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Star Wars Episode VII *MAJOR SPOILERS*


Rubin Farr

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Guest bitroast

 

Well he did direct A New Hope

 

According to the actors, he didn't really...

 

 

he also seems embarrassed of how that film turned out.

 

i been reading The Star Wars comic book, based on Lucas' original rough draft for the first film ( link ).

its a pretty rough read cos the original script obviously needed cleaning up and this is a pretty (from what i can tell) straight adaption. what's interesting about the rough draft is how big the original vision was. it totally has all the politics bullshit from the prequel trilogy mixed in. the emperor isn't some force sensitive BAD ARSE but a super manipulative brute force politician. multiple different planets and factions and the surviving jedi are fighting as war commanders for different planets fighting against the emperor and his armies. it all feels stupidly vast and convoluted and impossible to film.

 

its interesting how, when doing the prequels and with the 'freedom of cgi', george lucas must've decided that going back to the original vision and showing off the big open universe he originally planned was the way to go. A new hope, in comparison, is just a peep hole glimpse of the world. and judging by interviews. it seems as tho he doesn't even like A New Hope as a film all that much because it was so compromised and failed to portray the original vision.

 

so yeah. i dunno. he directed star wars, but there was a lot of talent involved in that film and a lot of freakish incidents outside of the one dudes control that made that film what it is. the guy is a genius for pulling it off but the dood pretty evidently is NOT the guy you want to be directing episode 9.

the embarrassed of A New hope comments is referring to this interview ->

 

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Leia cheated on Han to produce Kylo ren, has this been posited yet? I mean he looks nothing like Han, Han went back to smuggling, they had a fiery relationship, perhaps a silver tongued sith knocked her up.

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Guest bitroast

Leia cheated on Han to produce Kyle ren, has this been posited yet? I mean he looks nothing like Han, Han went back to smuggling, they had a fiery relationship, perhaps a silver tongued sith knocked her up.

 

he shares a ton of similarities to han .. it was actually one of the things that made me think "kylo ren is han's son" prior to going in

 

GOSS MAG PICS

 

adam-driver-1.jpgtumblr_o0lw79ujYA1v3ji77o1_500.jpg

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I'm watching Empire Strikes Back for the first time and so far its terrible.

 

- so the tauntauns freeze to death but humans in a cool looking fluffy coat can just wander around?

- so Han Solo has a shelter he can somehow pop up in the blizzard? Where? What does it look like? We never see it. Why is everyone back at base so fucking worried about him if he's got some magic shelter he can just pop up?

- so the Rebels have some sort of inpenetrable sheild around their base and the Empire have a fuckton of star destroyers but dont even think of an aerial attack? It has to be a ground invasion? They're that scared of the sheild? They dont even want to try anything else?

- whats so good about AtAt armour? Why dont they make everything out of that shit if its so good? I'm getting serious 'convenient armour' plot shenanigan from this movie

- so the transport ships leave with two fighter escorts and then they fire the 'Ion Cannon' along the same trajectory to protect them. Wow sounds like a good plan. Oh hey they just showed it working! The Ion Cannon took out the star destroyer that was enclosing on the transport. What kind of bullshit is this? What about a star destroyer that stays 1 mile to the left and just fires its lasers at the troop transport? What good would the ion cannon do in that scenario? This movie is just making up bullshit rules and tactics as it goes along

- so the base is in complete chaos and falling apart and its a desparate struggle to escape. But then we see Luke just strolling through the snow to some area of open ground where his X-wing and some transports are just sitting around unprotected. And there's no sense of urgency. He kinda just plops into the seat of his X-wing and tootles on his way. No AtAts bearing down. But meanwhile the Millenium Falcon has the whole empire chasing after it. This whole battle makes no sense.

- Wait, so the AtAt is walking very slowly towards the sheild generator so that when it gets close enough it can ... fire its lasers at it? Why didn't it just do that when it was further away?

- Why the fuck did the rebels put their sheild generator outside of their supposedly impenetrable shield?

 

What I'm saying is, the action scenes make no fucking sense. They look nice though so I guess they sold a lot of toys. Also I'm noticing that all the scenes with Solo are quite good, and all the scenes with Luke are rubbish.

 

This movie better improve after the 45 min mark. And this is supposed to be the best one?

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I'm watching Empire Strikes Back for the first time and so far its terrible.

 

- so the tauntauns freeze to death but humans in a cool looking fluffy coat can just wander around?

- so Han Solo has a shelter he can somehow pop up in the blizzard? Where? What does it look like? We never see it. Why is everyone back at base so fucking worried about him if he's got some magic shelter he can just pop up?

- so the Rebels have some sort of inpenetrable sheild around their base and the Empire have a fuckton of star destroyers but dont even think of an aerial attack? It has to be a ground invasion? They're that scared of the sheild? They dont even want to try anything else?

