taphead

...I Care Because You Do: A nice cup of coffee

I'd agree that his Jan 6th participation isn't really much of an indication of anything at all, but I struggle to find much sympathy for him. He gave this interview in 2017 https://www.vice.com/en/article/gy5a59/john-maus-at-the-end-of-the-world and was asked about his involvement with MDE, and he shows a total lack of intellectual curiosity into who these guys are. And I really struggle to buy the uncurious look from him when, to respond to the furor over his presence at the jan 6th stuff, he links some centuries old papal decree or whatever it was... he does not seem like the kind of guy who would settle for ignorance. Maybe he genuinely is a good dude but the way he's dealt with these situations would make me feel concerned about who I'd run into in the audience for one of his shows. Though I wouldn't try to stop a performance or anything, I just wouldn't go. And it's kind of moot in this case since I'd have been concerned about who I'd run into at a vaporwave festival as well, that scene has some fuckin wackos

Six tracks yes

So that's how they warp the records Also, I'd like to anti-complain, I think this is cool, warp if you see this please use my anti-complain to cancel out one complain, thank you

It's shameful that none of these articles will mention his finest role (Choo Choo, the Hurkey Jerkey Dancer). Journalistic malpractice!

Yeah, the mind's warden can be pretty powerful. But just remember, you're the one paying them now! You can cut them off and live the life you want!

I remember being so annoyed when the mid 00s wave of mandatory vocals was happening. I always figured it was because live shows became more important to make a living, and the artists needed something beyond a laptop to perform with. But yeah, I feel like it rarely ever plays to the artists strengths. Tho there's been some great ones here and there. And I guess if you consider the Wobbly album that comes out this Friday to be IDM, that one rules, but I don't know if that's IDM. It'd be really cool if someone would do them in a way that went beyond the warped processed stuff that Arca was doing on the stretch ep's. Like there's that ai technology where someone can sing a song with their normal boring voice and then have it end up sounding like Drake or whatever. There's probably some potential to get into some really wild space if that kind of thing was trained on a bunch of fucked up noises instead of drakes voice. Someone needs to do that.

