kakapo Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 So I've been on a smorgasbord of various antibiotics, codeine and ibuprofen recently, and this in combination with my usual seasonal 5000 calorie diet primarily consisting of curry and sprouts, has produced some quite alarming results. Anyway, I was in the girls department of urban outfitters buying some Christmas presents for my niece. I was perusing some overpriced hipster tat, engulfed by vacuous 15 year olds, when I let out the most spectacular and unexpected pumpydiddle. The farty crescendo gave those closest some advance warning, not that it was going to help in the crowded shop, of quite the most vile aether imaginable. I looked up to find myriad young faces repulsed, gagging or simply confused, fearful. Was it terrorists? A small child started crying. It was the kind of smell that must have had an evolutionary purpose. It said simply, cast me out, expel me from the village, this mans own body is in revolt against him. But what a thrill. The sense of power. When I get back to London after Christmas I'm heading straight to topshop Oxford circus. Those little sluts won't know what's hit them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest assegai Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Franklin Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 So I've been on a smorgasbord of various antibiotics, codeine and ibuprofen recently, and this in combination with my usual seasonal 5000 calorie diet primarily consisting of curry and sprouts, has produced some quite alarming results. Anyway, I was in the girls department of urban outfitters buying some Christmas presents for my niece. I was perusing some overpriced hipster tat, engulfed by vacuous 15 year olds, when I let out the most spectacular and unexpected pumpydiddle. The farty crescendo gave those closest some advance warning, not that it was going to help in the crowded shop, of quite the most vile aether imaginable. I looked up to find myriad young faces repulsed, gagging or simply confused, fearful. Was it terrorists? A small child started crying. It was the kind of smell that must have had an evolutionary purpose. It said simply, cast me out, expel me from the village, this mans own body is in revolt against him. But what a thrill. The sense of power. When I get back to London after Christmas I'm heading straight to topshop Oxford circus. Those little sluts won't know what's hit them. hilarious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr lopez Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 So I've been on a smorgasbord of various antibiotics, codeine and ibuprofen recently, and this in combination with my usual seasonal 5000 calorie diet primarily consisting of curry and sprouts, has produced some quite alarming results. Anyway, I was in the girls department of urban outfitters buying some Christmas presents for my niece. I was perusing some overpriced hipster tat, engulfed by vacuous 15 year olds, when I let out the most spectacular and unexpected pumpydiddle. The farty crescendo gave those closest some advance warning, not that it was going to help in the crowded shop, of quite the most vile aether imaginable. I looked up to find myriad young faces repulsed, gagging or simply confused, fearful. Was it terrorists? A small child started crying. It was the kind of smell that must have had an evolutionary purpose. It said simply, cast me out, expel me from the village, this mans own body is in revolt against him. But what a thrill. The sense of power. When I get back to London after Christmas I'm heading straight to topshop Oxford circus. Those little sluts won't know what's hit them. hilarious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fred McGriff Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 did you stare any of them down? you have to stare them down after a big public fart. like you fucking did it on the goddamn fucking purpose Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Velazquez Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Post fart staredowns establish dominance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Blanket Fort Collapse Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 lololololzoroflgettothechoppaz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kakapo Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 did you stare any of them down? you have to stare them down after a big public fart. like you fucking did it on the goddamn fucking purpose To be honest it took me by surprise initially. But I went back 5 minutes later and it was still there. At that point I started strutting my stuff. I felt like a nazi commandant with 2 alsatians, all the little 15 year olds cowering from my gaseous tyranny. I can see this developing into a real fetish. I mean, everyone gets a a little bit of a thrill from a silent but violent on crowded pubic transport. This, however, was sexual. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest IRARI Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 did anyone laugh because if you can't laugh at a toot of whatever order of magnitude you have no heart Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ms-dos Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 lol indeed. I never walk away from a kakapo thread with anything less than a new word or phrase to add to my lexicon. "pumpydiddle" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caretstik Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Thank fuck the house is empty, I just gave out a painfully pitched and very genuine lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Adjective Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 It's important to always cropdust when wearing trousers, to avoid SHC/wick effect. Try to do a lap around the room when you fart, then sit and gently milk your cuffs for about 5-10 minutes until they feel the right temperature. Though it would be a bit brave to fart in shorts while in public, I suggest you try them around the house until the winds calm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goffer Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 ARSE SNIFFER IS FOUND DEAD AT LOCAL TEENAGE RETAIL INLET.... more at 10. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest catacombus Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 Haha I remember one time me and 2 of my friends were eating at a pretty nice restaurant and I told them I was about to fart really loud, they were like "no, no"... Then right as the waiter was reaching over me to refill my water I farted a massive hydrogen bomb fart, I didn't even realize he was right there. Both of my friends were like "OH!!!" and sort of ducked their heads so that nobody would see their faces, and so did I, but people at the tables around us knew. What's worse is I started cracking up and couldn't stop for like 2 minutes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest zaphod Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 once at the height of tension during a prolonged fight with my ex, i told her to stop, just stop it already! and she stopped and i let out a nice long stars of the lid drone of a fart until she threw up her hands in surrender Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJW Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvbeFRh9oiw&feature=related http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=eb8972d2f4&o=1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awesomeperson Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 Amazing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KY Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 did you stare any of them down? you have to stare them down after a big public fart. like you fucking did it on the goddamn fucking purpose i like this concept; nate (siv) believed that the most intimidating thing you could do to somebody is stand in front of them, pull down your pants, and take a huge shit, staring them down the whole time. seems reasonable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kakapo Posted December 24, 2009 Author Share Posted December 24, 2009 did you stare any of them down? you have to stare them down after a big public fart. like you fucking did it on the goddamn fucking purpose i like this concept; nate (siv) believed that the most intimidating thing you could do to somebody is stand in front of them, pull down your pants, and take a huge shit, staring them down the whole time. seems reasonable. I know a labrador that does this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
encey Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 So I've been on a smorgasbord of various antibiotics, codeine and ibuprofen recently, and this in combination with my usual seasonal 5000 calorie diet primarily consisting of curry and sprouts, has produced some quite alarming results. Anyway, I was in the girls department of urban outfitters buying some Christmas presents for my niece. I was perusing some overpriced hipster tat, engulfed by vacuous 15 year olds, when I let out the most spectacular and unexpected pumpydiddle. The farty crescendo gave those closest some advance warning, not that it was going to help in the crowded shop, of quite the most vile aether imaginable. I looked up to find myriad young faces repulsed, gagging or simply confused, fearful. Was it terrorists? A small child started crying. It was the kind of smell that must have had an evolutionary purpose. It said simply, cast me out, expel me from the village, this mans own body is in revolt against him. But what a thrill. The sense of power. When I get back to London after Christmas I'm heading straight to topshop Oxford circus. Those little sluts won't know what's hit them. My mind had to read this post in the most upper-class of British accents. Fucking lol! *farts* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest iep Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 once at the height of tension during a prolonged fight with my ex, i told her to stop, just stop it already! and she stopped and i let out a nice long stars of the lid drone of a fart until she threw up her hands in surrender http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tristan_chord Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QBLA Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvbeFRh9oiw&feature=related http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=eb8972d2f4&o=1 :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest zaphod Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 [youtubehd]ZoQJWNthOZM[/youtubehd] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Velazquez Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 amateur, I can out fart that dude any morning of the week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kakapo Posted May 17, 2012 Author Share Posted May 17, 2012 If anybody is interested, I've stopped farting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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