stupid first world problems you're dealing with

[hello spiral]

That's rough Stephen, sorry to hear it.

Not gonna attempt to advise you as I don't have experience with this situation but imo it is definitely not the time to drink.

My sympathies.

[LimpyLoo]

Yeah man, whatever you want to tell him, make sure to tell him. You don't want that unresolve lingering about for the rest of your life.

[Hugh Mughnus]

That's rough Stephen, sorry to hear it.

Not gonna attempt to advise you as I don't have experience with this situation but imo it is definitely not the time to drink.

My sympathies.

 

I appreciate it man! And you're right... If I continue this cycle of self destruction things will only get worse. You're right drinking isn't the best way to deal with it.

 

Yeah man, whatever you want to tell him, make sure to tell him. You don't want that unresolve lingering about for the rest of your life.

 

I definitely don't.

 

In addition to all this, him and my older brother (he's 27) haven't talked in 12 years. They had a fight over something my step mom did. So at the same time I'm trying to bring them back together before he passes so that my brother isn't totally fucked up for life and at the same time I think it's part of my dad's depression.

 

Aghhh!

 

Thank you WATMM for being my therapist tonight... Sorry for the ranting.

[Hugh Mughnus]

I guess I'm a pretty fucked up kid!

[Hugh Mughnus]

Good points for sure... last thing I want to do is vent my feelings if they're going to make him unhappy in his final months.....

[Friendly Foil]

The same fly has been keeping me awake for two nights now. I'm tired :<

 

Edit: Didn't see the convo above me. Sorry to hear that Stephen. As everyone else have said, don't waste any time.

Edited August 7, 2013 by Friendly Foil

[Hugh Mughnus]

The same fly has been keeping me awake for two nights now. I'm tired :<

 

Edit: Didn't see the convo above me. Sorry to hear that Stephen. As everyone else have said, don't waste any time.

[delet...]

definitely not the time to drink.

My sympathies.

[Sprillian]

Good points for sure... last thing I want to do is vent my feelings if they're going to make him unhappy in his final months.....

 

I don't mean to come across as a dick, but I wonder if maybe some brutal honesty is in order.

Maybe instead of tiptoeing around your dad and trying not to upset him isn't necessarily the best way to go about things. If there's a chronic communication problem with your family, then maybe you need to batter that down. It's ok to be rationally angry.

 

I think it's alright for you to say to your dad "Hey, I was terribly unhappy for pretty much all of my life, and some of that's down to you. I was the child, you were the adult. But I'm willing to put that aside because even though you haven't admitted it to anyone yet, you're sick, dying in fact, and I'd rather not spend the rest of my life wishing I'd felt able to talk to you about this."

 

I dunno, people's concept of reality, life, whatever changes when they know they're not going to get to be part of that reality any more. Maybe issues that could previously be glossed over are suddenly apparent. Chances are he's pretty angry too, plus more aware of your feelings than he's letting on but doesn't know how to approach the subject because he's never had to.

 

And in terms trying to play family peace-maker I do have experience. You'll exhaust yourself and may never feel satisfied.

 

If you stay strong and don't drink during this unfathomably horrendous time, that'll be a truly great achievement, not to mention something to show your family.

 

 

Sorry, I didn't intend on this being such an essay, but I felt it was worth saying.

[YEK]

 

Good points for sure... last thing I want to do is vent my feelings if they're going to make him unhappy in his final months.....

 

I don't mean to come across as a dick, but I wonder if maybe some brutal honesty is in order.

Maybe instead of tiptoeing around your dad and trying not to upset him isn't necessarily the best way to go about things. If there's a chronic communication problem with your family, then maybe you need to batter that down. It's ok to be rationally angry.

 

I think it's alright for you to say to your dad "Hey, I was terribly unhappy for pretty much all of my life, and some of that's down to you. I was the child, you were the adult. But I'm willing to put that aside because even though you haven't admitted it to anyone yet, you're sick, dying in fact, and I'd rather not spend the rest of my life wishing I'd felt able to talk to you about this."

 

I dunno, people's concept of reality, life, whatever changes when they know they're not going to get to be part of that reality any more. Maybe issues that could previously be glossed over are suddenly apparent. Chances are he's pretty angry too, plus more aware of your feelings than he's letting on but doesn't know how to approach the subject because he's never had to.

 

And in terms trying to play family peace-maker I do have experience. You'll exhaust yourself and may never feel satisfied.

 

If you stay strong and don't drink during this unfathomably horrendous time, that'll be a truly great achievement, not to mention something to show your family.

 

 

Sorry, I didn't intend on this being such an essay, but I felt it was worth saying.