Ah yeah that's totally a fair approach, I can't resist getting jokes in where I can, but yeah you don't wanna just assume that everyone will open up. Though I do think there are existing things out there that can provide insights like https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en but even with the breadth, it still is just one source so it may not cover all experiences, but it is at least informed by some firsthand experiences. I'm down to talk a bit about my own experience as well, I'm planning on writing something a bit more in-depth very soon, so this is actually a good opportunity to get a rough draft out for some of that. I only recently began transitioning, started taking hormones about a year ago. I'd come to the conclusion that it was what I needed to do in February of 2022. It's like I was waiting for the moment that would be the worst timing possible, since that was shortly before the huge furor over Lia Thomas kicked up, and it feels like that marked the point where a lot of people decided they would absolutely never shut the fuck up about how they're mad that transgender people exist. So I mentioned earlier that I was 11 when I realized I was trans. I was 36 when I gave myself permission to pursue it. I spent 25 years repressing. I don't think a lot of people who aren't transgender realize exactly how powerful the cultural forces that encouraged repression were in the 90s and 00s. Do you remember Quack Pack? It was a 1996 cartoon that Disney did for television, updating Donald Duck's nephews for modern sensibilities. They were cool teens now, and could have plausibly skateboarded. In the first episode, they got super powers, the nephew that wore blue got the super powered brain, head all big. The other ones had strength and speed, or something like that. The three boys split up to do some superhero business, blue boy sees that a plane is crashing and decides to save the day by possessing a stewardess, so that he can land the plane. The joke being that he doesn't know how to land a plane, and they still crash. The speed powered brother shows up and discusses his own adventure, and asked how it went for blue boy. He responds with "I found out what it's like to be a woman" (because he possessed a stewardess). He looks quite shaken by this. His brother looks at him and makes a "wtf?!" face and dramatically back away, a great distance. This is how I know that I knew I was trans when I was 11, because I remember feeling shitty after seeing this. It's funny to revisit the clip now Like it seems silly to say this is such a significant thing for me, especially since this video is on a fetish youtube account full of body swap content, for ppl to jack their dicks off with. But it really did establish an understanding in the broader culture that reverberated back thru my memories of the first Ace Ventura movie, and forward into Jerry Springer and the high prominence of "chicks with dicks" in 90s internet porn. I understood that is not something that is compatible with a normal life and relationships, that this belonged to a fringe subculture that I wasn't cool, rich, or sexual enough to ever be a part of, and the reminders were non-stop and could appear in anything. Because it's not like there was something that triggered this. It just came along with the ride on puberty, like "hey yeah, everything that's happening is wrong, but there's this other way, not gonna happen for you but it's actually everything that should be happening. Everything that is happening to you adds something bad while simultaneously taking you away from what's right". And so then on top of that, it's like "oh yeah and also everyone hates that you are this, even tho it doesn't hurt anyone, it's just offensive that you could think to do this". I spent some time feeling horrible. I guess it was convenient that middle school was available so I could have a delineated space to be emotionally unstable. But eventually, I figured out an approach that got me thru the day to day, an embrace of a concept that I called "gender dissonance". I wasn't aware of the term gender dysphoria at all, it's sort of connected, but it's like I wanted to use that dysphoria as a part of a male identity, treat it like the noise in noise rock. I would be a failure of a man, but aggressively, knowingly, so that it would still somehow work out to be masculine. It never really involved direct femininity, it was dealing more with the specific areas where the absence of masculinity, for a man, becomes femininity, even tho it's a negative value, it's not actually the posession of something. I probably need to sit down and figure it out how to explain that part better. But like, you know how there's dipshits online who try to act like they're being kind when they tell trans people to just not be trans, and accept their body as it is? I was like their model citizen! I found a way to make the male gender sort of work for me. Fortunately, I was still able to be happy for the trans people who came into greater prominence in the 10's. I was like "well that's just not possible for me". There's some people out there who, as part of their repression, will be really fucking transphobic online. Because that way, you know you can't come out, because you know how shitty people would be to you. Glad that's not me, looks miserable! I've seen this trope in some video games, where when they really want to fuck with you, they'll invert your controls so that left goes right, and up goes down. You can get used to it but it's still extra taxing on the brain. That's what it felt like to live, even with this identity I'd crafted for myself, like I was still going through all of this extra work to come out normal. I didn't actually realize all the ways that living like this was impacting me. I was living entirely in the moment because I didn't really care about a future for myself. I didn't realize that it was possible to see myself and feel good without the use of alcohol. I transitioned so that I could free up all that mental effort that I was wasting on hiding the fact that I was trans. Especially since I realized the only people who benefitted from this effort were assholes! But yeah honestly the gender stereotype stuff kind of helped me prolong the repression. There's so many bullshit expectations on women, almost like capitalism stole parts of the gender and expects us to buy it back, while masculinity is allowed to be a bit more innate. Not to say that there's no pitfalls on the male side, I've seen it, it's rough. But I was able to use this idea that it'd be cheaper to stay put, and build up some paper thin walls that I respected for longer than I should have. I do enjoy the clothing options that are available to me, but it's more like now I actually care about my visual appearance, where I didn't really at all before. And I just feel more comfortable with everything that the hormone swap has done for my mind and body. I don't think I'm really going to do too well with many of the stereotypical stuff, but I think I'll still get by comfortably enough. So yeah at least for me, that kind of stuff has not really been what I'm after. Sorry for writing so much lol The fucked up part is that there's so much more ground to cover...

It's pretty wild that we've come so far as a civilization, but we can still only speculate about why transgender people pursue their transitions, as the risks of communicating with them directly are still so tremendous. Hopefully when Elon Musk does his brain implant thing, we can start to get some answers here!

The reason you only ever see the same half dozen detransitioners is because these surgeries are incredibly rare for children. Even as an adult, I need to get two separate letters from therapists to approve an orchiectomy, and that's just removing the balls. I'm not even sure if it's possible for anyone under 18 to get that. Transgender surgeries already have some of the lowest regret rates on the books. How low does it have to be for you to accept that teenagers could recieve this life saving medical care? Like if you think this is bad, get a load of https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5123667/

