior would raise some serious-assed red flags. just a hypothetical thought experiment- how would a woman take it if, say, she found out that the guy she had been dating for 2 months and was starting to get serious about, was sleeping with other women? and that's purely hypothetical because we don't know what the woman in question was doing during this time, but 'all this month' seems to be at least two weeks. actually ignoring phone calls for that kind of period is an indicator that something was going on, and the lack of explanation indicates it's something she knows he wouldn't be too happy about. i would bail on that as an act of self-preservation and to maintain some kind of dignity, but that's not advice nor suggestion, just me.

[Adieu]

"but then you go on to suggest that she would lie if asked directly about it which definitely goes beyond the question of 'rights' (but the context suggests that you also think lying would be her 'right', which is a bit revealing)"

 

If you are saying I condone her lying I never said anything close to that. If you are saying she doesn't have the right as a human being to lie if she wants to then you are wrong. All the rest I don't really give a shit about. If you want to give advice to this guy by all means go ahead.

 

 

Also, "still kind of" read under certain circumstances. It is amazing how you seem to always miss these things.

Edited January 21, 2013 by AdieuErsatzEnnui

[Guest Aserinsky]

Don't worry guys, I'm just hanging back now without any expectations. I ran out of medication this weekend anyway so wasn't in the best of ways anxiety ways and kinda overreacted about the whole cutting off communication thing. At the end of the day if she's not replying because she's seeing someone else than that's nothing I can control. Besides I'd rather someone bail now than feel obliged to stay in a relationship for years when they're not happy, gotta be a two way feeling right? I'll still be there as a friend though, I know it's a typical red flag and everything but everyone needs somebody that'll look out for them. There's plenty of reasons why she could be acting like this and as someone who's not exactly mentally stable and does stupid shit all the time sometimes I wish I had someone who'd do the same for me. In short, my first world solution is to make friends rather than enemies, both of us are then happy and everything's sorted

 

(BTW, I should summarise she still hasn't spoken to me since I wrote that last post, not that she just contacted me out of the blue without any explanation. If she does though I personally can't be arsed to put the energy into causing a scene about it).

 

New FWP: I had a guest lecture today with Simon May (bloke who wrote the Eastenders theme tune) and halfway through he suddenly turned to the only black guy in the audience, out of nowhere thanked him for not falling asleep and kept assuming that he liked hip hop so wasn't interested in what he had to say. Forgive me if I'm being a wimpy political-correctness-gone-mad scumbag socialist student but that level of indirect racism was pretty awkward to witness.

Edited January 21, 2013 by Aserinsky

[MisterE]

If you are saying I condone her lying I never said anything close to that. If you are saying she doesn't have the right as a human being to lie if she wants to then you are wrong. All the rest I don't really give a shit about. If you want to give advice to this guy by all means go ahead.

*somehow* i knew you would actually say that 'she has a right to lie'. in most cases it isn't against the law so i guess you could take it to mean you have 'the right' to do it. so depending on how you define 'right' i could actually agree with you, but that's not the point here and it's just a shitty way to look at it. the fact that you would even say that, to me, does indicate that in some small way you are trying to rationalize it. instead of saying 'lying to someone who trusts you is wrong' you choose to say 'they have a right to lie to you' which just absolutely and entirely is not the point. you basically told him to be happy with getting her back even if she is lying to him/hiding things, just don't ask about it because what he doesn't know won't hurt him (until it does). excuse me for thinking that's a bit telling. i also think so many people having that type of mentality is why so many other people in the world are suffering emotionally, but whatever.

I ran out of medication this weekend anyway so wasn't in the best of ways anxiety ways and kinda overreacted about the whole cutting off communication thing. At the end of the day if she's not replying because she's seeing someone else than that's nothing I can control. Besides I'd rather someone bail now than feel obliged to stay in a relationship for years when they're not happy, gotta be a two way feeling right? I'll still be there as a friend though, I know it's a typical red flag and everything but everyone needs somebody that'll look out for them. There's plenty of reasons why she could be acting like this and as someone who's not exactly mentally stable and does stupid shit all the time sometimes I wish I had someone who'd do the same for me. In short, my first world solution is to make friends rather than enemies, both of us are then happy and everything's sorted

you didn't overreact at all, at least not in what you said here. why shouldn't it upset you? i pretty much absolutely agree with everything else you said. she shouldn't stay with you if she isn't happy with it, but she should also tell you about that decision. on the other hand maybe there could be some other reason she hasn't talked to you, but i'd think it would have to be a really good one at this point. as for your part, i don't think it would be a good idea to take her back no questions asked and give her a free pass and just 'be happy to have her back', because i think it'd be an indicator to her that she could do whatever and get by with it, but it's your call to make. life's rough sometimes, hang in there.