- whats so good about AtAt armour? Why dont they make everything out of that shit if its so good? I'm getting serious 'convenient armour' plot shenanigan from this movie

- so the transport ships leave with two fighter escorts and then they fire the 'Ion Cannon' along the same trajectory to protect them. Wow sounds like a good plan. Oh hey they just showed it working! The Ion Cannon took out the star destroyer that was enclosing on the transport. What kind of bullshit is this? What about a star destroyer that stays 1 mile to the left and just fires its lasers at the troop transport? What good would the ion cannon do in that scenario? This movie is just making up bullshit rules and tactics as it goes along

- so the base is in complete chaos and falling apart and its a desparate struggle to escape. But then we see Luke just strolling through the snow to some area of open ground where his X-wing and some transports are just sitting around unprotected. And there's no sense of urgency. He kinda just plops into the seat of his X-wing and tootles on his way. No AtAts bearing down. But meanwhile the Millenium Falcon has the whole empire chasing after it. This whole battle makes no sense.

- Wait, so the AtAt is walking very slowly towards the sheild generator so that when it gets close enough it can ... fire its lasers at it? Why didn't it just do that when it was further away?

- Why the fuck did the rebels put their sheild generator outside of their supposedly impenetrable shield?

 

What I'm saying is, the action scenes make no fucking sense. They look nice though so I guess they sold a lot of toys. Also I'm noticing that all the scenes with Solo are quite good, and all the scenes with Luke are rubbish.

 

This movie better improve after the 45 min mark. And this is supposed to be the best one?

this is a joke right?

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I'm watching Empire Strikes Back for the first time and so far its terrible.

 

- so the tauntauns freeze to death but humans in a cool looking fluffy coat can just wander around?

- so Han Solo has a shelter he can somehow pop up in the blizzard? Where? What does it look like? We never see it. Why is everyone back at base so fucking worried about him if he's got some magic shelter he can just pop up?

- so the Rebels have some sort of inpenetrable sheild around their base and the Empire have a fuckton of star destroyers but dont even think of an aerial attack? It has to be a ground invasion? They're that scared of the sheild? They dont even want to try anything else?

- whats so good about AtAt armour? Why dont they make everything out of that shit if its so good? I'm getting serious 'convenient armour' plot shenanigan from this movie

- so the transport ships leave with two fighter escorts and then they fire the 'Ion Cannon' along the same trajectory to protect them. Wow sounds like a good plan. Oh hey they just showed it working! The Ion Cannon took out the star destroyer that was enclosing on the transport. What kind of bullshit is this? What about a star destroyer that stays 1 mile to the left and just fires its lasers at the troop transport? What good would the ion cannon do in that scenario? This movie is just making up bullshit rules and tactics as it goes along

- so the base is in complete chaos and falling apart and its a desparate struggle to escape. But then we see Luke just strolling through the snow to some area of open ground where his X-wing and some transports are just sitting around unprotected. And there's no sense of urgency. He kinda just plops into the seat of his X-wing and tootles on his way. No AtAts bearing down. But meanwhile the Millenium Falcon has the whole empire chasing after it. This whole battle makes no sense.

- Wait, so the AtAt is walking very slowly towards the sheild generator so that when it gets close enough it can ... fire its lasers at it? Why didn't it just do that when it was further away?

- Why the fuck did the rebels put their sheild generator outside of their supposedly impenetrable shield?

 

What I'm saying is, the action scenes make no fucking sense. They look nice though so I guess they sold a lot of toys. Also I'm noticing that all the scenes with Solo are quite good, and all the scenes with Luke are rubbish.

 

This movie better improve after the 45 min mark. And this is supposed to be the best one?

  1. They can't - the movie made the point they needed to get back before dark
  2. It's an emergency shelter; not meant for standard use - we see him start setting it up after he puts Luke in the Tauntaun's cavity to keep him warm.
  3. The Imperials state their weapons cannot penetrate the ion shield, hence why they are performing a ground assault.
  4. The AT-AT armour is effective against snowspeeder blasters, hand-held blasters, and even the ground-based turrets. I'm sure there are other weapons capable of penetrating it
  5. The Ion Cannon did NOT take out the Star Destroyer; it merely paralyzed it so the fighter escort and transport ships could pass by unharmed.
  6. The area where he boarded his x-wing was a staging area set up away from the base for the Rebels to make their escape
  7. The AT-AT had to get within range so its blasters could destroy the shield generator.
  8. The shield generator wasn't outside the shield; that was the point of why the Imperials had to launch a ground assault so they could go in and render it inactive - the shield is only for energy weapons, not for physical objects. Also a reason why the AT-AT had to get within range to blast it.

And yes, ESB is the best Star Wars movie alongside The Force Awakens. I suggest turning on the subtitles if you are missing this many clear explanations about the plot progression.