This comes from this study https://studylib.net/doc/13499004/suicide-attempts-among-transgender-and-gender-non-conform and is just generally about whether this population of people have ever been driven to attempt suicide. And yes, I can confirm that living in a world that is actively hostile to your existence can make someone suicidal. This study doesn't really give any indication about how recieving treatment and support can help with suicidiality, but from personal experience I can say that it really helps. I never attempted suicide, but I lived without any concern for there being a tomorrow. And now I'm invested in my future. I don't know if I would have lived through adolescence if I was aware that help existed for me, but I was actively being kept with it from people who would claim to be concerned for my wellbeing.

lol Summon just cite your bs suicide rate numbers rather than alluding to it, so that people can look into it and see that they're bs Also this age argument is always so funny to me because there isn't any kind of push towards ending teen driving, even though it's been their leading cause of death (though guns are overtaking it now). Like you'd think if someone was interested in protecting kids, the drivers license would be the place to start. But no, that would impact fast food labor availability! Burgers might be more expensive! We really need to figure out a way to get transness to make burgers cost less money.

I doubt that

I knew I was trans when I was 11. If I had been able to get medical treatment for my dysphoria, I would have been saved a lot of pain! Very sad to see how vociferously some people argue against the possibility of that assistance.

Too many nitrates ? https://nebraskapublicmedia.org/en/news/news-articles/nebraskas-nitrate-problem-is-serious-experts-say-can-we-solve-it/

Sorry if I was unclear, but I meant that anyone on the Democratic Party side with presidential aspirations was hoping that Biden would not run for re-election. There are a few people beyond AOC who could concievably take a crack at it! And there seems to be a bit of a disadvantage when running for office after one party held the presidency for two terms, so they're probably a little bit bummed out that they'll be dealing with that. But I think there's many within the party who believe that Biden is the only one who would be able to take down Trump, and I think it's entirely plausible that they're right. Personally, I do think Biden is better than expected, it's awesome that he has significantly reduced the use of drones to kill people in other countries. But it's still a little bit stressful that so much will be depending on how voters feel about this specific old man in 19 months. I'm trans and if Trump or Desantis get into office, I'm a bit worried about what they could do that would impact my ability to recieve health insurance coverage and doctor's visits. So yeah, can't say I'm excited about the future here, but I don't think there's any possible scenario where I wouldn't find this all very stressful.

They were all hoping that Biden would decline to run. But with the incumbent in the race, the party establishment is going to rally around him, and any attempt at pulling him into a primary with some actual stakes (rather than just swatting down some wackadoodles) would be career suicide. And so they wait for 28.

Yeah this is pretty damn shady

I'm a transgender woman, knew it from age 11 but repressed for another 25 years, until I decided to just go for it and start on the hormones and all that. Unfortunately this has coincided with all the trans panic in the US, like I think I'm not allowed to go to TN anymore? But I feel a lot better about existing now, so I'm good with this trade. I'm not really sure where I'd fall on the sexuality spectrum. I love my wife and am wholly satisfied with my relationship with her, so there's never really felt like there's any great urgency for getting precise with it.

http://www.alextripp.com/music/gley_lancer_0A_into_Virtua_Racing_Deluxe_32x.mp3

Some really phenomenal breakcore here

Check this Oskar Sala album from 1970, featuring an electronic music instrument from the 1930s, the Trautonium

I've built some pages to do some twists on the formula, I've got http://www.endaural.com/jumble22.html to show the stuff I've written a little bit about, but with the order randomized every time the page loads. There's a lot of stuff I still want to write about though, but it'd be too overwhelming to just show all the names all at once. So I've got http://www.endaural.com/grabbag22.html set up to only show 10 things at a time, but you can refresh the page to get a new 10. Though there's also a lot of stuff that I still need to add to the pool. But the one major rec I have for WATMM is the self titled Kaho Matsui album, it's got sped up guitar and chopped up drums but it's not a heavy sound, super lush. https://normcorps.bandcamp.com/album/s-t

I'm shy and can't really sing good so I gotta say I greatly prefer the current set up. Honestly I think this is all a bunch of nonsense fomophobia. Being afraid of the idea missing out, that there's something out there that other people are enjoying and you could enjoy too, to the point where you crave the loss of all of the expanded possibilities that we've had, casting those as destructive things when you're still totally able to get people to sing in a room together. That's dumb.

https://www.ascap.com/repertory#ace/writer/178769403/BOOTH SEAN ANTHONY the ae_live stuff does look like it is registered differently.