[Hugh Mughnus]

I've run out of chipotle seasoning.

 

How will I make dip for my carrots now?

 

le-sigh...

[Adieu]

If you are saying I condone her lying I never said anything close to that. If you are saying she doesn't have the right as a human being to lie if she wants to then you are wrong. All the rest I don't really give a shit about. If you want to give advice to this guy by all means go ahead.

*somehow* i knew you would actually say that 'she has a right to lie'. in most cases it isn't against the law so i guess you could take it to mean you have 'the right' to do it. so depending on how you define 'right' i could actually agree with you, but that's not the point here and it's just a shitty way to look at it. the fact that you would even say that, to me, does indicate that in some small way you are trying to rationalize it. instead of saying 'lying to someone who trusts you is wrong' you choose to say 'they have a right to lie to you' which just absolutely and entirely is not the point. you basically told him to be happy with getting her back even if she is lying to him/hiding things, just don't ask about it because what he doesn't know won't hurt him (until it does). excuse me for thinking that's a bit telling. i also think so many people having that type of mentality is why so many other people in the world are suffering emotionally, but whatever.

 

As if something being against the law is an good indicator of it being morally right or wrong. Rationalize what exactly? A bit telling of what exactly? Are you really using my advice to make parallels to the emotional suffering of the entire world? In eight sentences even. I think that you going out of your way to use my advice to make attacks against me makes you a douche bag.

 

you basically told him to be happy with getting her back even if she is lying to him/hiding things, just don't ask about it because what he doesn't know won't hurt him (until it does).

 

Actually, I was saying given the somewhat casual nature of their relationship, based on the amount of time that has passed during their being together, that it might be best to let it go and not make a big thing of whatever it was that caused her to be so aloof. Finding out things like this (if this scenario is in fact what is going on) can be really hard to process emotionally, but in the end they are sometimes irrelevant to the situation as a whole. These situations can cause resentment in your heart that is very difficult to process for a lot of people. Being silent about something isn't necessary lying or hiding unless you have an obligation to that person. Once again barring more pertinent information being shared I don't believe she has an obligation to tell him everything at this point in their relationship. Now if he were to ask about it specifically because it is bothering him then yes the moral thing to do would be to be honest. The thing is a lot of people's first instinct is to preserve the thing that they want rather than risk it being ruined because of something they feel in their heart to be irrelevant. This unfortunately tends to cause a lot of people to lie. If you haven't noticed I haven't stated that I think this is morally right. Just that it is something I've observed in human beings, so I don't understand why you are saying I'm trying to "rationalize" it. Identifying and attempting to understand something does not mean you agree with it or promote it. "Until it does" is predicting the future which I try to avoid thinking I can do. Is there a possibility that something related to this situation will hurt him down the road? Sure. Is it a given? No.

 

Firstly, I would like to state that in basically every situation ever regarding a girl, being "cool" about something is the easiest way to gain their attention, admiration, and curiosity. (although I do suggest being jealous when warranted in a serious relationship) Mr. E thinks that this would make you look like a pushover and pussy. (my words) I disagree, because every other dude that she has dated who is in fact a emotional bitch has probably made a big deal over things of this nature, which then leads to conflict, and causes a breakdown in the relationship. This just furthers the cycle of her wanting to look around somewhere else for a stable relationship. I think that the ballsy thing to do is to pretend you don't give a shit even if you do and then show her that you are secure in yourself and are not dependent on her to be happy. To say that this gives her a "free pass" to do whatever she likes and you will be okay with it is not true. If this is regular behavior for her then the relationship isn't going to work anyway. Pick your battles as they say. If you believe that her seeing someone else in this nature is a deal breaker then do yourself a favor and break it off entirely. Good luck though.