 

 

i agree (without going into my similar father issues)

[Hugh Mughnus]

 

Good points for sure... last thing I want to do is vent my feelings if they're going to make him unhappy in his final months.....

 

I don't mean to come across as a dick, but I wonder if maybe some brutal honesty is in order.

Maybe instead of tiptoeing around your dad and trying not to upset him isn't necessarily the best way to go about things. If there's a chronic communication problem with your family, then maybe you need to batter that down. It's ok to be rationally angry.

 

I think it's alright for you to say to your dad "Hey, I was terribly unhappy for pretty much all of my life, and some of that's down to you. I was the child, you were the adult. But I'm willing to put that aside because even though you haven't admitted it to anyone yet, you're sick, dying in fact, and I'd rather not spend the rest of my life wishing I'd felt able to talk to you about this."

 

I dunno, people's concept of reality, life, whatever changes when they know they're not going to get to be part of that reality any more. Maybe issues that could previously be glossed over are suddenly apparent. Chances are he's pretty angry too, plus more aware of your feelings than he's letting on but doesn't know how to approach the subject because he's never had to.

 

And in terms trying to play family peace-maker I do have experience. You'll exhaust yourself and may never feel satisfied.

 

If you stay strong and don't drink during this unfathomably horrendous time, that'll be a truly great achievement, not to mention something to show your family.

 

 

Sorry, I didn't intend on this being such an essay, but I felt it was worth saying.

 

 

Don't apologize. This is an approach I'm considering for sure.

 

But I've just downed 30oz of liquor because that's the only way I know how to deal with anything. I'm sad.

 

Goodnight WATMM.

 

Thanks for your help and support. I'm a fucking random stranger, often a WATMM POS and still you've supported me. Thank you......Good night.

 

Sorry for being such a fucking downer and not having a regular FWP like gum stuck to my shoe or something....

 

 

Good points for sure... last thing I want to do is vent my feelings if they're going to make him unhappy in his final months.....

 

I don't mean to come across as a dick, but I wonder if maybe some brutal honesty is in order.

Maybe instead of tiptoeing around your dad and trying not to upset him isn't necessarily the best way to go about things. If there's a chronic communication problem with your family, then maybe you need to batter that down. It's ok to be rationally angry.

 

I think it's alright for you to say to your dad "Hey, I was terribly unhappy for pretty much all of my life, and some of that's down to you. I was the child, you were the adult. But I'm willing to put that aside because even though you haven't admitted it to anyone yet, you're sick, dying in fact, and I'd rather not spend the rest of my life wishing I'd felt able to talk to you about this."

 

I dunno, people's concept of reality, life, whatever changes when they know they're not going to get to be part of that reality any more. Maybe issues that could previously be glossed over are suddenly apparent. Chances are he's pretty angry too, plus more aware of your feelings than he's letting on but doesn't know how to approach the subject because he's never had to.

 

And in terms trying to play family peace-maker I do have experience. You'll exhaust yourself and may never feel satisfied.

 

If you stay strong and don't drink during this unfathomably horrendous time, that'll be a truly great achievement, not to mention something to show your family.

 

 

Sorry, I didn't intend on this being such an essay, but I felt it was worth saying.

 

 

i agree (without going into my similar father issues)

 

*** Life.

 

 

=(

[Guest A/D]

Not going to jump in with more advice because WATMM has you covered here, I think. Be well, and happy to be a sounding board if you ever need to vent or whatever. It's normal to freak out when these situations arise. PM me (or some other watmmer you know better) if you feel things slipping out of control. Asking for help rules.

[Hugh Mughnus]

Not going to jump in with more advice because WATMM has you covered here, I think. Be well, and happy to be a sounding board if you ever need to vent or whatever. It's normal to freak out when these situations arise. PM me (or some other watmmer you know better) if you feel things slipping out of control. Asking for help rules.

 

Hey thank you... I really appreciate your help and I might take you up on that (hope you don't mind).

 

Have an awesome night. =)

[Guest A/D]

P.S. Hey, aren't you in danger of dying from drinking anyway? Watch it with the grief-binges... two bodies is worse than one.

 

Edit: I do mean it, & no worries son.

Edited August 7, 2013 by A/D

[Guest Sprigg]

Mad sympathies, StephenG! Don't have anything to say that hasn't already been said... just try to keep your head up, but don't beat yourself up if you find that some days you can't do that totally... and as A/D said you can always ask for help, whether it's the Watmm brethren or somebody you know better irl. Good luck getting things sorted, man.

