Guest hahathhat Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 coffee gets my mornings off to a rip-roaring fart start. mcdonalds makes me shit; shit probably has laxatives. dxm -- the gelcaps in particular -- turn me into a human poop fire hose. the texture is akin to spray-on insulation foam, and i typically have enough pressure to paint the walls. the nausea is nothing compared to feeling like a human jetpack Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keltoi Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 i once ate a full box of christmas mince pies. they cleaned me right out. like 12 rounds of hosing shit from my arse. last week i had a huge meaty meal. starter of haggis parcels, wedges and whisky/cream sauce followed by fat steak dianne, boiled pots and cauliflower cheese. i didn't shit for the next 3 days and felt like i was 6 months pregnant. i was getting stabbing contractions every 5 minutes only relieved by turbo farting THE most noxious smog i've ever smelt, which seemed to hang around me all day until i showered. it was like i was sweating oily shit. when i eventually went into labour it took me half an hour to deliver this colossal 10lb glistening mutant, black shit-fetus. i cut the cord and cradled him proudly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Coalbucket PI Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 full on work-snigger invoking stuff, keltoi Interests:terrorising buttocks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keltoi Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 Interests:terrorising buttocks - i've been meaning to change that for a while. but i think it's part of me now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest disparaissant Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 i'm lactose intolerant can't drink milk or eat ice cream or anything like that but i can SORT OF eat cheese but the aftermath is often... less than pleasant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terpentintollwut Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 Anything that is somehow related to foreign cuisine or is even remotely spicy - oh wait, I'm not a citizen of the USA and thus have been exposed to proper food before. So none of these do. :sup: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest couch Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 What was it that blocked you up, Jules? I have no idea. I don't think I ate anything different. I eat fiber cereal every morning too. after work the other day, I came home, grabbed the paper and went for a nice quiet dump. halfway through the box scores I realized in was in for a rough go and then it occurred to me that I hadn't dropped a clip in 2 or 3 days. this was an epic struggle. I got up walked around, drank some water and then I really felt like I had a monkey tail. I ran awkwardly back to the bathroom, dropped down and nothing. it was peaking out like a turtle head but then would slide back in. I was sweating profusely as well and my hands were clammy on the side of the bowl. I didn't want to tear my sphincter or give myself a hernia. in the hysteria of this, I thought it would help to be naked. don't know why. still nothing. so I got dressed again and down some fiber drink. I was walking like I had been kicked in the balls and it felt like a bowling ball was resting on my colon. the next naked struggle involved audible grunting, panting, heavy breathing and a few seated double face palms. I straightened my back and soon I got this fire hydrant turd padt the point of no return. it eased itself into the bowl with such grace. I instantly felt lighter and thought of taking a photo but my thoughts quickly turned to wondering if I should somehow slice this meatloaf shaped bomb up somehow to facilitate an easier flush. I had no tools available so I took the chance and it stopped immediately. then I ate like 7 tacos for dinner. fucking wow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BCM Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 What was it that blocked you up, Jules? I have no idea. I don't think I ate anything different. I eat fiber cereal every morning too. after work the other day, I came home, grabbed the paper and went for a nice quiet dump. halfway through the box scores I realized in was in for a rough go and then it occurred to me that I hadn't dropped a clip in 2 or 3 days. this was an epic struggle. I got up walked around, drank some water and then I really felt like I had a monkey tail. I ran awkwardly back to the bathroom, dropped down and nothing. it was peaking out like a turtle head but then would slide back in. I was sweating profusely as well and my hands were clammy on the side of the bowl. I didn't want to tear my sphincter or give myself a hernia. in the hysteria of this, I thought it would help to be naked. don't know why. still nothing. so I got dressed again and down some fiber drink. I was walking like I had been kicked in the balls and it felt like a bowling ball was resting on my colon. the next naked struggle involved audible grunting, panting, heavy breathing and a few seated double face palms. I straightened my back and soon I got this fire hydrant turd padt the point of no return. it eased itself into the bowl with such grace. I instantly felt lighter and thought of taking a photo but my thoughts quickly turned to wondering if I should somehow slice this meatloaf shaped bomb up somehow to facilitate an easier flush. I had no tools available so I took the chance and it stopped immediately. then I ate like 7 tacos for dinner. fucking wow awesome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest theSun Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 i'm lactose intolerant can't drink milk or eat ice cream or anything like that but i can SORT OF eat cheese but the aftermath is often... less than pleasant. this is so tragic cheese 4 lyfe imo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jules Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 i had mcdonalds for the first time in ages yesterday to save time. i made up triple the time by spraying out about 4 times. how do people eat that stuff? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YEK Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 i had mcdonalds for the first time in ages yesterday to save time. i made up triple the time by spraying out about 4 times. how do people eat that stuff? you gotta be a little desensitized, eat at mcdonalds more... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SR4 Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest theSun Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 1 or 2 mcdoubles are usually enough to not totally massacre my intestines. one time, when i was in the middle of nowhere pennsylvania and the only stores in town were a mcdonalds and m+t bank. it was about 6pm and i hadn't eaten anything all day. for some reason i purchased a double quarter pounder. i must have bee delirious with hunger to eat a whole half pound of awful mcdonalds meat. i get to the next job an hour later and basically sit in the bathroom while my coworker installs computers. it was a food that made me go #2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terpentintollwut Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Mh we don't have the double quarter pounder here but imo you can eat near unlimited amounts of McDonalds stuff without feeling full. They sometimes have these vouchers, I got myself 2 Big macs, 2 Quarter Pounders, 12 chicken nuggets and two medium fries. