Velazquez Posted March 6, 2010 Share Posted March 6, 2010 Dude sharting rocks. I sharted once, whilst driving on the way to work, pulled my ass checks off my seat immediately, made an immediate turn into burger king, went to the restroom and wiped my ass and deposited my shorts into the garbage... barely broke my stride. Back to pig trotter farts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J3FF3R00 Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 Man. I ripped a really long, loud sushi / Bahn Mi (Vietnamese sandwich) fart on the subway platform bench tonight. I was having gas pains beforehand and knew it was coming but wasn't prepared. We were sitting next to another couple and that shit just slipped out. It smelled to high hell and just stuck around. The other couple was like "Jesus Christ!". At first, I tried blaming it on my fiance. That shit was so funny I was crying laughing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest A/D Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 Man. I ripped a really long, loud sushi / Bahn Mi (Vietnamese sandwich) fart on the subway platform bench tonight. I was having gas pains beforehand and knew it was coming but wasn't prepared. We were sitting next to another couple and that shit just slipped out. It smelled to high hell and just stuck around. The other couple was like "Jesus Christ!". At first, I tried blaming it on my fiance. That shit was so funny I was crying laughing. god damn it you should have just carried the ring around and waited for this to happen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J3FF3R00 Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 Man. I ripped a really long, loud sushi / Bahn Mi (Vietnamese sandwich) fart on the subway platform bench tonight. I was having gas pains beforehand and knew it was coming but wasn't prepared. We were sitting next to another couple and that shit just slipped out. It smelled to high hell and just stuck around. The other couple was like "Jesus Christ!". At first, I tried blaming it on my fiance. That shit was so funny I was crying laughing. god damn it you should have just carried the ring around and waited for this to happen I know. I totally fucked up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Fishtank Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 I can picture it now... as you begin to kneel the leg seperates and the cheeks spread to reveal a smell of mammoth proportion! ..honey will you marry me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaosmachine Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kokoon Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 xxx :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capsaicin Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 Shower Farts are pretty bad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr lopez Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 I find morning farts are just the fucking worse. Still processing the remains of yesterday, your body is still getting back into the swing of things after a good six to eight hours break produces some pretty unearthly sounds and smells.for any musician, practice room farts are also terrible. I do most of my practicing from 9:00AM-12:00 and my morning farts, when contained in a 27 sqft room is the textbook definition of a fart chamber. Utterly embarrassing when others come into my room to chat and then take two whiffs and slowly back away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest catacombus Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 You are not a real man if you don't smell your morning farts under the sheets for the full experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J3FF3R00 Posted March 8, 2010 Share Posted March 8, 2010 Strangely, my morning farts rarely smell bad. It's the ones before bed that peel the paint on my walls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MAXIMUS MISCHIEF Posted March 8, 2010 Share Posted March 8, 2010 i hate the word "farts"..... farts farts fffffffffffffarts fart fartingfart fart FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFARTSfart Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaini Posted March 8, 2010 Share Posted March 8, 2010 crubeens are still sort of regarded as poor people food in ireland even though hardly anyone's eaten them in about twenty years a shame, because they're like chinese spare ribs squared. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lube Saibot Posted March 8, 2010 Share Posted March 8, 2010 All farts happen on the can, which has an upshot anyway because I'm well-versed in porcelain reverb presets. I should make a rackmount version. This bit right here is fucking incredible. Rarely is a joke so specialized, rings so true, and simultaneously has the immediacy of toilet humor as to instill lols of this caliber. In fact, what was almost a massive IRL lol reached a threshold upon which it pulled itself back and resolved into a respectful nod of quiet reverence. Bravo, i say, bravo. !!TWO SCENARIOS I MIGHT ADD MYSELF!! 1. Take a liquid diet for a while (i had to for two weeks, medical issue, long story). Fart, shit, projectile assplode furiously. No smell. Odorless. Looks even more horrible: green, mossy and oily. No smell. Put it one inch from your nose. Nothing. Fasscinating. 2. Fart in a vocal booth. Especially if you were actually recording (and hence had your mouth flapping about) you will taste it. Awful. The usual familiarity doesn't help, forget about it being tolerable on account of NOT eating pig trotters beforehand. If indeed you'd eaten something conducive to stranger farts, forget staying conscious. Bonus: the studio guy will fucking hate your guts because acoustic foam really absorbs the stank. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest margaret thatcher Posted March 8, 2010 Share Posted March 8, 2010 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59wk8G9QVaE trotters to perfection. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Babar Posted March 8, 2010 Share Posted March 8, 2010 You can get an objective measure if you want. You'll need a spotter; I doubt your wife would be game for this one. Light a Bunsen burner and turn the condenser down until you get a small, strong blue flame. You have to do this bare ass and open starfish so don't get shy on me. Spread your cheeks and back up into the burner as far as you can tolerate without pain from the heat. Position a webcam or summat on the opposite side. Deploy swine gas and review the footage. If the flame hisses and turns darker blue, you've got an oxidizing flame on your hands and that means that there's a load of oxygen in your guts and things are basically normal. If you blow one and that flame goes bright yellow like a camp fire, you've got an epic amount of "fuel" and that tells you that operations have gone into DefCon 4 as you try to wrestle all that cartilage and pig shit and softened piggy tarsal bone fragments and whatever else was in your meal. Yeah, I sourced that idea from Dr. Kenneth High in organic chemistry when he showed me the fucking light saber inside a gas chromatographer and explained red/ox flames. look how proud this man seems to be. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVoIT7oUC3s Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Velazquez Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 UPDATE: eating halls cough drops masks the dankness created by pig trotter farts we need to get Charles Nelson Reilly to explain this phenomenon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fred McGriff Posted April 26, 2011 Author Share Posted April 26, 2011 a well-timed bump, v-quez. i ripped the smelliest fart of my life last night. i havent shat in a few days. went to the nuggets game last night. drank loads of beer. took public transportation home. ripped ass. almost started a riot. half the passengers (including me), yelling in protest, got off on the next stop to catch the next bus. i couldnt claim it as my own, for fear of getting knifed. i pretended to be disgusted, but on the inside i was beaming with pride. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kanarie Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 Well timed indeed. The Easter Egg farts turn out quite nasty here. The general rule is: when you smell 'em you're too late. I'm talking pure H2S. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Velazquez Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 farting in public rules, when you can blend in with the disgusted onlookers. I remember years back, when you could still smoke in bars, I was just getting over a stomach virus, and had a few Guinness . The combo created instant gas, I could fart freely and loudly in the crowded bar, as the band played. I remember preemptively showing my disgust, as I noticed a couple women catching whiff. The farts were so bad, the scent knifed through the cigarette smoke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
encey Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 Man. I ripped a really long, loud sushi / Bahn Mi (Vietnamese sandwich) fart on the subway platform bench tonight. I was having gas pains beforehand and knew it was coming but wasn't prepared. We were sitting next to another couple and that shit just slipped out. It smelled to high hell and just stuck around. The other couple was like "Jesus Christ!". At first, I tried blaming it on my fiance. That shit was so funny I was crying laughing. god damn it you should have just carried the ring around and waited for this to happen lol! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pcock Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 i managed to make my friend actually sick in my bed the other day by dutch ovening her after a full weekend consuming nothing but buckfast, burgers with donner and chilli, and scotch pie with jeans. easily the proudest moment of my entire life. by jeans i mean beans Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Velazquez Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 Dutch Coven Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
encey Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 PTFD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Velazquez Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 what's the "D" stand for? edit:edit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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