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Force Awakens:

1. How can Starkiller Base be an ice planet so close to its sun
2. Once they suck up the energy from their own star, how will they not all freeze to death in eternal darkness
3. How did they charge it enough the first time to destroy Hosnian Prime without destroying their own star
4. Why didn't the First Order look for Luke in the missing section of the map since that's obviously where he was
5. Why did the Resistance show up at Maz's castle immediately after the First Order left instead of 5 minutes earlier to help
6. Why did Finn and Rey keep sharing the same jacket on Starkiller

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Force Awakens:

 

1. How can Starkiller Base be an ice planet so close to its sun

2. Once they suck up the energy from their own star, how will they not all freeze to death in eternal darkness

3. How did they charge it enough the first time to destroy Hosnian Prime without destroying their own star

4. Why didn't the First Order look for Luke in the missing section of the map since that's obviously where he was

5. Why did the Resistance show up at Maz's castle immediately after the First Order left instead of 5 minutes earlier to help

6. Why did Finn and Rey keep sharing the same jacket on Starkiller

1. it's a star wars movie

2. it's a star wars movie

3. it's a star wars movie

4. it's a star wars movie

5. it's a star wars movie

6. it's a star wars movie

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How is anything making sounds in space ?

How did the Empire manage to leave such fatal flaws on their TWO Death Stars ?

Why aren't the Jedi even noticing Palpatine in the prequels ?

How does Padme fall "truly, deeply" in love with Anakin when he's acting like a whiny brat all the time ?

blah blah blah etc

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Force Awakens:

 

1. How can Starkiller Base be an ice planet so close to its sun

2. Once they suck up the energy from their own star, how will they not all freeze to death in eternal darkness

3. How did they charge it enough the first time to destroy Hosnian Prime without destroying their own star

4. Why didn't the First Order look for Luke in the missing section of the map since that's obviously where he was

5. Why did the Resistance show up at Maz's castle immediately after the First Order left instead of 5 minutes earlier to help

6. Why did Finn and Rey keep sharing the same jacket on Starkiller

*Cracks knuckles*

 

Bear in mind, I have only seen TFA once - hopefully this weekend I will rectify that oversight, but here goes anyway:

  1. Define "close" - also, depending on the kind of sun it is, closeness does not always equal "hot".
  2. Didn't Starkiller Base have a second sun, a la Tatooine (binary star system)? Can't remember.
  3. What if it didn't take an entire star's energy to power it?
  4. That missing section of the map might have been hundreds of millions of light years worth of space - needle in haystack, innit
  5. They couldn't get there in time?
  6. While I have read this was a continuity error, it could be that he gave her the jacket at times they went outside? Remember, she's from Jakku (or at least lived there most of her life), so she's probably not used to the cold *insert "I hate sand" meme*

Easy! Gimme another.

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How is anything making sounds in space ?

How did the Empire manage to leave such fatal flaws on their TWO Death Stars ?

Why aren't the Jedi even noticing Palpatine in the prequels ?

How does Padme fall "truly, deeply" in love with Anakin when he's acting like a whiny brat all the time ?

blah blah blah etc

  1. Because space scenes without any sound would be boring to watch
  2. Anything can have a weak spot, and considering the size of each Death Star, having a small thermal exhaust port only 2 meters in diameter is hardly a "fatal flaw" - just smug thinking on the Empire's part I guess. That, and because plot.
  3. Palpatine hid his Force sensitivity/true nature from them?
  4. Sorry, not gonna even try this one - just bad acting and writing. Then again, look at those loonies that fall in love with serial killers and murderers in prisons...
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How is anything making sounds in space ?

How did the Empire manage to leave such fatal flaws on their TWO Death Stars ?

Why aren't the Jedi even noticing Palpatine in the prequels ?

How does Padme fall "truly, deeply" in love with Anakin when he's acting like a whiny brat all the time ?

blah blah blah etc

  1. Because space scenes without any sound would be boring to watch
  2. Anything can have a weak spot, and considering the size of each Death Star, having a small thermal exhaust port only 2 meters in diameter is hardly a "fatal flaw" - just smug thinking on the Empire's part I guess. That, and because plot.
  3. Palpatine hid his Force sensitivity/true nature from them?
  4. Sorry, not gonna even try this one - just bad acting and writing. Then again, look at those loonies that fall in love with serial killers and murderers in prisons...

 

 

1. Lucas always said sound in space was impossible, but more dramatic. explosions are impossible as well, a pressurized ship would implode if compromised.

 

2. The 2nd Death Star was built by Palpatine because he was overconfident in his power to foresee the future, and use the Darkside of the Force. Luke called him out on this.

 

3. "The Darkside clouds everything" Palpatine was so powerful as a Sith he could mask his presence from even Yoda and Mace Windu while in the same room.

 

4. Yeah and how did she die of a broken heart? oof, that was bad.

 

Force Awakens still had major plot holes that violated even basic movie logic, and yes these are flicks where muppets use laser swords, can fly and live on after death.

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