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest theSun Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 how do you eat that and not feel full? i would eat half of that and probably have to throw it up soon after. and have awful shitspraying adventures shortly after that. /envious of stomach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baph Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 No food can make me do anything. I choose to #2 of my own free will. Feels good man. IF YOU CHOOSE NOT TO DECIDE YOU STILL HAVE MADE A CHOICE i was going to ask what clogs people up. my diet hasn't really changed much in the past few years but last week i had two bad bouts with constipation. one of the battles (which i eventually won) had me stark naked grunting over my toilet as i passed what looked like a real fire hydrant that instantly clogged the toilet. it was horrible but hasn't happened since. Gloss Drop :trashbear: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baph Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 i'm lactose intolerant can't drink milk or eat ice cream or anything like that but i can SORT OF eat cheese but the aftermath is often... less than pleasant. OK SO: I have this same problem. I always call it lactose intolerance, but I'm starting to think it's not the case, because skim milk, and for some reason cheese, does not cause any problems. But if I eat Ice Cream (man I wish I hadn't wasted that Gloss Drop reference already) or, god help us, drink a milkshake: just imagine the most egregiously cramped and inhumane cattle farm in Yeehaw, Texas and we're roughly in the same olfactory ballpark. I'm starting to think it's a reaction to milk fat, and not the lactose. But that doesn't really explain the cheese thing: I can handle cheese, usually, unless I eat a whole wedge of a brie or something. I probably shouldn't be sharing this, but I felt a genuine moment of kinship, disparaissant. A genuine moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patternoverlap Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 pizza hut Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J3FF3R00 Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 Anyone ever get anal leakage? My friend got it after eating a whole bag of Lays potato chips with Olean. He crapped himself instantly. This only happened to me once. My wife (then girlfriend) and I tried out a new burger place in our old neighborhood. I think it was the fries, but something felt a bit off and the next thing I new, I had promptly crapped myself. There was no time to act. Hit and run. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baph Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 That happened to me once; fortunately I was in the shower so clean up was easy. I don't know the cause. I just remember standing there, perfectly fine, not even gassy, and I reached over to grab the soap and a quick spurt of runnage just... it just happened. I didn't even feel it. I looked down in disbelief for 7 minutes before I could process the information, though it was a stark binary of black liquid on clean white porcelain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Sprigg Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 i'm lactose intolerant can't drink milk or eat ice cream or anything like that but i can SORT OF eat cheese but the aftermath is often... less than pleasant. OK SO: I have this same problem. I always call it lactose intolerance, but I'm starting to think it's not the case, because skim milk, and for some reason cheese, does not cause any problems. But if I eat Ice Cream (man I wish I hadn't wasted that Gloss Drop reference already) or, god help us, drink a milkshake: just imagine the most egregiously cramped and inhumane cattle farm in Yeehaw, Texas and we're roughly in the same olfactory ballpark. I'm starting to think it's a reaction to milk fat, and not the lactose. But that doesn't really explain the cheese thing: I can handle cheese, usually, unless I eat a whole wedge of a brie or something. I think I have the same problem, man. Straight milk, ice cream, and shakes all give the some massive cramps and gas, but cheese and yogurt are just fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
essines Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 eating a lot of cherries. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terpentintollwut Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 how do you eat that and not feel full? i would eat half of that and probably have to throw it up soon after. and have awful shitspraying adventures shortly after that. /envious of stomach Well to be fair, although McDonalds-stuff is mostly processed to death and therefore not very filling imo, I almost never feel full. Probably related to that way above-average water consumption of mine I always talk about (sometimes 10+ liters a day, usually about 5-6) - "stomach training", if you will. It gets used to stretching. But honestly, it's really neither an advantage nor a disadvantage - I don't get full, but I don't often get very hungry either. Sometimes when I work on some project and the deadline is approaching, I come to realize I haven't eaten in two days, but I didn't notice. My appetite however is normal, I mainly eat because I like cooking/eating just for the sake of it, the flavor and stuff. So in the end it comes down to being able to last very long periods without feeling hungry, but also being likely to eat way too many calories in one meal. Kinda evens itself out. The reason I got myself so many burgers wasn't my hunger, it was just me thinking "Oh boy, that's gonna be a feast!" - If you think about it, there's "only" about 3000 calories in that meal. That is a lot, but I'm 2 m tall and male, so it's only slightly above my daily calorie intake, so I can get away with it if that's ALL I eat that day. I went a bit over the line last year though and just ate too much in general, so I ended up getting a little fatter again so right now I'm loosing some weight. I still eat burgers and stuff, I eat anything, but I go for roughly 1500 kcal a day instead of those 3000, which is pretty easy: 1 quarter pounder, 1 big mac and 1 medium fries, it's plenty but I still get thinner. I have lost 35 pounds that way since April. Cool thing. I'm at 230 right now, which is still a bit much, even for a 2 meter guy. Would be fine if it was all muscle, but it's not. I'm lazy when it comes to working out. If I can pull it off, I'll go for loosing another 30 pound and down to 200, which would be ideal for my height. I hope by then I will have learned my lesson and won't return to 2010 feeding frenzy standards. I took a pic of how fat I was in April, once I got the shape I desire, I might post a before-after-thing. Last time I was really full btw was on my birthday (September), we went to some burger place and tried to impress the waitress by ordering the biggest fucking burger there was (with almost a pound of meat) - which wouldn't have been a problem for me, had I not eaten another burger and two massive piles of fries before. But I finished it. Must have been a freakin' 6000 kcal-dinner, jeez ... no wonder I got fat that year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyrex Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Long John Silver's (takeaway seafood chain slowing dying here in the States; one of my guilty food pleasures) does it to me every time - their battered shrimp gives me the worst gas imaginable, and projectile shits that make me worry I'm going to tear my sphincter into a gaping hole like a punch card on a bean bag toss game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KY Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 hmm it looks like i can add "everything" to the list of foods that make me >#2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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