[ghOsty]

Seems my comcast/xfinity modem decided to go to shit (fuck you comcast and your shitty fucking products/service!!!)... thanks for neighbors with unsecured linksys modems though.

[Sprillian]

I think addressing anger is good for the psyche. I wasn't suggesting butting heads or being aggressive, but being honest to yourself and others of your feelings.

Didn't mean to cause any offence.

[Hugh Mughnus]

Seems my comcast/xfinity modem decided to go to shit (fuck you comcast and your shitty fucking products/service!!!)... thanks for neighbors with unsecured linksys modems though.

 

I feel your pain.

I'm going to sleep on it and consider everything all of you have said. I really appreciate you all taking the time to respond. I don't have anyone in my life to talk about this with so as sad as it is WATMM has actually been my best friend through this, so far.

 

I'll sleep on it and try and figure out how to ease my own and my father's pain..................

[Guest A/D]

 

 

 

 

Good points for sure... last thing I want to do is vent my feelings if they're going to make him unhappy in his final months.....

I don't mean to come across as a dick, but I wonder if maybe some brutal honesty is in order.

Maybe instead of tiptoeing around your dad and trying not to upset him isn't necessarily the best way to go about things. If there's a chronic communication problem with your family, then maybe you need to batter that down. It's ok to be rationally angry.

 

I think it's alright for you to say to your dad "Hey, I was terribly unhappy for pretty much all of my life, and some of that's down to you. I was the child, you were the adult. But I'm willing to put that aside because even though you haven't admitted it to anyone yet, you're sick, dying in fact, and I'd rather not spend the rest of my life wishing I'd felt able to talk to you about this."

 

I dunno, people's concept of reality, life, whatever changes when they know they're not going to get to be part of that reality any more. Maybe issues that could previously be glossed over are suddenly apparent. Chances are he's pretty angry too, plus more aware of your feelings than he's letting on but doesn't know how to approach the subject because he's never had to.

 

And in terms trying to play family peace-maker I do have experience. You'll exhaust yourself and may never feel satisfied.

let me say:

 

I didn't go down the letter route. instead I've been expressing my anger directly at the persons concerned, both for longstanding grievances and for regular problems, on an almost daily basis. it's not helping but I can't help myself. my anger is actually getting worse. and I find myself trying to manage it (and failing) all the time. it's fucking up other parts of my life.

 

so my point is, now I realise why it's advised not to butt heads directly, because while it might feel very satisfying getting your frustrations out in the instant, you may also find that those frustrations don't go away. they're still there and they get worse, especially now that the other party/parties know it's a problem and still don't seem to be doing a damn thing about it (they may never, which you have to be prepared to accept and move on from). what you call "tiptoeing" is actually just looking out for your own psyche. it's about being careful for your own sake, not necessarily theirs.

 

but anyway, it's very case-by-case and I don't know Stephen very well so I can't say. but I can see why my psych said that to me.

Like you say, it's totally case by case. One of my best friends went through this with his family. After almost a year of shouting matches and fear, something slowly clicked and now they get along and respect each other more. He's able to be open with his mom, and he & his dad know when to leave well enough alone. It impressed me enough to try it a little bit, though I can't stand confrontation. It's great to say what you feel, even a diplomatic version. I support it. I hope you have some success in your efforts Usagi. And if all else fails, twerk for peace.

[Leon Sumbitches]

Sorry to hear that StephenG, don't really have any advice but I hope everything works out for you man, and good luck. Keep us posted dude!

[Zephyr_Nova]

Sorry to hear the terrible news, SG. You're a smart guy, and a good guy, so I'm sure you'll find a way to make that connection with your dad. I have yet to experience the loss of a parent, but both of mine are quite old and I often worry there's not much time. Like you I find it hard to talk to my dad, but for very different reasons.

 

In answer to your question, my fingers do not taste like vaginas.

 

FWP: my fingers don't taste like vaginas.

[MadameChaos]

Sorry to heat that SG, just don't forget to tell him that you love him and give him a big hug goodbye. You'll regret it later if you don't.

[Hugh Mughnus]

Thanks guys and gals. =)

 

I think I will make a point of writing him a letter or getting up the courage to say what I need to.

 

 

 

In answer to your question, my fingers do not taste like vaginas.

 

FWP: my fingers don't taste like vaginas.

 

This saddens me. I thought for sure they would. =(

[hello spiral]

*sucks on fingers*

 

My fingers also do not taste like vaginas, FML.

 

*sucks on arse*

 

My arse does taste like chocolate though, WINNING.

Edited August 7, 2013 by hello spiral

[Guest disparaissant]

i got a job at walmart