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DJ Harry Seinfeld

DJ Ostojeffsky DJ Something in my bum went rum-pa-pum-pum DJ Free Samples DJ Colonoscopy DJ Ezus

Fucking hell, what a nightmare. I realise after some more reading that my references and general drug related axioma’s are somewhat outdated. I was aware of the ubiquity of fentanyl and how potent and potentially dangerous it is but completely unaware of how cheap it is and how much more likely it is that it ends up being sold as another drug. This occurred to me as well. Of course playing a random pre-recorded colonic symphony would not work unless my housemate would already be acquainted with my personal cacophony and therefore be able to distinguish it from the foley farts and vice versa. In which case camouflaging would no longer make sense. Highly personalised phase-cancellation might be the answer though. Throughout the coming days I will record as much of my drawerless jams as I can, after that it’s simply a matter of replacing the factory ROM in one of the more common sound princess models with a custom EEPROM. I’ve already found a service manual. A common household slope detector will instantly address the ram bus and an inverting op amp circuit (might get some burr browns for this actually) driving a high-output piezo electric horn transducer will take care of the rest. I expect to muffle at least 90% of the rms of my anus, any abnormal peaks will be cloaked and perceived as high pitched whines, or, in the worst case, the sound of rupturing the skin of a medium to large diameter hand drum. This will literally take no more than a couple cauliflowers, some onions, eggs and patience. Make the recordings and just make sure the dynamics are there but maybe add some subtle compression to make life easier. The additional circuitry can be done on a bit of perf board and for the rest just use what you’ve got in your parts bin. Although I’m going fancy with the opamps there’s no need to use audio grade electrolytics or whatever.

That is an excellent idea, thanks! An added bonus was reading the “anal hygiene” Wikipedia entry, which has some real gems.

Recently welcomed a new housemate and since my current general mode of shitting is violently explosive and the walls in the apartment paper-thin I’ve been taking more train-shits than usual and it’s really not all that bad. Two things to keep in mind; make sure there’s toiletpaper (seems common on trains to be blasé about the shit tickets) and prepare for looks of disapproval and disgust when exiting the toilet. I try to sit down next to the first person to make eye contact to deal with the looks.

Now I understand why the Muskmeister named it x. It’s because he and others on the x are still being x’ed out by the deep state and society in general. Free Elon! Which incidentally will be the name of the tropical island where Musk will found the first true free country; Freelon (it sounds like vrij land in Afrikaans) and there found the society that will eventually colonise mars (to be named Freelon World). Xoxoxo (the o symbolises mars(Freelon world)).

This really depends where you are, I think. Afaik this is negligible in Europe. Not sure how it is now and didn’t dig deep for these numbers but up until quite recently (2018 I think) various authorities (even in the states according to Google) reported up to 80% of seized cocaine being contaminated with levimasole, which comes with its own fun set of possible side-effects and future health-benefits.

Ace! Please name it the slanty shanty.

Probably not the most popular opinion, because it's so popular, but I think clouds (or a clouds clone) is great for glitchy stuff.

DJ Richard Disco Jams

Ugh. Last time I lost a nail (thumb in my case) I was still a kid and I still cringe when I think about having this painful lid with bloody nail bed goo underneath. But to lose a toenail through stubbing, damn. fwp: I was looking for a job and then I found a job. But it’s almost an hour by bicycle and these idiots want me to come by before I start to sign the contract etc. instead of having me come 15 min early on my first day. And there’s a WhatsApp group of course.

Sounds quite similar to my diet, bread and oil (plus some salt and pepper ofc) go a long way and the versatility of jam, especially when cheese is in the mix, can’t be overstated. But please throw some vegetal in the mix, maybe some carrots and tomatoes? For your health!

I hope behringer release a eurorack module with the name PatchUli and it has Uli’s face on it and comes with a set of cables of which the jacks look like two halves of cigarettes. Behind the panel is just one of those cheap battery powered mantra generators.

I rid this thrid in a new-Zealand accint.

I noticed that I’m starting to turn into an aggressive drunk as soon as I’m on my own. Fine, happy and jovial with my friends around me but then I’m on my own on the train or biking home and I’m looking for someone that wants to start some shit. Is it small penis energy? Perhaps. But maybe not. Yet it could be. I’ll report back when it’s come to blows. This is too meta.

DJ Gary Pancakes McPherson DJ Bummers DJ Desert Island Dicks

My shoes got soaked last week and now they smell to the extent that I can smell them while I’m wearing them. Got that slightly sour sock funk and general foot scent. Not sure where this puts me on the dating market but I’m pretty confident any potential muggers will give me a pass now.

My sister-in-law gave me a whoopee cushion. But it refused to whoopee. After many attempts I remembered that they work best if the inlet/outlet is slightly moist, after applying some spit it let rip freely and festively. This dream took like an hour to unfold. FML.

The only way to win over your housemate's kitty's heart is by giving it the cold-shoulder. Cats don't like easy preys. A terrible apostrophy.

I'd pay 3 snipers to each rent an appartment in the building opposite mine so they can get acquainted with my habits and routines, and, within a maximum of 6 weeks, but not before they are confident that it will be a success, fatally shoot me. The person to succesfully shoot and kill me will get 30% of the lottery money and the runners-up will get 15% each. The remaining half of the total should be split between my dad and brother, if they get more than 500,000 per person they are obliged to spend half of whatever they got on one or more charities of their choosing. Although in my dad's case I might have to set some boundaries as he's prone to esotericism and might end up funding some homeopaths or buying some charlatan a lifetime supply of divining rods. The person that kills me will also have to come up with a satisfactory story around the shooting and explain the money etc.

A mutated half-spider half-journalist guy shooting raggedy cumstrings from his palms (should be from the bum) makes total sense though. Pop-culture would be seriously broken if our generation (I think we're the same age-ish) would comfortably be collectively identifying with it still, or the next generation, or the one after that. Or perhaps it's not pop-culture that's broken but its at one time intended transient audience that has a bit of an issue.

You know there's something fundamentally wrong with the society you live in when having food delivered to your door at 1 am is a widespread thing. I'm grateful for this burger and so forth but this can't be the norm. Some fucked up shit.